When an ancient threat long thought destroyed begins to form again, only the unicorn Aurora Longstride, son of an elder god is capable of defending Equestria from total destruction. in order to accomplish this, however, he must brave the halls of ancient kingdoms in the Hidden land to acquire the one thing capable of saving the world.
this story is entirely filled with an oc and features an entirely new land with new enemies so nothing here is cannon. so if that's not you're thing that's fine. but you should still check it out
Chapters (2)
Good exposition, pacing of narrative works effectively here to build tension, set up some details for payoff later. Some tips for future improvement:
1. Clarify the "rules" of your creation--for instance, you claim the Evergreen forest teleportation is completely random, but changes hourly. That seems fairly regular, not random.
2. Make the details count. Elaborating on past histories, responsibilities, etc., is part of character development. Just make sure they're relevant and not repetitive.
3. Using ellipsis points (...) to show hesitation or an unfinished thought works best when used rarely. When overused, it makes dialogue and narration sound choppy and uncertain, not easy on the reader to follow.
Much more focused and improved diction over some previous stories--action verbs and tone are used well in action sequences. Reducing some wordiness and redundant diction--especially during action scenes--will help quicken the pace, increase tension for the reader.