• Published 7th Nov 2012
  • 2,591 Views, 31 Comments

Vince Offer (a.k.a. ShamWow Guy) kidnaps the Mane6 - Unknown-Brony

ShamWow guy kidnaps the Mane6!

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ShamWow Guy kidnaps the Mane6

One morning, in Ponyville everypony was swarming around like crazy, and Cloudsdale wasn't any better either.
During the night, Princess Luna felt a little off. Something was not quite right in Ponyville, but she considered it as nothing important.

In the morning, Princess Celestia got woken up by a very early letter from ... Spike? As she read the red inked writing, she rolled the letter, and summoned Shining Armor.

"Shining Armor! Disturbing news have arrived!" Princess Celestia told him on a very official and worried tone, as droplets of sweat were ran down her face.

"What happened? A griffin attack? They have threatened us with war since a while ago," Shining replied, thoughtful of the possibility of a full scale war. His troops were bored as layers of dust started to gather on their armors.

"Even worse! The elements of harmony have disappeared!" At the sound of those news, Shining felt like the ground fell beneath his hooves. He shook his head, and threw another worried look at the golden tiled floor.

"My sister... is gone? How did that even happen?!" But he stopped, as he realized that he raised his tone at the Princess. "Discord..."

"No, he is still lying as a statue in the royal gardens. Me and my sister thought of that possibility too but... this time, it's not hi-"

"Then how could this happen?! All of them?! In one night?!" Shining cut dramaticly the Princess, before snapping out of his desperate state, and gaining control over himself.

"We have no idea... neither I or my sister can feel the presence anywhere in the whole Equestria."

"So... you're telling me that... she is gone? For good?" At this moment, with his eyes turned to the Princess' hooves, a tear flowed over his right cheek, falling on the floor, almost echoing in the deep silence.

"I request your permission to look all over Equestria for her, even if that means that I'll have to look for forever." He replied before she could say anything, his official tone making his point clear.

"Permission granted. Take yourself a unit of the best soldiers and search for them. We need them," The Princess said, before Shining Armor would head out of the royal chamber. "And, come back soon. I can't afford losing a captain too."

Flattered, the white royal guard pulled off a salute, and trotted as fast as he could on the stairway.
On guard there were 10 royal guards, with their armors shining in the gleaming rays of the sunrise, and with their sharp spears prepared to engage any possible threat.

"All of you are coming with me. Code 5 from Princess Celestia herself!" Shining Armor told them, as he took a martial position in front of the line.

"Code 5? What is that?" One of them whispered to the guardian to his right.
As a loud noise of a hoof hitting a helmet, the captain said: "How did you even get in the Royal Guard?! A code 5 means that something happened to the bearers of the elements of harmony! Now, we must go! Nopony knows where they could be..."


In the meanwhile, in an unknown location, somewhere in the USA, in a studio, a certain informecial pitchman was preparing to air one of his demonstrations once again.

"Hi! It's Vince with, not ShamWow! I mean wow, me not talking about ShamWow? How can I talk of it when it sold itself? If I'd get 25 cents for every "Wow!" I heard, I'd be rich! Not that I'm not but," But he takes a brake so he can caugh to distract attention from his previous sayings."My next products, YES! Products! Now I bet I got your attention. You don't need anything like ShamWow, Slap Chop nor Schticky! I have 6 products here that will change your life for good! First of all, we have this thing here!" He exclaimed as he picked up a lavender coated unicorn from behind the desk. "It does everything! Are you bad at organizing yourself? Bam! It does it for you! Too much paperwork? Bam! It does it for you! Are you tired of homework? Bam! How? I tell you! Magic!" He exclaims once again, before throwing off a pile of books and sheets of paper creating a huge mess on the desk.

"For Celestia's sake! Why do you have to keep doing that?" She exclaims angrily as she lights up her magic, animating the pile of mess, organizing it in a proper tower. "I organized everything after author, genre and..." But Vince covers her mouth as he places her back.

"As I said, Bam! The mess is gone! You don't need an agenda! She will keep one for you! You will never be late at anything from now on! But you think that this is amazing? Take a look at this one! Having pet problems? It will solve it for you! Or do you have any forest animals messing around? This one can do the job!" He exclaims happily, as he grabs a yellow coated pegasus and places her on the table. "Trust me! It does the trick! Need to take the pet to a walk? It will love to do it for you! Or you have a flying pet like a parrot? It will take it to a walk too, if you know what I mean," He asks retorically, as he takes the shy pegasus by her wings, placing her back to her place.

"Now this one, the ladies will love! Don't know what to wear? Do you look stylish enough? Do you need a new look?" As he left the question, he grabbed the white coated unicorn, and placed her on the desk.

"Darling, it's does not do good for a lady to be kept like that. And look at my mane! C'est trés horrible!" The unicorn exclaimed, as she started to brush up her mane and coat. After a while, as Vince stood by her side, the unicorn finished, her mane coming back to its exquisite style, and her coat as wonderful as ever. "Gorgeous!" She said happy to have done such a great job.

"As you see, she will do her job! So ladies, prepare! It can also be an amazing gift from the boyfriend slash lover slash husband!" After getting tons of claps, he grabbed the unicorn that was bowing in front of the crowd, and placed her back in her place.

"Next up, this will do the work easier at the farms! It can collect the apples really fast, and it's strong enough to shake the trees alone, and to gather the harvest! Not to say that is has much experience in everything else related to apples!"

"Wo-hoo! What in tarnation? Gimme mah hat back!" The pony said as she took her hat by force back from Vince, that placed her too on the desk.

"As you can see, force! Don't you trust me? Come here and challenge it to a hand wrestle!" Vince stated at the crowd, convinced that none will come.
Unfortunately, a very well built guy stepped up on the stage, going to the desk.

"Partner? This sure is a big one," She barely whispered to Vince.

"You will get me that money, no finish him... urmm... partner or whatever," Vince replied, pissed off by her comment.

As the pony felt offended, she crossed her right hoof with the man's arm, and started to wrestle. In a blink of an eye, the guy was flying across the studio.
"As I said, true force! Men, you could pretty much get good use of it," He said, laighing after seeing such guy, fly. Calm, he placed the orange coated pony back to her place.

"Now, last, we have a daredevil! You don't trust me? I didn't trust myself either at first until I saw it breaking the sound barrier, creating a rainbow. It's worth the risk! And, that should be it! Remem-"

"But what about me, me, me, me?" A pink pony exclaimed, appearing out of nowhere.

"And... urmm..." This time Vince wasn't expecting this. He made sure he put this one away, as it might scare off the watchers and buyers. "This one is for the... entire family! You know those awkward moment when the entire family is together and no one says anything? Well, this one here is an ice-breaker!"

"Ice? Where? I'd love to skate on it! You know what else I love? Chocolate milk clouds! But it's not like I can make them appear... or can I?" She asked herself outloud, making the people watching burst into laughter.

"And that should be it!" He said, as he started waving at the camera. He grabbed the pink coated pony and placed her back to her place.

"Remember, these are all unique pieces! Highest bid wins! Call at the phone number on your screen, and give us your price!" Vince said, before he went to his trailer.

"You want to give us away? Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend..." could be heard in his trailer.
"Whoever you are... I-I-I'm not scared! I can call security anytime!" Vince yelled, trying to make himself heard from the outside. But, none seemed to hear him, as the laughter would get clearer. When it stopped, the pink pony appeared in front of him, and a scream could be heard.

Warned by the scream, the guards came to the trailer, and when they opened it up, there was no Vince nor ponies, but only a tray of cupcakes. Out of curiosity, one of the guards took one, and after he chewed from it, he found himself a piece of fabric, which confused him.


Meanwhile in Equestria, a hole was been oppened, and the six ponies went through it, finding themselves near Everfree's Forest outskirts.

"B-b-but... what happened to that guy?! What did you do to him?!" Rainbow Dash asked a little bit scared.
"Dunno! I lost him on the way here!" Pinkie exclaimed happily, as she started jumping in front of the group.

R.D. still stood behind to comprehend how could've Pinkie brought them back. "Don't try to understand. Even I find it impossible," Twilight told her, as she placed a hoof on her shoulder. Relieved, Rainbow Dash bid farewell to her friends, and went back to her house.
The rest of them went each to their own house, promising not to tell anypony about what happened. But, of course, Pinkie couldn't help herself not to bring a ShamWow with her to brag about her trips through the fourth wall.

Later that day, as Shining Armor came back to the palace, disappointed, and dishonored, he was greeted by both Princesses with a large warm smile.
Kneeling before of them, he told them on a low tone. "I'm sorry that I couldn't fi-"
"Congratulations captain! I just received a letter from Twilight, telling me that she is okay, and what she learned about friendship today. Though, I don't understand some terms," She cut him off, bringing a bitter smile on his face. "I think I should let you read it for yourself then," Princess Celestia said, as she levitated the letter off to Shining.
As he unwrapped, he could recognize his sister's words:

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I've learned that, one way or another, friends always stick together, at good, and bad. Mostly at Pinkie Pie. I will never understand how she does that... but, television commercials should not be trusted, ever! Except maybe for the ShamWow. Pinkie really loves it.

Your Dearest Student,
Twilight Sparkle"

After reading a few times the letter, Shining excused himself, and fainted right in front the Princesses, which made them burst into laughter.

As everything was as it used to be back in Ponyville, our favorite infomercial pitchman was arrested. Why? Well, Pinkie can be really convincing when she wants.
And how did Vince Offer get to Equestria? Well I...
"I know! I know! Me! Me! I forgot one of my portals open, and lost my list of gifts for my super duper triplezuper friends on the way! I'm so clumsy," Pinkie cut off the narator, explaining what he had tried to explain.
Why thank you Pinkie! So, this concludes our story!

Comments ( 30 )

This is so shitty. But... it is still a work of art. Thumbs up!

Meh I give this 5/10 Rarities although I wish I could buy her

You need these!:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

I always knew those T.V. salespeople were evil...

Okay, my hand is involuntarily moving the mouse to the like button... What's up with that?


The Sham Wow guy actually went to prison because he beat a hooker.
The more you know.

.........................that is all.


haha whats that from


I'm sorry, is your icon a ponyfied Blair from Soul Eater?


Yes my icon is a ponified version of Blair from soul eater I'm amazed that there is someone else here who watches Soul Eater. :raritywink:


LOLZ! even in jail the sham wow guy is still trying to cheat people out of thier money that guy dosen't know when to give up. :raritystarry:

I do! And it was hilarious! My fav scene is the end when Death the kid is charging his ultra death cannon thing and the kishin just goes like NOPE! You dead. And then he got back up and shot him. Ha.

Anyway, I want to downvote this... But something is making me click the upvote instead....


I love Soul Eater!

Personally I love that they live in "Death Vegas, Nevada."

It makes it more personal because I live in Las Vegas.

1580378 Oh yes. I can remember that. She bit his tongue, right?
I just wanted to give it a... Pinkie logic. :pinkiehappy:

1579934 Oh yes. Thanks! I'm not proud of all about it, as it's only the way I use my derp. We can't read only good fics, we need derp too:pinkiecrazy:


If we didn't have derp, we wouldn't appreciate the massive, sprawling epic tales with their impossibly perfect plots, spelling, and grammar.

Plus, this is just damn fucking hilarious for what it is. Good job and pony on! :trollestia:

Pure intrigue made me fave [and later] read this




You know a story is good at fucking someones mind when my mind is fucked.

1582093 This week I will write the next chapter for Spidey too :twilightsmile:

1582164 Really? Thanks a bunch! :pinkiehappy:

1582370 I got bored, and suddenly I hear ShamWow! So... idea! :pinkiesmile:
I still want to do a collab with you :pinkiehappy:


1582427 I'll bring you in the next collab I write with TNaB and Inspectah Dash.


1582447 The next one will be about Lyra winning a contest to spend a day with Keanu Reeves. It is based on the following images.



And the current collab we are working on is called Ron Paul and the Beatles go to Equestria and do PCP with Pinkie Pie. It is currently out.

1582454 Le derp :pinkiecrazy:
This will be epic fun :pinkiehappy:

1582454 Oh! Oh! oh!
I remembered! I will also try to insert Solrac in Ponyville, in another derp fic. :pinkiesmile:

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