Applebloom is awoken at night by a loud sound and sees Applejack running into the trees of their farm. When Applebloom decides to sneak out and follow her sister, she nearly loses her life in the process and nurses a wounded Applejack. What occurs afterwards is a realization that brings the two siblings closer together as Applebloom begins to ask questions pertaining to death.
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Applejack with a shotgun.......hmmm.......that being said nice job
The Apples deserve better than an almost-always-drunk-stallion for a father!
Oh, right, comment. Well there were a few mistakes and not really info about the wolf and stuff.... But nevertheless, good job!
4 Outa 5 Pinkies!
Oh, and also, the creator of the picture is at the bottom right corner.
Wait two daughters.... and no son!
nah that would never happen
Wait does that mean that....
Wait... this got featured with 93 total views and 10 total ratings?
Do people just bribe the admins now or something? This feature box is getting ridiculous.
EDIT: Read story. Hmm, it's clearly a maturation-type story. But the set-up to the central theme needs a little more to shore up its believability. No farmer with any wits would leave the house in the middle of the night alone to find a huge predator. I have known farmers, and read many tales of prairie farms where wolves prowled. Never did they venture too far from the buildings at night. I know Applejack is stubborn and likes to handle things herself, but this is a little too foolish. I find it odd that with Big Mac there in the house that she wouldn't have woken him up to go with her, or that he didn't wake up on his own.
Something must take him out of the picture and another detail is needed to make it IMPERITIVE that she take this risk to track the huge wolf at night far from the main farm buildings. Otherwise, the sensible thing to do would be to wait for it to approach the farm houses or animal pens and then shoot it.
1580169 Thanks for pointing that out, my mistake.
1579816 Thank you for your comment. I may go back and fix anything that's pointed out to be a problem. You'd like more information on the wolf?
1580394 Agreed Alondro. Thank you for the feedback. I know that this moment was a little shaky and that something was missing. I did put this into a little pre-review with a few friends who never pointed that out, but I could just feel something wrong.
I may go back and rework this a little bit. One of the things I was hoping for was feedback from the masses so that I can improve upon what I missed. I won't go back just yet, I need to get a little better first.
I thank you for your words, they are of great worth to me.
Big thanks to InsertCleverNameHere for helping me bang out the concept. Visit his page. http://www.fimfiction.net/user/InsertCleverNameHere
1580545 You might mention that the wolves had been there a night or a few nights before. Perhaps one had injured Big Mac, and thus he was sleeping under the influence of a pain killer. With her bile up and her anger stoked, AJ would be more likely to make this grave error in judgement while pursuing revenge.
It would also add to the poignance of her self-doubt later on, that AB was almost killed because she let anger cloud her judgement, just like her father...
Who gave in to the Dark Side? (Darth Apple)...
1580636 Great, now I have to go look for MLP/Starwars crossovers, thanks a lot.
1580686 And yet another piece of my Master Plan is in place!
I shall download and read tonight, then leave my remarks tomorrow morning.
Excellent work here, my friend! My favorite moment, though I thought it was also the saddest, is when Applejack lies to Applebloom.
Ouch. You have a wonderful way of giving psychological depth to the character. (And making me love a character that usually isn't my favorite.) Also, your dialogue and the interaction between the sisters is great.
I do not know what to say, friend.
All except, bravo.
1580454
Any time bro any time.... hah that sounds weired
This was sad and very good. This kind of story: involving everything about death but without characters killing each other is underwritten on this site.
Two sad Apples. And 1 happy fan.
By the way, I printed it out, gotta have a story like this on paper right? Thanks.
1591675 I hope to keep dealing with some of these issues in the future, though I cannot promise the lack of deaths.
I'm happy to have a happy fan, glad you enjoyed it.
Even kind of happy to have two sad apples
1581108 Looking forward to them, no matter how long it takes!
1815864 Grrrg..... I edited my comment (so as to not spam the comment thread) but apparently that didn't save or something. Anyway, I felt this was probably your best, although the part about Applejack getting knocked unconscious by the wolf and surviving seemed a little.... whustheword....unlikely? Besides that, it was fine. Also, I remember congratulating you on using the word gibbous. That's all I can remember from what I said, but I will say it again, good job. Sorry it took so long.
I cried, thats all i have to say
See THIS is what I look for on this site