The two ponies had invited him to play a strange game. As far as he had understood the goal was too drink as much of the rotten apple drink as possible. He didn't mind much, he always had room for more and as long as they were eager to invite him he would keep on drinking. The taste was much better than water.
Strangely enough, after a few mugs the ponies started to behave... weird. The way they moved, how they held themselves, how they held the mugs, even the way they talked. It just seemed off. At least they looked happy. After what seemed like a dozen mugs or so he felt the need to lose some water, how did the ponies manage to do this without having to pee?
He stood up from his position, "Hey Scar? Where ya goin'?" Applejack asked in a slurred voice.
"Gnoll needs to find tree."
Rainbow Dash laughed, "What? Just go use the toilet dude, it's behind that door over there!" she pointed to two doors with small signs on them.
The gnoll walked over to the two doors. He had been wondering about where the ponies went to do their business, for some reason they didn't seem to mark their territories. He stopped in front of the two doors and inspected the signs. They showed silhouettes of ponies. He scratched his head, was this supposed to tell him something? He slightly pushed the first door open and stuck his head inside, "EEEEEEEK!!!" he quickly pulled his head out and closed the door again. Wrong door.
Before he opened the second door he did a double check with his nose, no ponies inside. He stepped through the door and found himself in the weirdest room he had ever seen. To his left there were several small basins mounted on the walls, and to his right were several stalls. He nudged the door to a stall open and looked inside. One look was enough to tell him this would be difficult.
---
While the gnoll was busy on the toilet Applejack and Rainbow Dash were busy with something entirely different but no less problematic. "Damn it Prancer, didn't you learn your lesson the last time?" Dash said in annoyance.
"I sure did..." several colts stepped up, "I brought more friends, and that dog of yours isn't around..." There was a strong smell of alcohol on Prancer's breath. The other guests were starting to look troubled. In his worry for the interior the barkeeper had already sent one of his waiters to inform the guards.
"Darn it, what makes ya think ya can try an' scare us?" Applejack was already fed up, the heavy consumption of cider had drastically lowered her tolerance of ponies like him.
"Nopony is talking to you, you farm mule. Why don't you go and get us some drinks while we have some fun with Crash here. And none of that disgusting apple cider..." there was a twitch in one of Applejack's eyes.
---
Scar wasn't sure how to approach this problem. He understood how these toilets worked, he had even figured out how to flush. The problem was that the stalls were simply too small. They were barely big enough for ponies. How did Purple Haze shower in these? He was going to have a chat with the barkeeper once he'd figured this out.
The gnoll eyed the stalls with annoyance, he wouldn't fit in sideways. He inspected the stall walls, they were bolted down to the floor and to the walls with a few simple screws. Maybe he could rip them out? No, then he'd have to repair them. Maybe if he had a big bowl, or a mug... ridiculous. Maybe there were bigger stalls in the other room? No, probably not... also too many screaming ponies. Should he ask one of the mares for advice? He shuddered at the thought and decided he'd rather go find a tree.
He stepped out just in time too witness Prancer through another insult at Applejack and Applejack break her mug over Prancer's head while Rainbow Dash jumped the remaining colts. He took in the fray for a second before he gave a sigh, it seemed there was always work for him. He walked back into the toilet, he needed to get something.
---
Purple Haze and several guards had met with the waiter outside the inn. "Alright, are you the one who reported a fight? How many are in there?"
"There wasn't actually a fight when I left..." the pony replied nervously, "My boss just sent me because he thought there would be one..." He saw Purple Haze's face, "Heh..."
"So the gnoll isn't actually rampaging through your inn?" Purple Haze asked with rising anger.
"No... at least he wasn't when I left..."
Purple Haze gave a groan before she turned to the other guards, "Get in position for quick entry. I'll have a look first and then I'll decide what to do." The guards nodded and spread out. She approached the inn slowly, everything seemed peaceful. She took a peek through one of the windows... and barely dodged a cider barrel as it came flying through the glass.
She did a double check on the barrel, there was a groaning colt stuffed into it. From inside she could hear shouts and the sounds of tables being overthrown. There was a loud smack. Another colt came flying through the window and crashed onto the ground next to the barrel.
A huge head poked out of the window and looked down at Purple Haze, "Hello Purple Haze."
"Hi Scar..." she replied meekly from her position, "Please tell me you didn't start this."
The gnoll shook his head, "Scar did not... wait..." his head disappeared and more trashing could be heard from the inside. There were three more loud smacks. Two more colts came flying out of the window and landed on the other groaning two. The door to the inn was thrown open and the gnoll stepped outside, he was dragging an unconscious colt behind him. Under his other arm he held something that strongly reminded her of a door.
He held the pony up by one of its legs, "This one did, was mean to apple pony, tries to pick fight." he let the pony fall onto the ground before him "Is three more inside."
"This guy again? Didn't he try to start trouble in the Fat Mare the last time?" she turned to the guards, "Alright, round them up. I'll go have a talk with the barkeeper."
She stopped by Scar's side, "Is that a stall door?"
He looked at the door he was holding, "Was before, is to paddle naughty ponies now." he thought for a second, "Is smack door."
"Smack door?" Purple Haze was starting to get an idea what had made the smacking sounds before.
Scar nodded as he judged the weight of the door in his arm, "Goes smack on pony heads."
ALL OF MY YES!!! ALL OF IT!!!
-EDIT- I laughed too hard. Now I gotta go let about 9 cans of Diet Coke outta my bladder. Irony's a REAL wise ass....
Scar: Is gnoll have to gonna smack a bitch?
1902634 hehehehehe!!!!!
10k yes
I'm still giggling over Scar's initial foray into the mysterious... Restroom...
He couldn't fit into a stall so did he use, er, the sink?
And while it would be incredibly disgusting and demeaning, I was half-expecting Scar to wiz on an semi-unconscious Prancer after being dumped outside the inn. However, Scar is a civilized gnoll and as such, they don't do things like common animals. So instead, Prancer gets spanked with a clue-by-four. *Bonk bonk!*
Aha! I knew the weak little pony booze wouldn't be enough to affect Scar!
I love Scar!!!
"Goes smack on pony heads."
priceless
You have just sealed your fate. You better hope your death is quick and painless!
my favorite chapter so far
1903600 Well, ponies, as dedicated herbivores, are more resistant to the effects of alcohol, so the "weak little pony drinks" wouldn't be so weak to a non-herbivore. On the other appendage, Scar does happen to be somewhat larger and more massive than the little ponies, so I'm not sure where the relative intoxicating potential would land.
Granted, I'm attempting to apply human biological knowledge to magical pastel ponies and a D&D creature, so I'm probably in need of a few drinks myself.
2418477 How about drinking while reading it?
Also, BUCK YEAH SCAR!!!
Scar learned a new Ability! Smack Door!
But seriously, I'm loving this. The chapters are short but sweet, and Scar is awesome. I've seen this on featured so many times, but I was too busy to check it out. When I looked at this finally, I didn't regret it.
Moustache cannon, FIRE!!!
*bang*
2509500 Same here, I canĀ“t belive I ignored this for as long as I did!
for some reason i see scar as russan
Smack door. Smack door.
Words of minor writing advice:
You tend to use the word 'trash' or 'trashing' when the correct word would be 'crash' or 'crashing' (or even 'smash', 'smashing' would work).
English grammar can be a cruel mistress.
I don't know the official grammar name for the problem, but the sentence doesn't work properly.
I've seen this specific issue pop up in multiple chapters of this chapter besides this particular one... If I were you, I'd run a word-search for 'trash' and double-check on things.
Keep on writing, it's fun to read light-hearted comedy like this in bite-sized popcorn chunks.
Smack door? So much yes.
Though I was expecting him to pee on them.
This chapter- no, the words "smack door" alone have earned this fic my favorite.
5499012
I want to play smack door with scar and me vs a bunch of drunk ponies.
At least he has a club now.
Yay smack door!
... Well now.