Applejack has been in a secret relationship with the Pegasus pony Rainbow Dash for a long time now, and this has caused her a lot of trouble keeping it from her friends and family, but when a few comments one hearts and hooves day really dig deep, she decides that it's time to put her hoof down and tell them the truth, no matter how much drama it may cause. But even with the best interests in mind, can she truly foresee all the consequences?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I want to see where this goes.
Well, let's see here... Not many grammar errors, good intro, not much in the way of grammar errors... It's not great, but it's bad by a longshot. You've set it up decently. I've seen enough Appledash to know what's original and what's not, and so far I've never read one where Applejack has to do all this on Hearts and Hooves day. As long as you keep this story original it should all be fine.
AppleJack
RainbowDash
At present moment, twelve thumbs up and ten thumbs down
Net positive sure, but that's still a bothersome number of thumbs down which may discourage people from giving this story a try. My advice? Pay it nevermind. I'm glad I did.
Good job! Applejack is spelled Applejack... No capital J...
Not sure why all the thumbs down? Is it because it's not done and leaves you wanting more? If that's the case, just keep this on watch! I know I am.
If it's the other thing, then I don't want to be your friend.
Thanks for noticing that Appledashforever, Fixed it up :)
I enjoyed this a good deal. Keep it up.
You might want to spread your lines out a bit. Just reading a block of text doesn't look appealing.
Start a new paragraph when the dialogue switches.
"Hey AJ"
"Yeah Dash?"
overall, it looks decent. Update you
I'm liking. I'm liking.
But space out your paragraphs :)
Other than that, you have a very nice wall of text here :)
Yo jimmy.
Me gusta.
I'm going to be a horrible, horrible person and make a complaint about formatting. Either have empty single lines between paragraphs or indent them. The current format, while far from illegible, still hinders readability.
And now that I've gotten over my horrible formatting Stalinism, this does appear to be turning out to be a promising story. You've got an interesting premise going and you do a good job of depicting the characters. For me it will depend on where you go with this since I've read one too many AppleDash fics that bring up the dangers of coming out only to resolve them in such an unsatisfyingly easy way that it feels like cheap button-pushing. Still you seem to be putting some thought into how to do this so you've got my interest.
I need to know what happens next!
It not bad. you just have to format it better. Put spaces between dialogue? you know? Check any of the featured stories and you'll know what I mean.
Darn.... UPDATE!