• Member Since 3rd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Wednesday

Secret_Shadows


E

Apple Bloom gets her cutie mark before Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Jealousy sets in and the Crusaders friendship is strained! How will their friendships fare, will they even still be friends in the end? And who else will be affected by this event?

((Yay! I finally get to write an Applebloom story!)) ((Before anypony else asks, in this story, yes Scootaloo is Dash's sister, don't question it, lol))

Picture made by deviantART user solusjbj.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 39 )

Good story so far, I look forward to the next chapter!

I haven't seen one of these in a while.

INCOMING GRAMMAR NAZI!

“Ah Did It! Ah Did It"

"AH DID IT! AH DID IT!"

“-Do Apple Bloom?”

"-do Applebloom?"
So on, so forth.

Good story. :twilightsmile:

Damn, Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash seemed harsher and more proud of themselves then I ever seen before and I just now known that I never seen one of the Elements of Harmony get into a physical fight before....huh.

I feel bad for Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle though but now I wonder what will happen to the CMC, be careful, you got a big wall of text in the middle, may want to shorten that so as to not get any downvotes...I'll be watching this, I'm loving this idea:pinkiehappy::yay::moustache:

Season 3 foreshadow I guess.

1614822

"-do Applebloom?"

Why would you want the author to spell Apple Bloom's name wrong? But yes, there's a lot of grammatical errors in the story.

1615746
I prefer Applebloom, whatever. Doesn't matter. :pinkiehappy:

Ok I'm totally going to be that guy right now, and say that Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash are not sisters. Scoots is just a super fan of RD.

1615923
That's like using Pinky or Rainbowdash ;) Apple Bloom is a major enough character that her canon name should be used :scootangel:

That said, it does feel like it should have been Applebloom. Probably due to a mix of her sister's name and that it feels odd to call her by just part of her name. Her name just isn't like RD's, where you can call her Rainbow or Dash, no problem, or like Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie, where the first part tends to get used, but not the latter. But oh well.

I like it, but one part confused me
Applejack said 'that your sister doesn't have a cutie mark yet', was she talking to Rarity? Cause Rainbow doesn't have a sister :rainbowhuh:

Hm. My main problem with this is that I feel :applecry:, :unsuresweetie:, :scootangel: and :rainbowhuh: were rather out of character.

Dash and AJ are good friends. Dash is extremely competitive, but she's not going to insult AJ for being proud of her sister.

Similarly, the CMC are extremely good friends. In "The Cutie Pox," they thought Apple Bloom had gotten two cutie marks, and neither Sweetie nor Scoots showed the slightest sign of jealousy. They were simply happy for, and proud of, their good friend.

So, yeah. Well-written but out of character, in my opinion.

1616068 1615939

I really thought it would be clear by now my stand on this, lol....I know Scoots and Dash aren't sister yes, but, my head cannon says they are, lol......its only fair....

1616418 Couldn't be more true.

1616834 1616418

It'll all make sense in the end I promise.

This is quite good. Scoots/Dash sisterhood is (sort of) head cannoned for me too. Partially because I doubt the orphan thing would ever fly for the real show. It's potentially too sad for it. And while they've never said they were sisters, the show has also never suggested they weren't either (at least to my knowledge, please correct if I'm wrong).

As some have already said, spelling and grammar errors. Although, as far as Applebloom's name goes, it works either way in my book. They're both correct.

Out of character? Nah, it just really upped the pride level for Dash a bit. Which is acceptable.
Eagerly awaiting more! :yay:

1616480 Oops, sorry XP, I didn't see that
I do love the sotry BTW

1620223

I remember Faust saying that Scootaloo and Dash are not sisters. She even went on to say that Dash wouldn't be a good big sister anyway.

Read the intro "Will they even still be friends?"

based on Twist dropping off the face of the world, my guess is nope!

I started reading it, and found the dialogue between Mac and Apple Bloom to be a bit painful. Why would they be so untrusting? Not only that, it just doesn't feel right that Mac would be so snarky.

Anyway, stopped reading on... I think it was the third page. Sorry.

2338706

That's your opinion I guess, your loss... lol. :derpytongue2:

2340249

Wow, you're a bit of a condescending ass, aren't you?

2343640

If that's what you want to think go for it, I can't stop you from thinking that. :twilightsmile:

How you get that from a joke is beyond me, but alright. Though I do appreciate your feed back on my story.

2343672

Well, saying 'that's your opinion,' is pretty condescending, and dismissive. I don't appreciate that.

Also, how is that a joke?

2364344

While I do appreciate your feedback, you were kinda mean in your review. I disagree with what you say and respectfully, it is your opinion and I wanted you to know I acknowledged it, as for the joke part. The "Your Loss" was a joke.. hence the :derpytongue2: face.

In reguards to Big Mac and AJ not being trusting that it is a real cutie mark, well, she's done it before... trying to fake a cutie mark, not to mention Big Mac has done a similar "Ah don't think ya can do/did ____" in the episode "Applebuck Season"

2365928

Are you fucking kidding me!? The one time I attempt to be diplomatic, and you say I'm 'mean'!? Now I'm pissed! Dude, you have no idea what 'mean' is! This is mean:

What a piece of shit! The characters diverge so much from their canon counterparts, you might as well be writing a Twilight spinoff! And given how awkward the dialogue is, it would fit! What's next!? Is Applejack gonna buck Apple Bloom in the face because she's bored!? Because it would fit just as well! :twilightangry2:

2375352

Well again, that is your opinion, and I respect it. You have to understand I meant no disrespect in any of my comments... you seem to be getting upset for seemingly no reason...

And another thing, if you are going to be 'mean' as you put it in your last post, why even bother? No one is forcing you to read the story at all... if someone is indeed forcing you to read the story, then something is wrong there. There is no reason what so ever for you to be being hateful and upset over fan fiction for a show about cartoon ponies that use magic. :eeyup:

2376038

No, my point was, I wasn't being mean, I was being nice. I wasn't upset until you started in with the condescension. I read your story because I liked the premise. Found it hard to continue, and as a public service, I thought I'd inform you of the problems I found.

Now, when you dismiss criticism like that, it pisses me off. Contest it, or accept it. But don't dismiss it. That's insulting.

2376524

I didn't dismiss it... :applejackconfused: Okay I think there was a miscommunication between us at some point... must be a regional thing, was either the way I worded it or the way you read it, and in saying that, was probably the way I worded it cause lets be honest, I suck at wording things... lol... let's try not to argue... why don't we just both agree I suck at wording things and move on, alright?

2378192

I can understand your desire to move on, but I'd appreciate it if you tried to clarify. Do you accept my criticism? Do you contest it?

2379612

I disagree with it, but I do accept and acknowledge that it is your opinion.

Now to avoid me saying that wrong AGAIN... I mean that nicely and politely... lol... again I am really terrible at wording...

2380098

Okay, actually, that is condescending. I understand what you're saying, there is no miscommunication, I'm sure of it. I'm also sure you don't mean it in an antagonistic way, but it is condescending.

Saying, "I do accept and acknowledge that it is your opinion," is like saying, 'I do accept that gravitational forces pull objects together.'

Let's put it simply. Why do you disagree?

2387415

My basis for disagreeing is several things that I have provided in a bulleted list. :twilightsmile:

-Big mac has acted like that before as seen in the show.

-And Two, after all of the things Apple Bloom has done, let's be honest here, wouldn't you be a bit untrusting too?

-And Finally, I honestly don't think someone can have a complete picture of the story until they have read the entire thing. While yes, I do appreciate the feedback and yes it has helped me become a better writer a bit, I honestly don't think you can give a good opinion without reading the entire chapter and/or part of the story you are reviewing.

2387973

Touche. And thank you for explaining. But I think you misunderstand. It's not so much the content, but the tone of the dialogue. It's hard to explain.

2398380

Oh I think I get what you're saying, yeah, I wasn't very happy with the way the dialogue turned out either in certain scenes but after messing around with it a few times I figured that was as good as I was going to be able to get it.

When will chapter 2 come?

2509523

Soon, I am writing all of my stories, plus helping my friends with stories, all at the same time, kinda hard to balance, but when I finish, there will be an influx of at least one or two chapters per story on my account. :twilightsmile:

You know, Applejack should've driven her hoof right into Dash's asshole face, because she's a jerk here. This isn't being proud and protective of Scootaloo, this is saying "my sister's better than yours."

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