Chapter 1
Cutie Mark Crisis
Chapter I
The Mark
Written By: Secret Shadows
Edited By: Avorin
“Ah Did It! Ah Did It!” Apple Bloom’s voice rang from across the field.
It was a warm summers day, the pegasi had cleared the skies of all but a few clouds. The birds were chirping, it was a perfect day. This peaceful calm was broken by the cheerful voice of a certain yellow filly.
Apple Bloom raced to Applejack, who was hard at work applebucking.
“Ah did it big sis!” Apple Bloom said cheerfully.
“What did ya-” She stopped to buck the tree she was at. “-Do Apple Bloom?” Applejack said failing to turn to look at her sister.
“Ah got mah Cutie Mark!” She chirped happily.
Applejack stopped bucking the tree and turned to her sister.
“Now this ain’t from that flow in the Everfree again is it?” Applejack asked as she now walked over to her sister inspecting the cutie mark.
“Nope!” Apple Bloom smiled.
“Apple Bloom, are ya lyin’ to me?”
“Nope!” She said again.
“Well thats great sugarcube! I’m so proud of ya!” Applejack said as she scooped her sister up into a hug.
It was true, this cutie mark was real, it was a small apple with a hammer and a screw driver crossed behind it. The mark signified her usefulness on the Apple family farm.
“Can we go show Big Macintosh and Granny Smith now Applejack?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Of course Apple Bloom! This is cause for celebration! Why ah remember when ah got my cutie mark, it all started-”
“No Time!” Apple Bloom said dragging her sister to the farm house by her tail.
“A-Apple Bloom! Mah Tail!” Applejack complained loudly as she was dragged off.
“No Time!” Apple Bloom said again, putting on an extra burst of speed.
The small yellow filly finally made it to the farmhouse, sister still in tow.
“Apple Bloom! Give me my tail back!” Applejack said with a yank retrieving her tail from the young fillies mouth.
“Sorry Applejack, Ah’m just real excited!” Apple Bloom said as she burst through the front door of the farmhouse followed by Applejack.
“Big Macintosh! Granny Smith! Ah got mah Cutie Mark!” Apple Bloom yelled.
“What? When’d ya get yer fruity tart?” Granny Smith said as she sat in the foyer of the house.
“She said Cutie Mark Granny Smith” Applejack said as she walked in and sat down on the sofa.
“A Cutie Mark? Well I’ll be a chickens aunt.” Granny Smith said.
“I’m related to Scootaloo?” Apple Bloom asked.
“You’re related to a toilet?” Granny Smith asked.
There was silence as everypony stared at Granny Smith wondering how in Equestria she got ‘toilet’ from Scootaloo’s name.
“Anyway! I got my cutie mark!”
“Enope.” Big Mac said as he entered the room.
“You denying mah ability ta get a legit cutie mark?”
“Eeyup.”
“You think I cheated again don’tcha?”
“Eeyup.”
“Well this’un is real!”
“Enope.”
“Oh come on Big Macintosh, yer little sis finally got her cutie mark, can’t ya be supportive.” Applejack said shooting Big Mac a glare.
“Enope, because she probably got it from that flower again.”
Apple Bloom blushed embarrassed even remembering the event.
Granny Smith stood up and walked over to Apple Bloom and stared at her for a moment, her face in a deep trance of thought.
“This’uns real.”
“I told ya so!” Apple Bloom said as she stuck her tongue out at her older brother.
Big Macintosh decided to play a little game and stuck his tongue out back at her.
Apple Bloom giggled and then raced up to her brother and tried to tackle him. She tried to force him down to the floor, failing as he remained in a perfectly straight standing position.
Apple Bloom, now panting, stood in front of her brother. “No fair!” She whined.
“Eeyup.”
“And ah almost had ya to.”
Apple Bloom turned back to Applejack, when all of the sudden a red hoof pinned her down.
“Hey! No Fair!” She whined again.
Big Mac flipped her onto her back and started to tickle her tummy.
“H-hey! *giggle* N-no f-*giggle*-fair!” She tried to whine, for the third time.
“Apple Bloom, you know what ya have to do ta get him ta stop.” Applejack said.
“F-fine, B-big Macint-tosh *Giggle* Y-you are the n-nicest *giggle* m-most kindest b-big broth-ther any *giggle* f-filly could ask f-for.”
“Eeyup!” Big Mac said as he retracted his hoof from her tummy allowing her to breath.
“So Apple Bloom, how’d ya get that Cutie Mark of yours anyway?” Applejack asked.
“Well, ah was workin’ in the chicken pen tryin’ to fix that old egg incubator light n’ when ah fixed it, I realised was I was meant ta fix things!”
“That’s it?” Applejack asked with a quizzical look on her face. “After all that trouble to find yer Cutie Mark an’ changing a light bulb does it?”
“Yup!” Apple Bloom said cheerfully.
“See, I told ya if you were patient it’d come to ya.”
“Patient! If I had been patient I woulda never got mah Cutie Mark!” Apple Bloom said
Applejack just brought her hoof to her head and sighed.
****
A short run from the house after telling her family of her brand new Cutie Mark, brought Apple Bloom to the Cutie Mark Crusaders club house.
Apple Bloom burst through the door, nearly shearing it off of its hinges.
“Guess What Girls!” Apple Bloom said smiling in a very loud voice.
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle looked up from their coloring books at Apple Bloom.
“What?” Sweetie asked.
Apple Bloom turned to her side and shook her flank to show off her new Cutie Mark.
“Oh wow Apple Bloom! You got your Cutie mark!” Scootaloo said.
“Yeah! Ah did!” Apple Bloom said smiling.
“Whats...” Sweetie paused as she examined the mark. “What’s it mean?”
“It means Ih’m good at fixin’ things!”
“How did you get it Apple Bloom?” Scootaloo asked.
“Well, I was in the Chicken coup and there was ah incubator light that was broken! The eggs were getting cold! They couldn’t survive without the heat! So ah fixed the light! Ah saved the eggs!” Apple Bloom said.
“Alright, but wha-” Sweetie was cut off.
“And thats when ah Realised ah was good at fixin things!”
“That’s nice and all Appl-” Scootaloo was now cut off by Apple Blooms excitement.
“And isn’t it just so great! I don’t have to look for mah Cutie Mark anymore! I’hm finally a mare! Ah don’t have to risk my life in your crazy idea’s to get mah Cutie Mark!” Apple Bloom said, absentmindedly. There was silence as the two other crusaders stared at her. Apple Bloom replayed her words in her head and then she brought both of her forehooves up to her mouth preventing herself from speaking anymore. She stood there for a moment looking back and forth from Scootaloo to Sweetie. She removed her hooves from her mouth.
“Ah uh, Ah didn’t mean that!” She said as she looked back and forth frantically.
“You-you don’t want to Crusade with us anymore?” Sweetie said, almost on the verge of tears that one of her best friends said, in her mind that they don’t want to be friends anymore.
“Sweetie Ah, ah didn’t-”
“Maybe you should just go Apple Bloom, since us blank flanks aren’t good enough for you anymore.” Scootaloo said defensively.
Apple Bloom looked at both of her friends. Sweetie was in tears and Scootaloo was standing in a very aggressive manner.
“Ah...ah didn’t-” Apple Bloom tried to explain, nearly in tears herself.
“Leave, just go Apple Bloom.” Scootaloo said.
Apple Bloom hung her head low and her ears fell to the sides of her head. She tried to walk over to Sweetie, she reached a hoof out, only to get it slapped down by Scootaloo.
Scootaloo walked over to Sweetie and helped her up, she was crying too much to see where she was going. The two walked out, before they left, Scootaloo looked back into the treehouse once more, glaring at Apple Bloom. She walked out, slamming the door behind her.
Apple Bloom just collapsed to the floor and cried.
‘What did Ah just do!?’ She thought to herself. She had potentially ruined her friendship with Sweetie and Scootaloo unintentionally. She laid there on the floor of the treehouse for at least an hour crying, trying to think of a way to fix it.
****
“Did ya’ll hear? My little sis finally got her Cutie Mark!” Applejack said.
Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity were all sitting around a table at one of Ponyville’s many cafes.
“Oh that’s wonderful Applejack, I feel terrible for asking this, but, did Sweetie get her Cutie Mark as well? I feel like a positively awful sister not knowing.” Rarity said.
“Nah, I think only Apple Bloom got her mark-”
“Wait, are you telling me Apple Bloom got her Cutie Mark before Scootaloo!” Dash crossed her forelegs and huffed.
“Can’t ya just be happy for me and mah sis just once Dash?” Applejack was starting to get upset now, Rainbow and Scootaloo were never happy for anything that happened to Applejack and Apple Bloom, or, at least it seemed that way in Applejack’s angered state of mind.
“Girls calm down, this much negativity is positively atrocious for your coat.” Rarity said, trying to defuse the situation.
“No Rarity, Dash never let’s anypony else have any sort of light, it always has ta be about her, and I’hm sick of it! You know...” Applejack stopped, she thought about the next words to leave her mouth.
“You think this is about letting somepony else win!? Really!? You think you can just prance around town showing off your little sister getting her Cutie Mark! Like you won some kind of contest! Well you didn’t win! I won! In fact if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t even have your Cutie Mark! You’d be in Manehatten right now feeling sorry for yourself!” Applejack was taken back by this. Her and Dash had had their rivalries yes, but this was different.
“You know, I’m almost glad yer sister doesn’t have her Cutie Mark yet! In fact, I’m surprised you even have yers! Yer too immature to handle anything!” By this point both Applejack and Rainbow Dash had their forehooves on the table, their rear hooves on their chairs, staring each other down, waiting to strike.
The tense scene was broken by the sound of a sobbing filly.
The three turned to see Sweetie Belle, very upset. She ran to Rarity and forced a hug out of her sister.
“Sweetie Belle! What’s wrong darling?”
Sweetie just cried for a few more moments. If it had been any other pony Rarity would have complained about getting tears and. . .other things on her coat. But for Sweetie Belle, Rarity would allow it to happen if it comforted her sister.
“A-Apple B-bloom an-and Sc-Scootaloo.” Sweetie mumbled through her tears.
“Oh of course! Sweetie comes crying to you about my sister! Scootaloo didn’t do anything wrong! It was probably Apple Bloom!” Rainbow said slamming a hoof on the table.
“Now hold on just a dog on minute! Apple Bloom wouldn’t do anything like that!” Applejack retorted.
“Girls! Would both of you put your petty differences aside while I find out what is troubling my dear sister! Thank you.” Rarity snapped glaring at both of them. She looked down at Sweetie who was still crying in her forelegs. “Now what happened Sweetie?”
“A-Apple B-Bloom s-said she d-didn’t want t-to be a-a c-cr-crusader anymore an-and Sc-Scootaloo dragged m-m-me away b-before I c-could t-talk to A-Apple Bloom.”
“Apple Bloom wouldn't just abandon her friends, she couldn’t! She’s too much like me!” Applejack said.
“Oh yeah Applejack, she is like you, she’s a stupid farm pony who will never do anything fulfilling.”
Applejack was torn, she wanted to slam her hoof right into the side of Dash’s head. At the same time, her morals were keeping her in check, she couldn’t just hit another element of harmony, could she? And if she did, what would the consequences be?
Applejack closed her eyes, and turned away and started walking.
“See ya later Rare.” She paused and stopped walking. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it and continued to walk.
Rainbow stood up. “Oh, so you’re just going to walk away? Is that you’re answer to everything? For once do-” She was stopped when Rarity put her hoof in front of Dash to prevent her from following Applejack.
Dash glared at Rarity. She spread her wings and took off into the sky as fast as she could, a tell tail double boom suggested she had done a Sonic Rainboom out of pure anger.
“Come on Sweetie, lets go home.” Rarity said as she set a few bits on the table to pay for their meals, and she put a crying Sweetie on her back and walked home.
****
Applejack opened the door to the treehouse. It was now long after nightfall, and Apple Bloom still hadn’t come in for dinner. The light from a lantern in the window of the tree house told her all she needed to know.
“You wanna talk about it sugarcube?” Applejack said. Regardless of her earlier argument with Rainbow, she still had a sister, and tending to her needs right now was more important than anything.
Apple Bloom rushed over to her sister and hugged her, breaking down crying at the same time.
Applejack sat down and returned the hug. Neither of them spoke. Just knowing her older sister was there to comfort her was enough for Apple Bloom. And knowing her sister was safe, was enough for Applejack.
They sat together for quite some time without speaking. Apple Blooms sobs slowed and eventually all Applejack could feel was her sister breathing. Applejack looked down to find Apple Bloom asleep. She lifted Apple Bloom up and placed her on her back. She trotted for the farmhouse. When she entered, it was dark, Granny Smith went to bed just after nightfall and Big Mac had gone to sleep moments before Applejack went to look for Apple Bloom. The only light was coming from a small lantern on a table in the upstairs hallway. Applejack proceeded up the stairs, her little sister still on her back asleep. When Applejack reached the landing she stepped softly down the hall. The old wooden boards of the house creaking at her every move. She opened the door to Apple Blooms bedroom, swiftly trotted across the room over to the bed placing Apple Bloom under her covers. She made sure Apple Bloom was warm and comfortable and retreated to bed.
****
Scootaloo was sitting on the edge of the lawn of her cloud home, shivering slightly in the cold night air high above the ground below.
She watched the moon and the stars silently move through the sky in their never ending pattern.
Scootaloo would never let anypony see it, but she was crying. Only a few small tears here and there, but she was still crying, as silently as the stars moved.
Rainbow Dash quietly trotted up behind her and sat down. Scootaloo looked away for a moment and cleared the tears from her eyes before looking up at Dash. Rainbow looked down and spread her wing over Scootaloo. Rainbow stood up gesturing with her free wing for Scootaloo to do the same.
Scootaloo stood up and Dash put her wing over her for warmth. The two walked together into the cloud home quietly so as not to wake their parents. The both parted ways at the top of the stairs for their own bedrooms. Silently without a word, before entering their bedrooms they looked at each other. Scootaloo looking for comfort, Dash looking for her sisters well being. Rainbow gave a weak smile before Scootaloo rushed over to her, gave a quick hug, then ran back into her room closing the door behind her. Rainbow smiled before retreating to her own bed to sleep.
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- Secret_Shadows · 2.3k words · 32 6 · 1.5k views
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Good story so far, I look forward to the next chapter!
I haven't seen one of these in a while.
INCOMING GRAMMAR NAZI!
"AH DID IT! AH DID IT!"
"-do Applebloom?"
So on, so forth.
Good story.
Damn, Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash seemed harsher and more proud of themselves then I ever seen before and I just now known that I never seen one of the Elements of Harmony get into a physical fight before....huh.
I feel bad for Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle though but now I wonder what will happen to the CMC, be careful, you got a big wall of text in the middle, may want to shorten that so as to not get any downvotes...I'll be watching this, I'm loving this idea
Season 3 foreshadow I guess.
1614822
Why would you want the author to spell Apple Bloom's name wrong? But yes, there's a lot of grammatical errors in the story.
1615746
I prefer Applebloom, whatever. Doesn't matter.
Ok I'm totally going to be that guy right now, and say that Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash are not sisters. Scoots is just a super fan of RD.
1615923
That's like using Pinky or Rainbowdash ;) Apple Bloom is a major enough character that her canon name should be used
That said, it does feel like it should have been Applebloom. Probably due to a mix of her sister's name and that it feels odd to call her by just part of her name. Her name just isn't like RD's, where you can call her Rainbow or Dash, no problem, or like Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie, where the first part tends to get used, but not the latter. But oh well.
I like it, but one part confused me
Applejack said 'that your sister doesn't have a cutie mark yet', was she talking to Rarity? Cause Rainbow doesn't have a sister
Hm. My main problem with this is that I feel
, 
, 
and 
were rather out of character.
Dash and AJ are good friends. Dash is extremely competitive, but she's not going to insult AJ for being proud of her sister.
Similarly, the CMC are extremely good friends. In "The Cutie Pox," they thought Apple Bloom had gotten two cutie marks, and neither Sweetie nor Scoots showed the slightest sign of jealousy. They were simply happy for, and proud of, their good friend.
So, yeah. Well-written but out of character, in my opinion.
1616068 1615939
I really thought it would be clear by now my stand on this, lol....I know Scoots and Dash aren't sister yes, but, my head cannon says they are, lol......its only fair....
1616480
Fair enough
1616418 Couldn't be more true.
1616834 1616418
It'll all make sense in the end I promise.
This is quite good. Scoots/Dash sisterhood is (sort of) head cannoned for me too. Partially because I doubt the orphan thing would ever fly for the real show. It's potentially too sad for it. And while they've never said they were sisters, the show has also never suggested they weren't either (at least to my knowledge, please correct if I'm wrong).
As some have already said, spelling and grammar errors. Although, as far as Applebloom's name goes, it works either way in my book. They're both correct.
Out of character? Nah, it just really upped the pride level for Dash a bit. Which is acceptable.
Eagerly awaiting more!
1616480 Oops, sorry XP, I didn't see that
I do love the sotry BTW
1620223
I remember Faust saying that Scootaloo and Dash are not sisters. She even went on to say that Dash wouldn't be a good big sister anyway.
Read the intro "Will they even still be friends?"
based on Twist dropping off the face of the world, my guess is nope!
I started reading it, and found the dialogue between Mac and Apple Bloom to be a bit painful. Why would they be so untrusting? Not only that, it just doesn't feel right that Mac would be so snarky.
Anyway, stopped reading on... I think it was the third page. Sorry.
2338706
That's your opinion I guess, your loss... lol.
2340249
Wow, you're a bit of a condescending ass, aren't you?
2343640
If that's what you want to think go for it, I can't stop you from thinking that.
How you get that from a joke is beyond me, but alright. Though I do appreciate your feed back on my story.
2343672
Well, saying 'that's your opinion,' is pretty condescending, and dismissive. I don't appreciate that.
Also, how is that a joke?
2364344
While I do appreciate your feedback, you were kinda mean in your review. I disagree with what you say and respectfully, it is your opinion and I wanted you to know I acknowledged it, as for the joke part. The "Your Loss" was a joke.. hence the
face.
In reguards to Big Mac and AJ not being trusting that it is a real cutie mark, well, she's done it before... trying to fake a cutie mark, not to mention Big Mac has done a similar "Ah don't think ya can do/did ____" in the episode "Applebuck Season"
2365928
Are you fucking kidding me!? The one time I attempt to be diplomatic, and you say I'm 'mean'!? Now I'm pissed! Dude, you have no idea what 'mean' is! This is mean:
What a piece of shit! The characters diverge so much from their canon counterparts, you might as well be writing a Twilight spinoff! And given how awkward the dialogue is, it would fit! What's next!? Is Applejack gonna buck Apple Bloom in the face because she's bored!? Because it would fit just as well!
2375352
Well again, that is your opinion, and I respect it. You have to understand I meant no disrespect in any of my comments... you seem to be getting upset for seemingly no reason...
And another thing, if you are going to be 'mean' as you put it in your last post, why even bother? No one is forcing you to read the story at all... if someone is indeed forcing you to read the story, then something is wrong there. There is no reason what so ever for you to be being hateful and upset over fan fiction for a show about cartoon ponies that use magic.
2376038
No, my point was, I wasn't being mean, I was being nice. I wasn't upset until you started in with the condescension. I read your story because I liked the premise. Found it hard to continue, and as a public service, I thought I'd inform you of the problems I found.
Now, when you dismiss criticism like that, it pisses me off. Contest it, or accept it. But don't dismiss it. That's insulting.
2376524
I didn't dismiss it...
Okay I think there was a miscommunication between us at some point... must be a regional thing, was either the way I worded it or the way you read it, and in saying that, was probably the way I worded it cause lets be honest, I suck at wording things... lol... let's try not to argue... why don't we just both agree I suck at wording things and move on, alright?
2378192
I can understand your desire to move on, but I'd appreciate it if you tried to clarify. Do you accept my criticism? Do you contest it?
2379612
I disagree with it, but I do accept and acknowledge that it is your opinion.
Now to avoid me saying that wrong AGAIN... I mean that nicely and politely... lol... again I am really terrible at wording...
2380098
Okay, actually, that is condescending. I understand what you're saying, there is no miscommunication, I'm sure of it. I'm also sure you don't mean it in an antagonistic way, but it is condescending.
Saying, "I do accept and acknowledge that it is your opinion," is like saying, 'I do accept that gravitational forces pull objects together.'
Let's put it simply. Why do you disagree?
2387415
My basis for disagreeing is several things that I have provided in a bulleted list.
-Big mac has acted like that before as seen in the show.
-And Two, after all of the things Apple Bloom has done, let's be honest here, wouldn't you be a bit untrusting too?
-And Finally, I honestly don't think someone can have a complete picture of the story until they have read the entire thing. While yes, I do appreciate the feedback and yes it has helped me become a better writer a bit, I honestly don't think you can give a good opinion without reading the entire chapter and/or part of the story you are reviewing.
2387973
Touche. And thank you for explaining. But I think you misunderstand. It's not so much the content, but the tone of the dialogue. It's hard to explain.
2398380
Oh I think I get what you're saying, yeah, I wasn't very happy with the way the dialogue turned out either in certain scenes but after messing around with it a few times I figured that was as good as I was going to be able to get it.
When will chapter 2 come?
2509523
Soon, I am writing all of my stories, plus helping my friends with stories, all at the same time, kinda hard to balance, but when I finish, there will be an influx of at least one or two chapters per story on my account.
1616256 I read that fic
You know, Applejack should've driven her hoof right into Dash's asshole face, because she's a jerk here. This isn't being proud and protective of Scootaloo, this is saying "my sister's better than yours."