• Member Since 5th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen January 14th

Namechanger


Bicken' back and bein' bool 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm Jack: writer/editor/stoner.

E

Apple Bloom spends her day with Pinkie Pie to cheer herself up. As Pinkie helps Apple Bloom see what fun there is in life, maybe she will discover a new found friend too.

I was tired, on Skype with my friends, and it was a late night. I was feeling very "Pinkie Pie" at that moment with my fellow Skype Bronies.

Contains: Jokes, lot's of Pinkie Jokes

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

This is probably one of the better stories that I have read today. It flows nicely, and I didn't notice any spelling mistakes, nor any plot holes.

A few thongs I noticed:

1. Tense. You let your tenses slip, only slightly though. That didn't really faze the story, buuuuuut, tenses Is something that I am a bit picky on.

Something else: you seem to have added your own thoughts into the story. Now, not that that can be bad, but when writing in third person, you don't write it in how you have.

E.g: "Why don't we head over to Sweet Apple Acres?" she offered, and that sounded swell.

This would make sense if it was in first person, as you would be hearing only that person's thoughts. But because you can hear everyone's thoughts, you can get the thoughts confused with someone else's. Who's thoughts were those?

Anyway, hope I could be of some help.

Have fun, and don't stop writing! :scootangel:

Proving once again, we can learn so much by observing the Pinkie Pie in its natural habitat. It was a great story, 5 stared. Not much else to say really...

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