• Published 5th Jan 2012
  • 15,418 Views, 118 Comments

Who Am I...? - Connor the Brony

A pony is the collection of her experiences. But what if those experiences never occurred?

  • ...

Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie!

Pinkamina heard whispering outside her room.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t take her to the doctor, Clyde?”

“We’ve never needed their help before and we sure as hay don’t need it now! It’s just a fever
after all; she’ll get better soon, Sue.”

“I hope you’re right, for her sake.”

Pinkamina was awoken by yelling downstairs.

“Whoa, look at that, that... colorful thing!”

“It’s called a rainbow, Inkie. Ma! Pa! Come here fast or you’re gonna miss it!”

“Shh! Girls, keep your voices down. You don’t want to disturb Pinkamina when she’s in such a frail condition.”

“Okay, mama...”

Lying in bed, Pinkamina looked out her half-shuttered window just in time to see the rainbow’s receding edge. She didn’t even have time to think before she fell into a deep sleep.

“Do you want to go outside again Pinkamina? Okay, here we go; mind the step. I’ll come get you soon; it’s almost bed time. I’ll be inside talking to your father Pinkamina. Stay here.”

Pinkie Pie opened her eyes. She could just see Granny Pie’s grey tail retreating into the house. She stared at the farmhouse and took in the surrounding scenery. Rocks, a silo, more rocks, a rickety old windmill, and several dead trees. That’s silly, she thought, the farm doesn’t look any different from when I moved away... She stood up and started to walk toward the farmhouse. “Oof.” She had tripped over her excessively long mane. That’s silly too! I just got my mane cut last week. Continuing toward the house, she made sure not to trip again.

Slowly she made her way to the house. Normally she would have tried to bounce, but all her joints felt too stiff and underused. She reached the house and popped her head in the door. Everything was as she had last seen it: a family portrait on the wall, a fireplace with a few low embers in it, and hardly anything colorful. As she made her way further into the house, she heard two ponies quietly talking.

“I still don’t even understand what is wrong with her. How could a little fever all those years ago have caused this?” Granny Pie asked her son.

“I’ve told you a hundred times ma, the doctors said it messed with her brain, or some other ‘scientific’ nonsense like that. There’s no helping it,” responded Clyde.

Pinkie Pie stepped into the room and the murmur stopped cold. “Hey papa, hey granny, what’s shakin’?”

The ever-present wheat sprig in her father’s mouth fell to the floor. Granny Pie fainted. Clyde stared at Pinkie. Pinkie stared back. After several minutes of silence and staring, she exclaimed, “Wow, dad! I never knew you were so good at staring contests!” Clyde gave no response. “Papa, are you okay?” She walked up to him and waved a hoof in front of his face. “Heeelllooooo! Anypony home...?” After failing to evoke a response from her father, she moved over to Granny Pie. “Granny, are you okay?” Pinkie asked with a note of concern in her voice. After a little poking and prodding, Granny Pie came to. She, like her son, just stared at her.

Pinkie didn’t know what to do. Her father and Granny Pie were always so excited to see her all the other times she took a break from her mile-a-minute life to come see them. What gives? she thought. Her train of thought was derailed by Granny Pie. “Pinkamina, will you please go up to bed? Your father and I have some things to talk about in private.”

“Granny!” Pinkie yelled as she ran to give her grandmother a hug, “I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“Yes, yes, whatever you say dear. Please just go to bed. We can talk more in the morning.”

“But, I...”

“Pinkamina, this is serious. Your father and I just need some time to collect our thoughts. Please, Pinkamina.”

She could hear the evident strain in her grandmother’s voice. “Okay Granny, just for you.” She kissed her on the cheek and made her way out of the kitchen and upstairs.

Pinkie walked up the stairs and down the hall to the last room on the left, her room. She pushed the door wide. Something wasn’t right. There were no colors, there were no balloons or streamers, no crayon drawings of her family, nothing decorative. There was just an old wood armoire with what seemed like a foot of dust on top of it.

She climbed into her bed. It was true that she hadn’t slept in it for more than one night at a time for years, but she still didn’t remember its feeling this lumpy and uncomfortable.

Surprisingly quickly, she fell asleep. She dreamt of the old days on the rock farm with her siblings and parents. She remembered fondly the Sonic Rainboom that had pointed her life in a new, happier direction. She remembered all the good friends she had made over the years living in Ponyville.

After what only seemed like a few minutes, she woke up.

She got out of bed and stumbled down the hall to the bathroom. I’m so glad papa finally paid to get that plumbing installed, she thought to herself as she walked. It was such an absolute nightmare trying to get washed up when I was a little filly. She continued down the hall and pushed open the bathroom door. She was met with a small washbasin on a wooden stand and a chamber pot. “Gosh, that’s silly,” Pinkie thought out loud, “why would papa get the plumbing removed?”

A thump came from behind. She turned and cantered back down the hall to find the source of the noise. She paused by the closed door to her father’s room.

“Woah, Nellie. What a dream that was,” Clyde spoke in his gruff voice. Pinkie heard him climb back into bed. “Such a... happy dream.”

She burst into his room, grinning from ear to ear.

“Holy Mother of Celestia herself!” her father exclaimed as he shrunk down under the covers.

“Daddy!” Pinkie squealed with joy at the first sign of response from her father since she saw him the day before. “Can you believe I’m here, dad? I’m sorry I haven’t come for so long, but I’ve been soooo busy in Ponyville with my friends and helping the Cakes and planning parties and eating cupcakes!” She paused for just a moment to catch her breath. “I don’t know how I got back to the farm, but I’m sure that you were just so surprised that you couldn’t even talk! Now all we need to do is find Inkie and Blinkie and Mama and then we can have a family reunion! Oooh, it’ll be soooo fun!”

Her father just gaped back at her.

“Papa, what’s wrong, aren’t you happy to see me again? I know I got here suddenly, but it’s nothing to be scared about, silly!”

Clyde started yelling at no one in particular, “Celestia, why must you torment me like this? What have I done to deserve such a fate?”

Pinkie said, “Oh, papa, you didn’t do anything wrong, I just came here to... to.. to say hi, to the family, I guess!”

She started to approach his bed.

“No, please! Apparition, leave me be! I never wanted any of this!” he pleaded.

“Dad,” Pinkie spoke the word bluntly, “I’m not an ‘apparition,’ I’m a pony. Won’t you even come give me a hug? I must have traveled all day yesterday just to get here, and you just gawked at me without saying a word. What kind of welcome is that?”

Nothing but a faint whimper escaped his lips.

After a few moments of silence, Pinkie spoke, “Ooookay then... I’m going to go talk to Granny now.”

There was no response.

Pinkie trotted silently down the hall, wondering to herself why her father was acting so strangely.

She opened the door to her Grandmother’s room slowly. She didn’t want to frighten her, even if she had nothing to fear.

“Granny, are you awake?” she asked in a hushed tone, in case the opposite was true.

“Yes, dear, I’m awake,” her grandmother responded quaveringly.

“Granny, why did you not want to see me when I walked in yesterday? Am I doing something wrong? Do you not love me anymore?” Pinkie Pie sat on the floor and looked up at her grandmother forlornly.

“I’m sorry, dear,” said Granny Pie, “but your father and I weren’t expecting you to come back to us after all these years.” Then she added sternly, “And don’t you think for one second that we don’t love you Pinkamina!”

“Grandma?” Pinkie ask solemnly.

“Yes, Pinkamina?”

“Can I have a hug? Papa wouldn’t hug me.”

“Of course, dear,” Granny Pie said as Pinkie rushed to her side, “I’ve missed you so much, my dear.”

After a few minutes of hugging, they finally released.

“Granny, can I ask you another question?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Yes, dear.”

“Why do you keep making it sound like I’ve been gone a long time? I saw you last year at the latest family reunion, remember?” Pinkie’s voice was starting to regain the note of cheer it usually had.

“Oh, Pinkamina, you don’t remember anything, do you...?”

Hoofsteps interrupted their conversation as Clyde entered the room.

“I don’t think she needs to know much more than that for now, ma.”

“But, I’ve barely told her anything,” Granny Pie contested. “The filly deserves to know what has happened to her! I thought we decided on that last night.”

“There will be a time for that soon, ma, just not yet. She is my daughter and I will decide what is best for her. Pinkamina, come here please; we’re going somewhere.”

“Aww, but I just got here!” she said, pouting. Clyde gave her a stern look. “Ugh, okay, fine... Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you to see the doctor. Find out what’s wrong with your brain.”

Pinkie put on a look of offence. “Gosh, Dad. You don’t have to be so rude... There’s nothing wrong with my brain. I’m like this all the time.”

“Come on, Pinkamina,” Clyde stated a final time as he started down the hall.

“Come on, Pinkamina, get in the cart,” Clyde said as he attached himself into the afore mentioned object.

“I’m fine, dad, I can walk all by myself, for Celestia’s sake.”

Normally Pinkie wouldn’t have been so blunt or abrasive towards her very own father. But the fact that he kept treating her like a foal who couldn’t take care of herself was really getting to her. Is there anything that I did last time I was here that rubbed him the wrong way? Pinkie began to think back to see if there was anything she had done. I got nuthin’, she thought to herself after a few moments of contemplation.

“Pinkamina, get in the cart now!”

“Pinkamina, get in the cart now!” Her father half shouted, half choked out the phrase.

What is wrong with my daughter? Clyde thought to himself after his latest failed attempt to get little Pinkamina to climb into the cart. She just sat there in the dirt, staring into the sky, muttering to herself. The same phrase over and over, “Ya like it? It’s called a party...”

After several more failures to entice Pinkamina into the cart, he finally gave up and lifted her in himself. She was so light, lighter than any filly of her age should be. But that is, of course, the reason he was loading her into the cart. They were going to see a doctor in Ponyville. Then they would give her some medicine or work their magic on her and life could go back to normal. Normal... That’s all Clyde ever really wanted: a normal family, a normal farm, a normal life. But now none of it seemed to be turning out that way...

By the time Pinkie came back to her senses, she and her father were already started on the few hour journey to Ponyville.

She watched the scenery change from barren fields of rocks and dead trees to a few saplings to progressively taller and larger mature trees.

Pinkie and her father crested the hill, and she caught a short glimpse of Ponyville before they descended into another shallow valley.


Clyde cleared his throat before answering. “Yes, Pinkamina?”

“Why don’t you ever come to see me or my friends in Ponyville? I always have to come out to you whenever I want to see you, or ma, or Inkie or Blinkie!”

Her father let out a hefty sigh. “Only Inkamina lives in Ponyville, Pinkamina.”

Even after further prodding by Pinkie, he refused to say any more on the subject.

“Will you at least call me Pinkie?” She asked hopefully, after awhile.

“No. You will go by the name your mother and I gave you.”

“Yeah,” she commented after a few moments, “where is mom anyway? I didn’t see her around the farm at all. Is she-”

Clyde cut her off, “Don’t talk about Sue, Pinkamina.”


“Do not talk about Sue!” he yelled, glaring daggers and her.

Pinkie didn’t feel like talking; she didn’t feel anything at the moment. Where is mom? she wondered. She lay down in the back of the cart, having nothing better to do than try to nap.

Pinkie was awoken by a bump in the road. She looked around and saw that they were just about to enter Ponyville. Ponyville Public Park was on her left; she saw Lyra and Bon Bon sitting on a bench resting. On her right were some apple trees, the very edge of Sweet Apple Acres. How hungry she was for an apple pie, or apple cider, or apple fritters, or a caramel apple! She felt like she hadn’t eaten anything sweet in all her life.

They headed straight through town to Ponyville General Hospital. As they passed through, Pinkie saw many familiar faces. Lily, Daisy, and Rose sitting at the cafe, probably discussing their latest doomsday theories. Berry Punch staggering along in a side alley. Carrot Top tending her garden. Everything was as it should be.

As Pinkie and her father continued their tour through town, she saw some familiar buildings: Sugarcube Corner, Twilight’s Library, and Carousel Boutique to name a few. Unfortunately, she saw none of her close friends, not even a faint shadow or quick glimpse through a window.

“Come on, Pinkamina, let’s go inside,” her father chided.

She rolled her eyes at her dad’s stubborn refusal to use her preferred name. He was perfectly okay calling me ‘Pinkie” the last few times I visited...

“Welcome to Ponyville General Hospital. How may I be of assistance?” the receptionist pony inquired as Pinkie and her father entered.

“Can you please call Nurse Redheart for us?” Clyde asked.

“Just a moment please,” the receptionist ducked down behind her desk and made a quick phone call. “She’ll be with you in just a minute! Please have a seat,” she said, gesturing toward the waiting room.

Pinkie looked around as she and her father took their seats. The room was painted in bright pastel colors to comfort the patients as they waited for help to arrive. There was nopony else there except for her, her dad, the receptionist, and Scootaloo... Scootaloo?

“Hi Scoots!” Pinkie yelled from across the room at the sight of a familiar face, causing her father to cringe.

Scootaloo looked up at the use of the diminutive version of her name. All she saw was a pink earth pony waving exuberantly at her from across the room, and the brown, facehoofing stallion next to her.

She feebly waved back with her one good front leg.

With unnatural speed, the pink pony crossed the room and sat in the chair next to Scootaloo. “Aww... Looks like you got yourself hurt. How’d that happen?”

Scootaloo was taken aback by the pink pony’s cheeriness, and the fact that she had never seen her in Ponyville before. “I, I... Uh, got hurt in a training accident.”

“Ooh! A training accident? Were you finally learning to fly?”

“Uh, yeah. I was trying to follow Rainbow Dash somewhere but got tired and fell. Just landed badly on my leg,” she said, moving her hurt limb slightly in its sling.

“Did Rainbow come back and help you?”

“Yeah... She saw me and brought me here. She left though, said something about having to get back to training.”

“Darn, I must have missed her by just a few minutes then.”

“Yeah, must have...” Scootaloo trailed off as she began to wonder how this new pony in Ponyville could know of her relationship with Rainbow Dash or her problems with flying.

Their conversation was interrupted by Nurse Redheart emerging through double doors and her father gesturing for her to follow them.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you around later Scootaloo. I hope your leg heals alright!”

“Thanks, I guess.” Scootaloo offered lamely as Pinkie Pie trotted away to join her father and Nurse Redheart.

A few minutes later, all three ponies were seated comfortably in Nurse Redheart’s office.

“What seems to be the problem, mister...?”

“Pie, Clyde Pie. Well, my daughter here, Pinkamina Diane, has recently and unexpectedly recovered from brain a problem she got when she was a little filly...”

“Let’s see if I have this right,” Nurse Redheart interrupted as she pulled up Pinkie’s file on her computer. “Pinkamina Diane Pie, daughter of Clydesdale Markus Pie and Suzanne Pecan Pie. Coat: pink, mane: pink, eyes: blue, cutie mark: null.” She glanced down at Pinkie’s flank. “And still null. Interesting...” After a few moments Nurse Redheart continued, “Pinkamina was afflicted by a severe multi-day fever of over one hundred and eight degrees, causing hyperthermia, leaving her in a catatonic state with an estimated zero percent chance of recovery,” she recited from the notes on her screen. “Am I correct?”

Clyde swallowed hard, “Yes, I believe you are...”

Pinkie sat in her chair in a daze, taking in the new information. What are they talking about? she thought, I’ve never been that sick!

“I would suggest a brain scan to find out more,” Nurse Redheart added.

Pinkie Pie, Clyde, and Nurse Redheart piled into the back of an ambulance wagon ready to depart the hospital.

“Where are we going?” Pinkie asked to nopony in particular as she looked around the interior of the ambulance.

“We’re going to the library for some tests,” Nurse Redheart responded. “They have some equipment there that can help us diagnose some brain problems.”

“Ooh, ooh! Are we gonna use Twilight’s big helmet head scanner thingy?”

“Um, well, yes. How do you know about i-”

“Well, Twilight used it on me that one time that she was trying to figure out my Pinkie Sense.”

“And when was this?” Nurse Redheart asked.

“Oh, I don’t know, about a year ago probably.” she responded cheerfully.

Nurse Redheart stared at her, dumbfounded, then whispered to Clyde, “Has she even been to the library while Twilight Sparkle has been staying there?”

He responded even more softly, “No, she hasn’t left the farm at all since we came to get her checked out here years ago.”

The ambulance wagon slowly pulled away from the hospital for the very short journey to the library.