Chapter 42: Shopping, and Arguing
CHAPTER 42
*Yawn*
I sat up, and I realized that I'd slept on the couch. "Oh shit, what'd I do?" if you're married, and you're sleeping on your couch, you know you messed up big time.
"Morning, Kyle." I looked towards the stairs and saw that Dashie was awake. She was looking at me with a twinkle of amusement in her eyes.
"Alright, what'd I do?"
Dashie cocked her eyebrow. "Whaddya mean? You didn't do anything."
I shrugged. "I was sleeping on the couch, so I assumed it was because you made me. I've really gotta stop drinking so much. I can't remember ANY of last night."
Dashie gave me a little wink, and turned to walk into the kitchen for breakfast. "Too bad. It was fun." She wiggled her flank a bit, and I felt a stupid grin creeping across my face.
"Yes. Just... Yes. Sometimes, this seems too good to be true. I don't care if this place is a cartoon on Earth, this is awesome! Dat flank... Oh man, I spent way too much time on the internet back then. All those memes and sayings are permanently etched into my mind..."
"Kyle? What do you want for breakfast?" I heard Dashie rummaging through the refrigerator. I walked into the kitchen, and leaned down a bit to look in the fridge.
"Uh..." I scanned over the contents, and didn't really see anything I was craving, so I just grabbed a sandwich. "Eh, it'll do. Forget society's rules of what you eat, and when." Dashie giggled a bit as I stuffed my face. I hardly ever ate breakfast, and when I did, I was a lot hungrier than I seemed.
"So, anything you want to do today? Maybe we could go hang out with Hoops?"
I shrugged. "I dunno. You know how I am, leave the house, and wing it. Heh, wing, and I'm talking to a pegasus. Oh, how puntastic..." Dashie let out another small giggle. "Dashie, if I ever say something as stupid as that ever again, hit me in the face as hard as you can." Before I knew it, her hoof connected with the side of my head, and I lurched sideways a bit. "Ack! What the hell?"
"You said something stupid." She had a trouble-making smile on, and I just furrowed my brow.
"Har-har-har. Very funny. Now then... How about we go shopping? Honestly, I just think we need to get more food."
Dashie nodded. "Right. That fact's pretty obvious, since you're eating a sandwich for breakfast."
"Hey, I don't need no rules telling me what I can eat, and when. Now just lemme finish eating, and we can get going."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hm... What exactly do I wanna get...?" Here we go, I'm talking to myself again. That's what happens when I concentrate. Dashie nudged me in the side. "Hm?"
"You're talking to yourself again."
I rubbed the back of my head. "Right... Sorry. Now, I think I want some pears." The Doctor would be disappointed in me right now.
Dashie rubbed her chin a bit. "Uh... I think the pear cart is over there. Next to Applejack's cart. They always argue over one thing or another."
"Great. Any money says we stumble upon an argument."
And of course, as soon as we got a little closer, I heard an argument over the buzz of the crowd. I knew it...
"... Come on! Y'all can't really believe that pears 'r better 'n apples, can ya?" I almost facepalmed. An argument over opinions. Wow.
The pony at the pear cart looked pretty annoyed. "But everypony loves pears! I don't understand what all this fuss is about. Just let them buy what they want, which is obviously pears!"
"This is so stupid. I'm gonna fix this right now."
I walked up to the pear stand, and leaned down on it, glaring at the stallion running it. "You'd best be quiet. Applejack is one stubborn mare. And you're using sheer opinion in your argument, you're doomed to fail."
he chuckled, and shook his head. "Oh, but I think you have no idea what you're talking about." I felt my brow furrow at that.
"You wanna start an argument with me, pal? You just made your last mistake..."
I cracked my neck, and smiled. "Now, using opinions in an argument is dumb enough, but trying to use them as the main base of the argument is just plain stupid. And to top it all off, you're up against one of the most stubborn ponies to ever live, and she's got pride and livelihood backing that up, fueling her argument even more. And I swear, every single pony here in Ponyville that I've ever met, I've seen eating a Sweet Apple Acres apple countless times. I've never seen a pony around here eating a pear." I crossed my arms, and the pear salesman just swallowed hard, and tried to look past me.
"Uh... Nopony listen to him! I'm sure you all love pears! Come on, step right up-"
"Hold it." I felt my smile widen. "Now your just ignoring me. That means you're just plain rude. Nopony wants to buy anything from a rude stallion," I turned around to the small crowd that was gathered around the argument. "do you?"
I heard a collection of "no"s, and I looked back at the pear guy, who was starting to sweat.
"Well, I think that answers my question." I leaned in even closer to him, and his pupils shrunk to pinpricks. "Now, I have a question for you: Are you gonna shut up, and let business go on as usual, or am I going to have to further out-argue your sorry flank? Your choice..."
His eyes flitted around, looking at all the ponies glaring at him, then to Applejack, who looked pretty smug, and then to me. "You... Who do you think you are?"
I leaned back a bit, and cocked my eyebrow. "I'm amazed you don't know about all of my professions. I assume you know that I'm Kyle Bucy?" He nodded. "Well, add 'Ace Attorney' onto the end of that. As a matter of fact..." I dug through a nearby rubbish bin, and pulled out a newspaper. I looked at the front page, and chuckled a bit. "Read this." I slapped it down on his cart, and he stared at it, reading aloud.
"'Kyle Bucy, whom all of you know to be one of the few Humans in Equestria, managed an amazing triumph in the Cloudsdale Court of Equestrian Law yesterday, having proved his defendant, Hoops Basket...' Not Guilty for murder?!" He looked back up at me, and I just nodded.
"You just tried to argue with a guy who's skill is arguing." He stared at me for a few seconds, until he fell over, unconscious.
(Stop the music)
Dashie trotted back to my side, staring at the pony I'd argued into unconsciousness, then up at me. "You... Really did that, didn't you?"
I let out a little laugh, and nodded. "Yep. He'll be fine, I just made him go a little nuts is all."
"Whoo-wee! Well Ah'll be darned, you done knocked 'im out cold jus' by yellin' at 'im!" Applejack tossed her hat up in the air, and caught it on her head, giggling the entire time. "Now Ah'm gonna get all th' business! Ya know what?" She handed me a burlap sack. "Here. Have a free sack 'a apples, free 'a charge."
I took the bag. "Thanks, AJ. And don't worry about it, anything to help a friend. And it feels good to get into an argument. Helping you was just an added bonus." We all had a good laugh, until AJ said "goodbye" and went back to managing her cart. Dashie and I headed off to continue our shopping.
"Why is it that everywhere you go, something crazy happens?"
I shrugged. "I dunno. Craziness follows in my wake, I guess. Why, isn't it fun?"
Dashie giggled, and nodded. "Oh, it is. I was just wondering, is all."
The rest of the day went by normally, but I had an extra spring in my step. I'd managed to push Dumb-Bell into the back of my mind, but the issue was still there.
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First! Real comment later.
Haha! That was funny. Looks like that stallion needs to, *Sungalsses* Grow a pear.
AWWWWW YEAAAAAAHH!
Edit: Also second too
This was ok I guess
im felling rather asshole-like (if thats even a word)
sorry if it feels like spam but I gotta this mr K
HELLO! my name is chavi and
I lost a bet and now I have to advertise someone so here you go
GO CHECK OUT THIS STORY !!!
NOW!!!
its pretty damn good too
357926 I have no fucking clue how but you actually made dumb joke work and also kyle is Dovakin yelling at ponies until they are out cold is just pure awsome
Hehheh. Eating a sandwich is perfect way to start a day. Kyle should've slapped the newspaper infront of him and say "your argument is invalid" or something in that way.
357935 Ha! If you think that stupid joke is good, you should check out my own story. So full of lame pun wins xD
P.S. Might delete this comment.... I don't really approve of advertising stories on stories...
P.P.S Yo dawg, I herd u liek stories
And the the Doctor shows up and burns the pear cart
My my my! Well that was hilarious, you managed to argue someone into unconciesness.. Nice!
~Parajack
357952 yo dawg we heard you like puns so we put a pun in your joke so you can lol while you rofl
357984 That was win.
357991 so ive been told
ABILITY GET
ARGUMENT KO
Resist it, resist it, darn! I need to post this meme:
cache.ohinternet.com/images/d/d7/LOL_WUT_PEAR.jpg
Kyle Bucy Bullshit your way to victory !
Pun off going on here!
but in all seriousness chuggaaconroy is best at puns.. he's so bad he's good
ok about the chapter.. great job! can't wait for more.. but idk how i'm gonna react if it's gonna be like amnesia..
well that sure was funny
in their toung he is kyle...ACE ATORNY (fail text is fail) YOU! ARE! GUILTY!
357912
First Whore... You people make me sick. First you infect Youtube with your ***damn firsts seconds and thirds. Now you infect this website. Do us all a favor and drop dead.
357935 FUS RO ARGUE!!!!!!!!!1
358220
Huh. That's weird. Here I thought we bronies were supposed to love and tolerate. I don't know about anyone else, but I for one don't flame on people who first a story. I think it's a big good ol' game we play here on Fimfiction. I don't see anyone else raging cept you either. When I reply to a First comment, it's along the lines of "Damn it. Fuck you xD" something playful, with no ill will or intent behind it. You break the brony code by hating on something with no real value to it. So why don't you follow your own advice hater.
P.S. Try and respond with well thought out comment. If you think you can manage more than twenty words. Proper grammar would also help.
Don't get the connection between The Doctor and the pears, then again I've never seen Dr. Who.
The Good Doctor needs to incinerate that pear cart.
And here I thought I was free of the PW music but you continue to surprise me by going Ace Attorney out of nowhere
358290
Somehow, I find this arguement somewhat ironic to the chapter XD
359219 Argument? I do believe since he has yet to respond I dealt with him like Kyle dealt with the Pear Farmer. Assuming he farms teh pears he's selling....
Anyway, Kyle, I have a question to ask you. Why the fuck... Haven't you told the others about Torrie's return? Clearly all his plots, err... Plans, involve them. And you usually end up needing their help anyway. This delay will only cause more suffering in the long run. Head my words, listen to the truth they hold.
Have you ever thought of crossing over a shadow brought to light and Le Retour in the same fic?
It'd be cool trying to see Kyle telling Dashie 'bout the show.
Well I guess that pony didn't know how to read
357926 *Second too/also/as well.* Sorry, I am a Grammar Nazi.
360697 Fixed! TY
359235
That's just it. I HATE getting help, and troubling others with my problems. It's a really bad quality of mine, and it sometimes results in me getting hurt. And there's also my pride, where I want to deal with Torrie myself. And plus, if anypony helps me, Torrie will end up going after them, instead of trying to focus on me. I just want to keep everypony else out of it. And plus, I don't think they'd be much help with what's going to happen...
360772 What do you hate more, having your friends worry about you because you got hurt because you didn't ask for help? Not to mention your wife. Or swallowing your pride and asking your friends who will not think any less of you to help? Even if they wouldn't be much help xD
You decide.
360991
Well, with what I'm planning, I won't be hurt, per-se... At least, not physically. Trust me, you'll see...
361028 And I'll enjoy every word of it
360772
get Celestia and Luna in on it and...
send Torrie to the sun!!
361681 he probably would die too quick (or whatever you want to call a traveler being sent back to their home dimension) for it to matter
It was a good chapter, but I felt like your overusing PW. Either way, good writing! ^_^
365141
Eh, it just seemed right. I wasn't even paying attention to what I was writing, and when I was done, I was like "Hm... You know what? Balls to it, that's funny, I'm sticking with it."
All you left out was the cracked black background with sudden close-up before the pear salespony fell unconscious, since you're tossing around anime memes by the bucket-load.
But hey, what do I know?
357942
ERROR!
ERROR!
*SLAM!*
ARGUMENT INVALID.
That would've been amazing.