Chapter 19 - "Elements, Reporting for Duty"
"So besides makin' an actual army or tellin' th' town about Discord comin' back, what else can we do?" Applejack asked, giving Sarge a serious look.
"I'm not sure, there doesn't seem to be many options," Twilight sighed, feeling trapped.
Just then, the books on the nearby bookshelf flew outwards and a bouncing Pinkie came through it, followed by an equally bouncy Caboose.
"Sorry for busting in like this. I think that when I was in here last I dropped my-" Pinkie started, only to stop when she saw all the others in the room. She then began to pout at Church, feeling slightly hurt. "Hey, I thought you said you didn't want to throw a party."
"This isn't a party, Pinkie," he sighed. "We're just making plans for-"
"A surprise party? Oh boy, I love surprise parties!" she exclaimed, jumping around the room. "Well, I love parties in general, but surprise parties are the greatest! Who's it for? Is it for me? Is that why you didn't tell me? No, because then you would have gotten Caboose to come here because he likes parties too. Or is the party for him and you didn't want to tell me in case I spilled the beans?"
"We're not planning a surprise party, we're making plans for if Discord comes back," he grunted, holding his hoof up to silence her when she began to speak. "And no, we're not planning a party for him."
"Unless the party involves using him as a piñata and sharp objects as the bat," Sarge said. "I recommend we practice using said objects on Grif to ensure that they are in peak condition."
"Violence doesn't solve anything, Sarge. We're looking for a non-violent way to handle the situation."
"That's your ponies' problem," Sarge scoffed. "You always try to be more peaceful when faced with challenges instead of doing the right thing."
"Hurting others isn't the right thing, even to somepony as twisted as Discord."
"Oh really now? Has not being violent been working? I mean, scientifically speaking, has not hurting someone achieved the desired results? Because Discord's gotten free twice, and he wouldn't have if we just pulled the trigger and cut the head off the snake."
"He sorta has a point," Simmons said reluctantly, earning him a gasp from the girls. "What? I'm not saying we should do that. I'm just saying that if he was gone, then we wouldn't have to worry about anything."
"Trapping him is enough," Twilight said quietly.
"Pretty sure Sarge just showed you that it isn't," Tucker grunted.
"It would work if we turned him into stone and threw him into the depths of the ocean," Church grunted. "You know, out of the way of civilization. So deep that it will never be found in a million years."
"Well we can't turn him into stone at any time since we don't have the Elements of Harmony," Twilight mumbled. "They're locked away in Canterlot, being protected by some of the best guards the Princesses have to offer."
"Why don't we ask for them?" Caboose asked curiously, taking a seat right next to Church.
"Because I..." she trailed off, then scratched her chin. "I hadn't thought of that. I'm not sure if the Princesses would be up for that idea."
"It's worth a shot," Rainbow Dash said with a limp shrug.
Twilight then got Spike to take a letter, explaining that since Discord is free, it would be good if they had the Elements to use on him. The group waited in silence for several minutes as they awaited a response. Suddenly, a blindingly gold flash erupted from the center of the room, causing the others to look away instinctively. Looking back to the area where the flash originated, the group saw a white chest with gold patterns all over it. Spike then let out a magical burp and a letter flew out of his mouth. Twilight walked over to Spike and grabbed the letter from him, promptly unraveling it.
"What does the letter say, Twilight?" Rarity asked as she and the others approached either the box or Twilight.
"Dear Twilight Sparkle. With the recent development of Discord and his unknown whereabouts, I believe that your request is acceptable and is the best course of action. There is no use for us having the Elements of Harmony when we cannot even use them. Because of this, the Elements of Harmony are now yours to be looked after. They are locked away inside a box only you as the bearers can open. I simply request that you only use them if Discord chooses to appear, or if you feel it is truly necessary to save lives," Twilight said quietly as Rainbow Dash went to open up the box. "But the Elements are not the only thing I have put inside there for safekeeping."
Rainbow Dash pushed the button on the box, watching with curiosity as the box began to glow faintly. The box creaked open, and as the Elements of Harmony were revealed, another all too familiar object was seen sitting between them.
"Please no," Church whined, recognizing the look of the object sitting with the Elements of Harmony.
"In the face of danger, the stallions you were charged with watching have proven to be extremely brave and trustworthy," she continued, eyes glued to the paper. "Because of this, I am also entrusting you all with the Necronomicon."
"Hello, everyone!" Ol'Necky boomed happily. "Did you miss me?'
"I know that the Necronomicon is a dangerous artifact, but I feel that the Elements of Harmony and Chaos can watch it with more care and attention than I could with my sister. As you all know, the Necronomicon is a very dangerous book to be read by mortal eyes, so only Church may read it and use it, but only if the situation is dire," Twilight said. "I also know that Church probably wishes you could send him back, but you must realize that I cannot watch him as well as you all can, so he must stay with you in the library."
"Heh, guess you guys are stuck with me," the Necronomicon chuckled.
"God fucking dammit," Church growled. "Every time things start looking slightly up, they get way worse."
"Aw, don't be like that. You'll make my ink run," the book pouted.
"Alright, what else did she say?" he asked, turning to Twilight, knowing that there was still more bad news to come.
"Since we concluded that they are only dangerous to themselves, the time of you sending me reports about their behavior is over. But that does not mean their trials are over yet. Now I wish for them to do what you once did, and what I wish for you to resume doing with them. Though they have proven to be trustworthy, they still have much to learn about our world. But there is only show much you can show them. There is much they have to learn through experience," Twilight said. "As of this moment I want the stallions to start sending me friendship reports alongside yours. Yours truly, Princess Celestia."
The girls fell silent as Twilight stared at the letter sternly. The guys looked at each other blankly, unsure of what Celestia really requested of them. And for some reason the girls felt that this was going to be the most difficult thing the guys have ever done, but they didn't know why.
"What the hell is a friendship report?" Tucker asked.
"No idea, but it sounds fucking retarded," Grif grunted.
"Nobody asked you, you idiot," Sarge grunted, hitting Grif on the back of his head.
And then they remembered why they felt that way.
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I feel that the meaning was obvious, but I don't get that last sentence.
We're they remembering that they were idiots, or was it something else?
2310213 Ditto good sir.
!LoL!
Well... Caboose might be the only one who would use crayons to write the letters, and who might actually send a letter(or a drawing of church yelling at him while he was he was being Caboose) This is why I love Caboose
2310238
This. They groaned internally too I bet.
2310318
Oh... OH! After reading the ending again- well you know. I get it now...
This is awkward...
So... the guys are going to send friendship reports eh?
2310238They remembered that they hate each other and that that would make creating Friendship Reports harder.
"Bow-Chicka-Bow-WOW"
Shut up Tucker.
*sigh*
well...here is the return of the old rvbs guys
2310349
Already knew that now.
Comment before yours.
i believe the word you are looking for is "so"
2310382Moments after I posted that, I saw someone else replied to you.
This needs RvB's happiest CO...
Captain Butch Flowers. (Florida has ODST armour. Flowers has Spartan.)
2310397
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8iv9hFqeH1r30tino1_500.gif
2310460 Reassignment. They wanted as little connection to the FLers as possible so he changed his armor to the 'Blue Army' armor. But yes, Capt. Flowers needs to be in this.
I just noticed the Meta's symbol in the cover image. Is there a reason for that?
2310466
What the hell is with that guy? He is everywhere, and I don't even know what he is.
2310504
You talking about me or the gif?
This should answer your questions about the gif. This.
I think Celestia knows she asked for the impossible.
2310477 I was emphasising the armour difference so people didn't jump to the conclusion that I wasn't aware of the author's intentions for a freelancer MLC.
most of their reactions, google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1600&bih=726&q=nope&oq=nope&gs_l=img.3..0l10.1022.1634.0.2168.4.4.0.0.0.0.76.275.4.4.0...0.0...1ac.1.7.img.aFzcYerpojk#imgrc=31DSGiil0PH0HM%3A%3B0gUDiO-uqayWjM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fstatic.fjcdn.com%252Fcomments%252FNope%252B_cbc45ead5915c6cd34e5aea7cf0c73a3.png%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.funnyjunk.com%252Fchannel%252Fponytime%252FAm%252BI%252Bthe%252Bonly%252Bone%252FebmLGro%252F%3B1920%3B2160
2310238 Its either cuz they hate eachother, or they're friends
most of their reactions
NOPE
2310504 You must not be from our generation. He was a character from a popular cartoon in the late 90's and 2000s
I wouldn't trust the Necronomicon afterall he did betray them in the last story and he does report directly to the princess...so in a way this may be celestia's way of spying on church and the others (not that it would be all that surprising with the way this celestia acts. shes downright evil in this story or should I say the last story
)
2310504
i48.tinypic.com/e8mqti.jpg
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Oh the 90s. Good times in cartoon world. *Hipster shades*
Dear Princess Celestia,
Go fuck yourself.
Sincerely yours,
Church
Well guys, t s nice knowing you. I presume you'll all have killed yourselves in a few chapters once the girls explain exactly what the fuck you're gonna be doing. So remember: have fun and always try to make your deaths as gruesome as possible. If you scare the shit out of everyone with your deaths, they'll be too terrified to bring you back for fear of what you'll do to them.
You friend - CT
I don't know, but it sounds fucking retarded.
Lul.
2311082 isn't that from the cartoon 'Rugrats'?
2311945 Wild Thronberry's!
moron
2311960 hey I'm not a moron
2311965 Sorry I'm just pissed today....
2310213 Sarge's Report:
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today, I learned about how if you hit Grif enough times, he shuts up! But it gets even better! If you buck 'em in the head a few times, he goes into a coma! It's the best thing ever!
2311082 Oh sweet Luna why would that even exist!
2310528 Oh I know who YOU are. It's hard not to!
2310689 I recognized the face, I just couldn't place what it was from and why it was so popular. I do know it was from a cartoon. I ALSO KNOW that there was a crossover movie with it and... I wanna say Rugrats?
I don't remember the name though.
2312458 Yeah, Rugrats
2312458
Yeah, because that totally worked last time. If Celestia didn't send the Elements to Ponyville, someone would have been obligated to slap her.
2311140 i think that would his exact reaction
2311965 oh hai wheatly
2313010 I'm not Wheatley eather
Since the reds and blues are the Elements of Chaos, shouldnt they have some special amulet or neckless that they can weild like the bearers of the Elements of Harmony.
I can just see Tucker adding a "Bow-chicka-bow-wow!" in one of his friendship reports.
Or something sex related.
Sorry Rainbow Dash...
Griff will probably get Fluttershy to write his reports.
Of course it's just as likely he won't write them at all. Writing is hard work and it would interrupt his scheduled sleeping hours.
2312545 im sure Church would JUMP at the chance to slap Celestia. XD
A friendship letter from Tucker,
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that You don't always have to **** her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And ****ing give her some smoochies too.
2321671 Sometimes you gotta say hey
I'm gonna **** you gently.
I'm gonna screw you softly.
I'm gonna hump you sweetly.
I'm gonna **** you discreetly
I'm going to love this. Especially seeing Tex just stare at a blank parchment for an hour, or Grif sending one in soaked in drool, or Tucker accidentally sending one where he describes the element bearers flanks, or even herself or her sisters.