• Member Since 8th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Mar 19th, 2020

Skywing the Mutant


What do you expect from a mutant?

Comments ( 16 )

You had me at rape~

This... why did I read this?! Fetch the brain bleach!!!

3247756
Sorry, there ain't any here.

3A

3247416 Same.

Awww yeah, cant wait to see more

3252503 I apologies, but I forgot to change it to complete after completing the headache.

3253125 could i do as story about them escaping to equestria?:derpytongue2: please?:pinkiehappy:

3303531 I will allow you to because I'm interested as to how somepony else will interpret them. Just send me a link to the finished product.

3303549 thanks! it might be a while because i dont have much time to write stories much

3303662 Okay, just don't forget to use me as a reference for some of the things.

wow this needs a lot of editing done, no a lot would be an understatement, but next to that i love the idea

the story could expand considerably with how each of the three mares react to him, this could be a very good fic, but it needs help and more story creation, and the opening was a bit slow, would have been better if it started with a fight scene and then ended in this, but eh it's a good story

3638845 Thank you for the feedback, and while I plan to remake the story when I'm more experienced I mostly write because I want to make a story that I see. While some of the flaws can be attributed to the fact that I don't have any proofreaders, most of it is probably my lack of experience.

The first mare was suppose to be like your average broken mare who learned long ago to shut up and accept what comes next. The second I admittedly just wanted a reason for Skywing to be legitimately scared. As for the final mare, I wanted to explore her more as a basis of what happens to a mare when she's introduced to a pony mill. I also wanted to have her stand out more to signify that Skywing bonds with her for the remainder of his time there.

3650539
an editor isn't hard to find, there are several groups designed to finding editors for stories no matter the types, so it shouldn't be a big problem, if you want to find them, look at the groups i've joined, there are at least 3 in there that will help you

and i saw what you were doing with the mares, it was plain to see, however you could add a lot of depth to the story if it was redone properly, and if you'd want to do that, i'd more than happily help you in any way i can, this could change into several different story types from a revolt, to a heaven in hell kind of story to numberless different types

you literally made an opening to a possibly really good story, but you cut it short, many of the scenes were jumped over and they were supposed to be very important

consider any story where a character has to be made to into a character to have at least 10 thousand words building up just their character, otherwise you lose out on that character and the story doesn't work quite as well.
so going by this, the story should have been around 30k if you added 25k to it, then it'd be complete and you'd have a very good post

3650570 Well, I guess the plans with the mare were pretty obvious. I understand what you're saying with a longer story with depth, but the amount of times I've had to take a step back and really think about that I'm writing put me off. Even after that I have two more stories that I'm working on, One being a 'what if' story based on the momlestia idea, only rule 63, the other being the first in a series of stories designed to explore Skywing in full. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses, but I'm really not. Both stories I'm trying to figure out how exactly to move along and word it which is my biggest weakness as a writer.

As for for editors I'm taking your advice and looking at a few groups. The only reason I didn't consider it before is because I don't go out of my way to be known, and I'm not much of a social butterfly.

When I am ready to recreate the story I'm going to need someone to help me with ideas for the story who knows what they're doing. The friends I have are more interested in making the story how I see it, and not as much of making it good. At least that's how I feel.

3650764
i figured anyway, good story

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