gale-wind
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Looks slghtly promising.... too much detail into its human version though
Edit: This is actually pretty well written. Not exactly what i expect from a clopfic, mainly the sex parts could have more detail but thats just sex
First of all, that's waaaaay too much for a synopsis. You can just go with calling this 'humanized' or making some short comment in that vein. And I would word the synopsis in past tense rather than present and future tense.
And, as for the actual fic, there's just ping-pong dialogue. I hate to sound mean, but-- well-- it's boring. Nothing is happening! There's just talking!
Also, you need to watch your punctuation. There's a huge overuse of "...", which seems to grate a bit as a reader. Not to mention, the depiction of Fluttershy feels off. Why on earth would she be telling some complete stranger something so incredibly intimate?
Your writing isn't bad per se. And the essential idea is unique enough: that somepony wants an Equestrian version of the Kinsey reports. But I see lots of things to work on.
Shit this is a human fic?!?!?!! Didn't even realise.
Your story is... Average at the most I must say... Maybe above it but not superb. I apologize but it does look somewhat promising. A prologue opening explaining a bit of Gale Wind's back story would be good or maybe explain why there's a journalist named Gale Wind in the first place.
TELL ME WHERE YOU GOT DAT dawwwwwww PIC BEFORE I STAB YOU
Whu hamanized? Why not anthropomorphic?
1570640
*follow the source link*
1570538
Thank you. I need to fix the intros. They are far too verbose... It's something that makes sense at the time to me, but I'm glad there have been people who have told me that there is a problem. The important fact, to me, is that this wasn't what you expected from a clop fic. That was what I was going for.
This first chapter was a writing prompt for the tumblr group 'Sexty Minute Ponies'; it was written in
6075 minutes. I used up too much time in the intro. I will go back and add detail. The other chapter I've posted, the one in the Pinkie Pie story, was the same way.1570561
First thing already addressed. Second point... ah... I noticed that myself. I haven't done much editing beyond spell check and such. I'll fill in some gesture stuff to give emotion to the statements. But sometimes conversation can be kind of quick like that. To meet the story need of the prompt, I had to jump into the middle of the story. When I get working on the actual intro and such, her trust in Gale Wind should make more sense. I hope I don't seem ungrateful for the critique by seeming to 'dodge' what you are saying. A few things I know, a few things I am... less than happy about. But I thank you for your time and hope you'll stick around for what's coming.
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I thank you for your honesty... I will strive to give you something much more than average, and make good on the promise of the potential.
Oh, and if you didn't notice, I'm glad. I don't think I could write in anthro or pony... but I don't want those who are opposed to humanized to be restricted. If you can just imagine it as what you want, I am happy.
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I like human noses, what can I say?
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Well what are you doing on here talking about it? Get writing you silly filly.
Currently, trying to get a few things set up like my avatar... since a friend was kind enough to do a Gale Wind pic, as well as a detail of his cutie mark.
nice fic but i will you pm i wud like to talk to you
*Cough Cough* Sorry, im just a little.....hoarse.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpkj3uqnxb1qj5cxmo1_250.gif
But seriously, this story has gotten to a great start. But don't push things, it could get.... pug-ly.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcqqdjQ7RT1qm4fnuo1_250.gif
Dang nabbit! I keep forgetting this is human-fied.
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I feel if you can forget that... it means I'm doing things right.
static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/I+thought+of+a+black+guy+saying+chlorophyll+_7fcaf7689cb106470605527d993d0acb.jpg
you have my like
well now my picture of fluttershy are completely dead. i will have to resurrect them but that may take a while
;-;
why is applejack suddenly feeling better than pinkie and fluttershy?
she probably have swung with a lot more ponies but the idea of fluttershy...argh
and pinkie...argh...now im afraid to read the applejack version. hoping my thought of her doesn't die too...
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I'm... sorry? My aim wasn't ever to 'ruin' your view Fluttershy. I don't think what she did is ethically wrong... some might have moral opposition. Thing is though, she got swept into a bit of a crazy situation. Shy people in relationships can end up doing odd things... both to please their partner and in sudden freedom to be themselves.
Again, if you can look at a real life person who did something like this and not think of them badly because you've read this... that is what I hope for.
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i think it was less fluttershy doing something wrong
and more me simply hating the idea of her being put down like that whiles in relations
it just made something inside me explode, manipulative stallion? i almost shot the computer screen xD
Well, it does happen. There is more to be said in this story. It is a bit... bittersweet. But, in the end, I think she will be happy. Sometimes shitty things happen to really nice folks. And I think I want it to be that it isn't like Soarin' is a bad guy. He's a bit aggressive in this, and charming. He is much more of a bachelor... and lacks responsibility. Caramel, though, is a good guy. And good for Fluttershy. In the end, she will be happy. She just won't get there the way she expected.