Nothing seems to go in Chris's favor. He can't find a stable job, he struggles to keep up with college, his love life is in shambles, and his family has drifted apart. When his girlfriend of two years leaves him, he heads out to the woods near his home to clear his thoughts. Without warning, he is transported to the Everfree Forest, in the exciting and dangerous land of Equestria, an ancient world long forgotten by humans with no way to return home. When all seems lost, he is rescued by the mane six and learns that he was not brought here on accident. A dangerous force is threatening both his old home and his current one, and it is up to him and his new friends to save all life as they know it.
Empty threat cause then she'd doom Equestria
Hmmm I'll watch for now but will save a like for later you almost made me leave with the humans are bastards thing
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hmm. i see what you mean. check for a revision soon, i left out some of my brainwork it seems ehehehe...
the "humans are bastards" thing, i guess its called now, wont stay. its only to show the distrust seeded into the hearts of those who know what happened, mostly princess celestia. it will start to make sense soon.
hope you guys enjoy my first attempt at writing anything. I appreciate any criticism, as long as it is constructive haha. I dont have an editor or anything fancy, so let me know if i make a stupid mistake. ill try to add a chapter a week, although when i get going sometimes ill have two or three in a day.
Happy reading guys :)
This is just one of the things that I noticed, the rest seem to fall in the same category
on many sentences you have more than one character talking, each character that talks should have their own line.
Also don't forget that when using a characters name make sure to capitalize the first letter.
I'm not much of a writer in fact I hate writing and English class was my worse class in school, but I've seen others tell authors the same thing about when characters speak, keep up writing i'm hoping for more in this story.
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thank you for your assistance. i was never one for english class either
as for the spelling and punctuation errors, i am currently typing all of this story on my iphone, which loves to change everything i type in. I try to catch mistakes when proof reading, but 3 am is unkind to me sometimes
My laptop is in the shop, but hopefully sometime this week these mistakes will diminish as i transition back to my usual device.
your words at the end give me the encouragement i need to finish the next chapter! Quick, everyone praise jchavez and check for chapter 5 in the morning!
also, i love these mlp emotes. they are freaking adorable
1555142 awesome so far!
Potential. This story has it.
aww thanks guys!
One thing hit me immediately. "The town of Vermont"? I knew Vermont was a smaller sized state but didn't know it had been downgraded to a town...