• Published 3rd Nov 2012
  • 3,977 Views, 76 Comments

The Last Laugh - Waffle134



After the defeat of Discord, the spirit of chaos, the birthrate of Equestia comes to a standstill

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Chapter 1

Celestia stared towards the darkening horizon as her magic slowly coaxed the large celestial body that was her birthright behind the distant mountains, her brow furrowed in fervent thought. From her place on the balcony, she could see the dark and empty streets of Ponyville, a sight that had become all too familiar and filled her soul with trepidation and worry.

Ponyville had not always been like this. It had once been a bustling hub of ponies that had grown since its inception generations past by the pioneering Apple family. To Celestia, the city had grown in the blink of an eye. What had started as a homestead swiftly became a farming community, and from that farming community a town sprang into existence. It had even been given the opportunity to host the Summer Sun Celebration as the metropolis continued its slow expansion. Then, just as suddenly, it had declined into the derelict ruins that she now cast her gaze upon.

And Ponyville was not alone in its forsaken barrenness. Sprawled out below her lay the pristine city of Canterlot. The last rays of the setting sun gleamed off of the white marble that made up the glamorous city. It had once been the heart of Equestria. Here the nobility had dined and scoffed as the normal laypony wandered about the city with friends, travelling from work to home and home to work. And though it had once been the life of Equestria, it was now nothing more than bones. As the sun’s warmth left the city, the cold white of the marble did nothing but accentuate that thought.

Celestia’s mental debate continued as it had for days, so lost in thought that she barely gave little more than a passing thought to the approaching echo of hooves. The door to Celestia’s bedchamber creaked open as the dark blue Princess of the Night entered her sister’s confinement. She walked towards the balcony that Celestia stood silently upon, her long tapered horn glowing a soft white. When she reached her sister’s side, the glow encasing her horn dissipated and the moon now swam its way through the starry mosaic of the night sky.

Princess Celestia’s motherly tones broke the standing silence. “Why have you come, Luna? You know I requested some time to myself.” Celestia’s stare never wavered from its fixed point on the skyline.

Luna tilted her head up, looking at the side of Celestia’s face as Celestia continued to ignore her presence. “Sister, thou hast been in thy bedchamber for days. I am worried for thy well being. Is all well?”

Celestia fixed Luna with a cold glance out of the corner of her eye before turning her gaze forward again. “You and I know full well what the answer to that question is Luna. And we are beginning to run out of options.” She turned towards her sister, now giving her her full attention. “But we both know that, now why are you really here?”

Luna recoiled under her sister’s questioning glare. “It is her, sister. We are afraid there is not much time. She is in her residence in the east wing.” She turned away from her sister and walked towards the same exit she had entered from. Her voice hardened. “But perhaps we shall inform her that thou wast too busy.”

“No!” Celestia declared quickly. She looked down as she fought to hold back the tears that suddenly manifested themselves as Celestia’s emotional wall came tumbling down. She looked back up towards her sister who had stopped in the middle of the room looking back towards her, a worried frown etched onto her face. “I’m sorry that I've been withdrawn. I’m just trying to find out where we went wrong.” Celestia struggled to hold a regal stance as her passion overtook her. “What could we have done different to prevent all of this? What can we do to fix it?”

Luna walked slowly towards Celestia's side and nuzzled her. “Sister, we possess all the time in this world to find out. But she does not. Her time is limited and we must go to her. To help ease her passing." Luna stepped back from Celestia and looked at Celestia in the eye. She saw sadness and anger. "She is the last of our subjects, and we shall not forget her. I do not know what thou hast planned, but it can surely wait.”

Several seconds passed as Luna held Celestia’s gaze. With a sigh Celestia seemed to shrink as she broke eye-contact and rebuilt her stony facade that had momentarily been thrown down. With a now regal and composed face, she returned Luna’s gaze. Her emotions were once again masked from her sister. “I’m sorry sister, you are right.” She slowly breathed in and out. “We better hurry if we are to make it in time.”

Luna simply nodded, her starry mane billowing in a nonexistent wind as she turned towards the exit and walked out. Celestia followed behind her timidly. The empty corridors reverberated with the sounds of their passage as they walked to their destination. Moonlight poured through stain glass windows, the light dimmed by the thin films of dust coating the once colorful depictions of Equestria’s past. The Royal Sisters looked about cheerlessly as they reminisced on happier times. Happier times filled with a kaleidoscope of vibrant ponies that had once walked the same halls and admired the same works of art the Sisters now passed.

Ahead of them, light pooled out from an open doorway. As they drew near, Celestia could pick up the sounds of heavy wheezing, as if the pony inside struggled for each breath of air. Luna entered the room first, followed by Celestia. The room was modest, containing only a single wooden chair and an extravagant bed. Several candles hanging on the walls provided the light that illuminated the room. Lying on the bed rested an elderly mare with a pale yellow coat and a dark red mane. She was curled up under the covers. The strained sound of her breath permeated the room.

Celestia wore a grimace on her face as she took in the sight. The two Sisters stood in silence, waiting for the mare to acknowledge their presence. The seconds turned to minutes and still the mare lay unresponsive in the bed. Celestia, deciding to take the initiative, opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by a heavy cough as the mare cleared her throat and turned to face the Sisters. “An’ so it has come to this,” the old mare said out loud, “here ah lay, unable to move from this darned bed.”

Celestia walked to the side of the bed and leaned down towards the filly, nuzzling her. “The Apple family always was long lived, but I’m afraid that even you can’t outrun death forever.” Celestia sighed. “Just like everypony else.” Her horn glowed as she waved it over the bedridden pony. “There’s not much I can do Applebloom, but I can tell you how much longer you have.”

Applebloom looked away from Celestia and gave a sad sigh. “Ah think it’s best if I don’t know.”

Celestia gave Applebloom a soft, understanding smile. “As you wish.” Applebloom leaned forward and gave Celestia a hug. Luna walked to Celestia's side and received a hug of her own. After what felt like minutes she lied back down in the bed and closed her eyes.

“Please,” Applebloom said, here voice dropping to a scared whisper, “don’t leave me. Ah don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course, my little pony.”

**

The dawn of the next morning was just as bright as it always was. The grass was a colorful shade of green and exotic birds fluttered about from tree to tree. A cool breeze blew through the air. Yet all this could not lift Celestia's mood. How could she be happy if there were no ponies here to enjoy it?

She and Luna stood solemnly around a freshly dug mound in the Canterlot gardens. A polished granite gravestone stood above the fresh dirt, as blank as it was new. Luna’s horn flared and a bolt of white magic struck the blank stone surface. Words materialized onto the gleaming headstone:

Here lies Applebloom
The last of the Apple family
The last of the Earth Ponies
The last of Ponykind

The Sisters continued to stand there, basking in the glow of the morning sun as they mourned for their lost friend. After a time Celestia walked to Luna’s side. “Sister, for the last several days I have been thinking. I believe I may have found a way to possibly fix things. I don't want to do it, but it is our last resort.”

Luna raised an eyebrow and gave a questioning glance. “Is this what broughtest thou into thy seclusion these past days?” she said.

“Yes,” Celestia answered. “At first I didn't want to accept it. There had to be another way! But when I stared out over our Equestria from my balcony, I realized just how empty it was." She stomped her hoof on the ground. "I realized how hopeless any action we had taken up until that point had been.” Celestia glanced over her shoulder toward a stone monument set deeper in the gardens. It featured a unicorn in a battle pose, wearing the Element of Magic. “Twilight’s research brought up nothing. She studied for years, but she never discovered a reason for the sudden atrophy that gripped Equestria. Why no foals were being born. ‘It just doesn't make any sense!’ I thought to myself.”

“And then what, sister?” Luna said, urging Celestia to finish the story.

“And then I heard a voice echo from the past,” Celestia continued softly, as if reluctant to reveal her thoughts. “A memory from long ago.” Celestia’s eyes grew distant.

“What did it say?” Luna replied impatiently.

“It said, ‘Sense, oh what fun is there in making sense?"

***

The Royal Pony Sisters stood before the white statue of Discord. His stone visage was contorted into a face of terrified surprise. Luna stood behind the chaotic spirit’s statue, while Celestia stood facing him. The sun was reaching it's pinnacle in the blue sky.

“Art thou sure this shall work?” Luna called back from behind the statue. She was clad in her finest battle armor, similar to the armor she had donned as Nightmare Moon. A silver metal plate adorned her chest, engraved with a depiction of the full moon. The armor covered the front half of her body, yet allowed her wings to move freely. It seemed to glow, almost as if it were reflecting moonlight.

“Of course it will," Celestia replied. She was garnished in armor as well. On the chest plate, a sun was emblazoned upon its golden surface. The metal shone brilliantly, giving off a golden aura. Almost at odds with Luna's soft glow. "With the Elements of Harmony no longer connected to Twilight and her friends, Discord’s imprisonment will be weakened. He can’t break out, yet, but we can break in.”

“Whatever thou sayest, sister. Art thou sure he will help, or even that he can help?"

“He has to," Celestia said. "It's our last hope.”

Celestia lowered her head and closed her eyes in concentration as she drew upon her inert magical powers. She focused the energies into her horn and looked up at Luna long enough to see she was doing that same. “Ready, sister?” Celestia shouted.

“Yes,” was Luna’s only reply. The two Sisters each unleashed a pulse of magic that joined at the statue standing between them. The magic began to coalesce into a solid pink sphere that continued to grow and engulf Discord’s statue as the power of the Princesses fueled it. A whirlwind rushed around the statue, blowing back the ethereal manes of Celestia and Luna. The large sphere of magic now completely engulfed the statue, and as it slowly lifted into the air it began shedding some of its power through bolts of lightning that arced from the orb to the ground. A deep pulsating sound reverberated across the garden causing everything to shake.

Celestia and Luna braced themselves and continued to pool energy into the globe until, with a loud crack, they were knocked back as the magic exploded in a bright flash of light. Celestia struggled to her feet as Luna did the same. Their armor was singed and thin wisps of smoke wafted off of the shimmering metal. They were both shaking from the immense amount of power it had taken to open the magical prison. A hazy cloud of smoke obscured the center of land between Celestia and Luna, but through its haze they could see the silhouette of a figure.

The smoke cleared. Between the two Sisters stood the newly animated Discord. He brought his paw up to his mane and slicked it back. “Well hello Celestia,” Discord chuckled eerily, “I was wondering how long it would be before you began to miss me.” He snapped a finger and vanished, suddenly appearing behind Luna. “And if it isn't my favorite pony princess Luna. It has been simply ages since the last time we met.” He nonchalantly put an arm around her neck and Luna began to look worried and uncomfortable.

Celestia stood by watching, too jarred to say anything. “The way I hear it,” Discord continued mischievously, “you have quite the knack for causing chaos yourself. Or at least Nightmare Moon does. She seems like she would be much more fun than you two.”

Luna’s horn glimmered as she teleported away, leaving Discord falling to the ground. Luna rematerialized by Celestia’s side, snapping Celestia out of her trance and prompting her to act. “Discord! Stop your teasing. We did not resurrect you idly. If you do not cooperate with us we are not afraid to put you down.” She stood up straight and her armor shown with an incredible brilliance, much brighter than before. Magic crackled about her horn and she struck an intimidating pose.

Discord looked at Celestia with a grin and laughed. “And how do you plan on doing that?” he mocked. “With that?" he said, pointed at her. He bent over,overwhelmed by laughter. The magic bristling around Celestia subsided and she returned to a normal stance. Slowly his laughing ceased and he returned his attention to Celestia. "Oho, you make me laugh. We both know the reason I’m here in the first place is that the Elements of Harmony are no longer connected to anypony, and it’s not like you two can reattach yourselves to them to defeat me.” He let out a chuckle. “Which reminds me, I wonder how long it took you two to release me." He looked down at a newly formed watch on his wrist. “Oh my, 105 years! That must be a record time for escaping the Element’s prison!”

Celestia scowled as she spoke. “You did not escape, Discord! We let you out.” She glanced away from Discord towards the distant town of Ponyville. Her tone changed from powerful and angry to soft, and filled with melancholy. “As much as I regret asking, we need your help. For some reason, over the last century, ponies have been unable to reproduce. We haven’t seen any new foals in over a hundred years and now ponies have been driven to extinction. We revived you as an act of desperation. You have to know some way to fix this. You have to!”

Discord suddenly, impossibly, came from behind the two Sisters and wrapped his arms around them both. “Oh Celestia, you always were dense.” Celestia shot him a cold glare. “You see, I actually did escape. This was all just part of my plan!” He evaporated and reappeared in the air above them. “I never face the Elements of Harmony without having a contingency plan. You may have overthrown me all those years ago when you first found those wretched Elements, but,” his voice took on a more malicious tone, “it was I who planted those seeds of jealousy in your sister’s head, forcing you to banish her. And, might I add, disconnecting you two from the Elements, eventually leading to my escape."

Celestia and Luna simply stood there overwhelmed. Luna was the first to act, taken by a sudden burst of rage. The Royal Canterlot Voice was in full effect as her eyes began to glow and her horn shimmered with energy. “THOU WRETCHED FIEND!” She spread her wings and lifted into the air, level with Discord.

“Ha ha!” Discord laughed, “this is just too fun!” He looked toward Celestia. “Why can’t you be more like this and less... boring.” He disappeared as a storm of lighting shot across the space he had been occupying. Luna’s horn smoked and she breathed heavily, looking for Discord. “You missed,” Discord said, grinning directly above her. He waved his hand over his chest causing a target to appear. “Here, maybe this will improve your aim.”

Luna screamed in rage and rushed up at him, pushing her wings as fast as they would fly, only to stop cold as Celestia appeared in front of her in a golden burst. “Stop this at once sister!” Celestia shouted, now assuming the Royal Canterlot Voice as well. “Can’t you see he is enjoying this?” Celestia nuzzled Luna’s cheek and the Royal Canterlot Voice faded away. “I know that what he has done to you in unforgivable, but there is nothing we can do right now. All you are doing is providing him entertainment.”

Luna’s shining eyes dimmed and returned to their natural state. “I suppose thou art right as always, sister.” Luna followed Celestia back to the ground where they landed softly.

Discord teleported to the side of the two of them. “Ugh, gag! Celestia, you are always such a buzz kill. Now where was I?” He put his finger up to his chin with a mocking quizzical look. “Oh, yes that’s right. I was explaining how I outsmarted everypony. You see, I always have a way out.” He waved towards Luna. “It was Nightmare Moon last time, but this time I had to do something different. I thought to myself, ‘Now Discord, you handsome fellow, you could corrupt one of these ponies like you did that Luna and escape in another 1000 years, but then you would simply be stopped by the Elements of Harmony again.'” Discord flew above them with his body spread out in a dramatic pose. “And that’s when I realized that if I needed to stop the Elements of Harmony, I needed to stop what makes them work. Ponies! The friendship and love between ponies to be specific. So that’s exactly what I did.”

Luna stared in confusion. “Thou stopped… ponies?”

Discord grinned. “Exactly! It was actually quite a simple spell, and in all the chaos no one noticed it. Not Twilight, not Celestia, and not you. No ponies means there are no Elements to stop me. No Elements to stop me means Chaos can rule with a chocolaty fist!” As if on cue the sky became overcast with pink clouds and chocolate milk began pouring down, drenching the three of them.

Celestia knelt to the ground, overcome with the new revelation. “So we… we failed? Our little ponies are gone forever?”

Discord teleported to the ground and walked over to her. “Now Celestia, how could I be the Spirit of Chaos if there wasn't a little bit of chaos in my plan?”

“What dost thou mean?” Luna asked inquisitively.

Discord rolled his eyes. “Chaos allows for the possibility of all outcomes." He bent over and put his finger on Luna’s nose, leaning close to look her in the eye. “ So in order to truly be chaotic, you have to have a chance to beat me.” He suppressed a grin. “Also, it will be fun to watch you try.”

Luna pushed his claw away angrily, but her gaze was unwavering. “And how are we to do that now that thou hast disposed of the Elements of Harmony?”

Celestia stood up, now listening intently. “Yes, I want to hear this as well.”

“Hold your horses Celestia. I was getting there before your sister so rudely interrupted me!” He vanished only to reappear behind Celestia, giving her shoulders a massage. “I’m sure you remember our old friend Starswirl the Bearded?” His snake-like body twisted as he conjured a posh couch and laid down on it, relaxing. “After my reign began, I discovered that he had one last project. His Magnum Opus if you will.”

Popcorn appeared in his lap with a flash, followed by an umbrella to protect him from the raining milk. “But I’d much rather show you than tell you.” He snapped his fingers and a large white screen blinked into existence. Soon, dim shapes began to appear. “Swirly never discontinued his research into time spells. In fact, he actually completed his field of research.” A large Starswirl the Bearded appeared on the glimmering surface. He was working feverishly at his workbench, which was littered with old books and glowing vials of liquids.

“Only a few more tweaks and the spell should remain stable,” the old stallion muttered to himself. His horn glowed and a rock to his left vanished, only to reappear seconds later. He levitated a quill to a piece of parchment, recording his observations. “Yes,” he continued to mutter, “yes, I think I've done it. My time travel spell is complete! Oh, but this is too much power for any one unicorn to have…” He turned back towards the stone, setting the quill and parchment down on his workbench. “I think I know what to do,” he said quietly.

The scene faded and Discord’s face now appeared on it, surprising Celestia and Luna. They both glanced at Discord, who lay on his couch. He waved his paw defensively. “Just go with it.”

The Discord on the screen coughed abruptly. “Ahem, all eyes up here please." The shot of Discord panned out, revealing an hourglass that was sitting upon a pedestal. “You see, this is the Time Turner. ‘Ol Swirly didn't want his research to be abused, but he also didn't want it to be lost along with himself. He cast his mightiest spell on it, and imbued it with the power he had created. Time travel. Forwards and backwards. See where I’m going with this?” The screen vanished.

Discord floated off his couch, which then turned into a buffalo and danced off. “I once came into possession of it during my glorious time as Ruler of Equestria. I found it useless, however, as I could already do what it was capable of doing." He yawned. "It wasn't much of a threat as only the most powerful of ponies can use it, so I decided to gave it to someone to see what they would do with it. I won’t tell who.”

He teleported in front of the Sisters. “And now to the point: Here are the rules to our game,” he grinned maliciously, “there are no rules.” Discord snapped his fingers and vanished.

“Before I go,” his voice echoed, “I’ll give you one clue as to where I sent it.

“If it is the Time Turner that you wish to collect,

remember that ‘this day is going to be perfect.’"

His words trailed off with a string of laughter before they faded into silence.