Storm Of Secrets

by Beware The Carpenter

46 - Silence Dies

Storm teleported onto the roof of the tower, materializing into the raging thunderstorm as the howling wind and icy rain lashed unmercifully and unnoticed against his chest. The ligaments in Storm's legs felt like they had been torn from the fall he put Shining Armor through; but the pain paled in comparison to the agony of having everything he had ever wanted being torn out of him, throwing him back into what he was before, a monster. A dying part of him wanted to run back into the tower, and beg Cadance to stay with him, but he knew it was impossible. Even if Shining Armor wasn't there, even if Cadance loved him instead of Shining Armor, even if they could get around her parents, it would never work.

Cadance was smooth, delicate and fragile; Storm was jagged at every edge, and baneful to the core. She might have been able to live with the knowledge of the forest; but he saw the way she screamed at the dead changeling, and shriveled into submission when she thought she was under attack. He had told her about the things Shining Armor had done, and it had upset her; if he told her the things he had done, she would never sleep peacefully again; and she would never love him. He wasn’t like Shining Armor; for whom roughness was an armor he had learned to wear out of necessity which he could remove when he wanted; but for Storm it was who he was and all he had ever known.

Storm waited for the devastation of knowing he'd lost someone he loved; but it never came; instead something far worse happened. If Cadance had died loving him, or if he went on loving Cadance and it was never returned that would have been one thing. But as the rain poured down, he was finding it harder and harder to even remember why he wanted to be with Cadance, and with each passing moment his desire for her became less and less. In the final throes of desperation, Storm realized that he had never loved Cadance and what love he thought he had for her had merely been leaking through from Shining Armor's emotions. He wasn't Shining Armor. He was Silent Storm; a stallion who loved no one, who no one loved, who no one ever would love and who was unworthy to be loved; and for the first time in five years, he broke down and wept. He wept he was so alone.

Storm crawled to the very edge of the tower. Leaning far over the railing he could just barely make out the inviting pavement stretching out beneath him. One more step and it would all be over; the guilt would stop, the pain would stop, the rain stopped… the rain stopped? Storm looked up; there was a hole in the clouds above him, just big enough for him to see a patch of blue sky in a dark forest of grey. A fluttering of wings drew his attention to roof level, and to a beautiful cyan pegasus mare with a rainbow streaked mane standing before him.

“Jump” she offered, “I’ll catch you.”

He knew her.

He'd seen her before.

A memory crept back to him about a magic show; Denorious was there, and a unicorn mare had threatened to kill her. There'd been a battle; he didn't kill anyone because he knew Denorious wouldn't have wanted it, he won and then the last pegasus was about to crash into Denorious. He was about to stop her with his magic, but then changed his mind and was going to use himself as a living shield, hoping the blow would kill him. After he teleported he remembered Denorious would see his face if he died so he shifted his body at the last moment to make the blow non-lethal. He'd needed to mar his face so Denorious wouldn't recognize him so he let Trixie blast him there. He’d been thinking that if he could use Trixie to melt his face and cutie marks before finishing her, and then maybe; dying to protect Denorious, he would be able to die with some measure of peace, and then... this mare had thought his life was worth saving.

"…Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow's eyes lit up as she stood with him in their tiny island of light, but the joy lasted only for a moment before being constricted by something else; "Do you love Cadance?"

"Ye-no... I don't know." Rainbow waited patiently for Storm to collect his thoughts, "Shining Armor loves her; I was feeling his emotions, not mine. It was borrowed love."

Rainbow nodded eagerly, but didn’t seem satisfied yet, "Do you love Twilight?"

"Of course I love her; she's my sist... no. I don't love Twilight."

Rainbow nodded again as she took one steps towards him and two to the side; keeping her eyes primed on him and coming just close enough that he could feel the heat radiating off her body, she turned to give Storm a clear view of her body: neck, mane, wings, legs, flank and tail. "When... Shining Armor said that Storm didn’t love anyone... did he mean it?"

“…I don’t know.”

“What do you want to do now?”

"... I guess I'm going back the forest. Winter will soon be here meaning darker days and longer nights, it’s when the terrormongers are at their strongest and most aggressive."

"Your house is wrecked."

Storm grimaced, "I forgot about that. I guess I'll have to build a new one, go to Uthraig and hire some diamond dogs to help me."

"...Could you maybe make this one big enough for two?"

Storm stopped and looked at her in total confusion, "Why?"

"Do I really have to spell it out for you?" She smirked, edging closer.

"No, I get that part... Why? ...Why would you want to do that? What about the Wonderbolts?"

"I quit."

"But-"

"I lied. I was ashamed to admit it because I’d spent so long wanting to join them; but I hated almost every day I wasted with the Wonderbolts. Within a month I'd wanted to quit, but I stayed because I had nowhere else to go. The day we met... earlier that day I had come close to killing myself; you made me see life differently." Without prelude, without any sort of warning whatsoever, Dash grabbed him and began kissing him, causing the world around them to stop as Storm's mind did a back flip. Where Cadance had been smooth, and gentle, Rainbow Dash was fast, edacious, well-nigh violent in the way she kissed him, in an all out oral assault. By instinct Storm clenched his jaw, but a heartbeat later he felt Dash's teeth clamp down on his bottom lip, and pry his teeth apart so she could gain access to his mouth. If Storm had been able to think about anything, he would have wondered if either of them were going to have any teeth left by the time she was finished; it was like mouth to mouth combat... and he liked it. He liked it better than Cadance.

As quickly as it had begun it was over, Dash pulling away with a satisfied grin plastered all over her face. "I want to be a Ranger; I want to learn from the best. What do you say?"

Storm looked at her, amazed, her taste lingering in his mouth.

She looked at him; beaming.

Storm looked at her, her eyes were so lovely.

She looked at him, sucking in air like she’d just remembered her mouth could do that.

Storm turned away and felt tears welling up in his eyes; blinding, suffocating tears that took with them every last hope he had left of living. "No."

Dash's grin faded as it took her several moments to process what he’d said. "No? ... No!? How can you say no!?!"

Storm felt like his chest was going to break as the gates of his eyes opened and tears evacuated down his cheeks. "Because I can't say yes. If you're near me, you will die. It's the only thing that could happen; it's the only thing that has ever happened. After Silver, I swore that I wouldn't let that happen again."

"I'm not afraid of manitcores; they're not going to get me."

Storm turned away from her and walked into the pouring rain, hoping that she would give up and go have a life, but to his horror she followed him. When he lay down, she lay down next to him, resting her head against his chest, as if trying to listen to his impatient heart beat over the thundering rain.

Her warmth was painful. On one side, freezing rain was pouring off him, but it didn't matter because that side was so cold it was numb and so he only felt a slight tickle. But on the other side, Rainbow Dash was warming him just enough that he could feel how cold he really was, making his body ache for more heat.

He wanted her to leave but couldn’t bring himself to make her; so he decided to let the rain do it for him. A few more minutes of this and she would be running back inside the warm, comfortable palace. A few minutes passed, and she was still there.

Storm didn't know if he was still crying or not, maybe he was, maybe his tears had all been spent... or maybe, just maybe, he wasn't crying anymore because Rainbow Dash was blocking the holes in his heart with pieces of herself.

NO! He couldn't do this to her! She needed to leave; but the only certain way to do that would be to tell her the truth. He couldn't. He didn't tell her the truth; he didn't say anything, and neither did she. They lay together, silent and motionless in the howling frenzy of the thunder storm.

Almost without knowing it, he moved a little bit closer to her, to end the trickle of rain that was running between them. There was a pause of a few seconds and then she pressed back, locking their sides together into a single water tight seal. They fit together perfectly. Two stone still ponies, forming a wall that lay defiant to the gale that twisted around them, never speaking.

After all the time in the world had passed them by, the rains slowed to a drizzle and the sun was able to peak through the clouds, seeing a soppy wet mass of fur and feathers who hadn't run from the storm. Eventually the blue half of the blob said something, quietly and through chattered teeth, but full of conviction and burning with fire. "I'm not afraid of manticores; they're not going to get me."

There was a long pause, and then the red half of the mound responded; its voice was empty and drained of resistance, and as it spoke, its tear ducts released the final prisoners, which it had been holding for five years, "Manitcores didn't kill Silver Thorn… I did."

Rainbow Dash pulled away from him, revealing a chasm between them as Dash looked at Storm in horror.

"I didn't mean to," he said softly; "We were hunting when we were ambushed. I don't know how many terrormongers or changelings there were, but they seemed to be endless. We fought, we tried to run and fought some more, but we were running in circles. It went on and on, no food, no rest and somewhere on the second day we got separated. I was attacked over and over by things looking like Silver Thorn, I killed them; and then when I found the real Silver Thorn I killed her too. She knew that it was me, so she didn’t attack me back; she tried to warn me and begged me to stop, but I killed her. I didn't believe it when her body didn't change into a changeling when she died; I thought it must still be alive so I began hacking the corpse into pieces. Even after she was obviously dead I refused to believe what I had done so I kept on hacking and hacking and hacking until there was nothing left.

I promised my parents that if anything ever happened to them that I would take care of her. I promised her every day for years that I would protect her, and I promised myself... and then I was the one who killed her."

Rainbow Dash stared at him, her eyes searching both their souls; "What does that have to do with us?"

Storm stood up and stared at her open mouthed, like she was the stupidest mare in the world, "I killed my sister! She's not the only pony that I've ever killed! I hurt people and I kill them! It is the only thing I know how to do! It's the only thing I've ever done! If you’re with me, I'll hurt you too!"

Storm stood up to move away, but Dash rose with him, "If-"

"No."

"We-"

"No!"

"But-"

"NO!"

Rainbow Dash stepped forwards to close the gap; but before her hoof could touch stone, Storm grabbed her in his telekinesis and pushed her to the far side of the tower. Rainbow Dash stood there, looking as though she'd been stabbed... better that then for him to have actually done so. Her sorrow lasted for only a moment and then rage entered her vacant facial emotions, "It's not fair!" When Storm stood resolute she spread her wings and jumped off the edge of the tower, vanishing over the edge almost instantly.

Her wings!

Her wings were waterlogged! There was no way she could fly!

Storm teleported to the edge of the tower and looked over the edge, desperate to catch her before she splattered onto the pavement, but instead of a plummeting mare he saw a flying pegasus; straining hard against her heavy wings, but in control as she flew away from him with hard, angry flaps. He watched her for a few fleeting heartbeats, then when a twitch in her neck told him she was about to look behind her he ducked behind the stone parapet.

...Now what?

Despite all that had happened; Storm hadn't changed his mind about wanting to die, but he didn't feel like doing it right now. He felt like breakfast. His stomach told him that Shining Armor had neglected to feed him that morning so he might as well go into Canterlot and find a meal.

The ground was too far down to teleport straight there; he needed a midway point, that balcony should do. “You said you'd found Storm, where is he!?” The voice was Cadance’s, and two things occurred to Storm, that Cadance and Shining Armor were in the room adjoining this balcony, and that Cadance was furious. Storm peeked through the window to confirm his suspicions, but could have saved his efforts to remain hidden; neither of them was paying attention to anything except each other. Both of them were soaked as though they had been out in the worst part of the rain; Cadance stood next to the roaring fireplace, her legs and wings vibrating madly, but the cold hardly registered in her distraught expression mixing guilt, anger and fervent worry. Shining Armor stood across from her and the fireplace, ignoring the cold, looking guilty yet defiant.

“He’s on the roof with Rainbow Dash; I have a pair of guards watching them and have already sent someone to find Twilight to tell her to come back.”

Cadance spread her wings, tried to fly out the open balcony with a running start, but her soaked wings couldn’t get her more than a few feet off the ground, and so she turned and headed for the stairway.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Said Shining Armor, teleporting near the stairs though not quite blocking her path.

Cadance turned on his in anger; “Don’t you dare try and tell me that he’s too dangerous for me to talk to. I need to talk to him; and if you were half the stallion I always thought you were, you’d be coming with me to-”

“Rainbow Dash loves him;” interrupted Shining Armor, “Right now, they’re talking together. I’ve left two guards to keep an eye on them, with orders to come here as soon as Rainbow Dash leaves, and then we can talk to him, but for now, I think it would be better for them to be left alone.”

Cadance stopped; sudden hope, blaring mistrust, and slight disappointment battling across her face, “… Rainbow Dash loves him?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Cadance glared death at Shining Armor, “If you are lying to try and ‘protect’ me… I will never trust you again; we will be over.”

“Cadance, I swear.”

Cadance sighed and reluctantly stepped away from the stairs; “… I hope your right. He can’t go on like he has been; he needs someone if he’s going to make it out OK.”

Shining Armor looked down at his hooves shamefully, “Was he telling the truth about trying to kill himself for the last five years?”

“You have no idea. Storm doesn’t deserve what’s happened to him; not the forest, not what we did, not any of it. He deserves to let himself be happy, but poisons himself with guilt for things that were never his fault to begin with; and do you know what the worst part about it is? If Twilight is right, it could have been my memory spell that made him think he was you. That means it would be my fault if something happened to him.”

“... Not yours alone.” Admitted Shining Armor after a guilty pause.

“Why couldn’t you have just told me about the body swap in the first place!?”

"I didn't tell you about the body swap, because I didn't want you to worry." Shining Armor’s voice was on edge, like he was just barely holding on to his calm demeanor. "I wanted you to think that I could deal with the aftermath of the shield by myself."

"I knew you were going to be weak! You wouldn't have dropped the shield otherwise; but I had hoped that when you were weak, you would finally be willing to let someone else help you. I wanted that person to be me! Instead you went sending off for some pony you barely know and haven't even seen in ten years!"

"I didn't choose him." defended Shining Armor, "The body swap was Celestia's idea, I don't even know how Storm heard about it; all I know is that he volunteered. The news needed to be kept classified; and of those who had clearance to know my condition, Storm was the most qualified. I wasn't in a position to be doing much of anything but even if I was, who else could I have asked?

Cadance scowled at him at though the answer was staring him in the face. "You should have asked me! If you needed someone to help you, you should have asked me."

"I... didn't want to cause you pain."

"It's too late for that!"

"Cadance; you don't understand the kind of pain I was in when I did the body swap. To you a sprained ankle is enough to make you think you’re hurt; I've walked for days on a fractured leg and even that wasn't as bad as what I was going through in the final days of keeping the shield up."

"There are different kinds of pain!" retorted Cadance, "At least you knew where I was and that I was safe when you left; I regularly went for months at a time where all I heard was silence and my own heart praying you were safe. So maybe you’re right and I couldn't deal with as much physical pain as you were in, maybe we could have taken turns and swapped back every day. At the very least I could have taken care of you like I thought I was doing in Storm's burrow. Let me do something to help you. It's like you don't even want me around at all."

"Don't say that; of course I want you around."

“Then you are LOUSY at showing it!”

"You want proof that I want you around? Do you have any idea how many times I've risked my life so that we could be together!?"

"No!" shouted Cadance, pulling on her own mane, "THAT’S the problem!"

For once, Shining Armor didn't have a defense, and so Cadance continued her assault, "You keep building a wall thinking it’s going to protect me, but you’re building the wall directly between us. I don't even know if I can see you anymore past your wall and I know that you can't hear me. For years you didn’t tell me about the forest because you were sure I would freak out, but you did tell me and -..." Cadance stopped midsentence downcast, "That wasn't you. That wasn't you who told me."

Shining Armor looked horrified, "How much did Storm tell you?"

"He told me everything! Terrormongers, changelings, Rangers, Denorious, Forest Jaws, that you two were trained by a rhyming zebra named Zecora, he told me about Uthraig and the things that happen there. I’d wanted so badly for you to be the one to tell me those things; I waited for years, and when I thought you’d finally told me the truth I was thrilled. For the first time in months I had been sure that marrying you wouldn't be the biggest mistake of my life; but now... maybe I should just marry Storm instead of you!"

"What?"

"Maybe I shouldn't even bother marrying him. Maybe if he and Rainbow Dash don’t work out, I should just take him down to my room, and let him work me over a few times."

Shining Armor looked mortified, "You can't be serious."

"Of course I'm not serious!” hissed Cadance, “... But I wish I was! I wish that I didn't love you as much as I do; this would be so much easier if I didn't, because I'm starting to think that all I'm ever going to get from you is pain and disappointment!"

“Cadance,” whispered Shining Armor after rubbing one hoof uncomfortably over the other, “We waited thirteen years so we could be together… was that all for nothing?”

Cadance didn’t move, and neither did her expression; Shining Armor took a step towards her but she pushed him away and flew to the other side of the room. One of the side doors opened, and a pegasus guard who seemed vaguely familiar walked in, earning him the instant attention of both Shining Armor and Cadance which turned sour when they saw he was bone dry and couldn’t be coming with news about Storm. The pegasus stopped, and backed away slowly from his intensely obvious lack of welcome.

"What is it!?" Snarled Shining Armor.

"Umm..." stammered the pegasus, "The chariot is prepared to take Silent Storm to Gryffindor when he's ready."

Cadance's mouth dropped open after a moment's contemplation and she turned to Shining Armor in jaded fury, “You… you’re still-"

"Cancel the chariot," ordered Shining Armor, "Storm won't be needing it." The guard bowed quickly and then ducked towards the exit like a rabbit down its hole.

Shining Armor watched the guard's retreat, then turned back to Cadance but words failed to find their way into his mouth. Eventually he went to a nearby desk, levitated a sheet of unused parchment in front of him and wet a quill with ink. "If you want me to... I will retire from the Royal Guard."

Cadance looked up at him from the cushion she had been holding to her face; first in amazement, then disgust; "You're still not listening! I don't want you to leave the Royal Guard; you could go back to working at Doughnut Joes for all I care and that still wouldn’t solve anything! What I want is for you to be honest with me; for you to act like you actually need me and I'm not just some plush toy for you to love.

I stood in Storm's burrow, thinking I was with you, and we listened to changelings dig through the wall so they could come inside and kill us. I did not entertain any fantasies that we could fight them off; we were going to fight, and we were going to die, together. I know this sounds strange, but it was one of the most perfect moments of my entire life... and it wasn't even you."

Shining Armor looked even more confused; "...Do you want to become a Ranger?"

"No. I want to stand beside you and help you be the best Captain the Royal Guard Canterlot has ever had. I want you to be honest with me. I want you to listen to me. I want to know what's going on... and if some day we have children... I want you to talk and listen to them as well."

Shining Armor looked at her in hopeful confusion, "You… still want to get married then?"

“And what would I be to you if we were? A partner? A housekeeper? A pet!? What are you offering? If I were to leave you a blow up doll that looked like me on the bed, and arranged for food to be left at the door each day, would you even notice if I left?”

Shining Armor snorted angrily and stamped one hoof, “Of course I would notice!”

Cadance glared at Shining Armor, and Storm could see in her eyes the tirade of insults that were running through her mind, but her mouth only quavered as she swallowed back the insults until her gaze softened. “When I was with Storm… he was acting like you, but he wasn’t. He was acting like a younger you, from before you had walled yourself off, leaving me for months at a time when I had no idea where you were or if you were even alive. A younger you who... appreciated what he had." Cadance looked at Shining Armor with a tear trickling down his face, “…What happened to him?”

“He went to war where he saw some terrible things that gave him nightmares that kept him awake for days on end. He didn’t want you to suffer the same ways he had and so he told you nothing; but everything he did he did for you… Cadance look at me.” Cadance complied, looking him deep in the eyes, Shining Armor didn’t continue immediately, but took a moment to simply savor her and when he did speak it was simple. “I love you.”

Cadance stared into his eyes and then turned away, shaking her head; “It’s not enough.” She whispered. “I believe that you love me. I believe you would die for me if given the chance… but it’s not enough.”

“Cadan-”

“No!” Cadance cut him off, her voice growing in volume and heartache, “You don’t trust me; you don’t respect me, and to top it all off, you hardly know me… and I don’t want to marry you anymore.”

Shining Armor stood staring, his ears hearing Cadance's message long before his mind could accept it, "You're… canceling our wedding."

"I'm postponing our wedding, indefinitely, like you did to me!" Having nothing left to say Cadance turned and left, slamming and locking the door behind her.

Shining Armor watched her go; he went to the door and stood there with his hoof raised, like he was about to knock, but didn't. Storm knew Shining Armor could blast the door to splinters in an instant, but he just stood there as a statue, forever undecided of if he was going in or staying out. Eventually, Shining Armor left the door and sat down on the couch; and even if Storm hadn’t been feeling Shining Armor’s love for Cadance just a few hours ago, Storm could have never missed the devastation written across every line of his face.

What was he doing? He had a mare who loved him despite his mistakes, and it was obvious that he loved her back; but he was so bent on trying to protect her that in the end all he was doing was pushing her away. She wasn’t expecting everything to be perfect; she just wanted for him to give her the chance to prove she could share his life without breaking, and for him to give himself the chance to show her who he really was without being afraid he would destroy her.

But she wouldn't wait forever.

Storm sighed heavily and looked to his own side of the window. For the first time in years he felt legitimately afraid; he compared options, he procrastinated, he remembered the taste of Rainbow Dash’s lips against his own, and he remembered the feel of Silver Thorn’s blood against his hooves. He knew the risks for both of them if he agreed to take her. He knew if he killed her, he would die also. He knew that if he didn’t do anything, he would return to being already dead. After waiting for what he was sure would have been too late; Storm looked up and scanned the sky where, against some of the darkest clouds, he could still faintly make out a thin trail of rainbow.

He chose a nearby rooftop, and he teleported.

Comments

[the other sans]

There was long pause
Rainbow Dash stepped forewords

1. There was a long pause.
2. Forwards.

[Beware The Carpenter]

Survey: was anyone really surprised at Storm's admission about his past to Rainbow Dash? I had originally intended it to be secret until now, but completely obvious once I said it, lending to re-read value; but I think I gave away a bit too much, especially in chapter 18. Plz like this comment if you had figured it out before now; dislike it if you hadn't.

[StormyVenture]

3087473
Not entirely sure what you're mentioning, but nice work on this chapter. It's very good.

I'm not sure how to answer your 'survey' there. I'm sure whether I do or don't is irrelevant, but the memory crossover I thought was pretty obvious. I was pretty sure Storm had killed or nearly killed his own sister. Given that, if the two got together, it would hardly be a surprise that he would bring it up. He seems to have made a habit of shoving people out of his life the moment they step in. I have a hard time seeing how chapter 18 comes in, except as a more thorough exploration of his past. Knowing a bit more about how close they were, and the nightmare of him brutally murdering her because he thought she was a changeling would pretty solidify the expectation that it actually happened. I mean, nightmares like that come from having done something and being terrified of either doing it again or going further than you meant to.

[dzonewolf]

3087473 It explain Shining's nightmare, and the swords.
In the dream, he stabs the swords into the ground, and they aren't rusted.
When he finds the swords, they're in the ground, and rusty.