No Shave November Goes Too Far

by BookWyrm

Masculine Manly Manness = Beards

i thought of this story after cutting myself really, really badly shaving at midnight... its funny

It was a brisk and cloudy morning over Equestria. The air had just become visible breath cold. All across the land ponies rousted themselves and begun their morning routines. Alarm clocks went off, too early for any sane pony to be up. The calls from nature where answered. Mares stepped on scales and grimaced. Stallions picked up their shaving cream, ran hot water, picked up their razors… but then gave pause.

Just like that, everypony with a Y chromosome suddenly stopped in their deeply engrained morning routine and quickly checked the date.

…Calendars where checked…

Thursday, November first…
Every stallion in Equestria chuckled a little to themselves as they rinsed their faces off and stowed their razors, trimmers, clippers, scissors, and all other manner of hair removal implement for the long haul. For it was No Shave November, the magical time of year where every stallion in all of equestria decided to let their face fuzz grow out. Wearing a scruffy grizzled look was a thing of great pride for all the males of equestria ,at this time of year anyways. It was a small but visible bit of raw masculine manliness in a world of techni-colored, talking ponies.

It was on this morning, with every stallion suddenly deciding to grow a beard, moustache, or other such bit of facial hair, that a certain set of traveling sales ponies nonpareil saw an opportunity.

………………

Meanwhile…

Twilight Sparkle was sitting in the library main room of ponyville enjoying a quiet mid-morning read. The lavender mares eyes quickly dodged from left to right, desperately soaking up every little bit of information they could about her latest topic of interest… in this case it was the origin of Coffee in equestrian culture.

Twilight looked up from her reading for a moment and mused at the notion of Pinkie Pie drinking coffee, but quickly dismissed the ideas of absolute mayhem that might ensue as silly. Twilight smiled to herself and went back to her reading about the Zebafrican Coffee trade, it was fascinating…

…

… no it wasn’t.

Twilight blinked, why wasn’t Zebafrican Coffee trade interesting now? It had been just a moment ago… wait!

Twilight realized that something was weighing heavy on her mind. Things where calm… too calm… and whenever things in ponyville became too calm it meant that the pink cotton candy clouds of chaos were gathering. Twilight gulped, and her eyes widened in a moment of pure dread. Something was about to happen, she could sense it! Any second now something absolutely insane would come smashing into her life of quiet reading and throw the lavender mare, and probably a few of her friends for a loop…

…

Twilight waited…

…

…

…

…

The library was calm. Nothing was happening. Twilight released a breath and physically relaxed.

“I’m just psyching myself out,” she reassured herself, “nothing is going to happen, I just need to relax, its all in my head.” Twilight smiled. She steeled her resolve and buried her head back into her book. Nothing would go wrong today, nothing had gone wrong in a long while, things would be normal…

…

…

…

Nope!

Just as twilight began to read again and managed to forget about her little panic attack, Spike, her number one baby dragon assistant burst through the front door practically tearing it off its hinges ad he crashed through the library.

BANG!!! (door fly’s off hinges)

“TWILIGHT!!!” The purple drake shouted as he looked around the room for the mare.

But Twilight was not in the main room…where she had been only seconds before… no… wait… spike looked up to the ceiling and saw his Lavender legal guardian hanging from the ceiling by her horn, her eyes open wide in shock, her body curled in a little ball, shaking like Fluttershy.

The loud bang of the dragon’s entrance had startled Twilight so much that she had jumped right to the ceiling and imbedded her horn into it.

“Twilight what are you doing up there?” Spike asked from the floor, looking up at the mare dumbly.

Twilight uncurled herself and just hung from the ceiling for a moment, glaring down at Spike venomously.

“I WAS trying to read!” she said.

…

Spike just gawked up at twilight for a moment, considering the statement.

…

“Twilight it’s easier to read books when your closer to them.” He said, wondering how his Lavender friend would ever get along without him.

Twilight opened her mouth to retort. But then realized the futility of the conversation and closed it again. In any event, she was still hanging limply form the ceiling like a living piñata.

Twilight tried to wiggle her horn loose for a moment… nothing happened. The mare flailed her legs for a moment, making exasperated groaning sounds… still no effect. Finally Twilight used her forelegs to pry herself out, pushing away from the ceiling as hard as she could. That did it; the ceiling cracked a bit and gave way, sending the lavender mare tumbling to the floor with a thud.

“ow, ow, ow, Ouchy!” Twilight grumbled to herself, checking her horn for damage… none… good.

Spike walked over and good naturedly helped the unicorn up from the ground, brushing some of the ceiling dust off of her with his claws.

“You okay?” Spike asked.

“Yeah,” Twilight replied a bit crossly.

“Good!” Spike said smiling, “Twilight, can you use your magic to give me a mustache again, please?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow, it had been months sense spike had asked for a mustache.

“Spike we’ve been over this, Rarity doesn’t like facial hair.” She reminded her assistant.

“We never confirmed that!” Spike shouted back in denial, but then came down from his denial, “and this isn’t about that.”

“Then why do you want a mustache?” Twilight asked.

“Well, first off because they are awesome…” Twilight rolled her eyes, what was it with guys and facial hair? “… and second off because it’s No Shave November.”

Twilight looked at her assistant blankly.

“It’s what?” she asked.

“It’s No Shave November,” Spike Repeated and explained, “all the Stallions grow out there facial hair for the month of
November, Big Mac just told me about it, it’s awesome!”

Twilight asked the obvious question... a question that every Mare asked whenever they were told of this tradition.

“Why?”

Now spike rolled his eyes.

“Because it’s awesome.” He said with a vocal inflection that oozed with ‘well Duh!’

“Ok…” Twilight didn’t really have an argument for or against that logic… but then again, she tended to prefer her stallions clean shaven. “So how does stallions growing out their facial scruff pertain to you wanting a mustache?” Twilight thought it was a perfectly valid question… Spike was giving her a look though.

“Come on, twilight, please?” The baby dragon pleaded with puppy dog eyes, “I don’t want to be left out.”

Twilight looked down at her dragon assistant for a moment. She thought the entire thing sounded stupid… but… it clearly meant a lot to the little guy, and Twilight had been piling on the chores lately…so…

“(Sigh)… Okay... hold still” Twilights horn glowed with its purple magic aura and aimed down at spikes face. After a few
moments, a thick luxurious mustache sprouted into existence just above his mouth. The spell dissipated and twilight inspected her handiwork.

Spike brought his hands up to his face and felt his new stache, a smile spread across his face.

“Thank you Twilight!” he said jumping over and hugging the mare.

Twilight smiled down at her assistant. She thought he looked much better without the facial hair, but he was happy, that’s what counted in the end.

Spike ran out of the library to show off his new mustache. Twilight meanwhile decided to go out to the market. The mare gathered some bits and her favorite saddle bag, and after fixing the door with her magic, went off into the cold morning air, towards the shopping district. little did she know the disastrous chain of events she had just set into motion.

............

Applejack and Big Mac had been selling apples for most of the morning at their stall set up in Ponyville shopping district. Applejack was bundled up in a coat and her usual Stetson for the chilly weather, but Mac wore only his yoke, as usual. What wasn’t usual for Big Mac, was that his trim face was now blemished with a disappointingly thin bit of peach fuzz.

“Big Mac, your beard still isn’t coming in is it?” Applejack asked curtly.

Big mac looked down in shame, his hoof instinctively moving to feel his facial fuzz. The big red stallion had never been able to grow a beard in his entire adult life. the stallion had gone so far as to not shave for a whole two weeks before No Shave November to try and get the dang thing going... but to no avail.

“Nope.” He said.

“Then why do this no shave thing?” Applejack fumed, “It seems silly to look so scruffy for a month and scare away customers. Honestly, half of our customer base is just mares looking to talk with the big handsome stallion! That peach fuzz just makes you look plum silly.”

Big Mac glared at his sister for a moment. something about her using his looks to drum up business seemed... well it didn't sit right with him. But the stoic stallion decided to just stay quiet.

Applejack scoffed at her brother and went back to the task at hand of standing quietly and waiting for customers to buy apples. Then something caught the farm ponies attention… a sound… a very familiar sound… like a bunch of gears meshing together in a clunky but catchy rhythm.

Applejack scanned the streets for a moment and then she saw it, off in the distance, throwing up a big bunch of steam as it rolled into town.

“It can’t be!” She said in disbelief.

Big mac followed his sister gaze and looked off to see what had alarmed her so.

…

“Yup…” he said, his red scruffy face hardening.

Rolling down the road, in an even more peculiar mode of transport than before, sitting on a mounted sofa, wearing their straw hats and sale pony duds, where the Flim Flam brothers.

To be continued very soon… please comment :{)> happy November!

Comments

[BookWyrm]

happy November! show your spirit with mustaches!

yup

god damn it

[Fattymagee1]

This is awesome....

[Grisaille987]

Oh, what the hell have I stumbled across...

[BookWyrm]

1548783
Hay, I remember you!
You had that super sad pinky story!
I liked that one
Keep doing those! I came dangeously close to tears on that and i need some kind of resolution!

Hope you liked the story

[Grisaille987]

1548824 I certainly did, and I most certainly will! Glad for the recognition!

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Ok.... I'm curious... I'm gonna probably regret this but.... Fave and Tracked....
~Skeeter TL

[candrew]

I feel your pain Big Mac.

[BookWyrm]

1548835
Oh... Didnt consider the creepy factor...

Sorry...
I just remembered the story and the avatar was memorable for some reason or anouther...
(sigh)
Im bored...

Gunna go read somemore now... Have a good one

[Skeeter The Lurker]

1548861

Hey now... I didn't mean it like that. This is gonna be an awkward kinda awesome.

I'm actually looking forward to the insanity.

~Skeeter (Participating in No Shave) T L.

[BookWyrm]

1548875

Oh
Oh
Buck sorry i thought it was a comment on the one comment i left with the other author... Sorry im a bit of a moron
i rarely get positive feedback, so i guess i just assumed the worst... Sorry...

...

Thanks i hope it lives up to expectations

[Major McGee]

This is awesome. I love your writing style, but maybe get a pre-reader or editor? Just a few grammar mistakes that kinda took me outta the moment

[Skeeter The Lurker]

1548920
S'all good. I know the feeling.

~Skeeter T L

[Brony-Sibling]

Most enjoyable...The next installment...

I WANT IT NOW!!!!
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/ABTALK2.gif

[OldTimer]

Hooray for No Shave November!

...

Even if, as a proud beard owner, for me is always a no shave day!

[BookWyrm]

Holy Bucking Celestias Shiney Flank Hole Rutting BATMAN!

Im in the side thing! The side thing where they put the stories that people like!

(from lack of any other way to express the joy i feel i shout like a lunatic, scaring the shit out of my roommate and his cat)

Veiws aside this makes this my best story ever! Buck sleep, writing more now!

Thank you everyone!

[Knight of Cerebus]

"I thought of this story after cutting myself really, really badly--" "--While shaving last night."

gotta learn to read sentences more carefully.

Some nitpicks to grouse over a bit: "were" not "where" for past tense of "was", lavender is not a proper noun and should not be all caps, regardless of whether Twi's awesomness is deserving of putting her adjectives in all caps. Names however are proper nouns and as such Spike and Twilight should always be capitalized.

Like the idea however, have some Movember Mustaches

[Static Shock]

That description. It actually hurt my eyes.

[Hurgusburgus]

Hooray for John Travolta-resembling Spike!

[PornOfKidsMediaIsBAD]

hmm, I feel as though this will get really entertaining.

[wubstep pony]

WATCHING!

[Eternal Slendermane]

I have no facial hair for I have no face

But I shall commit to this, so have a few
FOR NOVEMBER!!!!

[Chaotic Discord]

I shall read this later.
I am currently in Health Class.

[Woolytop]

Hm. It looks like you have an interesting concept, but this needs work.

"But Twilight was not in the main room…where she had been only seconds before… no… wait… spike looked up to the ceiling and saw his Lavender legal guardian hanging from the ceiling by her horn, her eyes open wide in shock, her body curled in a little ball, shaking like Fluttershy.
The loud bang of the dragon’s entrance had startled Twilight so much that she had jumped right to the ceiling and imbedded her horn into it. "

The second part of that quote is completely unneeded. You basically told me that Spike had scared Twi and she launched herself horn-first into the ceiling twice. It slows down the story and takes the reader out of the otherwise pretty funny scene. There's a lot of excess wording as well, extra fat as it were, and in 1750 words, not a whole lot actually happens. Filling your paragraph with ellipses (...) isn't ideal, and you've got quite a few mechanical errors as well, but I'm not going to hold those too much against you.

This isn't the worst I've ever read, and you managed to keep me engaged through the errors until the end, so that's good, but you need to tighten things up a bit.

[Garbo]

This ... this is awesome!
Can't wait for more.

[Rarityshy]

I'm intrigued, I shall see where this goes;
Ciao

[V-Pony]

Oh shit...tracking!

[dtlux1]

YOUGETAMOUSTACHEEVERYOTHERWORDBECAUSETHEYAREAWESOME!ILOVETHEM!
dtlux1