Is this real life?
Dear...Princess Celestia?
Just breathe. There is nothing to get worked up over. Lord Solaris just wants to see me, it doesn't mean I’m going to have to take an exam on friendship and get sent back to magical kindergarten and nevergettoseemyfriendseveragain!!!!!
No. Just breathe. I know the prince is better than that. He won’t want to tear me away from my friends. Just stay calm.
It was earlier that day that I got a letter from the Prince saying he desired my presence, but as always there was nothing else mentioned in the letter. The Prince had a habit of omitting details in his letters, and sometimes I think he does it on purpose, at my expense. And now I can’t help but freak out because lets face it! I really am going to get sent back to magic kindergarten because I’m not prepared and since I’m not prepared, how can I pass whatever exam Lord Solaris is about to give me. It’s been almost two years, of COURSE he’s going to test me sooner or later. Maybe I should go say bye to my friends now. In case I never see them again.
Come on Dusk! Get a grip. We went over this, I am not going to be sent back to magic kindergarten and the Prince is not planning my demise!
Right?
Oh no. There’s the chariot! Maybe if I teleport I can get to all my friends before-
No. It is going to be just fine...chill.
“Hello ma’ams.” The chariot chauffeurs have come to know me quite well over the years. Taking one last deep breath, I climbed aboard the royal chariot and tried to get comfortable. When the ponies attached to the chariot felt I was ready, we took off towards the hanging city.
I always found it enjoyable to fly by chariot. To be able to see Equestria from this high up was alway a sight to behold. And being in a chariot was always much safer than holding on to Rainbow Blitz’s neck for dear life while he tries to break the sound barrier. With me on his back! He can drive me up the wall sometimes with his antics, and other times frighten me into a catatonic state.
Speaking of.
“Hey Dusk. Where ya going?”
I guess it is kind of hard not to notice a gold chariot when you spend most of the day in the sky around the town. And it wasn’t exactly hard to miss Rainbow Blitz either. His cyan coat might blend with the bright sky, but the rainbow mane and contrail he left behind was always a dead give away. I always found it interesting to watch him fly. Even now it looked seemingly effortless for him to fly side by side with the chariot. It was like he wasn’t even trying half the time, while it was clear the chauffeurs were straining somewhat in front of me.
“Rainbow, I told you yesterday,” I swear he has the attention span of a goldfish, “Lord Solaris has requested my presence.”
“Oh yeah. So what, is he gonna test you or something?”
“N-No! I mean, I don’t know! What if he does? If I fail? I’ll never get to see you or the o-” Although it happens quite frequently between us, let me tell you, having a hoof shoved in your mouth is neither comfortable nor tasty. Despite what Berry Bubble says.
“Dusk, I was kidding. Calm down.” When I did, he removed his hoof and I tried to get the taste out of my mouth, but to no avail.
“I-I knew that.”
Did I?
“Sure.” Damn, he’s onto me “Anyway, I’ll see you when you get back.”
If I come back at all....
“Hey, I know that face.” Solaris, he’s good “You’re gonna be fine. You know the prince better than that. Stop worrying alright?”
I just slowly nodded my head. He was right after all. I guess hearing it from someone else besides myself was what I needed to actually calm down. Taking another deep breath, I let my nerves calm and nodded more firmly.
“Good. Catch you later.” He was out of sight almost instantly, only leaving behind a visible rainbow streak back to ponyville.
We were about halfway to Canterlot. I looked out over the chariot's edge. Underneath us was a forest, not nearly as dense as the everfree, but still enough to only be able to see the canopy. A river that intersected the forest was visible now as we made our way. It was formed from the long waterfall that came from the edge of canterlot. I have always wondered if that was a natural formation or if the prince has something to do with it. It was always a wonderful thing to see.
I think I’m going to take close my eyes and enjoy the breeze. Should be harmless enough.
“Hmmm.” Is it raining? A cold drop of water hit my muzzle again, almost the same place. And why aren’t we moving anymore. I opened my eyes and-
Oh no.
“AAAHHH.” I couldn’t move fast enough.
Time seemed to slow as the bucket above my head, filled with water, dumped all over my body.
Cold! why is it so cold? Is that ice!?
I shot out of the chariot quicker than I thought I could ever move, thankful for the warm sun as I was chilled to the bone.
“Hahahaha, You should see the look on your face Dusky.”
“That was not funny Gleaming Shield.”
It was my big sister, best friend forever that just woke me up with what was essentially a flavorless slushy. She was head of the royal guard and was a little more stocky than most mares. Her mane was blue and white and her coat was a clear alabaster. She was also still wearing her gold guard armor with purple trim to match her cutie mark. This lead me to believe that she had purposefully left her duties, just to pour ice cold water on me. Gotta love family.
“Oh yes it was.” She was still snickering and I had the urge to give her the same treatment with some well timed spells, but it is always good to be the better stallion.
“It’s good to see you too sister.” I grumbled clearly annoyed by her antics, so she gave me a bone crushing hug. It WAS good to see her. She was the first to speak after a few moments of embrace.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“We should get moving,” she ended the hug and started to walk back towards the castle. I followed. “The prince has sent me down here to retrieve you,” well that debunked my theory of her slacking off, “He’s too busy at the moment with the nobility, you understand.”
I did understand. The nobility. Dear Artemis, I hated the nobility. Not only did they squirm and scam their way into power most of the time, but they had the audacity to, on occasion, challenge the prince. It wasn’t a challenge of the throne per se, that would end badly and they knew it. The prince wasn’t purposefully screwing the nobility either, all of equestria get a similar treatment in a time of rebuilding. They were just too dense to see past their money.
It’s not like we need to fix canterlot after the changeling attack or anything. Idiots.
“Yea. Any idea what he requested me for?”
“I was going to mess with that crazy head of yours and say there was an exam you missed,” just hearing the word put my mane on end, “but I think you’ve had enough suffering for today. He just wants to talk to you, nothing more. I think he is pretty upset with himself. He’s feeling guilty about not trusting you during the wedding fiasco. I know I do.” I could start to see moisture form in the corner of her eyes. “We were so close to each other and you have always been trustworthy. There has never been a time where you have failed me, and yet I failed you. Maybe it was the brainwashing, maybe not, but I should have paid more attention to your concerns. I’m sorry.” She was watching the cobblestone past under our hooves as we continued to walk.
“No Shield, It’s wasn’t your fault. I over reacted, I didn’t think it through. You had EVERY right to be mad with me and I do not hold anything against you. I am not going to forgive you, because you have done nothing wrong. If anything, I should be apologizing to you. I burst into the reception practice and started accusing Prince Tempo of being evil, well he was, but what if he wasn’t? I would have lost all of my friends, you, and Lord Solaris! I was being an idiot.” now was my turn to hold back the overwhelming regret. It was time to change the subject.
“How are you and Prince Tempo doing anyway?”
This brought a grin from her and I couldn’t help but smile, thankful that she took the hint “Oh It’s been amazing! I love him more now than ever. Oh man, the honeymoon was something too.” She seems to look into space, clearly in deep thought about what was no doubt a good time. Visibly shaking out of it, she continued. “Anyway...it’s been going so good that...he wants kids.”
There was no time to get to the bunkers. The bombs fell. Not even the children survived.
“W-what?”
“Yep, he wants you to be an uncle.”
“This is too much to take.” It really was.
“Heh, you’re telling me.”
We walked in silence for a moment longer. Just enjoying each other company as we heading for the royal chambers. As we walked, my sister got salutes from the guards stationed in the wide hall we were passing through. I guess being head of the guard AND now royalty will do that. Does that make me royalty? Wasn’t I already considered royalty though? I was basically like Lord Solaris’s son. I would have to ask him.
“We’re here.” the guards stationed at the door saluted. “Stand down soldiers.” They did. Gleaming Shield went to the door and knocked. “Lord Solaris I have brought Dusk Shine at your request.”
“I hope he has studied well, I just finished making up the exam. Bring him in.”
It was a trap. Oh no no no no no.
“As you wish.”
no no no no no no no
“Ah my faithful student, so nice to see you again.”
“-no no no no no no no-”
“Dusk-”
“-no no no no no-”
“Dusk-”
“-no no.”
“Dusk Shine!”
Wait....how did I get in here? Where is here? Did I black out? Oh look, it’s Lord Solaris. Oh yeah the exam...dear Artemis not an exam!
“Dusk Shine, I was joking.” Oh thank harmony. Breathe.
I could feel his muzzle on my chest as he nuzzled me. It was a sensation I worked hard for and always cherished.
“It’s good to see you my faithful student.”
“It’s good to see you too, Solaris.”
We stood like that for a couple seconds before he walked to the small cushion beside his coffee table and sat down, pointing to the one across from him, silently asking me to take a seat. I looked behind me, Shield must have left to give us privacy. I took my seat where I have many times before.
“I made us some tea. Your favorite.”
“Thank you.”
“So my student. It has been almost a month since the incident and can likely cause for any post traumatic stress. How are you feeling? Any paranoia?” I could clearly see the worry on his face as he asked me. To be honest, it took me awhile to figure out an answer. I wasn’t sure myself how I felt. That was my answer then.
“I don’t know Solaris,” His worry did not falter, “ I haven’t really thought much about it since it happened.” I shifted nervously on my cushion as I continued, “There was one thing that happened though. My friends and I got in a fight about a week after the wedding.” I swallowed a choke in my throat before continuing, Solaris was rapt. “It started as a joke, about who and who wasn’t a changeling, but then it started to get violent. Before I knew it, we were all screaming and accusing one another. It took awhile for us to apologize to each other, about two days actually. I think that was the longest we have ever been without each other. It was Bubble Berry that got us back together when he threw a Let’s not Fight Anymore Party.” I let out a chuckle at the memory. Looking back up from my hooves, I could see a small smile of my teacher’s muzzle. He admitted that he found Bubble Berry's antics to be humorous and appreciated hearing more stories.
“At one point during the party he disappeared and when he came back, he was wearing a changeling mask. It took everypony else a while to find the humor in it, but leave it to Berry to lighten the mood. He said that even if one of us WAS a changeling that he wouldn’t care. That he would always consider us friends.” Recounting memories of my friends have always put me in good moods, especially when telling them to Lord Solaris. He was now almost grinning at me. I smiled back and took a sip of my tea before continuing.
“So how about you Prince?”
The smile that adorned his face was replaced by a small, sad frown. To my surprise he didn’t answer right away and seemed to be looking for the right answer. It was when I was about to ask if everything was alright that he spoke up.
“Let's go for a walk.”
“Dusk Shine, do you have faith in me?”
“What do you mean Solaris?”
After leaving the castle, we ended up walking along side the castle labyrinth and gardens. The walls of vegetation stood high enough that you couldn't see past them, even for Solaris who stood almost double my own height. We passed statues of old heros and ancient events as we walked. Neither Solaris nor I spoke until we approached to entrance to the labyrinth. Solaris looked grim as he spoke, which only made me more confused.
“I mean just what I said my young student,” He kept a stoic facade that meant he was in deep thought. But I could see he was troubled by those same thoughts. It sent a chill down my spine. “Do you have faith in me?”
“Yes Solaris, I have complete faith in you. You know I think of you more than a mentor. All the time we spent together, all the things I’ve learned under you. You aren't just my teacher, you're like second father to me.” It was easy saying these words. They were true as I spoke them from my heart. But they did not lighten the mood as I expected. Solaris’s eyes only dimmed with sadness.
“Then I have failed you.”
What?
“How? You haven’t failed me prince.What are you talking about? If anything I have failed you-”
“Dusk Shine I do not want another word out of your mouth that may demean or even slightly belittle yourself!” His sudden outburst stopped me in my tracks as his eyes bored into mine. They were filled with anger, but not towards me. I lowered my hind leg to the ground to keep from falling backwards as his overpowering presence caused me to lean severely backwards. I gulped as I tried to squeak out an answer.
“Y-yes sir.” To my relief he backed off and his overall features relaxed. He let out an audible sigh of frustration and closed his eyes again.
“I apologize for that Dusk, but I do not like to watch you tear yourself apart like I have seen you do so many times before.” Letting out another sigh, he began to walk again. I followed close behind.
Why did he say he failed me? What could he even mean by that? I was the one that failed to send my weekly friendship report and caused mass chaos throughout ponyville. I was the one that let Ignatius get stolen by Butterscotch and almost get thrown in a dungeon, or exiled, or thrown in a dungeon in the place I was exiled!
We walked in silence for what felt like hours, but was probably only a couple minutes. My gaze fell to the passing cobblestone that passed underneath me, my mind racing. I realized that I should have been looking where I was going when I my horn bumped into something solid. The pain that shot down my spine caused me to end of on my flanks. I could hear Solaris chuckling softly behind me to my chagrin. Well at least I made him a little happy. Rubbing my horn trying to soothe it, I looked up to see what I had failed to see.
It was the statue of Eris.
Well more like the base of the statute, but that didn’t make my horn hurt any less. I still can’t believe the trouble that little monster was able to cause. The statue was a frozen portrait of her last encounter with the Elements of Harmony. She was almost no taller than myself, even when standing on her hind legs like she did. The draconequus was a mish mash of various creatures. Dragon and pony were easy to point out, but the others were hard to figure out. Maybe that part was goat...It felt like a rock grew in my stomach just from looking at her.
“Are you okay my student?”
His worried, but slightly amused, tone brought me out of my trance and back to rubbing my horn. Dear Harmony that smarts. I was a little peeved that Solaris didn’t warn me.
“Yeah I’m fine. Thanks for asking” I winced at the snarky tone I hadn’t meant to use. But fortunately Solaris only chuckled out an apology. I nodded to show that all was forgiven. As I got to my hooves, silence again fell over us and Solaris became stoic.
“Eris,” Solaris was the first to break the silence, “What a terrible creature” He was talking in almost a whisper. His voice sounded pained, like he was talking about an old friend, gone and lost. He was quiet for a moment before letting his head droop and a frown formed on his face. His eyes were closed and I oddly felt alone.
What do I do?
“Prince?” I started my hoof towards his shoulder so that maybe I could comfort him. I reared back as he violently turned towards me again.
“And I almost let her rip you from your friends!” That same look in his eyes. Is he angry at me? “What kind of pony am I if I can’t even protect the one’s I love?!” The corner of his eyes were glistening with fresh tears. He’s angry with himself.
“But Pri-”
“You are the greatest thing to happen to me Dusk Shine. Not only have you released my brother, stopped Eris’s reign of chaos, and seen through King Nymphamos’s ruse, but you are the closest thing I have ever had to a son. I know I have never admitted that to you, but it’s true, from the moment I meet you I felt something”
“Bu-”
“But what did I do? I sat on my flank and didn’t do anything! Not while you stopped Nightterror Nebula, not when you saved ponyville from being warped, and a month ago when you accused Tempo of not being himself, I walked away from you. I saw the devastation on your face, but I just kept walking. You have NEVER proved me wrong Dusk Shine, and yet when you needed me most...I ignored you.” He was no longer angry, but I have never seen him so dismal in my life. He didn’t try to stop the few tears that found their way down his muzzle. It was something I never thought I would see. He was the strongest pony I knew. Physically and emotionally. Not even Applejack or Rainbow Blitz stood on the same level as him.
“What kind of father does that?”
I was in shock. I didn’t even know how to answer him. Honestly, I was a little angry at him about the wedding mishap, but not to this degree. I needed to calm him down, but it became hard to think with the pressure of the situation and his eyes looking into me.
“...uhhh”
Way to go Dusk Shine. Most intelligent comment ever goes to me!
“I’m sorry you’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting me Dusk Shine.”
My mind was still in shock and, it took me a moment to register what had just happened. Before I knew it, Solaris was already in the air and halfway to his balcony.
“Lord Solaris!”
It was pointless, he didn’t hear me.
Damn it...damn it damn it damn it. Way to go Dusk Shine. Lord Solaris needed you and you couldn’t do anything but stare like an idiot.
I started pacing back and forth in front of Eris’s Statue, mind reeling.
You couldn’t tell him that you didn’t care about those things? That you forgave him already for all those things? That I understood why he did the things he did? No! Instead I blew the chance I had to make it better. Now’s he’s probably killing himself like I am...
“...And it’s all my fault!” A blast of magic struck the base of the statue. I was not thinking straight. I was angry. I was angry at myself and Solaris’s ignorance. My pacing slowed down until I was was staring at the statue again, breathing heavily. A small chunk of the statue’s foundation was now laying on the ground. I realized it must have been my anger fueled magic.
I need to talk to him now. No waiting.
I picked up the small piece of statue and headed for the castle.
I’ll bring this to the repair ponies so they can fix it later. But first I need to talk to Solaris.
I could almost swear I could hear laughter as I walked towards the castle.
The sleek tile below my hooves clacked loudly as I cantered down the long, wide hallway of the canterlot castle. I knew my way around better than most staff. I have been walking these grounds since I was a little colt. It was no trouble for me to find the royal princes’ quarters and even less trouble for me to get past the guards protecting the way. Being the brother of the head of the royal guard and personal student of Lord Solaris had it’s perks. That was until I got to Solaris’s door where the guards blocked the way in at his approach.
“Excuse me?”
They didn’t budge from their post.
“I need to talk to Lord Solaris.”
“Our highness Lord Solaris has forbidden any to enter his quarters!”
Nothing budged an inch on their features. This was starting to get annoying. I was ready to chew them out. It has worked before. The royal guard may have been known for their resolve, but that hasn’t stopped me from making them quiver under my hooves. What stopped me was a rich, deep voice behind me.
“Dusk Shine, tis a grateful sight to see you.”
It was Prince Artemis, brother of Solaris, co-ruler of Equestria, and raiser of the moon. And a very good friend.
“Prince Artemis!” I rushed to his side, giving him a friendly nuzzle. He returned it and after a few seconds he began to speak in a hybrid of old equestrian and modern.
“Yes, It is very good to see thee, but we must ask you to retire to your room for the night. We understand thou wishes to speak to our brother, but he is under great stress at the moment.”
“But it was just a stupid little fight, he needs to understand that I don’t care about the things he said.”
“We know our brother can be quite intolerable at times, but please, he will be out tomorrow to raise his sun and thee will gain the chance to speak to him. Please trust us on this.”
I really wanted to speak to Solaris tonight, get this whole mess behind me, but I had always taken Artemis’s words strongly. He was a wise Stallion. I had to trust his judgment. He has also known Solaris much longer than I ever have. Letting out an audible sigh, I let the logical side of me take over my own personal wants.
“Okay Artemis, I’ll take your word for it.”
“Thank you. Now, would thou like to join us in tonight’s meal?”
As if answering for me, my stomach rumbled loud enough to seemingly echo off the corridor walls. I couldn’t help but let out a girly giggle. I was also thankful for the change in subject.
“Uhhh, yes please.”
“Wonderful, let’s find our way shall we?”
“Following you prince.”
“Uggh, I can’t believe I ate that much.”
Dinner with Prince Artemis was more enjoyable than I expected. It was good to catch up with the other royal brother again after so long. We barely spoke at the wedding, not out of any resentments, just lack of time to do so. I was glad to hear that he has further improved his speech and etiquette to modern expectations. He still had a long ways to go though. I still can’t get the casserole out of my hair. The one he sent flying by the royal canterlot voice. Maybe some shampoo can do the job.
The food was as expected. Way too fancy for my tastes. It looked like I gave the chef a heart attack when I simply asked for a daffodil and daisy sandwich. I guess working your way into the royal kitchen, one doesn’t expect to be making what is essentially commoner food. I never did get that sandwich. Artemis and I had a good laugh though.
I was in my old castle room now. It looked like it hasn’t been touched since I left for Ponyville. It probably never has been. Solaris told me that for as long as I am, this room will always be mine.
The thought of him made my stomach drop, mixing with my already present nauseousness of eating too much, too fast.
I should just listen to Artemis and sleep. Solaris isn’t going anyway and when I wake up, I can fix this whole problem.
A yawn forced its way out and I chuckled out loud to no one.
Yeah, some sleep sounds nice.
I levitated off my saddle bags and placed them on the dresser that stood by my old bed. As I put them on their side, something rolled out, rolled across the dresser top and onto the floor.
THUMP
Jeez, that probably left a chunk missing in the tile.
It was the piece from Eris’s Statue that did in fact leave a noticeable dent in the marble tile.
Huh...I better keep this out of the bag so I remember to give it to somepony tomorrow. Hopefully before anyone notices the missing piece already.
After levitating it carefully onto the dresser next to saddlebags, I threw myself on the bed and pulled the sheets over me with my magic. It was so much more comfortable than the one at home. Maybe I can ask to take this with me when I leave. It was too comfortable in fact. Before I knew it, I had closed my eyes and slipped off into sleep.
I dreamt of chaos.
Light filtered it’s way through my eyelids, unpleasantly waking me out of deep sleep.
“Spines, close the blinds”
There was no answer.
“Spines?”
I opened my eyes, wincing at the bright light that passed through my window and temporarily blinded me. It was when I could finally see that I remembered yesterday and where I was. Looking out the window I judged that it was about ten in the morning.
I was asleep that long?
Normally I am up and about getting the library ready for customers by seven in the morning, even six in some cases. After a quick visit to the stallion’s room, I started putting thing in my saddlebags and quickly fixing any bed mane that i may have accumulated. I made sure to remember the statue chunk and put it at the bottom of my bags. Last thing I need is to chip up even more of the expensive marble. I would attend to that later, but first I needed to talk to Solaris and get our issue out of the way.
My room was relatively close to the brothers’ considering how large the castle was. As I walked, I pondered what I should say.
Should I just say sorry? No, that might make him angry again. What if I just tell him that I forgive all those situations that he got all worked up about. But that might make it sound like I actually was angry him to begin with. UGGH. Ahh, I’m already here...ummm. I’m just going to wing it even though that’s a stupid idea.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
“Are you in there? I just want to talk about yesterday. Hello?”
“Come in Shining”
Who was that? Did the prince have a girlfriend!? Was that what all the fuss was all about? Dohoho this was too good to be true.
I pushed open the door with my magic and strolled in like I owned the place, putting on the most smug smile possible.
I’m not going to let him live this down.
“So I see you have a girlfriend eh-uhhhh”
When I opened my eyes, I did not see what I expected at all. That would be Lord Solaris with another mare. Maybe another alicorn that he has been hiding this whole time. Oh the scandal. Now I sound like Elusive. But that was not what I saw.
What I saw was indeed an alicorn that I have never seen before, But what made this all so odd was that she was a striking image of Lord Solaris, Almost Identical apart from a brighter mane and lack of beard. This was obviously a joke. Had to be. Then why did she looked so surprised to see me.
“Who are you?”
Ummmm.
.
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Well, let's see how this one develops.
I'll read this later.
A notice a lack of periods in places, and missing capitalisation on some words.
I have to admit, though, that doesn't really matter. Where are you taking this, though, hmm?
Hmm, it looks like you could use a proofer or editor to help a bit with narrative formalities. There isn't much drescriptive naration in some scenes that could probably use a little bit more. Some transitions are very sudden and ponies or things seem to "appear out of now here."
Other then that, the premise seems very promising, and it makes for an interesting read.
I hope there comes more
"...and a month ago when you accused Tempo of not being herself..."
himself, maybe?
Wow, really well written, must admit I like this story so far, good first chapter.
Good job.
Really enjoyed the characterizations and, well a lot of fun to read.
Oh god...this is so TRACKED
Off to a great start story wise and the quality was far better than I had anticipated. I'm not sure where you plan to go with this since it has the adventure tag, (which I usually skip) but despite this uncertainty you have my thumb, star, and rapt attention!
this
MORE?! please? and soon. this is good
Insta-tracked!
Also, in case is two words, and overreacted is only one.
I thought Eris was a girl.
That end...I demand MOAR!
MOAR, MOAR I SAY
More! Curiosity demands it!
Yes. Just... Yes.
Also, if you'd like a proofreader..... : )
Eris...
I think I know where that's from.
Nice story, now give more of it.
Btw a thing i noticed in the story was that Dusk always called the Prince by his name while Twilight always says Princess or Princess Celestia.
Was this intentional?
1543598
The relationship is not going to be completely the same. The relationship here is between two stallions, not two mares.
I also think it flows better
1543205
Haha I was about to squeeze this into the description too
first off, I'll have to say I love the premise. Lots of questions to be answered, decent intro, and it's cohesive.
BUT, to a grammar Nazi (I am borderline) some of the punctuation mistakes and typos just break the flow of the story.
Sorry if I sound whiny, but that's just me. PEACE!
1543749
I'm sorry
I am going to let a pre-reader and editors go through further chapters.
Oh, this could be interesting.
Artemis: Greek goddes of the moon
.....ICWYDT
Wait, in one paragraph, it's Bubble Berry, then one line later, it's Berry Bubble. Which one is it?
1543975
I fixed it.
It is Bubble Berry
1543995
Maybe you know (or maybe I should ask Trotsworth, he's the guy who's often credited with creating the male Elements of Harmony, especially their names), but what's Bubble Berry's full name? (Pinkamena Diane Pie is naturally shortened to Pinkie Pie; does Bubble Berry's name follow approximately the same pattern?)
*One reading later*
Oh my~. This is gonna be good.
This sounds an awful lot like On a Cross and Arrow.
Cool!
Cool!1544224
Of course it does! That's rule 63 for you!
1544236
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20071230221913/en.futurama/images/5/5a/212.jpg
1543771 If you're looking for pre-readers, I would be more than willing to help. I'm a bit picky sometimes, and it really does look like someone needs to pick at it a little bit. For instance, your last sentence in your story description is:
I think you are missing the word "down" at the end there. Also, your description is a bit iffy. i would rework that if I could.
Besides that, I can say you've left a lot of paths open for this story. What will Celestia's reaction be? How will Dusk react? Just what will happen to him? Will he meet Twilight? Is this in the same storyline as in "On a Cross and Arrow"? Did anyone else get sent along with Dusk? The opportunities are almost endless here, so I will read on (and possibly pre-read, if you're willing to have me). Good luck, and may we meet again soon!
Just incase anyone cared Atremis, in greek mythology, is actually female...just thought I'd point that out, not that it really matters.
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That story is my inspiration, but just because it is rule 63 doesn't mean I'm trying to copy him
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Bubblini Davinci Berry
You misspelled "Shining" at the part where Celestia inadvertently calls Dusk Shine in. Other than that, great start!
I am looking forward to more of this!
An editor, some attention from a grammar Nazi, and this story will be very interesting.
For some reason I am a sucker for Rule 63'd Equestria.
1543205 Read description, 1st thought was that.
Life + flipped+upside down = Bel-Air, simple as.
Hmm... this looks like it's going to be very good, Dusk seems well developed and thought out.
Have a fave
Oh, another Rule 63 story. I'm usually all sold on stories of this kind, so like and tracking are in order.
This is going to be awesome... I hope
- i can see it now, the rest of the mane 6 possibly fawning over Dusk,
OR
dusk meets his alternate self, Twilight Sparkel dun Dun DUUUUUN
Not a bad start.
...I made so many random sounds when I reached the end of this chapter. I'm hoping the new chapter is coming soon. Sooooooon.
theyearsofmypilgrimage.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/and-so-it-begins1.jpg
mylittlefacewhen.com/f/2509/
I realized that I should have been looking where I was going when I my horn bumped into something solid
That line needs to be fixed... dank yous!
Also I have to say that I enjoyed most of it. However, the sister/brother chat was a little awkward. I know that's probably what it was suppose to feel like (seeing as how it's an awkward moment) but I think some insight into Dusk's mental thoughts/state would be a good thing to do right there... anyways... I'll be watching this story...
A new fanfic with Rule 63 characters?
Great, it has been a long time since the last.
...go on.