• Member Since 8th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 2nd, 2016

Alpha Scorpii


Happily retired. Thanks for all the good times :)

T

Equestria has been plunged into a neverending storm of disharmony and nonsense, all by the hand of the entity known as Discord. But the last hope remains in a lonely old unicorn, as he climbs Discord's mountain to fight him, in a desperate attempt to restore the lost harmony.

This story was written before the airing of Season 4, and as such it's full of non-canon stuff.
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A short story about how Discord was defeated the first time, written to celebrate Halloween. It comes a bit late, I know, but still I hope you like it.

I had no proofreader for this one, so expect to find grammar mistakes, because English is not my first language. Feel free to correct me at anytime.

Rated Teen for safety, even though I think it's pretty harmless.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 11 )

I started writing this weird story several months ago, and I left it incomplete. I discovered it recently, and I thought it would be good for Halloween. I don't know if I did it right.

Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you liked it, sorry if you didn't. Thanks to Grayson Gears for encouraging me to write something for Halloween, and thanks to the moderator who approved this story, whoever may be.

It comes a bit late now, but happy Halloween, everyone.

P.S.: The poem which Discord recites is not mine, I got it from the Emperor Joker comic books. :twilightblush:

Well done, very fitting for the holiday spirit. You did an absolutely wonderful job portraying Discord. He's almost as fun to write as Pinkie Pie. Also, you idea of Discord's true form was so good, I may have to steal it.

I was expecting something more from Discord calling Starswirl his "Old Friends," but perhaps I am reading too much into it. If I would have one criticism it was that Discord's capture was extremely anti-climatic. I thought it might pack a little more impact. But then again, maybe that was the point. All of Discord's power and he was taken down in only a few seconds.

But it is a great fic, have a thumbs up and a favorite from me.

1541877 Here's a little trivia: In the original design I made, the light that comes off from Discord's eyes in his true form was black, to make him look even weirder. But I changed it to white to make it look more like Discord.

And you can steal it whenever you want. Suit yourself. :twilightsmile:

I was expecting something more from Discord calling Starswirl his "Old Friends," but perhaps I am reading too much into it

I think I originally had an idea planned for that, back when I started writing this story many, many weeks ago, but I completely forgot about it :twilightblush: So now it's just Discord trying to mess with Star Swirl.

If I would have one criticism it was that Discord's capture was extremely anti-climatic.

True, I admit it's a bit rushed. Maybe a lot. :twilightblush:

But I wanted to give a "logical" explanation of why Discord had such an odd pose when he was trapped the first time, and the only reason I could think of is that the Princesses caught him by surprise, while he was doing other things.

But yeah, maybe I could've done it a bit better.

And thanks, I'm glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

I love Discord's little poem. This is a rather nice piece. It doesn't fit in my headcanon, but as long as it doesn't violate what we know of the actual canon, that's perfectly fine by me.

And now it's time to nitpick all the significant and insignificant spelling, grammar, and typo errors!

I try with something simpler: a spell designed to cause temporal blindness.

It's "temporary", not "temporal". Temporal blindness would mean he was unable to see time.

I fall to he ground, with my eyes momentarily disabled.

"He" should be "the".

A squeak, an oink, a laughter,

"Laughter" should be "laugh".

My legs tremble everytime I think of what Discord has done to our land.

"Everytime" should be "every time".

A wise decision, because as soon as the snowball hits the ground, it explodes with a brutal strenght.

"Strenght" should be "strength".

No one of the rivers has water anymore, they have orange juice, or chocolate milk, or... much less pleasant liquids.

"No one" should be either "none" or "not one". Also, there should be a semicolon after "anymore" instead of a comma.

Are his power limitless?

It should be "Is his power limitless?" or "Are his powers limitless?"

“Well, well, well...”, he says, without looking at me.

You don't need any commas in this sentence.

He levitates away from me and laughs histerically again.

It's spelled "hysterically".

Discords opens his mouth and swallows it.

You put an "s" at the end of "Discord".

My head doesn’t hurt anymore, and my heart goes at normal rythm.

It's spelled "rhythm".

Tears flow down from my eyes, but they are not from happines,

"happiness"

Discord allows it to hit his chest, but the spells does nothing.

"Spells" should be "spell".

Theatre, it’s just theatre, I don’t stand a chance against him.
The whole world has been reduced to the top of the mountain, even the forest of lollipops is no more.
I can’t answer, I can’t think of a spell to use, I don’t even care anymore about gaining more time for the Princesses.

"Mountain", "answer", and the second "theatre" should each have a semicolon after it instead of a comma.

1544117 That's a lot of mistakes :facehoof: My bad.

Thanks for pointing them out, I've corrected them. :twilightsmile:

1544309 One is bound to find a lot of mistakes when one goes into as much detail as I tend to do, no matter how well-written. Even my own stories are no exception to this.

Incredibly interesting, and terrifying at the same time.

Discord is simply a being of chaos, cannot be contained or controlled by mere physical means.

Hard to imagine merely seeing something can leave such a lasting impression. I really like this interpretation of Star Swirl though. :raritystarry:

1709984 It's a very lovecraftian concept. The idea is that some creatures are so biologically impossible and so utterly horrifying, that your brain breaks down just by looking at them. Of course, not everyone likes this concept.

I'm glad you liked the story. :pinkiesmile:

Very nice! Dark, but very entertaining.

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