Princess Gaia returns to power, but the past will not repeat itself this time, because this time, everything is under control.
Chapters (3)
RuBoo
Joined 27th Oct, 2012 ·
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Ok, so hierarchy looks like "Commoners[Non-armored] < Knights[Mortals] = Crusaders <= Triad < Eternal Knights[Elements] = Advisors < Princess Gaia[Element of Kindness]".
Importance of Triad is not explained, which is strange for such interview and also Kitsune forgot about explaining gems in the breastplate. Not exactly clear if Crusaders or Triad are ageless as other knights.
Also there comes inconsistency: becoming a knight means background checking. But... Who is being checked? Commoners already don't have full memory or mortality. But knight have both of these things.
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...I suppose I shouldn't assume knowledge of such simply because I thought it obvious.
The Triad isn't extremely important aside from being an extra layer of authority for the Crusaders, which would be why Kitsune, being an Advisor, wouldn't care much about the specific details of their position, and so would not relay such information to the Interviewers. The gems are not very important to what this particular chapter is about, but it shouldn't be extremely difficult to figure out their purpose for one who has read the series itself. I tend to place semi-obvious hints for things in my stories. Though it should be detailed in the next chapter for those who don't see it, if ever I get to writing it. The Crusaders are, like the commoners, eternally young, as the original CMC were all fillies.
Commoners cannot become Knights, as, apart from a few exceptions, Knights have all their memories, and are mature, while the commoners are forever youthful. Knights come from outside sources, and are checked for, in particular, kidnapping, pedophilia, and the like. Princess Gaia's rule is, aside from special occasions, limited to her castle and the immediate surrounding area, while Princesses Celestia and Luna still rule outside locations.
I hope I have answered all your questions satisfactorily. If not, let me know. While I know that I will never be perfect, I do try to work towards becoming the best I can, for the sake of those who read my worthless... Ahem.
You've done a good job of explaining the scenario you have in mind, but I feel that the first chapter should really be a hook to make readers want to read more. I'm not really getting a feeling of curiosity to this story, and the whole thing seems kind of dull. Maybe you could add some more to this chapter to catch people's attention.
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Remember you can EDIT your story AFTER it's posted. It can help.
While I don't care much for OCs, (And remember Angel is part of Princess Gaia's court), I do like you put a LOT of thought into how Princess Gaia's little bubble community here would work. It's rather impressive. Nice. :-) *hugs*
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I'm used to my stories being in multiple places at once, and, therefore being a hassle to edit. For example, Nightmare Rising can be found not only here and on my computer, but also on dA and Bulbagarden Forums (an odd place for it, I know). Once it's posted, it's posted. Though I suppose I have no such barriers with this particular story...
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I actually didn't put too much thought into it. I mean, beyond setting up the levels, all I did was take Princess Gaia's "prototype" perfect society, mixed in a few of my own ideas, a bit of tweaking here and there, and done. And the groups just created themselves, really; I had to have my character in some sort of high position (yes, I know, cliche, overused, yadda yadda), and couldn't bear taking Cheerilee's "Dragon" position from her, hence the Advisors; I knew Fluttershy's friends had to be in there somewhere, being very important to her, becoming the Eternal Knights; I wanted an excuse to include the CMC in this, and there's already a knight-type word in their name, Crusaders; and the Knights I just pulled right from the original story. Not much thinking involved at all, really.
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That doesn't stop me.
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I don't like hassle. Call me lazy if you like, it's just who I am.
I see this is based off of Alex Warlorn's POV series. I will keep an eye on this.
Completed?
Really?
That's it?
Okay.
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Sorry to disappoint you. I'm honestly not much of a story writer. Characters aren't my strong point, and any good story needs a central conflict, which is often of the "character vs. character" sort. In case you haven't noticed, aside from my OC, all of the mentioned characters are in the POV series itself.
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The only POV Series is entering its final stage, I hope you'll be there.