It's Rainbow's birthday! And her friends have a huge surprise planned out. Will it make Rainbow happy? Yes! Will they get hurt or injured? Probably. Will they make it out alive? Probably not.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 23rd Sep, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 16th, 2014
Slingshot619
Age:14 Favorite pony: Rainbow Dash That's all you need to know.
Slingshot619
Joined 23rd Sep, 2012 ·
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Interesting premise. It will be fun to watch this develop
Them ponies be trollin'. This is by far one of the most astoundingly believable and intelligent pieces of mlp literature I've ever come across. Everyone is so in character!
But wait, no Spike? Meh, fail.
fave.
What is it with me and finding fics where a character's friends knock them out? (Don't ask, I don't want to talk about it)
Anyway, despite it being a good read, it is brought down by some issues:
The prose at the beginning is a fair bit too purple, either the cupcake is transforming into a muffin and back randomly and reappearing in her hoof at one point, etc or Rainbow picked up a muffin and it was never mentioned, and this paragraph is badly formatted:
Giving an unconscious pegasus a bath is not easy. Rarity had to dye her mane, tail and wings together with her cyan blue fur. Rarity had to make sure the dye got everywhere. Even the more, um sensitive parts couldn't be left out. When she was done, Rarity was soaking wet. But at least her job was done. Next was clothing. Aw snap.
As the character doing the two actions with the dye are the same one, it would be best to merge the two sentences
I like it!
This seems like something a lot more light hearted than anything I'm reading atm. Will keep an eye on it, will be fun to watch it develop.
1537521
I see what you mean there mate. Those parts did seem a little off, and I (sadly) noticed the cupcake/muffin thing too.
But nonetheless, I will look forward to seeing how this develops!
5 of the mane 6 just became douches
I feel this picture is fitting for what just happened.
th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/211/7/4/mlp___cliff_hanger_by_omgklint-d58zyv6.jpg
Imma following this to see what happens.
Oh, and as for the plot progression:
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8352-rapid_escalation.png
Yeah.
I always use images to help convey my thoughts.
Saw the title and thought of this:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/44277/The-Ship-Off
What is this a crossover of?
This story just makes me wonder why the hell would they go through with such an elaborate scheme, which im gonna guess this pony
was the mastermind behind.
it's a cool idea for a gift, and probably something rainbow would like........their method of execution
...Dash thinking she is Daring for a day huh.....what could possibly go wrong
HOLD ON A SECOND, MR FANFIC WRITER!!
Rainbow forgot to brush her teeth after eating her muffin/cupcake? Oral hygene is a must!
And what is with the cupcake muffin thing? Is Derpy co-editing?
1538827 Actually yes. Derpy is co-editing. You must forgive her, she's already having a hard time trying to type with her hooves.
Well, I like it. I will be watching.
1538832 Alright...how do ponies keep their teeth so white anyway?
1538857 I dunno. Ask Doctor Colgate
Oh, come on. She hardly died at all!
...You actually did it.
That's awesome.
Well, that was short, if not awesom--
"Incomplete"
SWEET BEARD OF CELESTIA YOU ARE A GOD
1539435 I know. The description was for da lulz
(Dryly) Yeah, best friends ever. In all sincerity though, I kinda thought it was a cruel joke from the start and now they're leaving their friend to fend for herself... while she's unconscious, floating down a river and in very real danger of dying. Yeah, loyalty has to work both ways guys! And wny the hell would they have actual lava or a trap that was literally impossible to pull off as Daring had? Honestly, the only thing this joke could ever have possibly accomplished was ruin her (if season one's anything to go off, fragile) self-esteem. Charming lot those five are ain't they?
Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying this story, but her 'friends' are just douchebags plain and simple.
1541561 Point taken
That felt... rushed.
Here's what happens next: Spike is fishing in the same river Dash is floating down. He reels her in and believes he caught a Daring Do. Thinking he can do with her as he wishes, since he caught her fair-and-square, he drags her into a cave inside an active volcano to search for treasure. Dash wakes up in just as the danger is getting really intense, lave rising around her, rocky ceiling collapsing, and Spike is just excited about seeing how "Daring Do" is going to get them out of this perilous predicament.
1543246 You could write that. Since am no longer the author of the series, you go ahead. You look good enough, BTW Loved your story.
1541561 Could've just done the makeup on her with her awake in Chapter 1, then make fake effects in the temple, like arrows being just computer-animated, and tomato soup as lava. But yea, total douches.
I shall put it simply: I lol'd, even though I spotted a few mistakes.
Erm, can I rewrite? I usually do this for Lionblaze's, but this one looks like fun.
1544377 Agreed. On her birthday no less.
1546539
1545701 Sure! just PM me first.
1546656mm kay, ill do it in a while. I ahve a lot on my plate right now.
1543730 I am writing a continuation right now. I'm only doing it for kicks, though, so expect it to be kinda rushed, sloppy, and not as good as my other story. Okay if it's rated Teen for some naughty humor and a little monster gore?
1554794 it's okay
Rainbow passes out which means that cupcakes came into mind. if they kill her then I would kill her in her sleep. but she turns into daring do ok I don't get it. what is she dreaming about that my question
Well, it was pretty decent. I liked it.
Dear Princes Celestia,
today I learned that real friends drug you up and throw you into a deathtrap filled forrest.
Yeah that sounds about right xD
FUCK TWI FUCK AJ FUCK PINKIE AND FUCK RARITY EAINBOW DASH IS AWESOME
I angry nao that u made fun of mah wifu
2137167 what about old Flutters?