The Seven Little Vices

brony jts

brony jts #1 · Oct 31st, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: Discord's Deal with the Devil ·

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i hate cliffhangers

Menace

Menace #2 · Oct 31st, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: Discord's Deal with the Devil ·

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Haha, don't hold it against me too much, because I'm gonna post the next chapter before the end of the night! Consider it a Halloween gift to you guys ;D

Also, thanks for the comment and hope you liked the first chapter XP

EXOLIEF

EXOLIEF #3 · Nov 1st, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: Discord's Deal with the Devil ·

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A. Description is too long and you really don't need that note there
I did essentially the same thing with my story, but I didn't need a note to state the obvious
B. EQAD didn't shut down, the domain just got busted for a bit. Try following their tumblr or just go to the backup site.

Now as for the story itself...

Discord seems a bit out of character in his naivety, here, and it's hard to see him being used by random villainess over here. Dialogue is good, and actions could use a little work, but it's a fairly decent setup for what's to come. If you do keep up with this and see it through to the end, I'd love to see it continued. We really need more genuine Discord work on here

Til then, I'll keep an eye on this

Menace

Menace #4 · Nov 1st, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: Discord's Deal with the Devil ·

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Ah, EXOLIEF. Your reputation preceeds you, hahaha. I'm surprised my little story landed on your radar XP . I'm humbled.

A. Eh, I agree that the note was unnecessary and long, but I'm going to leave it the way it is. I'm brand new to the "business" and I just wanted to get some stuff out there on my first story. Plus, the first chapter is really tame compared to other clopfics, so I didn't want anyone rating me a thumbs down simply for content rather than for the quality of my writing (which probably happened anyway >__>, or maybe they just didn't like it *shrug*).

EDIT: You know what? You're right. I don't want potential readers turned off by the wordy description. Thanks for pointing that out.

C. Ah, yeah, that makes more sense. Thanks for the heads up.

Yeah, Discord's tough to write for because he's only been in two episodes, and he's never been in a situation like that (obviously), but I like the way it turned out. The way I saw it, he's way too curious to care that he's being used, but I'll definitely expand upon that in coming chapters.

The actions are really dry in this first chapter because there's so much repitition and so many small things that I figured I'd save the heavy hitting stuff for coming chapters. Really, I just wanted this intro out of the way, haha. This was by far the hardest part to write. And I definitely hope it's a good setup, because I was hesitant about it myself, so thanks for that ;D

And, it'll be continued alright, mostly due to the great response I recieved. So stick around ;) Hopefully I can live up to your standards. Glad to have you as a reader!

Oh, and I gotta ask, do I sense that you also know that Rarity is best pony? Because, it's rare for me to meet another enlightened brony, haha XP

EXOLIEF

EXOLIEF #5 · Nov 2nd, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: Discord's Deal with the Devil ·

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1542356
Gah, you didn't reply to my comment so I didn't get a notification. Sorry for the delayed response.

And I have a reputation? Oh boy
I know how it's hard to write for a character who has only been in a few episodes (hell, I'm writing for one-episode characters in the project I'm currently involved in), so I perfectly understand if you're trying to reveal a new side to the character's reaction to situations they haven't been faced with before. Props to you for that'n

Also, a quick note here about writing a good intro is that it shouldn't be something that's holding you back. It's meant to be a good setup and you managed that, good for you, but it should never feel less engaging than the meat of the story just because it's an opener. You succeeded, so I didn't really have to tell you this, but I felt it was necessary to point out, if I could at least let you take a different perspective on it

Heh, I will admit that I do sort of have standards when it comes to the quality of writing, but as long as it's decent, I'll give it the read that it deserves, and so far, you're certainly above average for a story-telling clopfic. Like I said, I'm keeping an eye on it because I'm interested in the concept, and you have the necessary skill to pull it off

Best wishes and good luck!
-Exo

P.S. All ponies are great, it's just a matter of- ofcourseRarityisbestponyjustkeepspreadingtheword

Bennet001

Bennet001 #6 · Nov 2nd, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: Discord's Deal with the Devil ·

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My mouth is hung open. THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!! I am as excited to see what will happen as much as discord is... I ever thought I would hear myself say that. I'm sorry but a good train wreck is happening right in front of me and I'm going to sit back and watch as it catches momentum and burst into flames. Chow Bennet out. You better update soon!!

Menace

Menace #7 · Nov 3rd, 2012 · · · Chapter 2: Twilight's Day Off ·

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know I said that I'd publish it a couple days ago, but life likes to get in the way. Nevertheless, here is Chapter 2! It's shorter than I wanted it to be, but hopefully it was worth the wait! Much more to come!

Menace

Menace #8 · Nov 3rd, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: Discord's Deal with the Devil ·

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1548478
Oh, right, haha. I didn't even know that was a thing. My bad XD

Glad to know I'm not alone in that one. It's pretty rough, haha.

Yeah, that's definitely true, and I really wish I could put more TLC into my intros, but I love to procrastinate, and I love even more to overanalyze my work, so I figure if I don't rush it, it won't ever see the light of day XP

I'm pretty snobby when it comes to writing myself, even fanfictions, so it's refreshing to see someone else with that kind of appreciation for writing ;D And thanks, I really appreciate that. Hopefully you'll stay interested 'til the end, huh?

Thanks again!

*cough*OfcourseI'llcontinuetospreadthewordeveryonedeservestoknow*cough*

1548707

Wow, I didn't expect that. Thanks a lot! Hopefully it'll only keep getting better!

Bennet001

Bennet001 #9 · Nov 3rd, 2012 · · · Chapter 2: Twilight's Day Off ·

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Uh oh. Suddenly I'm hesitant to read forward... NAH!! Just kidding this is good although a bit of a contradiction if you ask me "a sloth with a want" quite the paradox. If this is how twilight is I can't wait to see how fluttershy or pinkie pie turn out.

MagusNeon