Shining Steel, a new recruit in the Celestial Guard, has found his special somepony, someone from the infamous Night Guard, but are the laws restricting Celestial and night guards to be with each other going to get in the way of these two ponies and their new relationship?
Note: This is my first story so if it is bad in any way, please let me know, and also don't get mad about it. I have seen many good writers stop writing because of something one pony said in the comments. Thanks.
(Cover art is temporary till I can find someone who can draw me a pic. Note that payment may be difficult due to never paying things online. Also cover art is done by *Equestria-Prevails)
P.S. Updates might take a while since I am a very SLOW WRITER. + school. So yeah. Enjoy.
A story about a day guard stallion falling for a night guard mare?
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I love the idea of this already.
i shall read latr fellow brony.
ORIGINAL
I SEEZ IT.
And I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that the night guard is derpy?
Their armor covers their true color, so it could be.
*reads story again, closer inspection
IGNORE WHAT I SAID EARLIER!
Good stuff, keep it up good sir/madam
Will read later, sounds interesting
1547616
Derez an edit button on da topa da commentz, ya kno.
As fer da stori itzelf, oi foind moiself put off by da abusea capz an da poor gramma. Get yerself a proofreeda an oi moit consider even reedin dis.
This has awsome romance shinnanigans written all over it...
im a gaurd?
What a
LOL...
He types with an Australian accent.
Royal Guard x Night Guard shipping? This pleases me.
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I really hope this makes the feature lists, it was released at a shitty time though... Moderation delays and all that. Still i like it, its cute, and the charicters are likeable.
Ok...Time to be a critic.
Your sentence structure: Terrible.
Things could be worded so much more efficiently, that it's not even funny. I was having a hard time getting into the story because the words didn't flow and I had to keep coming back to the beginning of the sentence to properly understand what you were saying. I.e.
It would have been far better to have written:
Or something similar. But the only way to improve that is to keep writing. So by all means, continue.
Second, you may have guessed this one, capitalizing whole sentences. Admittedly, I do this myself every now and then
, but it's mostly for wordless screams (i.e. "AAAAHHHHH"). Really though, when you have a character shout, tell us he was shouting, don't pull the amateur move and capitalize everything, it looks bad.
Third, double check your punctuation and formatting.
The other stuff, pacing, characterization, etc. you only learn from experience, and I can't help you there.
An excellent idea, and one I will definitely think I will enjoy one day. Maybe after a revision or two.
I'd think about finding an editor.
Hope to see more from you, have a thumbs up.
Derpy is a commander WAT.
aaww, that's kinda cute, so this is what Derpy does in her free time......... not bad.
1547962 Everything he said..plus a few other things.
If Derpy is his commanding officer, she needs to act it. New recruits don't get any jokes, or usually even their names said. She should be more like a commanding officer, and less like a friend. Even more so considering he's only been in the guard for two days. Other than that it all seems good. The idea is brilliant, and I look forward to seeing how this plays out. But once again: grammar, syntax, and spelling can all be improved. (not so much spelling, but there were a few words)
Liking it please continue!
1547962 k thanks for the heads up mate i will be sure to do that.
1547747 yes i'm an Australian
1547640 i'm a guy
1548185 thx and don't worry in the future chapters u will see why Derpy is a commander
wow guys and girls i didn't expect it to nearly 30 likes it 1 day.
Well then if u found that u liked this chapter i have some good news i have nearly finished the second chapter and i should be able to post it soon. 
If the stupid school will stop giving me HOMEWORK 
If u all want to know y i chose to do this story mainly because i have been seeing so many images of the female night guard and the male day guard i was starting to think should i make a story about those two but wasn't sure. Then as soon as i saw the image of the two in the pub on fimfic that's when i decided i would do it.
1547683
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Also, there is a great lack of commas. That makes everything jumble together and look messy.
So good idea, iffy execution.
1551213
Derez dis old orkish sayin. Yer idea ain't wort a single snotlin's arse unlez ya doa gud job wit it.
Ok. I haven't read, but why the hell would such a law exist?
1554512 sorry i would tell u but i'm afraid it would be spoiling the story which i plan on not doing
The only problem I have with stories from the two royal guards is that I half expect their drills to be something like this:
1557558 don't worry this is only the first chapter stuff like that will happen well maybe not exactly like that but similar.
1559428
Oh there is nothing wrong with your story, just ment as a joke on the royal guards in general.
Keep up the good work Unless of course tou have piano lessons.
Moar
Please
no derpy may like him if he fall for the night Guard then she will be sad
Please keep writing, or else fluttershy will be sad
1609675 NOOOO don't cry Fluttershy i sorry i have almost finished the chapter before i got myself stuck but now im not
FINISH NEXT CHPTER!!! I WANTZ-NO NEED MORE!!!!!!!
When the heck is the next chapter coming?
1681220 Sorry the next chapter seems to be taken longer than i wanted it to be even though it is longer than the first there is one character for some reason i having difficulty with for he is unique and it also isn't easy for me because of school work and that my mum is dying in hospital.
1682201 So sorry to here that.
1682270 that's ok you didn't know
hey got to ask are you going to put the griffon in the story I'm sure you could find a way.
1751843 do u mean the griffin in the bar who is playing black jack (or something like that) with the two?
yes she look likes she is in the night guard too have a pic i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/451/929/612.png
1756579 maybe, maybe not
love the story, can't wait for next chapter
1765948 if u look at my page u will see a blog that will tell u when the next chapter will be coming.
AWESOME
1549098 Well seeing as your pony has the female face structure (more rounded), it's a reasonable conclusion.
1835157 well a lot of ponies's face look rounded when there facing the camera but meh i like who she is and what she is and i look forward to typing the other chapters
1837212 side view, as seen in your avatar (made in generalzoi's ponymaker?) and any others made in generalzoi's ponymaker, is easiest to tell by. Stallions have a more squared off and angular muzzle, while mares have a rounded muzzle. You have a rounded muzzle for your pony, so that could be confusing on whether you're a guy or a girl.
1837843 oh you mean my pony oops sorry well i'm a guy and as for my OC and y its a mare because well i'm a vinyl fan and i wanted to create a pony similar to her so i created that pony and i don't plan on changing it anytime soon so sorry if its confusing but i also think Bass Blitz goes well with a mare than a stallion.
1837891 Eh, I wanted to be a pegasus, but none of the wing choices really appealed to me, so I drew up my own wings and added the lines and stuff in paint. I like more customization but suck at drawing living things (ie. ponies) so I did the main body in gen.zoi's maker and just went with it, adding stuff in paint.
Also, I can eat meat without being sick as I'm an omnivore as pony. BACON!
1838138 lol nice
I like the premise of this story