• Published 28th Oct 2012
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Earth to Twilight - terrycloth



Twilight tries to deal with being turned into an earth pony, despite help from all her friends.

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Chapter 7: Home Sweet Home

There hadn’t been any particular security in place at the Canterlot station when Twilight had taken the train back to Ponyville a few weeks before – just a pair of Royal Guards on duty in case anypony needed directions. She still spent most of the trip worrying, though, since their group was anything but inconspicuous. After they’d gotten to the part of the route where there were too many tunnels for even Rainbow Dash to risk train-surfing, the two pegasi had started ‘sneaking’ around the crowded passenger cars and ‘converting’ anypony willing to play along – mostly foals, at first – by tickling them with their wings until they agreed they were changelings.

In the close confines of the train, there really wasn’t anywhere to run, and soon they had a horde of giggling ‘changelings’ running up and down the aisle. When the train pulled into the station, they swarmed out onto the platform – and before Twilight could say ‘horseapples’ she found herself falling in step with the crowd as they sang an impromptu musical number about the pending liberation of Canterlot. Like most spontaneous outbursts, it was unreasonably catchy – whatever muse implanted these songs in the minds of ponies seemed to know what it was doing.

The pair of hapless Royal Guards looked on, bewildered. But at the end of the song everypony fell down laughing, and the crowd dispersed back to their pony lives, and Twilight and her changeling cohorts made haste away from the scene of the crime.

===

Normally, the walk from the train station to Twilight’s childhood home didn’t seem very long. Canterlot was a small city – smaller than Ponyville, in fact, if you measured it from end to end. It seemed a lot larger from the inside, however, since it was built vertically, layer upon layer. Only the skill of the ancient architect who’d designed the city’s infrastructure allowed for every street to be open to the sky, and for most of the transitions between levels to involve gentle switchbacks and ramps that the inattentive might not even notice were there, giving the impression of the large, sprawling city that the mountain cleft couldn’t possibly have supported, even with a whole lot of magically braced cantilevers. There was a reason for the ever-present Royal Guards – always one within a minute’s walk – and it wasn’t to guard against changeling invasions.

That said, it was only a fifteen minute walk from the station to Star Terrace Court, and the route took Twilight past many of her favorite sights and shops from when she’d lived in the city, some of them still decorated for the winter holidays, even though Hearth’s Warming Eve was long since passed. She wasn’t in any mood to enjoy the sights, unfortunately, and the thought of what Seaside and Rainbow Dash would get up to if she dared to stop and shop was… not unthinkable, sadly enough. She could imagine the results with perfect clarity. So instead all she could do was hurry along and try not to be noticed by anypony, but every guard they passed seemed to be staring at her, personally, with suspicion and distrust, and she really wished she had her ninja outfit.

And then she noticed Seaside singing.

Their iron hooves won't break us!
Their walls can't segregate us!
Their chains won't let them take us!
Our cause will be victorious!

It was that song, that accursed song from the train station – and Twilight realized she’d been humming along with the tune. She stopped suddenly, and Seaside glanced over and gave a little giggle.

“Ugh,” Twilight said. “You know that the sentiment in that song is completely inappropriate for the actual Canterlot and the real world, right? It may be fun to fantasize about a world where we were forced to rise up and ‘fight the power’, but nothing good has ever come from a revolution.”

“Speak for yourself, pony,” Rainbow Dash said.

Twilight glowered. “I’m trying to be serious. Can we stop role-playing for thirty seconds? You two were completely out of control on the train, and I don’t want you doing anything stupid and actually getting arrested!”

“So what if they do? I’ll get zapped by a stupid changeling detection spell and then they’ll let me go,” Rainbow Dash said.

“But what if you were actually a changeling?” Twilight asked. “You’d be thrown in a dungeon and who knows if you’d ever be let out?”

Rainbow Dash looked at Twilight oddly. “If I was a changeling, wouldn’t I know?”

Twilight shook her head. “Well, yes, I didn’t mean you you, but some of the ponies in that crowd might have been changelings, just going about their business and not hurting anypony. And you’re putting them in danger by stirring up hysteria!”

“Everypony seemed more amused than hysterical,” Ditto said. “Still, any changeling who willingly took a train into Canterlot with Celestia’s detention order in effect would have to be a complete idiot.”

“Or a rebel,” Seaside offered. “They might have sung that song and meant it.”

“The last thing the changelings need are rebels,” Twilight said. “Princess Celestia can’t possibly plan to detain them indefinitely – it would go against everything Equestria stands for.”

“I don’t know,” Rainbow Dash said. “They’re not ponies, so you can’t expect her to treat them like ponies. Equestria is an awesome place to live, don’t get me wrong, but I wouldn’t want to be a monster here.”

“Everypony who wants to be a pony is a pony to ponies,” Twilight said.

Ditto looked at Twilight oddly. “That’s a quote from Princess Pinkie Pie, isn’t it?” He shook his head. “She was never quite in touch with reality.”

“She’s a genius,” Twilight insisted. “And stop talking about her in the past tense.”

“That would be a lot easier if she were present,” Ditto said, a bit harshly.

“Everything would be easier. We wouldn’t even be having this conversation,” Seaside added, flapping into the air and gesticulating wildly. “She let the changelings out of prison, only for Celestia to round them back up as soon as she disappeared. I can’t believe she just abandoned them! If I ever see her, I’m going to smack her so hard!”

“Geez, Seaside, calm down,” Rainbow Dash said. “Why are you taking this so personally? Are you really a changeling or something?” She smirked at her own joke.

“YES!” Seaside shouted, right in Rainbow’s face.

Rainbow Dash stared at her, shocked. So did Ditto and Twilight, not having to fake their surprise and dismay in the slightest.

“I mean, no,” Seaside said. “Of course not. I can’t think when I’m angry! And this whole city makes me angry.”

“Can we not talk about this outside on the street?” Twilight asked, looking around surreptitiously, but not seeing any sign that the ponies walking past had noticed anything out of line. She supposed a pair of pegasi screaming at each other would just confirm the conventional Canterlot wisdom about them.

“You started it,” Seaside grumbled.

A few minutes later, Twilight noticed Seaside humming that song again, but didn’t say anything.

===

“It’s bigger on the inside,” Rainbow Dash said, standing in the doorway of Twilight’s home. From the outside, it had looked like a tiny cottage built against one of the city’s dozens of internal walls, but the living room, right inside the door, was larger than the entire building had appeared. “Messier, too,” the pegasus added, as she took to the air to avoid knocking over the piles of books and scrolls, and the occasional dirty dish, that covered every surface, including most of the floor.

“Well, it’s not like she’s expecting visitors,” Twilight said, looking around. The house seemed deserted, and from the looks of things her dad was probably spending most of his time working with Luna – he was the neat freak of the family. “Mom? Are you home?” When there was no answer, she kicked off her boots and headed for the back hall, dodging around the mess with well-practiced maneuvers. “I’ll go check to see if she’s in the lab, or the garden. You three stay here, and don’t break anything.”

Seaside joined Rainbow Dash in midair. Ditto carefully edged his way through the front door, and contorted himself to close it behind him, staring in dismay at the obstacle course in front of him. “You can move things!” Twilight said, exasperated, as she headed further in.

The door to her old room was open, which was a little odd – the other times she’d visited, it had always been closed, since it was hardly ever used for anything. She turned idly to look inside as she passed, and managed to take the magical blast to the face. For a second she was completely disoriented, and then she felt herself gripped by her mane and dragged into the room. The door shut with a quiet click, and flashed purple as it was magically sealed.

“Hi, mom,” Twilight said to her assailant, who was standing in a defensive posture. “What’s going on?”

Twilight Velvet turned to look at the door, verifying it was still closed and locked, then back to her daughter. “The changeling wards went off, but the detection spell says you’re a pony,” she said, suspiciously. “Who did you have with you when you came inside?”

Twilight winced – apparently, Shiny had been busy. This changed… nothing, in the long run; she hadn’t decided whether or not to tell her mother about the changelings, and all this did was make that decision for her. Volunteering the information would have been a much better first impression than getting caught, though. “Well, this is awkward,” Twilight said, at last.

===

“Just put on the inhibitor.”

“No!” Ditto said, shoving the tiny clockwork device back across the kitchen table. Twilight Sparkle stopped it with her hoof. “Why isn’t she putting on an inhibitor?” the changeling asked.

“Because this is my house, and in my house you follow my rules,” Twilight Velvet replied. “Or you could leave.” She levitated another load of papers from the cluttered table, looked at them on both sides, and then dumped them into the trash.

“If they leave, I’m going with them,” her daughter replied. “I’d love to spend time with you, mom, but I really need to keep an eye on them.” Twilight looked at the inhibitor sitting in front of her. “Why do you even have this?”

“Your brother left it in case I caught a changeling.”

“Are you sure I can’t just erase her memory?” Ditto asked. “She’d forget that the wards went off. And that she attacked you. And this whole conversation. It wouldn’t hurt her at all; I’ve had a lot of practice.”

“I don’t think admitting that is actually helping your case,” Twilight Sparkle replied, shoving the inhibitor back across the table. “Just put it on. You hardly ever use magic anyway.” Why was he being so stubborn? It was a completely useless precaution, since it’d be a matter of seconds for him to change into an earth pony or pegasus, and leave the thing without a horn to cling to. “It’s the only condition mom put on you staying here. Just… humor her. Please? I promise not to let you get arrested before we talk to Princess Luna.”

“I let her tie up my wings,” Seaside said, wiggling them under the ropes. The ropes were shiny, almost like ribbons, and a purple that matched Twilight Velvet’s mane and cutie mark. Rainbow Dash’s wings were also bound, ‘just in case’, since she’d refused to let the unicorn blast her to verify her species.

“No!” Ditto repeated. “I hate these things. Have you ever been in prison?”

Twilight Sparkle looked back at him. “Yes?” she said, wondering how he could have possibly forgotten that. “And yes, they made me wear an inhibitor.”

“Then you know how much they hurt, every time you forget and try to cast a spell.”

Twilight winced a little. “Well, yes, but –“

Ditto levitated the inhibitor, and threw it across the room into the garbage pail. “They’re torture devices! They shouldn’t even be legal.”

“There’s no law against using them on monsters,” Twilight Velvet replied, levitating a bunch of dirty dishes into the sink, and then retrieving the inhibitor from the trash.

“Oh, you want me to be a monster?” Ditto said, putting both hooves on the table as he stood up from his chair. Twilight Velvet responded by levitating a half dozen knives from the knife rack, and pointing them at the changeling.

Twilight Sparkle looked back and forth between the two, then leapt onto the table, between them, slipping a little as one of her hooves landed on an old magazine, and screamed, “STOP!”

“Twilight! Why are you taking his side?” her mother asked. Then with a sudden gasp, she dropped the knives haphazardly on the floor. “Moon and stars, are you two dating?”

Twilight blushed. “Mom! I’m not – how can you even --“ she sputtered, trying to figure out how her mother had even gotten that idea. And trying not to imagine how somepony might have misinterpreted the sight, the night before, of Ditto in his changeling form, pinning her to the bed. Somepony like the author of Changelings of Canterlot, which featured several similar scenes. Or Rainbow Dash, who had the sort of look on her face like she was considering them as a couple.

“I assure you, her feelings for me are entirely platonic,” Ditto said, sitting back down. “We’re friends.”

“Right,” Twilight said. “And he’d know, because he can taste emotions. He’s following me around like a puppy because I fed him this morning, and he’s probably hoping for a second helping.”

Ditto looked embarrassed. Rainbow Dash glanced at Seaside, and asked, “Is that why you always want to hang out so much?”

“Eh, girl’s gotta eat,” she replied, looking at the table.

“Right,” Twilight Sparkle said. “So, can we agree that we’re all friends here? And that we don’t have to strap torture devices to each other to get along? Because I’d really like to get off this table.”

Twilight Velvet’s horn glowed, as she re-levitated the knives – then spun them around and put them back in the block. “I don’t trust them, but maybe we can compromise.”

===

Twilight Velvet levitated the cookbook next to her as she added herbs and spices to the casserole. “I wasn’t expecting to have guests over,” she’d said when she announced that she was cooking dinner for everypony, “but at least two of you are going to need to eat something.” Twilight Sparkle’s trail mix hadn’t counted.

“I wish I could help,” Twilight said, as she held the end of the purple ribbon tied around Ditto’s horn. A sharp jerk would disrupt a spell, if he tried to cast anything malicious, without the painful impact the clockwork inhibitors used. Of course, for that to work, she’d have to be keeping an eye on Ditto instead of watching her mother cook.

Her mother laughed. “You’re a terrible liar, Twily. You never think of a lie that anypony could possibly believe.”

“I didn’t say I would help, but it’d be nice to be able to,” Twilight replied. “I don’t think I’ve told you about the so-called-progress I’ve made on earth pony magic.”

“So it really exists?” Twilight Velvet asked. “And it keeps you from cooking. That’s still not terribly believable – I’m pretty sure I’ve heard of earth ponies cooking.”

“As far as I can tell, it’s a sort of random catalyst, only not limited to reaction rate. At the time I thought I’d just mismeasured, because my instruments weren’t made for hooves, but given what I’ve learned since I’m fairly certain it made a certain reaction release about twice as much hydrochloric acid as it should have.” She shuddered at the memory. “Oh, and I burned at least twenty batches of muffins. That is reaction rate, though.”

“Heat transfer,” her mother corrected, as she turned the cookbook upside down and sideways, staring at an unusual step. “But I think I understand – you’re having random uncontrolled surges, just like when you were a filly learning unicorn magic. That’s a shame – I’d have hoped the training would carry over.”

“Right. The training. That’s probably the worst part,” Twilight said. “Applebloom tried to give me advice on how to… well, ‘control’ is the wrong word. How to anticipate the effects. And it was all –“ she shook her head.

“Hey!” Ditto said, leaning his head towards her to create a bit of slack, as her careless motion tugged on his horn.

“Sorry,” Twilight said, tying the ribbon around her hoof instead of holding it in her mouth. “It was all poppycock, mom! Superstitious nonsense!”

Her mother glanced at her. “And yet, earth ponies manage to cook all the time, many of them quite skillfully. There must be something real hidden beneath the superstition – there often is truth behind the old mare’s tales. I mean, look – changelings are real! Do you know how many folk tales that could explain? The Shadow Twin, the Feather Storm, the Mirror Pool…” She paused. “I’d say The Mare in the Moon, but that turned out to be Princess Luna.”

“I’m not saying it’s not real, I’m saying it’s not quantifiable. You’re supposed to forget about keeping track of time or quantities and just add ‘a little sugar’ until it feels right, then cook it until it ‘seems done’,” Twilight said.

“That sounds like pre-classical spellcasting,” Twilight Velvet mused, as she stirred the mix of noodles and sauces and vegetables. “Plenty of unicorns still cast that way. It’s strange that the earth ponies would still be stuck in the pre-classical era, though – even the pegasi managed to industrialize their weather magic, and they’ve always been a bit featherbrained.”

“Exactly. If nopony’s ever managed to figure it out in all this time, what if it can’t be quantified?” Twilight asked. “I haven’t given up yet, but none of the data I collected from all my failed experiments in baking is any use, and I’m starting to think that one of the confounding variables might be my own emotional state. That, or something to do with the time of day. Possibly both. In the meantime, I’m stuck being even more useless than if I was – I don’t know, a donkey or something. Or a unicorn with her horn cut off.”

Her mother laughed. “Or a filly who hasn’t learned to control her magic yet? Give it time. Work with the experts. Every earth pony figures it out eventually, I’m sure you’ll master the knack in no time.”

“I don’t want to master the knack,” Twilight said. “It’s unscientific. And worse, if I do master it, how will I ever be able to properly perform the experiments I’d need to use the magic properly? I’d be a biased observer.”

“Twilight…” her mother said. “There are solutions to every problem you’ve proposed. Obvious ones. Observer bias is a real problem with every scientific experiment, and there are plenty of books on how to account for and minimize it. Accounting for the time of day is trivial. Your emotional state… is trickier, but I can think of two different ways to make sure it doesn’t ruin the results off the top of my head. Three, since you have changeling friends.

“Honestly, it sounds like you’re looking for excuses to give up and declare the whole project a failure.” She shook her head. “If you want to give up and wallow in self-pity for a while, I’ll be here to brush your mane and feed you chocolate. But that’s not the Twilight Sparkle I know and love.”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to wallow in self pity,” Ditto suggested. “Maybe she wants to explore other alternatives.”

“I’m not turning into a changeling,” Twilight Sparkle said. “You saw how mom reacted – she’s still scared of you, and Shining Armor is probably worse, after what the Queen made him do. I can’t do that to my family.”

Ditto frowned. “They wouldn’t have to know.”

“I’d know,” Twilight Velvet said. “Twilight is terrible at keeping secrets.”

Twilight sighed. “It doesn’t matter, since the secret is out. Now that everypony knows changelings are real, even experts like you and Seaside—“ she was pretty sure she said that with a straight face “--couldn’t stay hidden for more than a couple of weeks. I’m taking you to see Luna because I’m hoping she has a better life to offer you than constantly staying on the run, or… or whatever Celestia has planned.”

“Being locked up in prison for all eternity,” Ditto said, bitterly.

“That is not the extent of her plan,” Twilight insisted. “If nothing else, she’d turn you to stone to make long-term storage cheaper. The fact that she hasn’t built a new changeling-themed statue garden means she has something else in mind… or is hoping that another option will arise.” She smiled. “Maybe we can give her one!”

===

While the casserole was cooking, Twilight demonstrated the one bit of blatant earth pony magic she was able to do reliably: preventing water from boiling by watching the kettle. After seeing it, her mother asked her to try a few experiments with candles – with a little practice, Twilight was able to snuff them out with a glance, which startled everypony the first time they saw it – and had her attempt the archetypical earth pony trick of making a seed grow into a flower instantly. Without the magic soil that she’d promised not to talk about, Twilight wasn’t able to do anything to the seed.

“There must be a trick to it,” her mother said, frowning.

“I’m sure there is,” Twilight answered, honestly enough. “I got the impression that I’m unusually magical for an earth pony, but growing plants is not my thing. I wasted weeks trying to have any effect at all on the flowers in the Canterlot Gardens.” Every word true, and completely misleading. She was glad that her mother thought she still didn’t know how to lie.

Soon enough – exactly soon enough, precisely at the time specified in the cook book – the casserole was ready, and they all sat down around the kitchen table to eat. Seaside waved off taking a plate of her own. “I already ate.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes went wide, and her wings tugged against the ribbon still holding them bound. “Nothing happened! We just slept – I was asleep the whole time!”

Seaside grinned, and licked her lips. “You had tasty dreams. Don’t worry, I don’t know who they were about.”

“Probably Thunderlane,” Twilight said casually. “Or maybe Trixie.”

“Ugh,” Rainbow Dash said. “You’re as bad as Rarity.”

“I’m just glad you two are still getting along,” Twilight said, wedging her fork underneath the loop of ribbon still tied to her wrist and connected to Ditto’s horn. She poked at the casserole experimentally. “I was worried you’d, I don’t know, freak out or something.” The fork shifted to the side as she tried to pick up some noodles, and she dropped it to the side and just leaned down to take a bite.

“Uh, yeah,” Rainbow Dash said, holding her own plate up balanced on her hooves so that she didn’t have to lean. “I don’t ‘freak out’. Freaking out is for losers who don’t have any faith in themselves. It’s the definition of uncool.”

“And you’re cool,” Twilight said, looking at Rainbow Dash suspiciously.

Rainbow Dash looked at Seaside, and nodded. “Yeah, we’re cool.”

Twilight Velvet was carefully not meeting anypony’s gaze throughout this exchange. Twilight Sparkle was about to open her mouth and say something, but Rainbow Dash pre-empted her. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Twilight, moms aren’t supposed to be cool. It’d be kind of creepy anyway.”

Twilight’s mother sighed. “I just don’t want to be the thing that’s holding her back. If the changelings could really convert her – and not drive her insane or turn her into a mindless drone – she’d have her magic back! But I just can’t get over the wedding. It was – I almost – I can’t let it go.”

“Mom, it’s okay,” Twilight said, leaning her neck against her mother’s and giving her a hug. “You’re not the only reason.” She pulled back, and added, “Besides, they’re not the only option. If all else fails, I can just master earth pony witchcraft and whip up a batch of Applebloom’s ‘Unicorn Potion’.” She grimaced.

“Unicorn potion,” her mother said. “From the look on your face, there’s a story there.”

“Not so much a story as a recipe from Tartaros,” Twilight said. “You start with Poison Joke…”

Author's Note:

ARGH. Stupid changelings. You were supposed to be a minor subplot.