As the leader of the Wonderbolts, Spitfire is used to settling conflicts between teammates. Late after a show, Spitfire finds Soarin in need of a little comfort and advice. But when Soarin reveals a personal secret, Spitfire learns something she never knew about her best friend.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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D'awwww, that was so sweet. And the pie scene at the end made me giggle.
For justice! For King and Country! For beauty and glory! FOR THE PIE!!
Aww, short and sweet, I like it :)
What a nice story, a touching moment shared between two teammates!
(Oh Soarin', you and your love of pie . . . )
Cute. My only concern is that there are a few errors, most noticeably an incomplete sentence. "...forcing Spitfire to try to spilt them up in hopes of balancing the odds and giving." That, and some pronoun troubles. Fixing these issues would immediately make the story better.
128247
Thank you for pointing that out, fixed.
Good concept, I like it-- but it wants to be expanded.
The kiss post-air show could be shown, and not just referred to-- Spitfire could notice it, and assume Soarin is just conflicted about how to act, for example. You can use such a scene to build the tension. Also, since Bubblegum isn't an established character, she wants to appear "on-screen" and talk about liking Soarin, so that we know what her character is besides "likes Soarin" and "has exactly 0 gaydar".
Also, think carefully about character voice. Your characters slip between voice a lot-- from very articulate and precise speech to "yeah man" even within one sentence. Maintaining their speech patterns is key to making their interaction interesting.
This story has a lot of potential. You should really think about how it can be expanded, and the drama can be heightened for the reveal.
Dude soaring is not gay not cool bro not cool
OCs are often used where f/m relationships are desired. otherwise I just assume all f/f m/m parings to be legit. Soarin can be whoever the author wishes within reason. As long as care is taken in writing a fulfilling story.
Not bad. Not unexpected either. A little rough and flat, but a nice read.
There are a few awkward sentences and distracting errors, but overall I still enjoyed the story. It's a sweet little tale.
Aww, that was adorable!! I like the concept and your writing has a very sweet style.
Moar! I demand it!