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Just a Ponyville Day1,508 words
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The Great Austrhaylian Kangaroo Fighter2,007 words

The Great Austrhaylian Kangaroo Fighter

The Great Austrhaylian Kangaroo Fighter
As written by: LoosePartyCannon

As Edited by: InfiniteZero

“Well buck” Loose said to no one but the blue screen of death on his ol’ reliable Laptop.

“Meh, I needed to get outside anyway, might as well since the Laptops bucking up… AGAIN” The blue Pegasus said.

Loose Cannon, or Loosey as Pinkie called him, was a blue Pegasus with a blue and yellow coloured bedhead mane that covered one of his blood red eyes. Loose may not be an athlete but he can kick most ponies flanks in a hoof to hoof fight, being faster than almost everypony he knows. Then again that may be because he’s the only guy he knows that bothers to excurses, most of his friends being fat bastards.

His Cutie Mark is a controller with wings and clockwork in the background, meaning he’s a great gamer, flyer and engineer when the pays good. Most ponies think that he’s an Amareican because of his accent, but if you buy him a few drinks or get on his good side, he’ll tell you that he is actually from a faraway land called Austrhaylia. The deadliest place in all of Equestria, Austrhaylia is, maybe even the whole world.

Everywhere you look there’s a colt with enough muscle to put a bear to shame, the world’s largest amount of deadly animals and above all else; the best beer in the world, enough to put a feather weight on their arse in one cup…At least that’s what the brochure says. Yeah we have a lot of deadly animals and enough muscle colts and beach babes to put Canterlot to shame but it’s still a lovely place, even the beer part is true. Why is he in Ponyville? Why did he leave Austrhaylia? Only his closest friends know.

Oh right the story, so our blue boy wonder was walking down the dirt path admiring the beautiful scenery of the countryside and the gorgeous weather the Pegasii had provided. Loose is more or less a freelance when it comes to jobs, so he was somewhat disappointed that Rainbow Dash didn’t need him on the weather team. It’s a shame really, the pay was good and the ponies were nice, the hours were great and hey, Rainbow has a nice as-
Thinking about his former job he failed to notice the 6 hoof deep hole in the ground.

“Fuck. Shit. Bullocks. Balls. Ass.” Each curse was accompanied with an impact from various objects as he fell down the side of the rocky hole.

“Oh my goodness! Are you okay?” Fluttershy asked from the top of the hole
“Never better dearie. Now put on some tea Martha, the queen of Caneighdia should be here soon” Loose mumbled with a mouth full of gravel.

“Oh I am so, so, so, so, so, so sorry! I needed to dig a hole so that some of my borrowing animals had a spot to start. I’m so sorry, here let me help you out” Fluttershy said.

At this point I wasn’t going to question the stupidity of all of this. I was too busy wondering why there were ponies in chicken suits dancing around me instead of stars.

A while later I found myself in Fluttershy’s cottage…To say the least I think she’s an evolved crazy cat pony. Animals everywhere. Now don’t get me wrong I love animals, hell I own a dog and a cat but there’s a point where it goes from a pet to ‘I’m so lonely I need more animals to fill the void’ and this chick just broke the scale and made a need level titled ‘Forever alone’.

But hey, at least she has good cider and food. Sure, it isn’t bourbon and beer battered fries with a side of bourbon but I’m not one to argue with crazy ponies.

“Thanks Fluttershy” I said between mouthfuls of apple slices and apple cider. “But tell me, why the fascination with animals? Why not model boat building or extreme explosion tag for a hobby?”

“Oh, it’s a boring story, I wouldn’t want to waste your time” she said her voice slightly muffled behind her mane.
“Lady, with this bandage on my head I ain’t going anywhere soon and I’m sure the story ain’t that bad” I said in a reassuring voice.

“Well…ok”

1 hour and 2 kegs of cider later…

“And that’s why I love animals so much” she said with a beaming smile that would give a lesser being type 2 diabetes.
Shame the story was mind numbingly boring. I wasn’t expecting a tale of how she braved an Ursa Major, but I was expecting something great. I mean come on! No explosions or zombies? How can this be a life story without those two things? Ponies from around here suck at telling stories and living life.

“Wow, what a great story!” I said with the best fake smile I could muster.

“Oh, if you want I can tell you the time I taught a rock how to feel love”

“NO! I mean, I’m sorry but I think I left my house on fire I really must be going, see you Fluttershy it was nice meeting you!” I said while I was trotting at the door.

Right when I was almost at the bridge near the end of Fluttershy’s land, I saw HIM.

“YOU!” I shouted at the top of my voice for I was face to face with one of my arch nemesis. They are all the same scum that ruin lives and cause people to suffer, a blight to pony kind and must be exterminated.

I am of course referring to the creature straight out of Tartarus: The Kangaroo.

What? Kangaroos? What could be bad about them! Every pony loves Kangaroos!

Ah, that’s what they want you to think, but back home in Austrhaylia they were the most ruthless of criminals, they single hoofedly ruined my life. When I was 10 my father, Old man Loose, was killed by an assassin of the Spring Paw Kangaroo clan. They were the most evil pirate, ninja, mafia clan out there. I swore that day to avenge my father’s death. So from that day on in my home country I was known as, Loose, the masked Wrestler. I would travel the land disguised as a wrestler by day, masked vigilante by night.

I left my country when I turned 17 in search of their leader, Joey the one-eyed menace, having eliminated all evil doers in Austrhaylia, and eliminating the head of the Austrhaylian leader, Bob, and returning them back to their natural peaceful selves. I have long since defeated them and done away with the mask, but there are still those that are still evil, so I must fight.

“We meet again Loose.” spoke Brad the Kangaroo in my native tongue which only those from Austrhaylia can speak.
“Yes, for the last time!” I said while I charged at him, readying my power hoof attack.

I went in for a throat punch but he side stepped it and tried to hit me with a round house which I parried and punched him in the stomach.

He may have been winded but he still managed to catch me off guard by tripping me with his tail and stomping on my left wing. I jumped up and uppercut him in the face and somersaulted backwards.

“Hmmm, you must be getting rusty” Brad said.

“Well I can’t help it, it was so long ago that I crushed your gang” I said with a smirk.

“You will pay for that you ignorant swine!” he barked then lunged at me.

“Gotcha” I said under my breath. I ran forward and meet him half way with my signature attack: The 100 hooves of fury
I began my assault while radiating blue fire from my body and red flames from my eyes.

But Brad wasn’t having any of this, he blocked every single one of my punches, all 100.

Then he picked me up and kicked me in the face, breaking my nose, and sent me flying into the chicken coop.

He jumped straight into the dust and debris thinking I was defeated. So I grabbed his paw and held him there as I spat some blood out.

“I think you broke my nose, am I bleeding?” I ask.

“No not that I can see”

“Are you sure? I swear I can feel something” I asked as I put a hoof up too my face to see if I have any blood.

“Look, I am” as I showed him my hoof.

“Oh yeah, there it is”

“Where?”

“Right here” Brad said while pointing a paw to the side of my nose.

After I wiped it of my face I put my hoof down “Did I get it?”

“Yeah it’s gone”

“Thanks man”

“No problem… Weren’t we fighting?”

“Oh yeah” and with that I throw him in the air and flew up and shove him back down to the ground, casing a mini earthquake due to the sheer force of it.

At this point Fluttershy came outside to see what was happing…She was PISSED.

Mid fight she walked right up to us and right when I was about the brake Brad’s neck she pulled on both of our ears and pulled us both inside. Many “ow’s” and “ouch quit it” were said.

“Explain yourselves misters!” she said while giving us ‘The Stare’.

“He came up to me and started hitting me!” Brad said, the fear in his voice was clear.

“What, what is this!?” I thought to myself. “No, I’m stronger then this! I will not be broken by being glared at!”

“Listen here boy!” a REALLY angry Fluttershy said in my head. “I don’t care who the bloody hell you think you are, but in my house that don’t mean shit. Your my bitch now understand?”

At this point I felt like braking down into tears.

“His family started it by killing my dad!” I shouted out loud.

“Good, good slave” said head Fluttershy.

“Did not!” Brad said

“Liar, you did too!”

“Did not”

“Did too”

“Did not”

“Did too”

“Did not”

“Did too”

“Quit it both of you!” Fluttershy shouted. “I want both of you to hug and apologise right now!”

“But I hate him!” we both shouted.

“RIGHT…NOW…MISTER”

“Brad, I’m sorry I tried to murder you” I said reluctantly.

“And I’m sorry we killed your dad” He replied.

We then proceed to hug in the most awkward and coldest way possible.

“There don’t we feel better?” Fluttershy said with a smile on her face.

“My place, midnight we finish this” I whispered into Brad’s ear.

“Agreed” he whispered back.

4 HOURS LATER AT THE LOCAL BAR

“And that is why I am now scared of Fluttershy” I said as I proceed to down a glass of 80% proof bourbon as Dashy laid on the floor laughing his ass off, Raul was passed out, Bryan was too busy thinking about new ways to tea bag in Haylo: Reach but still managed to laugh at me and Chrysaor was laughing so hard he started chocking on his grease covered grease.

This wasn’t the first time the devilishly handsome stud of a colt had been laughed at, no, but it was the first time he knew why. The shyest thing in Ponyville made him her bitch.

“Meh” I thought “Just another day for me” as I started drinking my 5th glass of bourbon.

“Don’t worry Loose, we’ll poison their food when there not looking, make them constipated for a week” I thought.

Then out of nowhere, Pinkie Pie came from under the table and hugged me.

“Hey Loosey! What are you doing?” she ask/yelled

“FOR THE LAST TIME STOP CALLING ME THAT!”

Author's Note:

Authors Note/apology: PLEASE DON’T STRANGLE ME! I’m sorry this took so long and I know I dropped the ball on this one but I hope this made it up to you.
Yours sincerely-Matt Man, the true Australian Gentleman
Stay classy my friends.

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