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Of "Guards" and Shenanigans

Of "Guards" and Shennanigans.
As Written by: Chrysaor

As Edited by: InfiniteZero

“Chrysaor get your lazy flank up, you have a special assignment today.” said the rather angry voice of my commanding officer.

“Can’t I have like five more min-.”

It should be noted that the most affective way to deal with a sleepy guard is to flip them off their bed, which is precisely what happened.

“Gah, alright alright, I’m up sir.” I said as I tried to settle my nerves. Trust me, nopony should ever have to go through that as a wake up call.

Arriving in the mess hall I found it to be rather empty, usually by this time the Solar guard are getting ready for their shifts while the Moonies are turning in for the day. I won’t bore you with the details of my breakfast, but lets just say it was like somepony left hospital food out overnight then reheated it and called it fresh. When I had finished the slop they called food, I decided it was time to go get my assignment.

The train ride to Ponyville was uneventful. I had been given orders to patrol the town, a simple task for any guard. Still... why was the sergeant laughing like he just heard the funniest joke in all of Equestria... I thought to myself. I felt the train slowing as it approached Ponyville station, I used this time to check my reflection in the window. I looked average for a guard, my gold chestplate hiding a good amount of my smoky grey coat, the wings that protruded out of both sides of my armour were perfectly preened and trimmed. I then looked right into my own crimson eyes before moving to my semi-spiked gold and black mane. Sighing, I placed my helmet upon my head and readied for my first real assignment.

Ponyville is... small, compared to other towns in Equestria, that being said it does not lack in the adventure department. From Nightmare moon to Discord, this little town has been the epicenter for some major events. Stepping out of the station and onto the main street I could see that it was a rather busy day, with ponies hawking their wares to passersby and meeting up with friends and loved ones. It was at this point that I realized I have no clue where to go or who I was supposed to check in with. This is going to be a long day, wel-.

“Um, excuse me but you seem a little lost.” It was a grey mare with a blonde mane and tail, and a group of bubbles for a cutie mark that had interrupted me this time.

“I kind of am.” I replied as smoothly as I could.

“I can show you around town.” she offered in a bubbly tone.

It was then that I realized that her golden eyes were slightly askew, like she was trying to focus on me but her left eye had found something more interesting to observe. Nevertheless I accepted with a tilt of my head and off we went.

“My name’s Ditzy Doo by the way, although everypony else calls me Derpy” she said after several seconds of silence.

“Nice to meet you Miss Doo, my name is Chrysaor” I replied with the even tone of voice we were trained to use in the guard.

Out of the corner of my eye I notice three fillies building what looked like a catapult. The first of the three was a pale yellow with a red mane and pink bow who was busy tying down supports while her unicorn friend who was sporting a pink and purple mane styled in a very posh manner, was reading from a book of instructions. The final member an orange pegasus was sitting in the catapults bucket glaring impatiently at her two friends.

“Is that safe” I asked Ditzy, who had stopped to look at some flowers a vendor was selling.

“Hmm, oh dont worry thats just Applebloom, Sweetie belle, and Scootaloo, they do things like that all the time” she replied.

“Ok if you say so” I replied hesitantly.

We had been walking for hours and in that time I had seen a navy blue pegasus stallion get smacked in the family jewels not once but twice by a pair of angry mares. Then there was the this red pegasus stallion who was hitting on a mare selling cooking-ware and well... she finally snapped and the next thing the stallion knew, he was making out with a iron frying pan. Finally, there was this pink mare who was bouncing along the road and all of the sudden she reached into a tree, pulled out a piano and bounced off. It was at this time that my brain decided it was done and decided to shut off to save me from more psychological scarring.

“Here we are,” came Ditzy’s voice through the mental wall I had put up. “The old guard barracks”

“Thank you” I replied as I stepped into the dimly lit living quarters

I turned to watch as Ditzy left and then I closed and bolted the door, went to the nearest bed and promptly flopped down still fully armoured.

“It’s going to be a looong week” I sighed to myself.

I have no idea how long I had slept when I heard knocking on the barracks door. Putting the pillow over my head and wishing for the pony to go away, I laid there for several minutes before the incessant knocking started again.

“Alright, I heard you the first time” I shouted at the pony who had dared to wake me.

Opening the door, I found Ditzy standing there with a huge grin splitting her face and a plain white envelope in her hoof.

“Pinkie is the one who usually does this but I thought it would be nicer if I was the one to deliver this” she said with a hint of nervousness in her voice.
Clearing her throat she continued on, “We the ponies of Ponyville would like to extend an invitation to a town celebration for you.” She finished her little speech and then looked at me, well for the most part, with pleading eyes

“Sounds like fun,” I replied, “lead the way.”

And so again off we went through the darkened streets of this small town. It was eerie in a ghost town sort of way, like everypony just up and left without a moments notice. Looking straight ahead, I could see the building that Ditzy was leading me to, if I remember correctly she said it was Sugarcube corner, we had passed it on the way to the barracks. The outside looked as if some giant pony had dropped an equally large gingerbread house on the ground and forgot about it.

But what drew my attention the most was the fact that all the lights in the building were off and the shutters closed, you would think on a hot summers night like this one a pony would keep their windows open.

“Come on slowpoke” Ditzy giggled by the door where she stood waiting for me.

Trotting up to stand next to her, I raised my hoof and pushed the door open. The room I peered into was pitch black to the point where trying to see ones hoof in front of ones face would be like trying to fit the circle in the square hole. Feeling Ditzy nudging me forward, I took a tentative hoof step inside.

“SURPRISE”came a chorus of cheers. As the lights came on I spotted a banner that said “WELCOME TO PONYVILLE CHRYSAOR” in big bright letters and I thought to myself

Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought.

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