Coming of the monster
It was a bright and peaceful day in the land of Equestria. The rolling green fields and beautiful blue sky shined under the large sun that overlooked the vast world. While most of the realm was open and undeveloped land, multiple towns and cities were set throughout. Some towns were small and simple, and then some were large cities.
The largest and most elegant of all of the communities in Equestria was the city of Canterlot. The clean and colorful streets were bustling with ponies as they trotted to their destinations of shopping or simply engaging in casual talk with their peers.
Set above the city was the great castle that stood as the home for the royal princess's that ruled over Equestria. The massive white palace gleamed under the rays of light, causing it to give off a magnificent glow to all that saw it. It was a place of tranquil peace and organization, but today was a rare exception.
Standing outside of the large doors to the royal courtroom stood several guards draped in their standard golden armor. On normal occasions, the soldiers were always out on their standard, usually useless scouting patrols, but for the last six hours, the four soldiers had been waiting there after what they had seen earlier. Small talk broke out between the confused ponies.
"What do you think they have been doing in there?"
"They have not come out once since then, not to mention they haven't asked for anything."
"I don't understand; she just froze in the middle of talking, and then suddenly took off and locked herself in there."
Earlier that morning, the elder of the two royal sisters, Princess Celestia, was outside with the royal guards as she gave them a speech on upcoming events that were to take place in the city. In the middle of talking, however, she tensed up for some reason. Her eyes went wide to many of the guards surprise, and then the princess suddenly turned and ran back towards the palace.
Expecting that something wrong had happened, the platoon of soldiers followed after her, only to be ordered away by the younger sibling to the sun goddess, Princess Luna. The two alicorns then walked into the courtroom and shut the door behind them. After six hours, neither princess had exited the room.
From below, a white unicorn covered in purple armor trotted up the steps to where the four ponies were standing. The moment they saw him, they all immediately snapped out of their talks and stood at attention, "C-captain. I... Didn't know you were coming back." one of them stammered out.
Shining Armor casually approached the four ponies. On normal days he would have taken action for seeing the soldiers standing around, but he chose to allow it to slide due to the circumstances, "At ease."
With that order, the four loosened up from their locked position.
Shining walked up to them and looked up to the towering doors behind them. He was also curious to what the royal sisters were doing, for he saw the very peculiar behavior as well. Never once in all of the years of serving under Celestia had he seen her with such a look in her eyes; not even the return of Discord or the Changeling invasion invoked what he saw.
Fear.
He took his eyes off the oak doors and gazed back to the guards, "They haven't come out once?"
"No sir." they all said in unison.
Turning back, he glared toward the palace, 'Thats it, I'm gonna find out what they are doing.' he thought to himself. Walking up to the large wooden obstacles in his way, he used his magic to unlatch the bolts that kept the dual doors together. Slowly opening them, he took quiet steps into the great hall.
The royal courtrooms bright stained windows cast its colorful glows to the long red carpet that led down to the two thrones at the end of the golden room. To the left was an alicorn with a deep blue coat and flowing blue mane and tail. Shining immediately recognized her as Princess Luna.
The figure to the right was of a larger stature due to older age. The alicorns white coat glistened like freshly fallen snow. Her long mane of pink, green and blue hues sparkled as it gently flowed out from her.
Princess Celestia and Her younger sister Princess Luna were just as beautiful as they always were, but something strange surrounding them caught the captains eye; a strange, rotating green orb of magic encircled the princesses, the color due to their blending magic flowing from their horns. Both of them were unaware that he had entered the room, their eyes clenched shut from concentration.
Shining Armor slowly took a deep breath, now unsure if he wanted to disturb them from whatever they were doing. After contemplating it for a few moments, he made his decision, "Uhh, ahem... Princess?"
No response.
"Me and some of the other guards were a little concerned if there was something wrong. Is there anything we can do that can assist you?"
Celestia's eyelids crept open, revealing her bloodshot eyes, "Leave us."
The tone in the command she gave was enough to Send a cold chill down the captain's spine. Not wanting to bother them anymore, he dropped into a low bow, then quickly left and shut the doors behind him, leaving the two alicorns alone once again.
Celestia did not want to reenter the vision spell that they had been engaged within for the day, but she knew she had to see what was happening.
For the past several days, there had been powerful readings of energy that had surged through the depths of space. It was of a power not native to Equestria, for it belonged to a bipedal alien who seeked destruction to all those around himself. But the reading the princess sensed today was different, it was much more powerful than than any energy she had ever felt.
Closing her eyes once again, she returned to the battle across the galaxy that she and her sister had been watching the whole time. The disintegrating planet was the spot where two aliens of the same race battled to the death; one was the being that the sisters had sensed, and the other was one who was pure of heart, trying to stop the destruction caused by the evil one.
The two sisters winced as they witnessed the cold hearted monster continue to pummel the smaller warrior to the ground. Luna opened her eyes momentarily to turn to her sister, "Tia, I don't think he can last much longer."
Celestia grimaced at hearing those words, but she knew it was true, "He can't give up, Luna, he is the only one there that can stop him."
"His body will give out at this rate." Luna Sadly stated.
Celestia didn't answer back; she concentrated on the golden haired warrior that was covered in bruises all over his body as he struggled to stand on the destroyed battlefield. If possible, she would have funneled her own energy to him to help defeat the other alien, whose towering body was seemingly unscratched.
'Please don't give up...' she thought to herself, '...you’re the only one that stands between him and the rest of the universe. If you fail, he will destroy every planet in his wake... Including ours.' Despite her hopes, it seemed impossible for the one she supported to come out victorious.
'Don't give up Goku.'
------------
Across the galaxy, a small planet was the battlefield for two powerful warriors. Down within an enormous rock valley, a bipedal being pulled himself out of the rock wall that he had just been crushed into. A glowing yellow aura surrounded him as he stood back up. His golden hair stuck up due to the energy level he possessed; the level of super saiyan.
Goku struggled to keep his balance as he took a step forward. His top half to his orange gi had been completely torn off from the many attacks he had taken. Blood slowly trickled out of the many cuts all over his battered body. It felt as he was going to drop dead at that very moment from everything he had been hit with, but there were others helping him.
Miles away within a destroyed city, four other beings Laid beaten on the ground. Three of them were funneling what energy they had across the landscape to Goku to give him more power. These included Piccolo, a green alien known as a namekian, and two half Saiyan and half human beings, Trunks and then the teenage son of Goku, Gohan.
The final one, however, was too shaken and stubborn to give away his power. He was the prince of the dwindling race of Saiyan beings, Vegeta. His exhausted body laid in the mix of broken rubble. He telepathically talked across the landscape to Goku, "it's no use Kakarot..." he said, still calling him by his birth given name, "... This is a fight we just can't win."
Back at the battle, a gigantic super Saiyan glared down to Goku from the cliff he stood on. At eight feet tall, Broly didn't even seem like a physically possible being his body was engorged with muscles that stuck out to unreal lengths. His biceps alone were forty inches around. His strange appearance was due to the unstable power that he harbored inside of his body ever since he was born.
After all the attacks that he had dealt to Goku, he was frustrated that he just didn't quit. "Your persistence is annoying!" Broly grunted as he flew off from his spot and crushed Goku back into the rocks before he had time to dodge. Laughing menacingly, the titanic Saiyan hopped back several steps and shot a large green ki blast at his dazed opponent.
Vegeta could sense everything that was happening between the two fighting miles away, then he heard the scream of Goku echo through the air. Despite knowing that his ally was dying, he was too arrogant to help, "Why should I, a prince, give a subordinate my power!" he said through gasps of pain from his body.
Goku's voice appeared inside of his head through energy communication, "Just give me all of your power Vegeta and I'll defeat him!"
Using pure power of will, Vegeta slowly stood up from the ground and stared in the direction of where Goku was. Then, he heard the voices of the others pleading him to help.
"Father." Trunks begged.
"Vegeta!" Piccolo yelled.
"Please, just do it." Gohan groaned.
"No!" Vegeta screamed out.
Goku could not believe how not even Vegeta's own son couldn’t get through to him, "Vegeta, I need your power. VEGETA, MORE POWER...RIGHT NOW!" he bellowed out into the air.
Vegeta just stared into the sky, his arrogance too big to want to help, "I am a prince, the prince of all Saiyans, why should I give my power to a Saiyan that ranks below me. Tell me, tell me WHY!"
----
Luna and Celestia felt as if something cold had seized both of their hearts; they could not believe that this single Saiyan was jeopardizing the very existence of the entire universe. If something didn't happen quick, their world would end up as Broly’s target sooner or later.
----
Goku was being rocked by a barrage of blows to his stomach by Broly's enormous fists. His screams of pain were ear splitting, but were still overshadowed by the cracking and crumbling mountain behind him. The rock was being split from the sheer force of his body being forced against it as Broly continued to attack the battered warrior.
Once his body broke through the other side of the mountain, Goku felt himself fly backward and crash into another mountain face. Being too tired to move, he couldn't evade as Broly rushed forward and knocked him farther into the stone. Broly smirked and floated several feet back in the air, "You've lasted longer than I expected, but your final hour has arrived."
Goku gasped for air as he sat up from his wedged position, "Vegeta, what are you waiting for, your our last hope. Give me your POWER!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs out into the sky.
Vegeta grimaced, but knew it was the only way, "Fine, take it, but Kakarot, finish him now!" he lifted his arm and felt the rush of energy leave his body.
Goku immediately felt the rush of power enter his body, seemingly eliminating the pain over him. Lifting his arm, he blocked the incoming punch of Broly. He then charged up all of the power he had inside of his body, destroying a large portion of the mountain behind him.
"What?" Broly said, backing away from the mountain, "Where is he getting all this energy?"
"Your hour has arrived." Goku stated as he lifted himself into the air.
Back in the city, the four warriors felt the last of their energy flow to Goku. Vegeta grimaced as he fell backward, "Don't think this changes anything."
"Get him Goku." Trunks said before he passed out.
"Take him out... Father." Gohan said before his mind went blank.
Broly then realized what was happening, causing him to laugh, "Ha ha ha, no matter how much energy you get from those idiots, it won't be enough to kill me!" he yelled out as he charged his power once again.
"He, we'll see about that. You'll never know until I try."
The ground around them was breaking apart not from the energy they were putting off, but from the approaching comet that dwarfed the planet. The giant blue rocks intense gravity was ripping the small world apart as it crept through space. Despite the fact that death was approaching them, neither warrior would dare flee, for they were set on ending the life of the other.
In a split second, both of them rushed through the air at each other, both drawing their fists back to strike. Broly went first, his gargantuan arm heading straight for Goku's face. Goku simply ducked under the arm, continuing forward, "Now the real fight begins."
Broly’s eyes went wide as he felt a fist drive into his stomach. He gasped as he felt pain for the first time in the entire day. His mind was screaming at what was happening, 'Impossible. I can't be beaten!'
Goku glared as he pushed his fist deeper into Broly’s stomach; he thought back to all of the innocent lives Broly killed on this planet, how he tried to kill his friends and his son. He couldn't forgive the monster that crazy Saiyan was. "I'm not gonna let, YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS!"
Goku pushed forward and ripped a chunk out of his targets stomach. Broly screamed out as he felt his blood pouring out of the open wound. Then, he felt something inside of him growing; his energy was becoming too unstable inside of his body to control, and now had a place to escape. He felt as if his body suddenly exploded as his energy was released.
----
Celestia and Luna cast large grins at what they just saw; the destructive monster Broly had been defeated. Their hearts fluttered with excitement knowing that their world was now safe. They continued to watch as Goku quickly gathered his comrades and teleported off of the planet before the comet could destroy them.
Seeing there was nothing more to see, they deactivated the spell that they had been using, allowing a wave of relief to wash over their exhausted bodies. Luna turned to Celestia with an enormous smile across her face, "Tia, he did it."
"Yes, he did it." Celestia responded. she slowly got up from her throne and looked out of the window toward the sky. It seemed all of the fear that had enveloped her had fallen away.
"Thank you Goku."
And with that, the two alicorns left the throne room and entered the warm sun of their peaceful world.
----------
Across the galaxy, Comet Camori had almost completely destroyed the small planet entirely. Monstrous craters formed across the surface of the planet from the gravity that was being emitted by the comet that dwarfed the small world. All life had either escaped or been killed; except for one.
Crawling across the ground, Broly gasped for air as the rocks crumbled around him. His super Saiyan form had been deactivated, causing his body to shrink back to its original six foot height. His muscles dwindled from their gorged size back to smaller but still defined state. His hair had also lost its spike gold look, for it was now black and fell against his back.
He used every bit of strength he had left to pull his battered body across the dirt. "K-Kakarot..." he growled through his gasps, "...you will not kill me." he pulled himself up and staggered between steps. He knew he was too weak to fly, and he only had a few minutes to escape before the comet destroyed the planet.
Struggling on, he found the hidden space pod that was stored behind a cliff. Approaching the round, gray ship, he hit the button on the side, causing the oval shape door to slide open with a small hiss. He collapsed onto the small seat which barely fit him and hit the automatic takeoff button. The door closed behind him, leaving the small round red window as the only view outside.
The rockets in the back of the pod erupted in bright flames as it lifted the ship of the crumbling ground. Flying through the air, the small aircraft pushed through the atmosphere and out of the pull of gravity just as the comet began to crash into the surface of the planet.
Broly struggled to stay awake as he turned to the computer navigation, "So, *huff* Kakarot, your world is Earth. He he, how about I visit and- Ahh!"
The pain inside of him caused him to cripple over. A stream of blood came up his throat and exited his mouth. His mind went blank and fell back into the seat, his body slipping into a coma.
Without a directional input to follow, the ship simply flew into the darkness of space in a straight line. There was a chance that it could go on forever through the cold vacuum. It could have collided with a stray asteroid floating abound. There was also the slim chance that it could land on a certain planet lying in its path.
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Yeah! Do I need to tell that this one got my thumb up before being posted!
Another great work Chaos!
I demand MOAR!
You're all going to die.
Broly is my all time favorite DBZ character. Ohhh this is gonna be good!! memecrunch.com/meme/7NCW/broly-s-options/image.png
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dis-gon-b-gud.gif
All my laughter!
I approve of this fiction!
Weehoo, this looks promising and the artwork is pure genius... Here, have a fave and thumbs :D
The artwork is very convenient
. This is gonna be good.
Ugh, I'm gonna be nice and try not to burst a vein on how you've misquoted the movie but besides that this might work.
1534007 misquoted?
Extinction of everything iminent
The Shitstorm to end all shitstorms approaches...
Hooray I love cliffhangers!!!
........ No seriously I do
>After suffering defeat and nearly dying at the hands of Goku, Broly barley escapes his dying planet and crash lands on the peaceful world of Equestria
>Broly barley escapes his dying planet and crash lands on the peaceful world of Equestria
>Broly barley escapes
>barley escapes
>barley
...
*Puts on his Spy paper mask.*
Oh no...
Post-read: Well, now we've got a problem. But first, the story.
The story itself was entertaining, but it read off as robotic. It feels like you're doing a lot of narrating, rather than presenting us with the thoughts and feelings of the characters. During the fight, you could've been in Broly's head, bragging about how easy it was to tear Kakarot in two, or at the end, you could've been inside Celestia's head, conveying the sense of relief she had to the reader.
When you write a world, you aren't looking at it through a window, you're living in it. You want your reader to be right there in the crossfire, running alongside the soldier as he breaks through No Man's Land into the enemy lines, or sitting on the bed with the sorrowful widow after she just lost her husband. You want them to be there and feel everything.
Don't read it off, live it. There's a massive difference in emotional connection if you show, rather than tell, trust me on that.
Beyond the show vs. tell gripe, I noticed you capitalized words where they shouldn't've been. You followed natural English rules, but it was a trip I was forced to take often through the story. Go through the story again, and look over your sentences. Here's a rule of thumb:
If it's an 'i' on its own, capitalize it.
If it's the first letter after a period, capitalize it.
If it's the first letter in a name, country, planet, or galaxy, capitalize it.
If it's the first letter in the start of a section of dialogue, capitalize it.
Among other rules. Dialogue, if you're going to continue with the paragraph, should end with a comma, not a period. As for after the dialogue, well, I'll just tell you not to capitalize your letters; it's unnecessary, as it's a continuing thought.
I saw no places for run-on sentences, but I was engrossing myself in the story, rather than playing Grammar Nazi.
Overall, I had a good time. I knew the characters, so the imagery was no problem for me. I'll be watching this, but you haven't yet earned my tumbs up; don't take this as discouraging, you're very close to earning it.
Write on, brother.
~KillerSteel, TWE's Logic Machine and Master of Words.
good story and all but i'm getting really tired of people saying that both Celestia and Luna has the power to watch across the universe. they control the sun and the moon. that's all. still, a good story. can't wait for more.
1533812 i'll choose option fuck you I'm broly.
*Slowly claps* Damn I've always wanted to see Broly In Equestria. None of you ponies have my sympathy >XD
well maybe Fluttershy
1534334 I understand. I did it more like that to do a quick summary of the end of the movie. I will get more into the people as the story continues. Thanks for the criticism.
They are royally fucked.
1534054 In the movie, Goku doesn't shout to Vegeta specifically for energy instead it's just Piccolo.
1535329 he was in the end because Vegeta was refusing to give it.
1535428 No, he was shouting to everybody not Vegeta, in fact he probably asked once at most but then it was Trunks, Piccolo and the others that tried.
1535433 well I just copied what was here
[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FMyBipwri5c]
I was going to do something like this, but didn't have the time. You good sir, have earned my respect and my like.
Well done, sir. I kinda like what you have going here. As a fellow DBZ crossover writer, I wish you luck in writing this story. DBZ Crossovers are insanely difficult to pull off properly, and insanely easy to screw up. You've piqued my interest with this. You've earned a subscriber, and if you hold my interest after Broly makes it to Equestria, you'll earn a like
Well, that was surprising. I started another Broly crossover a while ago, although I chose a different path. I wish you luck with this. I'm still editing mine and waiting for the muse to come
Yo that cover art!
Can't they just magic him away? Or force feed him rainbows until his bowels explode, covering all of Equestria in delicious cotton candy?
Wow xD this beingmy first DBZ crossover fic I have to say I'm really curious on how the hell this will turn out :D not to mention that cover pic is genious
THIS NEEDS TO BE UPDATED! NOW!
1538361 thanks. I saw yours before also. You should try to finish it
1538891>>1540135 thanks. I found that pic on google
1539284 broly would take all the rainbows and pour it into his cereal
haha
1540201 sorry. Akatsuki story comes first, then this soon
1540348 DBZ and MLP FIM are my two fav shows. The fact that you are introducing Broly, BROLY, to Equestria... MAN! The fan has not only been hit, but it has been obliterated!
1540363 broly hits the fan, "oops, did I just blow it up? Hahahaa!"
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111031231255/ultradragonball/images/e/e7/Broly-1.jpg
1540452
Broly is and always will be an eternal Badass.
So I read it, now I have to keep reading it. Every outcome in my mind is equestria goes
So i look forward to seeing how my prediction doesn't come true.
1541075 and if It does?
Ahh bullocks, here we.... go!
Duuuuuuude!
That moment...that instant...that second when Celestia said it just blew my mind.
Celestia: "Don't give up Goku"
Me: Wait what?
Celestia: "You did it Goku"
Me: "Celestia is a goku fan!"
clutch.mtv.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/slapstick.gif
My response:
"Across the galaxy, Comet Camori had almost completely destroyed the small planet entirely."
Hehehe. That sentence makes me chuckle. Why? Because redundant statements aren't redundant! They're repetitive! Redundant statements aren't redundant, they're repetitive!
Wait...
1539284
TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHER FUCKER!!!!
equestria here i com
Wait a second... since Broly survived, wouldn't that mean he gets stronger?
Equestria, I'm sorry, but you're screwed.