Twilight Sparkle. I have never heard of her before. I was now standing and watching their standoff. Iron Shock suddenly charged at her while she jumped away, flashing her horn with a violet aura. Iron Shock began to glow the same color as I watched Iron thrown across the room. Acting fast, I flew over and caught him before he hit the wall.
I nervously grinned, setting him down on the ground.
“We’re even now. Make sure you beat her. She may have magic, but you have speed! Use it to your advantage. I won’t interfere; I can see this is personal.”
I backed away, giving Iron Shock space to spread his wings. He quickly rose into the air and began to charge at Twilight Sparkle. He tackled her on the ground, hitting her while she was biting him. I ran over and began to fight with the others.
It was evenly matched. There were three of us and three of them remaining. They were all panting while I made the first move, tackling one of them and head butting him. It hurt, but I didn’t care. It was either win this fight, or die trying, and dying wasn’t an option for me.
The others engaged in a fight as well, continuing what they started. The Solar Guard below me pushed me back, as he began hitting me on the floor. Every blow he made stung and eventually caused my entire head to go numb. His hits kept getting less and less painful as I found myself slipping into a black darkness.
My mind flashed pictures of Cosette in my head. I envisioned us having picnics together in the forest. As the vision continued, a young filly entered the picnic, having a good time with Cosette and myself. My eyes widened as the darkness wrapping around me seceded. I have to stay alive. I have to fight for Luna. No, I have to fight for Cosette.
I kicked him off, sending him backwards. I rolled around and stood up. He stood up as well, trying to charge me. I looked back at him and hit him heavily. He once again fell to the ground, holding his face this time. I looked over quickly at Iron Shock and Twilight Sparkle, their brawl continuing with rolling on the ground, hitting and biting.
My head began to swell as I turned looking down at the guard. This either ends here, or never. I picked him up around the neck, wrapping my hooves around. I began to squeeze tightly with all my might. I squinted my eyes shut tightly, feeling him struggling to get free. After a minute or so, his resistance was getting weaker and weaker until it finally stopped. I let go, opening my eyes. I let go and he fell to the ground, motionless.
I began to help one of the Eagle with a Solar Guard. I tackled him on the ground and pinned him, while Eagle walked over and began to pounce on his face. The Solar Guard, unable to move and unable to escape Eagle’s attacks, stopped his screams of pain and laid there silently.
I looked over as Wolf eventually killed the last Solar Guard by slamming his head against the wall constantly. With the Solar Guards defeated, we turned and watched Iron Shock’s fight with Twilight Sparkle, which wasn’t going well.
It appeared she was winning, as she was on top of him, using her magic to choke him. He pushed her off, still getting choked. He laid there in agony, and I couldn’t bear to watch. She stood up over him, concentrating with all her might.
I ran over, growing angry, surprising her with a tackle. Her horn’s glow suddenly disappeared, relieving Iron Shock from the chokehold. She pushed me off as her horn glowed again, this time, at me. I began to feel pressure against my neck, and found it hard to breathe a few seconds later. The pain was unbearable, but there was nothing I could do.
I looked as my vision began to fade. I could see something white moving behind the purple figure. I heard a loud scream as the pressure on my neck deteriorated. With my vision returning, I found out what caused the scream. Twilight Sparkle’s horn had been broken off by Iron Shock, who was panting heavily. I breathed profoundly as Twilight continued to scream in agony. Iron Shock chipped off a piece of his armor and held it in his wing, pushing Twilight Sparkle against a wall, pinning her. He then carefully moved the sharp metallic shard across her neck, cutting a long gash in her neck, making her bleed out. I stood up, watching her fall to the ground. She looked at me, and then at Iron Shock. She reached up and pulled Iron down, whispering something in his ears. After he lifted his head, she no longer moved. I looked at Iron Shock, who had tears forming in his eyes.
“What did she say to you?” I asked curiously.
Iron Shock looked at me and then back down at her. He wiped his tears, looking down at the now deceased unicorn.
“She said something I never thought she would say.”
He looked at me. He frowned, tears beginning to form in his eyes yet again.
“She said she was sorry.”
I looked at him, walking over to him and putting a hoof on his shoulder.
“You can finally take this one off your chest. She’s dead now, you got your revenge.”
His frown grew as he looked down at Twilight Sparkle. His mouth opened as if he was about to say something, but then he closed it. The Eagle and Wolf walked over as I took my hoof off of Iron Shock’s shoulder.
“There’s no sign of Celestia. Where can she be?” Eagle asked, looking around.
I looked around at the emptiness of the room, looking at the dead ponies on the ground. I began to walk around noticing the emptiness of the chair. There was a sudden flash right in front of me. I backed up quickly as I looked at the figure that suddenly appeared before me in a large flash of light. I watched in horror, my eyes meeting the eyes of none other than the Empress of Equestria: Celestia. My heart took a sudden drop as she looked at me angrily. We were in real deep trouble now.
“I can only guess my sister sent you hear to assassinate me.”
She looked at her dead Solar Guards that lay near the entrance of the room. She turned and looked at the dead body next to Iron Shock. I saw her jaw drop, her eyes widening. It was the most horrific look I ever pictured on her face.
“I-Is that…” Her sentence trailed off, as she walked forward towards the body that lay next to Iron.
I turned looking at the dead body, and then at Iron Shock. His face went white.
“No. It can’t be. My most faithful student…”
She nudged at the body, waiting for a response as she continued to nudge her. I saw tears going down her face as she looked up and stared back at me with fury. It was like she was staring into my soul.
“Who killed her?! Did you?!” She screamed as she walked over to me, lifting me in the air with her magic.
“I-I…” I stuttered, trying to speak.
I was too frightened that Celestia had arrived that I wasn’t entirely sure on what to even say. Before I could say anything, Iron Shock stepped forward. I looked at him as he stared at me with a grim smile.
“I killed her Celestia. It is my fault she is dead.” Iron confessed.
The magical force around me vanished, causing me to crash on the ground with a loud thud. Celestia walked over to Iron Shock, who now began to shake, but stood bravely in the face of his enemy. Celestia lifted him in the air with her magic and tilted her horn down, aiming at Iron Shock as he began to float towards her horn. I knew what was happening; she was going to slowly kill Iron Shock.
I yelled at her to stop, but she didn’t listen. Iron Shock was now only a few inches away from her horn. I watched in horror as the tip of her horn began to enter Iron Shock’s chest, going through almost all the way. Eagle and Wolf, who have been standing dumbfounded at the situation, took action as they tackled Celestia to the ground, holding her down. Iron Shock, damaged from the stab, crashed down to the surface below.
Eagle raised his and looked at me as I stared back, a frightened look on my face.
“Get him out of here now! Tell Luna we… failed!” Eagle screamed, trying his best to keep Celestia down.
I looked at him with a sorrowful expression on my face. He was one of my friends since I joined the Black Squadron, and the one who taught me pretty much everything. I ordered his last command, and I quickly flew over and picked Iron Shock from the ground, flying in the air, crashing out of a nearby stain-glassed window.
“I’m sorry!” I shouted, hoping that Eagle and Wolf would hear me.
I tried to find a safe place to land where nopony was. I ended up taking him to the entrance of the Everfree Forest. I laid him down gently as he coughed up blood. I examined his wound to the best of my ability. He was bleeding very badly. I put pressure on the wound with my hoof as he ached in pain. I looked back down at him, my heart racing faster than ever.
“So… it ends like this, huh? Killed by Celestia…” Iron said, chocking through the blood.
I shot a repulsive glance at him as he chuckled. Tears rolled down my face as I couldn’t handle the thought of leaving here alone, not without my best friend. We’ve been friends since we were colts. We grew up together, side to side, back to back. I always supported him and he always supported me. I denied what he said and refused to believe it.
“No! You’re going to make it Iron Shock! I’m going to get you help, and you’re going to be okay! You got that?!” I yelled at him as he stared back at me with a dumb smile on his face.
“No, Shadow, it’s too late. This is one situation I don’t think I’ll be able to make. Thanks for always being my best friend, you always had my back… and… I’ll never forg-forge….”
With his dying breath, his eyes closed, as his head fell back to the ground. I watched him die right in front of me… my own best friend. Random memories kept pouring into my head as I began to cry even louder. Just then I cursed towards the sky as I stopped the pressure on his wound, smashing both my hooves to the ground next to him. Iron Shock, my best friend, was dead.
Thanks to those who read this. I'm going to start writing the second one, and on the side, I'm also going to be writing a story about the 10 month skip in Blueberry's perspective.
111851
Wow! Great story! I was sad that both Iron Shock and Blueberry had to die
I'm amazed! Great job!
Luna?! How could you do that?!
Why is that so reminiscent of the movie Braveheart?
Great story! I can't wait for more!
... I'm sorry but that was a lot of cheap emotion jerking and shallow character building. I realize it's war but the sheer OCness of every freaking character in here is horrible and shallow. I had my hopes up when your writing started getting better at the end but then you pulled that crap and it just pissed me off. In technical terms it wasn't that bad but in actual story flow and emotional detail, it felt like you were pulling random strings and seeing what happened. You offed Rainbow Dash within a few paragraphs of introducing her and Twilight was only slightly better due to Celestia's grief. They seemed to just be there for quick drama. Rainbow dash dying served no purpose and could have been substituted with a random, OC pony. The only thing you got from that is "omg, he killed dash! a very oddly murderous and cold-hearted dash but still!" and twilight was kinda like a boss battle of sorts but once again, another powerful OC unicorn could have taken that spot and the end result would be Celestia killing most of them (still), abet with a little less rage. The last killing had the horrible point of "nothing lasts forever" which is totally out of theme for the story and just irritates me because one of the few characters I actually started to like just gets randomly killed in the span of a few paragraphs! Now you have a messed up cliffhanger where you, for some reason, kept the main character alive with the threat of "you will pay for your treason" implying that he won't die right now but the future is looking grim. I sure hope your remake is worth reading because while the concept sound interesting ,the execution (no pun intended) leaves much to be desired.
This particular chapter... wasn't much better than the original. If anything, it was about as bad. Granted, it's been a while but Twilight still felt rather disposable here and coasting off the fandom's personal love for her rather than the characterization you crafted to represent her. Also, Iron's character wasn't really that prominent either. There isn't many moments that the audience can remember him as a likable character. A few saves, a decent personality, and some rather vague history between him and Shadow. Have you redone this chapter yet? Are you planning on it? If yes, I would say it still needs some work. I understand Twilight and Iron not having much time to show who she/he is in this universe or why she/he does the things she/he does, but I'm sure some brain storming and maybe a friend to bounce ideas off of might help tremendously.
Why the fuck are they so casual about this war? They fight and act like it doesn't matter. Why dose the supposed elite NLR assassins freeze when they see their god damn target? Why dose the main OC leave his best friend in the middle of a fight with twilight? Why don't they have weapons when they can clearly rip off and use chunks of armor. What the fuck bro?