Becoming Fluttershy

by Hope

chapter 47. Karma's Pendulum

I’ve never been brave.

My life has been led with care, caution, and precaution. I cannot think of a time when I saw a danger I could not defeat and still challenged it. Erica had lived a life of early defeat, leading to a sense of determination not to allow it to take place again. Fluttershy... Well, she was designed to be meek, wasn’t she?

As I trot towards the parking structure that flanks our hotel, I ponder the name I made for myself. I am not ignorant of it’s sound, and the fact that the god of chaos for our own world is named Eris. She was the original curator of the golden apple, after all.

I wonder if my attraction to that name is based entirely on its combination of my two old names, or if something more akin to fate is at work. I would really like to not fear my own name, thank you very much.

“Ya’ll see him anywhere?” Ian asks, suddenly next to me with the stealth only a filly can manage. Then again I am quite distracted.

“No, but to be honest I didn’t expect to,” I admit. Then, in a rare case of just talking without thinking over the question, I ask; “You really don’t like the idea of Reid being fused with Pinkie, do you?”

I hear the aforementioned pink pony call out from where we just left. “ERISHY! IAN! Aren’t you guys coming with us?”

“Ah... it’s complicated. Is he back with tha others now?” Ian deflects easily. Why do I worry about the hard questions in life when it is so simple to deflect the question and never answer it? It’s complicated...

“I think so. Want a ride?” I ask, kneeling to let him on.

With a sigh, he nods and hops on, folding his legs under him to more comfortably settle as I trot back to the group. Once we reach them, we collectively start moving down the street towards the residential area, accompanied by a few determined reporters.

Ginny is the first to speak up. “....sooooooo. Um. Griffon, huh?”

“Yeah. Griffon. Got any other smar-” Gilda pauses, as though suppressing her urge to be her normal aggressive self when surrounded by calm pastel ponies. I wonder for a moment if she has ever eaten a pony. “Any questions?” Not curious enough to ask though.

“Fucking sweet,” Ginny says with a grin.

Pinkie pipes up from the front of the group. “Language! Fillies present!”

“TWENTY! AH’M TWENTY!” Ian shouts in a furious filly voice. I was 23 as Erica, so now can I claim to be older than him? If we average ages out like before that probably makes him 14 or something, but I don’t think his ego needs that blow right now.

“I mean, you must be a real badass, right? Fighting dragons and sh--stuff like that,” Ginny continues, undeterred.

“Yeah. I guess,” Gilda mumbles, an unusual show of humility for a creature that would have declared victory over celestia herself if offered the chance. “Never fought a dragon.”

In the bit of silence that follows, I realize I am trotting almost alongside Pinkie. I wonder what the etiquette of the situation is, I suppose I shouldn’t stare at her since I don’t know how comfortable she is with me yet, I can’t walk too close to her since I might accidentally brush against her and that could be misconstrued, but staying away from her could be seen as acting distant...

“....Hey Ian, wanna trade spots?” Pinkie asks with a smile.

For a moment I don’t get it until I realize that Ian is on my back. I feel my face growing red as I smile a little. Of course she would be able to tell that I was acting odd, and of course she wouldn’t mind.

“Yer way too heavy fer her.” Ian points out. I have to debate that point internally, trying to figure out if I could carry Pinkie on my back or not.

Pinkie turns on Ian angrily. “ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!”

Ian Bloom just nods. “Eeeeeyup.”

“From the mouth of babes...” Harold says with a chuckle.

“You do have a bit of pudge, but you pull it off quite well,” Jackie offers.

Even Gilda jumps into the conversation. “Look, you’re not fat, Portly Pie.”

“I... Do you want a ride, Pinkie? I mean, I’ve carried Twilight before and that wasn’t too bad... You are skinnier than Twi after all...” I offer, just wanting to make Pinkie happy.

She doesn’t seem convinced and trots forward, in front of the group. “You know what? I’m WALKING.” She tosses her mane in a rarity-esque fashion as she happens to trot right in front of me, making me stare at the ground as to not be rude.

“You know they’re right, Pinkie.” She says before replying to herself, “Hush you.”

“Excellent observation, Pinkie, you are walking. We all are walking. You also happen to be giving the entire caravan a great view of your painted posterior. Jackie, that your handiwork?” Julien says with a light hearted smile.

Gilda covers her face with a hand and turns away with a faint blush, my own blush deepening as Pinkie flees to the back of the line.

“... You guys are worse than the ranger was.” Gilda comments.

“Dear, don’t tease her.” Cadance says in a calm and regal manner. I start to wonder what happened while I was gone as we approach the first house. It feels odd trick or treating so early in the day.

Jackie chuckles. “She was quite twitchy actually.”

“SO! Gilda! Would you like a funny hat?” Pinkie asks.

The griffons only reply is; “Hat...?”

“Halloween! Costumes!” Pinkie says enthusiastically.

As they try to decide what to do with Gilda for a costume, I fly myself up to the first door and knock gently, not wanting to startle anyone who may be inside.

“Um... Trick or treat?”

Gilda walks up after me and takes a much louder and direct approach, pounding on the door with her balled up fist.

Her voice doesn’t carry the same force though. “Trick or... Treat?”

I smile a little as I hear Reid trot up behind us. “Stand aside, let the professional handle this.”

She knocks a pattern I almost think I recognize before, on the last beat, the door opens and she falls flat on her face with a thud. I wince and quickly move to her side.

The owner of the house looks down on us incredulously as Pinkie gets back up.

“...uh hi! So, um...” Pinkie starts, as the man finally speaks.

“Is this heaven?” He asks it with a chuckle, looking over our little team like a found gem.

“No. If it were heaven, we’d actually be coming in instead of mooching off candy.” Pinkie points out, holding open her candy bag hopefully. “But you can appease heaven’s angels!”

The man laughs again and looks up to the semi-paralyzed Gilda.

“Dude, Gilda? Wow, You guys are amazing, and in my town too... Just a sec.” He backs away and into the house, leaving the door open and giving us a view of the beautiful house inside. It makes me happy that not all of our fans are basement dwellers.

The sudden burst of negativity catches me off guard and I blink a few times before I decide to dwell on the bright side instead.

“Oh this is so nice... Getting to meet new people.” I say as I stick close to Pinkie.

“...I never understood how these people know about us.” Gilda says nervously.

Pinkie just deflects the question, “I’ll explain later, just smile and wave for now.”

The man comes back with a massive container stuffed to the brim with all sorts of sweets, and portions out expected handfuls to each of us.

But, when he reaches Gilda, he doesn’t just give her a handful, but instead slowly dumps the entire bowl into her bag before looking up to her with a smile, “Don’t let the dweebs get you down.”

Gilda just looks between the bag and the brony in confusion before stuttering out “Sure. Go on... being cool and stuff. Yeah.”

I try not to chuckle at her adorable expression of naive joy as we all trot and walk towards the next house down the block, the brony waving us off.

“I should forewarn you, Gilda, you’re a... controversial character and some of the peeps may not like you at first. If that happens, let me do the talking.” Pinkie offers. I have to wonder if Pinkie really thinks she can fix everything like that, or if it is just to keep Gilda from lashing out.

From my side, Julien suddenly speaks up in the worst impression of a pushy drill instructor I have ever heard. “The enemy will be subdued, with candy and cute ponies!” Though admittedly, it is an amusing thing to hear a military pony say.

Cadance chuckles. “Are you counting yourself in that group, honey?”

“No, the cute ones are pink, darling,” he retaliates.

Pinkie smiles and speaks up as well. “Pink and yellow.”

I feel my face light up in appreciation of her color choice, and momentarily ignore my ego. I start to wonder what Pinkie thinks of me, but then I am brought swiftly aground as Ian speaks up, reminding me that the element of laughter could be simply pulling another joke.

“...Fahn. Ah’m cute. Ah get it. Moven on,” Reid’s younger brother says with a grimace.

Cadance just smiles and carries on. “I dunno, honey, I think a certain soldier may qualify too.”

“Character. There’s that word again.” Gilda finally responds to Pinkie’s offer with nothing more than confusion.

Reid decides to field the question. “Relative fictionality. Basically, from their viewpoint you’re a storybook character that hopped out of a book. But you’re real too, so don’t have an existential crisis, okay?”

“Wait. So what did they see, exactly? In this, book thing?” Gilda asks, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

“Ah... technically, all the main characters are ponies....” Pinkie reveals, her trot shifting uncomfortably.

I try to add more, thinking that I can offer my help as well. “They saw the one visit to Ponyville Gilda, but with me here... well the main reason why some of them get upset with you is because you yelled at me, which is stupid, I mean I was in your way and everything.” I realize just as I finish that my whole bit probably was even worse than saying nothing at all.

“Shy? Just...” Pinkie hides her face behind her hoof. “Nevermind, that works.”

Gilda looks away, her voice cracking as she mutters “Let’s keep going.”

I hear that crack and I feel it like a blow to the chest. I had truly damaged her, and there was no way I could fix it. Of course, a small bit of warmth is brought back to me when Pinkie brings up the most inappropriate thing she possibly could, but something that needs to throw us off balance anyway.

“...a lot of them assumed you were, um... had a thing for Dash,” she says with an air of informative neutrality.

“Drop it.” Gilda growls.

“...hey, they redeemed Nightmare Moon, you... probably... I’m making this worse, aren’t I.” Pinkie peters out just before Julien barks out an order.

“Hey, you bunch of emotional layabouts, front and center, door!” he creates a rose colored sheet of magic and shoves Gilda towards the front door of the second house.

“For the record I fucking loved that episode and how you acted in it. Aside from the yelling at Shy thing.” Ginny points out.

Gilda’s door knocking enthusiasm seems to be completely gone, as she gently taps against it with not even a ghost of a smile. “Trick or treat,” she mumbles.

The door swings open to my nightmare. A man in a black shirt with white lettering. P.A.P.A. The man looked over us with barely bridled rage. I am a split second away from fleeing, grabbing hold of Pinkie and flying as hard and fast as I can, running from the phantom feeling of the impact and ringing sound against the element which suddenly hangs heavy against my withers.

“...and this is the part where we run!” Pinkie echoes my thoughts, but Gilda seems to find her strength suddenly.

“I’m a griffon. Fuck off.” She says aggressively, still standing right in front of the man with an expression that says “I don’t give a shit.”

The man looks from us to the griffon in his way, his dense and empty skull practically smoking as he tries to process an animal that he was not specifically told to hate. “Yew... yer not ah pony?” He asks, the stereotypical accent only cementing my mental picture of him even further.

Somehow Gilda stands her ground and just bobs her head in an affirmative. “Give me your candy and I will make sure no pony comes to your door. Fair deal?” She proposes the idea with the confidence of someone who is in a position of great power, honestly impressive.

I can feel Pinkie backing away but I can’t will my hooves to move.

“Shoot, sounds good nuff fer me, yew griffuns ain’t bad as dem ponies,” and it is over before it has begun. How such a situation could not result in my death baffles me. Gilda is provided with a handful of cheap candy and the door swings closed as she turns away.

“There we go. Go back to sleep.” She says dismissively.

I start to smile at the idea that this can all work out, the thought that sometimes life doesn’t have to throw you a curve ball. So then I turn and naturally run into Pinkie in my eager rush to continue, knocking her over and landing on top of her.

My mind doesn’t even have time to process what just happened, before I hear Julien pipe up from a few feet away.

“Wait.. I wanna see which one explodes first,” he says, with a smile to his voice.

I am suddenly incredibly aware of the soft red blush spreading across her cheeks, her soft body under mine...

A halfhearted but confused laugh comes out of her and I snap out of it, scrambling to stand and step away from her, a fake cough and a lame “Oops!”

I hear Gilda groaning from one side, “Get a room you two.”

Then Pinkie from the other side, “You’re one to talk,” she says as she stand. “Stinking up the place with--”

Cadance cries out in anger. “Pinkie!”

“ARGH STUPID BRAIN SHUT UP! Right. Candy? Candy.” Pinkie turns and leaves, the blush hidden as she turns tail. “We all like candy. Candy is nice.”

Gilda doesn’t take it well, holding her claws out as though she is choking Pinkie to death. “Shut up, Pie.”

“Look, can I help it if Discord forced me to keep thinking of sex all the time? No. I’m trying to hold back, okay?” Pinkie turns back, her cheeks still rosey.

Gilda’s face contorts in an odd mix of confusion and anger. For a moment she is quiet but finally she just mumbles his name. “Discord?”

“Yup, god of chaos and master of annoying the hell out of us himself, apparently has decided to turn Pinkie into a perv. So now we have two pervy pink ponies.” Julien chuckles as Cadance swats him, also with a smile.

Ian Bloom seems less than pleased. “Ah’m tryen tah childproof mah mind fer when this Apple Bloom pony gets out, can ya’ll NOT do that?”

Gilda blinks and seems to suddenly want to drastically change the course of the conversation. “So, what’re your stories?”

We arrive at another door, and Pinkie starts her traditional greeting just before spotting a sign on the door which states “NO CANDY” clear and in bold font.

“...huh.” She shrugs and we continue onwards towards the next house.

I decide to start the storytelling, since nopony else had taken up the prompt from the newly acquired griffon of the group. “I was a computer repairperson then I woke up as Fluttershy, drove here with Julien, kinda became just Erishy along the way. Nothing exciting.”

Ian takes the next slot. “Mah brother woke up as Pinkie, Ah agreed tah drive him up ta new York, we picked up these four,” he waves a tiny yellow hoof at the humans of the group. “On tha way, then we met up with Erishy... AFTER she got shot.”

I wince, for a moment I had actually forgotten that moment in my life, as though it hadn’t happened.

“That is a pertinent detail.” Harold points out.

Gilda doesn’t speak, just continues to walk along with us.

“Yesterday mornen, Linda turned inta Cadance, and taday, well...” Ian points a hoof at himself, less than pleased.

Julien notices the new door and barks out, “Ian Bloom, front and center!” He turns and stage whispers to Cadance. “Maybe we should throw him at the door, instead of having him knock. Think he would squeak?”

“Really?” Ian rolls his eyes, exasperated with the level of teasing going on.

I start to realize that he could really be hurt by all of this, he seems to be taking it well but he could be hurting. I decide that I need to find a way to help him.

Reid suddenly appears next to her brother, smiling happily. “Hey. Caaaaandy.”

Ian Bloom just repeats his complaint, though not very articulate. “Really?”

“Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie.”

“....fahn....” Ian gives in and trots up to the door, knocking on it with an expression of having given up. “Trick or treat...”

The oak and stained glass door swings open to show an older woman with frayed and tattered grey hair, her eyes and forehead creased with decades of worry and pain. She looks around at us in a sort of daze before looking down to Ian, and smiling brightly.

“Oh my, you are just... The most adorable thing. What is your favorite type of candy, dear?” She speaks with a breathless, tired tone.

Ian Bloom looks up to her with a shrug. “Ah don’t actually--”

“She likes it all!” Reid interrupts.

Ian looks to his sibling with one eyebrow raised. “....would that actually work?”

The elderly woman takes up her bowl of sweets and looks it over. “Well I have to save some for the other children, but here is some candy.” She leans down and puts a packed handful of candy into Ian’s bag. The portions she provides to the rest of us are smaller but still generous. Even Gilda gets some.

“We thank you most graciously for your donation.” Pinkie chirps as Ian nods in awe at the candy now in his possession.

“Yeah, it’s mighty nice of ya to--” Ian is interrupted by a quick hug by the woman, who picks him up and holds him close.

I can hear Gilda start humming a mournful tune, Death cab for cutie, a song I once spent hours listening to. I will possess your heart. The song nearly brings tears to my eyes, but my worry for Ian being treated like a doll and the potential damage he could be feeling overrides that.

“Aw, thats very nice, we do have to go though, Ma’am, I’m sorry.” I say it gently, trying to convince the woman to let go as Gilda whispers the lyrics to the song behind me, making for a poignant scene.

“...Ma’am...?” Reid steps forward, the lady still not letting Ian go, as we all notice tears in her eyes as she holds the man-turned-filly.

I watch Ian look to us, silently pleading. He isn’t struggling, but he looks scared.

“...you know... um... we’re on this big cross country trip and, uh, we’re running low on drivers...” Ginny starts, but she falls silent as Ian shoots her a glare.

“The potential, of you and me...” Gilda continues the melody, oddly enough it seems to fit, and doesn’t stick out to me at all. The old woman takes a shaking breath to steady herself before she starts to explain her actions to us.

“My son... He watched you ponies all the time.” She set Ian down and wiped a tear off her cheek with the back of one hand, looking over us in reverence. “He said it helped with his depression... He even got a job after he got into it, really turned his life around...”

Pinkie moves forward and hugs her as I sit there like an idiot, unsure of what to do. Normally I would just give her a hug as well, as it is implied something terrible has happened, but it just doesn’t feel like I should interrupt. Meanwhile Gilda continues quietly singing her song, and Ian joins his sister in hugging the sad old lady.

“What happened to him?” I finally ask, as I look between Gilda and the distraught woman.

“After... all this started.... a pegasus filly, I think her name was Archer? She came through town and... those PAPA people... he pushed her out of the way of their car and...” She couldn’t continue, her tears telling the rest of the story as I turn away, hiding from the emotional pain like a coward. Jackie moves over to join in the group hug, and I can see Julien bowing his head in remembrance of the fallen brony.

I take a few steps over to Gilda, rubbing my eyes with the top of my hoof and whisper “Are... are you okay?” Knowing full well how silly I sound asking her that.

Gilda just shakes her head, not meeting my gaze. “Y-yeah. Just... regretting some things. You know, just things.”

I can hear Julien offering the woman her condolences as I work up the courage to continue my conversation with Gilda.

“Gilda... I forgive you, and I am so sorry, what happened wasn’t right. You never should have been treated the way you were...” I offer this sign of peace in the hopes that I can finally stop worrying about the creeping feeling that Gilda is bad news.

“To be honest. I’m a little scared,” she admits, still shaking her head slightly.

I try to clarify. “Scared of losing part of yourself?”

“...She mentioned her son was depressed,” she starts. “Cale... is, or was, or whatever, depressed. What if he like... is trying to, or has, or whatever, what if he is trying to kill himself for me?”

She really seems worried, which deflates my own concerns. For a little bit I feel like she is just another friend, not some monster.

“Then you need to convince him to hold on. You need to convince him that everything will turn out okay,” I say as I relax a bit, the group still talking to the woman behind me.

Gilda just looks away again, not normal for a predator. “... I don’t even know where the hell he is...”

“Well Gilda, you will have to hope he is okay, or when you go to sleep, try to find him. I know before I merged dreams were an easy way to talk.” I explain.

She looks like a scolded cat, ducking her head. “Mostly, we just yelled at each other.”

I sit silently, unsure what to say, but in the moment of silence I hear Pinkie.

“...wow.... um. Just... wow.”

I turn to the stunned group, confused. “What happened?”

“I think we are going to be flown to New York.” Julien says, smiling.

Cadance adds, “Because one man stood up for a little filly...”

Gilda looks like we had told her that she is being sent to jail. “Um. No. Nonono. You know what they have at airports? Guards. With guns. GUNS.”

“This has something to do with you getting shot, doesn’t it?” Reid asks, trotting up beside us.

“Well excuse me. When was the last time you got shot? Huh? Did you ever feel your blood gush out of you and have nobody to blame for it but yourself? HUH?” Gilda snaps back, furious and panicking.

Reid cut her off with a sudden embrace. “I don’t like guns either... If you like, some of us can stay behind and just drive to New York with you.”

“We won’t let you get hurt Gilda. You are our friend.” I say earnestly.

“...Friend?” She looks oddly disturbed, like I had said something hurtful, an expression I can’t quite place. “I REALLY don’t think we should fly there.”

“Well, at the very least you’re a fellow frightened fantasy character, so there.” Reid sticks out her tongue. “We’re here for you.”

Then, as we continue on our way, I realize what I am seeing on Gilda’s face. Something that hadn’t come up when I mentioned our history from the show, but now has come up when nothing new against her has been brought up. Guilt.

Comments

[CometandAqua]

Yay! New chapter!

It's hard not to imagine Reid and Ian with man-ish voices still.

[kingtwelvesixteen]

Yeah, Gilda is pretty obviously hiding something.

[Red Bomber]

I think I ended up being confused about the setting of this chapter, but I think I understand.

[Buckshot2825]

“I’m a griffon. Fuck off.” She says aggressively, still standing right in front of the man with an expression that says “I don’t give a shit.”

Teh lols, i hath founds them

Da fuq? tis an update from this universe? We must go see what they hath brought for us.
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Yes i held down D for the entire time, copy and paste is for nuubs

[TundraStanza]

2607162, Really? I can here Pinkie Pie and Apple Bloom's voices just fine.

[Hope]

2319084 check it out

[Rachel Rayne]

finally caught up. whew, its interresting to read this in shy's POV after readin it in pinkie's/reid's

[Hope]

2687049 Thank you! I'm glad you found it worth the read.

[Hope]

2737404 Oh crud. Which chapters?

[fuckyoudeletemyaccount]

2737763

I think the first time I noticed it was in the dialogue after they first met up, and again later while they were driving off to breakfast. Don't remember the numbers off the top of my head, but yeah.

[websterhamster]

Ahhh!! The last chapter!!! Hopefully this story hasn't been abandoned It was last updated in May after all...

Can't wait until the next chapter is published!

[Hope]

2858364 It most certainly has not been abandoned, just a bit slow on the production of the next chapter. There is a scene which most readers will likely skim over but I am stuggling with, because I am silly.

[Pinklestia]

Gilda human is suicidal? Dang...

[Funky Pony]

Something that hadn't come up when I mentioned our history from the show, but now has come up when nothing new against her has been brought up. Guilt.

Calling it: Gilda is, or was, helping Discord.