Becoming Fluttershy

by Hope

chapter 16. Nightmare

After a few very slow, very careful test trips around the house in the new seat, I finally get the car shifted into park and rocket out of the seat belt to hug Ron.

“Now don’t get all clingy on me, just had some ideas of how to keep this from happening again.” He says, giving me a quick squeeze before letting go.

“Thank you so much you have no idea how worried I was and all I could do was hope that we got lucky but now we will be able to drive and everything will be okay and I’m so relieved and...” The torrential flow of words is stopped by a white hoof.

“Breathe.” Julien says. He is smiling as much as I am though, not only is our car almost fixed but now we can drive it with less risk of a catastrophe.

“We really do owe you a lot at this point, Ron.” Julien says after I resume my breathing without resuming the endless flow of praise.

“Isn't nothing that I wouldn't do for anyone else in your position.” Ron replies.

By the time my brain has caught up with the triple negative and figured out what he meant, the group is starting to head inside.

“I’ll be in shortly.” I say and they nod or affirm that they heard me before slipping into the house.

With a few flaps of my wings I get myself to the top of my car and fold my legs underneath me. I have never been a religious type. I just can’t find it in me to put my hope in something that has caused so much fear in the past. But watching the sunset tugs at my heart and I close my eyes, presumably to pray or something like that.

I can’t think of the words so instead I just breathe as the world around me grows darker. This world is so beautiful. Every tiny miracle that we shrug off each day is a blessing. Not from a god, person, or pony. Just a blessing, as if reality itself had taken notice and patted us on the back to say “It will all be okay. I promise,” and after so many years of running from the world around me, being scared of the pain it could inflict and bitterly shutting it out of my heart, I am finally starting to believe that saying.

I finally open my eyes to see the last sliver of the burning sun slip behind the hills to the west, lighting that portion of the horizon in a shimmering red glow. Above me the stars start to peek through that curtain of light and cover the sky. I always hated big cities. Reno was even too big for me. Out here in the middle of nowhere, the sky is full of stars. Each constellation has a background of milky way or highlights of accompanying stars.

How did I ever feel alone? I look up into the sky, full of stars, full of promises that all of existence holds life, and I feel a warmth inside that brings a smile to my face.

A hop, skip, and a jump carries me into a glide down to the ground. In the distance I hear a car start up and a dog bark. Humanity has stamped itself indelibly upon the surface of this planet. But I can’t blame them for that. Humans fight, bicker, and hurt each other. But they also carry such an immense love for the world around them.

I am still torn on whether I would like to be human again, I still feel at home even as I am “assimilated” into this body and mind. My whole life I have yearned for comfort from others, but perhaps what I needed was comfort from myself. A safe haven in my own mind.

I head back into the house, and we all eat dinner together. According to Ron, the car should be ready to go sometime in the afternoon tomorrow. This means that tonight is our second and last night here with our new family. Ron pours us all apple juice instead of wine, and makes a toast, to the future and to kindness.

I suppose he watched more of the show than he let on. I get all teary eyed after drinking my apple juice, and we all group together for a hug before filing off to our respective rooms.

“Julien, how is your mental state?” I ask him as we wait for sleep to claim us.

For a bit I think that he is asleep already, since it takes awhile for him to answer.

“I am doing fine. I still have the urge each morning to start running laps, and I can’t so much as look sideways at Jessica or any girl without feeling a surge of guilt, but all in all I don’t feel like I am being forced into anything. How about you?” He asks, concern lacing the last sentence.

“I really want to buy a bunny.” I say, fiddling with the sheets. “I talked to a horse, and I keep wanting to find something to give Ron in repayment for all he has done, but I don’t know how much of that last bit is me or Fluttershy. I had a dream where I talked to her, but I am inclined to think that was a figment of my imagination.”

“Well... we can buy a bunny. Once we get to Kansas City.” He says.

No sarcastic joke? No poking fun at my dream or asking about talking to the horse? I am really worried for him now. He seems more serious, more reserved from simply speaking his mind. Just like he did with me, I wonder if this is the stress of the last few days.

There is no way of knowing for sure.

In the midst of my thoughts, I begin to dream. I am trotting along through ponyville, the streets are empty, but I am not afraid. I make my way through the buildings and parks until I reach the edge of town and the winding road to my cottage. The trees that shield it from view are changing color as I walk past them, green leaves flashing to crimson, yellow, brilliant orange before fluttering to the ground in my wake. I realize I am galloping along the path, tears streaming from my eyes. When did I start crying? Why am I crying?

The door of my home flies open as I approach and once I am inside it slams shut with the finality of a coffin hitting the bottom of a grave. I feel trapped but I feel that something else is worse than being trapped, that there is a danger I cannot possibly imagine lurking in every shadow, but I do not turn on the lights or light a candle. I don’t want to see this thing I am so frightened of, I do not want to bring my fears to life.

One hoof after another, I move across my main room towards the sofa, but I stop as though struck when I reach the point halfway across the room.

I look up at the hint of movement, and I see my reflection in the tall mirror propped against the wall.

This is what I am afraid of? This butter yellow pegasus? I am too pathetic to scare even myself, yet I look on my image with fear. I slowly move closer to the pane of glass, and as I get closer I realize something is wrong. Something is very wrong. The reflection is smiling. I am not. The smile grows wider and wider to show sharp teeth and a snakelike tongue. I scream as I back away, scratching the floor and throwing a carpet askew as I flee to my room, slamming the door.

No mirrors here, no mirrors. I am safe. I turn around and I am greeted by narrowed teal eyes.

I am screaming, thrashing, lashing out at the monster.

“This is a dream.” The monster says, relentless and unmoving.

“Once you realize this is a dream, it will stop being scary.”

I am curled up in a ball, sobbing.

“Focus, your name is Erica.” The beast prowls around me as I watch with pinprick pupils.

“No! My name is Fluttershy!” I squeak.

This gives the creature pause. “Your name is Fluttershy?” it repeats. “Well, what a coincidence. so is mine.”

“You are my reflection! Of course you have my name.” I shield myself with one of my wings.

“Oh you are having that nightmare, okay. I need you to remember before this, what were you doing before this?” She asks. Her voice is not nearly so terrifying since I can’t see that evil smile.

“I... ran. I was running.” I say, my voice shaking.

“Before that?” She asks. Her voice is now positively soft, and I lower my wing to see Fluttershy sitting there, a worried expression on her face.

“I... Was thinking about buying a bunny and naming it Angel.” I whisper sheepishly.

She smiles a gentle smile and nods. “I had that nightmare for weeks after I had a... bit of trouble with a confidence coach.” She explains.

I slowly sit up. “I suppose that proves that I don’t need to try and convince you to prove you aren't just a figment of my imagination.”

“Oh I still could be.” she says eagerly. “Don’t rule out the power of imagination, but I am pretty sure I am mostly real.”

“What were you about to say when the last dream ended?” I ask curiously.

“Oh, not to worry about it. Stuff like that can change so suddenly in a dream that there isn’t a point to worrying about it.” She waves a hoof and her cottage swims into view around us.

I curl up on the sofa and she pulls up a cushion to sit on.

“So I am dreaming right now? I have never been able to lucid dream.” I say, poking at the sofa.

“The key is not to question it. When you start questioning the dream then it falls apart. I had to learn to dream like this to get over a bunch of my nightmares.” She explains.

We are silent for a bit as the imaginary wind whistles outside the nonexistent windows.

“What is it like in my head?” I ask suddenly.

She chuckles. “It isn't boring, that’s for sure. More than that, I can’t really say. I still think I could be just a figment of your imagination, a coping mechanism to deal with all this. But just like the other stuff, there really isn't a point in worrying about it.”

I chuckle and open my mouth to ask another question, but I find a pillow in my mouth instead.

Opening my eyes, I see the sun peeking through the bedroom windows, and spit the pillow out of my mouth.

“Side effect of lucid dreaming, eating pillows.” I grumble.

Comments

[MyLittleBurger]

1538574 Meh, true. She should have gotten him an apple. And the herd portion..... was either I assume asking if she was in a herd, or if she would want to be part of his herd.....

[Hope]

1538838 Either way, the answer stands hehe (that confusion was on purpose)

[MyLittleBurger]

1538847 Bow chicka wow wow.....

[ChainReaction]

That ending... Awesome chapter, Hope. And damn, you pump them out quickly, don't you?

[metallusionsismagic]

Hey hey hey!
Just take a seat my dear, and if it's all the same,
Just sit back, and relax, while you lucid dream!
Na, na, naa, a pretty cool chapter!
Her subconscious is worried about Assertiveshy, I see, but not in the same manner as the previous dreamer was...

[SunsetyDays]

So she's starting to think she is Fluttershy?

Uh oh...

[Hope]

1540129
In this story, ponies are about the size of a large dog, so the sunglasses would fit fine. I find it amusing that noone has pointed out her ears are too high up for the sunglasses to stay on. I'm trying to figure out if there is an easy way to explain that way hehe

[Hope]

1540686
Did you manage 9 chapters in the space of 2 hours?

[Red Bomber]

Reminds me alot of the "Why Am I Pinkie Pie?" story. Did you read it? Was this story series inspired from it when the person made the first story of Becoming a pony?

Darn Shining, I hate to be the poor guy who has a girlfriend and Shining won't let him touch her (possibly without turning her into Cadance maybe).

[CometandAqua]

Nix my earlier comment about "Becoming Twilight"

[Pinklestia]

Being forced to become somepony else against your will, what a scary thought...

[Funky Pony]

“Side effect of lucid dreaming, eating pillows.” I grumble.

Never had that happen to me before.

[A the OC alicorn spartan]

Why does everypony in this verse wake up nommig a pillow.

[Avogadro]

3990506
Not exactly a lucid dream, but one time I was dreaming that someone was stabbing or biting my leg, and I tried to kick him off, but I woke up while doing it and ended up kicking my wall really hard. My right big toe hurt pretty bad for a week, but I can laugh about it now.

[Luckyfanisaac]

“Breathe.” Julien says. He is smiling as much as I am though, not only is our car almost fixed but now we can drive it with less risk of a catastrophe.