Fluttershy and BigMac discover their love for one another when there is a big accident. This is my first story so please don't be mean, but I would like constructive criticism and please tell me what you think. I have finally finished it!
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Fluttershy and BigMac Discover their love for one another when their is a big accident. This is my first story so please don't be mean, but I would like constructive criticism and please tell me what you think.
I think that you need a prof reader
Read it, and it's time to give a recap.
1. show don't tell!
2. NEVER EVER use "he said", "*he replied" and things like that. You placed them in brackets, that shows that it's spoken dialogue.
3. Get a prof reader.
4. Flesh it our a lot.
5. Watch the show and actually get the charracters to sound in character. Fluttershy's way to confident!
6. Read stories made by the best and learn from them!
I addition to the above, every time a different character speaks, make a new paragraph. It's much more readable and much easier to keep track of what's going on that way.
Can you add a link to the source of your story's image?
http://alicehuman-sacrific.deviantart.com/art/Flutter-Mac-wallpaper-255512598
The full version is fantastic.
I kinda liked it, but it was too short, and the personalities of some of the characters needs to be studied some more.
Yeah, I was making her confident because there was apparently a big accident and she was about to perform surgery.
1520492 Yeah um, I'm still writing it. Chapter 2 is getting started today.
1520371 sorry
1535072 Yay got something right
1535072 Hey if your willing to help me im writing a story and need a way to have my character like twilight
1520961 I hope it's finished soon then.
1535194 sure, just send me what you got at gillface@ymail.com
1535072 yeah, im not finished
I Liked the chapter,especially the part when you described how Big Mac and Fluttershy felt for each other. Not bad for your first story.
What I don't get is that FLUTTERSHY AND BIG MAC are supposed to fall in love by "Accident"
I love this story! Please Finish!
Getting back to work, been stuck YIPEE!
1569054 they dont fall in love by accident, they fall in love BECAUSE of an accident
Ohhh....Thanx 4 the explanation! I LOVE UR STORY!
I'm thinking on how to finish it out!
FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAY! YOU FINISHED!
When was Fluttershy ever a surgeon?
Well this was just not satisfactory at all.
Okay no offense but how did this get accepted? The writing is good but the grammar is bad, there's a few typos and there is no indenting between different characters speaking! You gotta indent when another character replies. No excuses man for that man. I assume this is old and you have improved since when this was published yes? So why haven't you fixed it yet? You should fix it when you get the time.