Rarity pays Twilight Sparkle a visit to ask her why she hasn't come to the Ponyville Autumn Social for the last two years. All she would need is a date, after all. Twilight waves away Rarity's request, explaining that she simply doesn't date -- ever. Rarity's inquiry as to why provokes Twilight into a seething rant that inadvertently reveals more than intended.
This is the second in a short series of stories elaborating on the versions of the mane 6 from the universe depicted in "The Sun Eater." This one is relatively mild for "Sun Eater" material in terms of content, but is still rated "Teen" for a reason. Expect mild language, adult themes, and use of mild (but legal) substances.
Cover image by Ventious, deviantart.
Chapters (1)
I'm guessing that part of "who" is left open. I'd consider revising the summary though, because it almost makes it sound like it was Shining... if it really was then I'd remove it anyway. A summary shouldn't introduce new detail into the story.
Nice job on this piece... only thing I didn't like however was the concept of Twilight smoking. (and her describing spike as "the shit") Perhaps you should give this an "Alternate Universe" tag, since this doesn't really sound like canon Twilight. At least now it will seem like you did this on purpose. (Which you probably did)
That was quite dark. I almost gave up on it halfway through, but I'm glad I changed my mind. It was a powerful, if depressing, passage.
Twilight sounded a lot like I assume I would, if I were massively depressed.
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I would also suggest at least rearranging the summary, especially the way it goes from Twilight's discomfort about dating, to a dark secret being revealed, to just cutting off on Shining's name. Between reading that and clicking 'more,' you have more than enough time to assume the worst.
Considering how many people probably WANT to assume the worst, and the fact that we're on a website where I doubt I'd have to look too hard to find necro-bestial pedophile torture porn, I think I WILL rearrange the summary, if it's making you read into it what I think you're reading into it. Did not want to go there, in the least. What's more, I'm going to go back and tag everything in this continuity with alternate universe, just to disambiguate it.
There. I cut that last line completely out of the summary. It wasn't necessary, anyway. Also, all stories in this continuity are now tagged alternate universe. Hopefully, that will be a little more fair warning that these aren't exactly Hasbro-approved ponies, here.
It was very hard for me to make the decision to publish this one once I had written it, actually. That's how I knew it was good. I'm actually pleased that it's gotten a couple of dislikes, already. If everyone liked this version of Twilight Sparkle, and liked the events portrayed in this story, I would consider it to have been a failure.
Perhaps I should elaborate on what I'm doing, here.
This universe is going for an Equestria that sits somewhere between reality and what you can see on the HUB. I don't do things like have Twilight chain smoke just for shits and giggles. I intentionally chose various vices and character flaws for each of the ponies based on their personalities in the show. The reason I picked that one in particular for Twilight is that it fits her personality traits of being obsessive-compulsive and slightly on-edge much of the time. With every one of these characters, I really ask myself "Who would she really be, if she were just some woman I might pass on the street?" Then, I put those characteristics back into her as a pony. To be honest, I don't even imagine them in the art style of the show. I think of them as being on-model, shape-wise, but detailed and shaded to the point of being realistic. Here's an example of the sort of art style that's in my head when I'm writing these stories: http://jcharlesmachiavelli.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4iofr5
Great artist, by the way. Check out his gallery. Just be aware there's some pretty dark stuff in there.
The "Sun Eater" universe has sort of become my private dumping ground for many of my frustrations. As such, it's not a pretty place. I honestly much prefer the Equestria I see when I watch an episode of the show. That said, the benefit to me personally of writing the things I've written in it so far has been so tremendous that I imagine I will continue writing in it for some time.
In a way, I suppose this is an admission that you're really just seeing many of my own issues worked out in a slightly twisted version of Equestria. If that's offensive to you, I won't hold it against you if you'd rather not read these pieces. I'll be getting back to something more universal and G-rated once I've finished this little series.
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Don't take what I said the wrong way... I don't watch just any writer — your work is excellent.
I'm also really quite surprised at your range; going from "The Greatest Day of Her Life" to this was like climbing out of a Jacuzzi and jumping into a freezer.
Happy or sad, it's good stuff. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
It is quite a weird feeling when you, by pure accident, stumble upon something that almost completely reflects your inner thoughts and convictions about a certain matter.
I am a very pragmatic person at heart, and over the course of my life I had come to very similar conclusions like the Twilight that you had portrayed in your story. Although, it wasn't caused by any unpleasant experiences--like in her case--or influence of outside sources that shared similar beliefs. It came to me naturally, in a slow and gradual train of logic that inevitably led me the final, somehow sad and pessimistic realization.
I now find it amusing that, despite my beliefs that I had come to accept long ago, I still find the romance-adventure genre most enjoyable. Perhaps it's really hard to weed out certain though patterns from your brain, especially from its more primal and... sexual part
Anyway, I enjoyed reading your story. It sparked a certain amount of interest in me towards its related universe--I will try to check out "The Sun Eater" someday
Jesus, twilight sparkle is going to die at 40, good story.
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Thanks, Wrath.
That is my favorite comment I have ever gotten.
I say the same thing.
Set it off said it best.
Spoiler alert she's definitely not straight.
I've been around enough dykes to know she's definitely one
And before someone gets all pissy because I said dykes
1. I'm a member of the LGBT community and can say with confidence most lesbians don't get offended by the use of the word dyke unless used derogatively.
And two my aunt is a member of the LGBT community as well and frequently refers to herself and others as dykes
No they're trying to get where you are Rares preferably with Twilight there too.