Shine Yellowsoul leisurely strolls around Ponyville. But at the end of his regular route, he encounters a creature he has never seen before.
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I saw a picture in my inbox on DeviantArt, posted a comment, the author replied, then I replied, all of a sudden we were knee-deep in a Roleplaying session.
Then when it reached a dead end, I decided I wanted to glorify that randomness and turn it into a fic, and here it is.
Tag suggestions are welcome.
The RP session this story is based off can be found by clicking on the ''Source'' link below the cover image and scrolling down the comments. My comment should be the last on the first page or among the first on the second page. My dA name is ''LucarioLovesLopunny''.
Before you decide to put all praise and glory on my shoulders, keep in mind that I wasn't the only person who participated in the creation of this fic. Praise the one who shall be praised and visit Krazoa at his dA page found further bellow and tell him how awesome he is. Or at least take a peek at his art.
Also, Krazoa doubled as, *Pipsqueak voice activated* ''My very first pre-reader, EVER!''
*About the cover image*
I have personally asked the artist and have gotten green light in using his work. The artist is http://krazoa157.deviantart.com/
NOTE TO THOSE FOLLOWING ME:
Even though Shine is starring in this fic, it is not in the same timeline as the other fics with my OC, Shine Yellowsoul. In the real timeline, Shine never meets Chrysalis.
This fic is what you call, a spin-off.
NOT HOW YOU DO IT
1593382
I don't understand, what do you mean?
1593425
You don't do that! Don't don't don't don't!
Cool, but what's the story about?
1593425
Freeform roleplaying does not make a good story. Structured roleplaying very rarely makes a good story.
1593492
Hmm... good point. It DO sound a little... funky, for a description. I'll go fix that.
1593516
Can you message me the summary of this story? I'm being quite serious, as there was too much fail here (no offense) to read beyond the halfway point.
"Shine Yellowsoul"
WHAT KIND OF ASS-SHIT NAME IS THAT?!
1593560
The name of my OC.
I also think it's a bit wierd, but I'm bad at coming up with names
1593567
Sorry for exploding...^^; Err, yeah, you may want to write a list of names and pick what you think is the best...
1593688
There's more thought behind that name than most think. Shine Yellowsoul is not just an OC, he's my pony-sona, he is me. (Spare me the scolding of self-insertion)
Shine
A few people have said to me that I bring with me a kind of energy that makes their faces, simply SHINE.
Yellow
Going down at the aura-mumbo-jumbo level. I think mine would be yellow, sumbolizing the joy I bring to my friends and those I care for.
Soul
WIth all the joy and happiness I bring, I also have great depth, closely choosing WHO I'll bless with my friendship. As well, my ways of treating both friend and foe is cloesly considered at each and every turn, taking every decision serious, just as if my soul would be at stake.
You're free to laugh as all this DO seem a bit ridiculus, even to me
Thumbs up for you, just for having the courage to post an RP log.
1593794
I wonder if this was more ignorance than courage. I didn't know bronies took such offense to RP fics
1593802
RP fics usually fall flat unless they're pulled off really well. Because of that, people tend to assume the worst.
1600083
*Sigh*
Prejudice is a bitch...
Ah, the pits that RP's usually fall into. I'll admit, as an RPer myself, the story may seem awesome to you. Hell, it may even be perfect! But that's because you are the one RPing. You're in the mindset of the main character. We aren't. As such, we need to have more character development. Also, I'd work on pacing a bit. As such, I really couldn't focus on the story itself much because of the aforementioned reasons. I hope you take this advice for what it is, and I wish you a g'day.
~Axel Nyan, Supergrunt and Moderator of the TWE
1724475
Hmm... I see. Really good to know.
I really didn't think about those pitfalls. I'm not gonna write another story like this (ever again) but it is good to know things like this.
You learn something new every day.
1724527 Really? Shame. RP's can be the best stories if effort is put into turning them into stories. Oh well.
1724529
Hmm... I think I fleshed out the RP quite a bit.
The RP session, aka the Raw Story, was at 831 words.
How many words would you think would have been appropriate for a raw story that length?
)
(The raw story was like only the characters' lines and possible actions and interractions with eachother. When I wrote it, it did feel like it was missing something, but I couldn't put my finger on it. To this day, I still can't.
1724550 Hmm... With that, I'd say you could get, if you really focused on story and character building, around 2~5k words.
~Axel Nyan, Supergrunt and Moderator of the TWE
1724556
Now that I actually try to use my brain and THINK (What is this blashpemy?
) what it was that threw most people of is the inconsistency of the story. Shit happened, JUST BECAUSE.
Thought personally I think that most actions is plausible from all parts. (Except for Chrysalis regenerating her horn, DICK MOVE!)
But that may be because, like you said. I know my own OC, everyone else doesn't. And I might have done a poor job in describing how he is. Derpy has no proper canon characterization, besides being a little clumsy, so I improvised (a lot) there.
What made Derpy's actions so poor might also be because I used the personality I've build up for her during the progress of my own OC's series.
Once again, I think I've done a good job. But at many points, that isn't good enough.
1724576 Well, as I've said, and been told, many times. The only reason it might seem awesome to you but not others is because you ARE your OC. (Main reason self-inserts die)