• Member Since 30th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Tx Avenger 218


Just a simple writer just writing what he feels.

T

After getting critically wounded from a fight, a teenager finds himself in a new world filled with ponies, only... he can't remember who he is, but he does remember what he is. Filled with knowledge that a normal teenager shouldn't have, does he use his knowledge of his tainted horrid world to help the ponies face things they are not meant face?

Will he befriend these new creatures?

Will his past ruin his chance of having a new life?

Or will he become more trouble to them than he realizes?

All that matters is, he has a new chance at a new life, let's see if he can make one out of it.

Sequel: Fighting Never Ends

I do not own the picture, but it was as best as I can get.

Inspiration: My Little Dashie and The Problem With Magic.
If these authors can make such badass and really moving stories out of MLP, I decided that maybe I could try something like that. But then I realized that I couldn't hope to match up to them, so I'll just settle with making the most awesomest, cool, moving, hated, sad (depending on the readers view on it) story I can make.

Also it would appreciative if at least some commentors will leave a 'like' or a 'great job' comment.

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 142 )

Reading the first chapter. If good, fav and liek!! :)

interesting... I like where it... :pinkiecrazy:

really great start dont put my hopes up and then bring them down with this fic :applejackunsure:

Oh... my... god... An actual repost... I remember this story being around in the early days. Author deleted it... It was horrible. And so far from what I've read, they are scarily similar... I hope to god that this is just a coincidence, so I'm going to keep up with this... Please do not prove me right in that this is that repost...

ehhhhhhhh.....hate the pass out cliche .......but okay...:ajbemused:

This story has potential, but beware of some things :
- A story in present tense with changing point of view is hard to read. You should focus on a character with past or past continuous.
- Add more reaction to your character, he seems a bit bland (Appear in a forest, don't care; See talking ponies, meh...)
-You should reduce or fix the conversation, I don't know why, but when the characters talk, it confuses me.
-The ponies should be more curious (Ooh, what is that black boomerang looking, bullet shooting thing?) and Fluttershy is a bit overeacting.

Except those few things, the pace seems well and you beware of the HiE clichés.

Like and faved

~StrawberryFrosting

yeah, what frosting said was pretttty spot on. Great story, but its kind of well... emotionless. Rainbow Dash's super easy going attitude is spot on, but other then that, kind of emotionless. But yeah, keep away fom cliches, such as flawless characters *just saying*... unless its a comedy, but it really isnt yet

1507520
Thank you for the feedback, I only spend so much time on it since I don't have that much time on me. After I post the next chapter, I'll do some editing.

1508236
If you have any ideas, send them, because this is my first MLP fic and i don't want to screw it up.

1508658 your first? impressive... though who am I kidding? I can barely wright a story even if my life depened on it...:pinkiesad2::fluttercry::applecry::raritydespair:

1508658 Honestly mate, unless you wanna write the 2nd and 3rd chapters again, i cant do much for ya. While they are pretty good, it just needs that shock. "Oh fuck, I'm dead." And if he has amnesia, you sure as shit better make sure he goes "WHO THE FUCK AM I, WHERE THE FUCK AM I?" and freak out. I grow tired of these stories where the main character is an OC paladin type guy who always fights for the right cause and the right reasons, doing the right things at the right times. people. fuck. up. but dont take this as A bashing of sorts. This story is pretty great for the first try, but avoid the cliches. And if you dont know what they are, dont make the guy perfect

Meh story.

Awfully cliché, Gary Stuish hero, lots of things don't make any sense ( a hunting pack is never gonna hunt like this by far, no matter the species. And a sonic boom while running ? Seriously ? )
And the harvester idea I've seen it exactly written like this on another fic some time ago.

1712354
Well excuse me if my first ever My Little Pony story is too cliche for your standards. Did you ever think that maybe something is herding the animals out of the forest? Maybe the sudden appearance of a new creature made them become uneasy and attack. And there was never really a guarantee that he can do the sonic boom. Running? Yeah, I know it seems very unlikely but the fact that if the right conditions were met, he could. But he doesn't so he can't. And the harvester? He needed to make himself useful, not a burden. And the hero thing? He may have been on the run but he still has morals about the innocent.

1715004 dont worry man i like your story

DAMN CELESTIA WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!? :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

Yeah, WHAT THE HELL, CELESTIA!?!?!? :pinkiegasp: This makes me kind of scared of going to Equestria. :raritycry:

WHYYYYYY:flutterrage:
Damn celestial wtf??

The whole " allergic with magic " remind me a lot of http://www.fimfiction.net/story/23115/The-Problem-With-Magic , where the main character is wounded exactly like this, almost words for words. :facehoof:

1767883
It was. I even asked the author for permission in doing that. I just thought it would go well with my character being what he is and his situation. I don't take anything from someone else's work unless I ask for permission. People may call my a bit cliche but I won't stoop that low.

Besides, that story is kinda what inspired me to make this story

i .. honestly could of sworn i read this before in another story.... or at least parts of it.... might need to focus on originality a bit my friend :applejackunsure:

1768898
I did what I can but the story that inspired me to make this one was 'The Problem with Magic.' I even asked the author of that one if i could use the whole allergic to magic thing for my character. The chapter also went well for my character but I didn't make it exact, or as best i could. This chapter would probably be the one and only so called, copy chapter that most would refer it too. The rest from here on out are made of my own mind, or that of the company that made My Little Pony.

1771272 well good luck with your future chapters then, which reminds me i need to get back to writing another of mine :ajbemused:

the death threats are slowly pilling up but i gotta ask. if they kill me, whose going to write the next chapter? :rainbowlaugh:

A mossberg 500 AND an M9? Fuck, im jelly.

Overall, I'd say it's a good chapter.

Nice to see Swift settling in. With a cool ride to boot.

1767883>>1768898>>1771272

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." - Charles Caleb Colton

And cue random curious pony who gets in the plane and immediately crashes it, and then walks out of the wreckage perfectly fine.

aww i was wanting a het but oh well maybe next week

1932686 Sorry, couldn't go too high tech with most of his equipment. I mean, he's just a 18 year old. He barely managed to fly the Mustang as it was. But later on, we'll see how things go.

And for those who prefer to really go into a realistic sense of this, if high tech things suddenly go missing, the human military and government will investigate, and we don't want that no do we.

ok but just remember how awaome would it be if he were to find a F-22 Raptor or an A-10 thunderbolt or more commonly known as the warthog

Comment posted by jplsnake252719952012 deleted Jan 10th, 2013

1934862 Just be patient on how things turn out.

all joking aside i like this story so keep it up

I like the idea.
Good Job.

You should introduce a romance concept, to keep things interesting. Your story, but I'd like to see that.

Bloody retarded piece of shit story. Horrible fucking grammer, bloody terrifying spelling, and a big ol' steaming pile of fucking unoriginality.
Just kidding. Except for the grammer/spelling part. And a little bit of the unoriginality. But, it's your first story, so whatever.

2298899
Yeah, I can make a somewhat good story, but I do have a problem with grammar. Besides, just think how many problems the story would have if I didn't get my proofreaders.

I like it. Like I said, I would read your story and I gotta say I'm very... loss of words but basically it's a mixture of applause and nodding. Will continue to read rest of story after work tomorrow so for now have a kickass Spike :moustache:

Enjoying it so far keep up the good work.

Katanas are nice, until the opponent wears plate armor or chainmail.

I found a little Fail in this Chapter :pinkiegasp:

First they say: :twilightsmile:

“Over there is Rarity’s home and boutique, and your temporary house.” Twilight gestures with her hoof to a story building. The place is well decorated and has some very impressive designs to it, really making it stand out above the others.

And a little bit Later: :twilightsheepish:

“Why don’t we make sure our guest makes it to his home first, alright? Besides, we haven’t shown you where Rarity lives.” Twilight says and she’s right, its late right now and I don’t have the foggiest idea where my temporary home is.

2475725
Good eye. It wasn't until Chapter 10 Sonic Rainboom that I started to use Proofreaders. So it's to be expected that there are some errors in the previous chapters. I'll fix it right now.

good chapter. the opening literally threw me for a loop. I had to check the last chapter just to make sure I didn't miss anything. keep up the good work, I like this story a lot.

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