Chapter 1
Snips and Snails had their backs against a tree, in the sweet apple acres orchard, holding paintball guns in their hooves.
Spike appeared the next tree over holding his own paintball gun.
"Guys..!" Spike loudly whispered.
"Yeah?" They both answered in unison.
Spike started working his claws through the air, forming a 'V' and pushing it upwards into the air and then clenching and unclenching his claws a few times.
Snips squinted at what Spike was doing and shrugged.
Spike face palmed and his hand slowly slid down his nose. He leaned closer to whisper "Follow me."
They quickly left their cover and ran to a more bunched up group of trees that had shrubs the could use for cover.
Spike pulled in the two colts closer. "Okay here's the plan."
Snips interrupted Spike. "A plan? Each time we plan we lose, we lose every time because they out smart us."
Spike lowered his eye brows. "Yes a plan, each time we lose to them because we let them get under us. Lets look at what they have, they have Scoots scooter that is used for their high mobility, and Sweetie Belle can throw her voice to mess up our bearings and Apple Bloom is a great strategist."
"Yeah? So?" Snails whined.
"So, they have a flaw."
"Really?!" They both said in surprise.
Spike tensed up and put his claws over their mouths. "Yesss... really now be quiet." Spike released their muzzles. "Okay, they have great teamwork and alot of support on their side but their flaw is that they are always together. So what we need to do is simple ; we need to get them surrounded on their fixed position or surprise them and we win."
"How do we do that?" Snips asked uncertainly.
"Easy we just-"
The sound of heavy flapping wings got their attention. They poked their heads around the tree and saw Scootaloo whizzing around on her scooter.
"Open fire!" Spike commanded.
They all started unloading their ammunition in the direction Scootaloo was coming from.
Scootaloo panicked and started zig-zagging to avoid the shots. She used her scooter to jump from the ground and kick off of a nearby tree and turned around to retreat.
"Darn it! They know where we are now, we have to move."
The three quickly ran from their spot in hopes of regaining their stealth. When Spike saw it fit they stopped moving. He motioned them to come closer "Okay, Since we can't win tactically we need to win using the three elements we have."
"Wha- what are those?" Snips asked, out of breath from their movement.
Spike brought up three claws. "Fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency."
The two colts lit up with anticipation.
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were hiding in a bush when they heard shots go off in the distance.
"Ah hope they didn't get Scootaloo..." Apple Bloom said as she peered out into the orchard.
"I don't think so, she's too fast on her scooter and those two can't hit your barn if they wanted to."
They both laughed.
"But Spike sure can shoot, Ah sometimes feel bad for 'em, him bein' paired up with those two when hes better 'an us."
They heard the familiar flapping of wings and they saw Scootaloo coming in a high speed. She screeched to a stop in front of them. "I found them! They are in the eastern orchard, hop on."
The three fillies all piled on the scooter and Scootaloo propelled them forward.
"Ah got a plan." Apple Bloom said as they quickly rode their way to the eastern apple orchard.
Sweetie Belle started scouting on her own with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo trailing in the trees a good distance behind her. She started humming gently as if she forgot all about the paintball game and nonchalantly walked through the trees with her paintball gun slung across her back.
The colts and the dragon heard the humming and looked up from their bush and saw Sweetie Belle walking calmly through the orchard.
Snails aimed his paintball gun. "I got her."
Spike pushed his paintball gun down. "No, remember the plan."
"Oh right, sorry."
Snips and Snails left the bush and quickly approached Sweetie Belle from behind. They aimed their paintball guns at her. "Freeze!" They both yelled.
Sweetie Belle turned around and raised her hooves in fright. "Okay! I surrender."
"Really?" Snails asked as he scratched his head.
Spike slowly climbed up a tree next to the bush and saw that the colts had the filly as their prisoner in the middle of the orchard. He smiled. "Fear."
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo appeared from behind a tree aiming at Snips and Snails. "Put yer hooves up!"
Snips dropped his paintball gun in surprise and they both turned around. "Don't shoot!"
Sweetie Belle had picked her paintball gun back up and joined next to her friends and had Snips and Snails against a tree.
Spike smiled harder, everything was according to plan. He aimed his paintball gun at the fillies. "Surprise..."
"So do we keep them as prisoners or finish them, Apple Bloom?" Sweetie Belle asked as she checked her paintball gun.
"Ah guess we should-"
Apple Bloom was cut off by a paintball that whizzed past her.
Spike had begun unloading his gun from above down on the fillies.
"Run!" Scootaloo yelled.
The three fillies scattered to escape Spike's volley of paintballs.
Spike jumped down from the tree and tagged Snips and Snails. The three charged the tree where the fillies had ducked under.
They had caught them off guard and they dropped their paintball guns in surprise.
Spike smiled at his plans result. "Ruthless efficiency." He notched up his paintball gun on his shoulder with the barrel pointing in the sky. "Looks like we win this time." Spike remembered a movie he watched the other night and he started day dreaming. He found himself wearing a generals attire with four stars on his helmet with two ivory handled revolvers to his side. He looked at the three fillies and they were wearing Germane uniforms and Apple Bloom was wearing a Germane generals outfit. Spike snickered and thought to himself 'You magnificent bastard, I read your book!' he took a moment to enjoy the victory
"Ah shoot..." Apple Bloom smiled. "There goes our winnin' streak."
Spike snapped out of his day dreaming and saw that everything was back to normal.
BOOM!
They all looked into the sky and saw the pegasi flying around arranging the clouds and kicking them to send out warning thunder.
"Guess we forgot about the scheduled thunder storm, huh?" Spike asked as he starred into the sky with his arms crossed.
"Let's have a re-match when the ground gets dry after the storm! I don't want to get my hooves dirty, Rarity would kill me...." Sweetie Belle spaced out in terror from the thought of tracking mud in her boutique, she could just hear Rarity screaming at her 'SWEETIE BELLE!!!' and she shuddered from the thought.
It was Spike's turn to put up the paintball guns, they all handed their toys to him and ran off to escape the coming thunderstorm.
Spike walked back to the barn to put them in the box where they kept all of their toys. It was filled with sports equipment,kites, and a lot of fun stuff that they all played with daily. He left the barn and the rain started to sprinkle. "Darn it... I need to get home quick.." Spike ran off into the orchard in hopes to get back to Ponyville faster. He weaved quickly through the trees thinking about the warm and dry comfort of the library and he tripped over a large root. "Ugh.." He looked back and saw that the root was a scooter. He looked up and saw the clubhouse the three fillies used, the lights were on.
A faint muffled cry was coming from the tree house and Spike could even hear it past the warning thunder from the pegasi. He picked himself up and started to climb up the makeshift ladder that was composed of planks nailed to the tree that he had fallen by.
Spike made it to the top and was about to knock but he recognized the voice that came from inside. 'Scootaloo?' He didn't knock and just decided to enter without knocking.
Inside he saw Scootaloo with her face buried in an old thread bare blanket.
Spike went to her side. "Scoots?"
Scootaloo popped her head up in surprise, she didn't hear him come in. She quickly wiped her eyes. "Spike? What are you doing here?"
"I want to ask you the same thing, why don't you head home?"
She looked at him and she became nauseated and she looked down.
"Scoots?"
"Spike, why don't you go home to your warm library?" She said with a hint of hate in her voice.
"Well, I want to know why you're here."
She looked at him and stared into his emerald eyes, she fought back tears as much as she could but failed.
Spike looked back into her eyes and his breath was taken from him as he saw the true sadness inside of them. "Scootaloo..?"
"This is my home.. Please leave." her voice was breaking as she spoke and she looked down again.
Spike recoiled. "What? Do you really live here?"
She lightly nodded her head and wiped her nose with her hoof. "Please..just leave Spike."
Spike sat down next to Scootaloo and stared at her. "A..." He tried to speak but he couldn't say anything.
Scootaloo looked at Spike from her hooves. 'Why is he still here?'
Spike finally had the courage to ask. "Why do you live here?"
She gave out a hesitated sigh. "I don't have anywhere to go."
Spike put a claw over his left chest and felt his heart grow heavy. "I-I had no idea Scoots.. I usually see you so happy and energetic.."
"Its no big deal..."
"Yes it is! Where are your parents?"
"I don't know my parents..."
Spike thought about that, he could relate to not knowing his parents. He was hatched by Twilight and raised by her and she was a mother to him, at least he had somepony but Scootaloo didn't have anyone for a mother.
Scootaloo looked up to Rainbow Dash for guidance but she normally ignored her.
Spike found his arms wrapped around her.
She was confused. "Spike?"
Spike squeezed her tighter. "I'm so sorry."
She didn't know how to react. "It's not your fault.. nobody cares about me..."
Spike looked at her. "What?! I care about you Scoots..."
She looked into his emerald eyes again and felt his gaze seep kindness into her. She slowly put her hooves around Spike to return the hug and she squeezed him tightly. "Thank you Spike...."
She felt so much comfort from the dragon, he was the only one to ever openly show compassion towards her. She embraced him closer and was leaned in his chest. She closed her eyes and felt his dragon body temperature on his hard scales and it slowly cradled her to sleep.
Spike didn't know what else to say, he had no idea she had such troubles. He began to feel her breathing steady and knew she had fallen asleep. He slowly lowered her onto her makeshift bed and covered her with a quilt that was next to her bed. Spike put his hands on the bed to get up but he couldn't move. 'I can't leave her now...I'm sure Twilight wont mind if I'm not there for one night.' Spike looked outside and the rain had begun to pour and it tapped against the roof of the tree house. He positioned himself at the foot of Scootaloo's bed and allowed the raindrops to slowly rock him to sleep.
Scootaloo woke up and looked around in the darkness. 'He probably left.. they always just ignore me.' She tried to pull her covers over her head but something was weighing down on them. She squinted in the darkness to see Spike still there and she gasped in surprise. 'Does he really care?' She smiled that the dragon had stayed and she laid back down, this time right next to him and she pulled the quilt over both of them. Feeling Spike's warm body temperature again made her feel happy and relaxed and quickly feel asleep.
Stats
Page generated in 0.027 seconds
Total duration
1,001 users online
1,541,324 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
love it
Very interesting idea you have here. I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this. I wish you the best of luck in the writing process!
Moar.jpg
Is the Alternate Universe tag for later on in the story or did I miss something?
So, im guessing spikaloo?
'If people complain that it's not their version of fanon or canon, then let's say it takes place on Equestria-789 in the multiverse. '
Well I generally assume anyone's fanfic is going to diverge from my head canon, even if it's a shipping pair I normally like.
But Spike and Scoots? This gets points for originality alone. You are clearly thinking outside the box, and inside the chimney.
d'aaaawwwwww.
104501
To be honest I didn't know if i was gonna change things that radically, but now that i think about an AU tag seems a bit excessive. So in short I was unsure so out it goes. I thought an Alternate Universe tag would give me more leeway with canon and excepted fanon. I removed it b/c all fan fics are AU plus i didn't change character personalities or the setting.
Peace Out.
An interesting concept to be sure, looking forward to how this plays out. Tracking, will rate after the second chapter drops
104515
Dude, i know people that are so obsessed with certain fanons and canons that they complain about everything, so as a joke I put down that line about it taking place on Equestria-789. Thanks for the comment,
Peace Out.
Shall wait for more, good sir.
I actually like this. Spike-shipping fics tend to turn me off, but I actually like this one for whatever reason. Tracking!
Yay
And D'awww
How soon can we expect the next chapter? Can we have it tomorrow? I promise I'll be really good if we can have it tomorrow!
Spike x Scootaloo? yes please!
It's always good to see Spike n Scootaloo get some love, pretty rare bro!
104552
As a comic geek, I know exactly how bad fans can get about those sorts of things.
So likewise I appreciate the silly 'Equestria-789' crack. Glad to see that my comments helped someone's mood.
104552
As a comic geek, I know exactly how bad fans can get about those sorts of things.
So likewise I appreciate the silly 'Equestria-789' crack. Glad to see that my comments helped someone's mood.
This is awesome, I can't wait for the next chapter. Also fpr Drago P.I anyway great work.
Scoots gets so little shipping love. I'm looking foward to updates on this. Submit it to EqD, you may score a front page.
interesting idea! cant wait to see what else happens in it
I'll be tracking this, but I'm not sure about the writing. I'm tired, but I didn't notice many spelling mistakes or major grammatical errors to point out. It feels like there's a great idea to be had but the pacing for it is rushed.
Either way, I look forward to more. I used to be a SpikeXApplebloom fan but accidentally ran into a SpikeXScootaloo, and ended up loving the pairing. This is the second one I've seen, so I can't wait to see how you expand on it.
I like the idea of shipping Spike with any of the CMC and this one in particular has a huge amout of d'aaaaaaaw. Tracking!
Interesting idea, rare to see this kind of pairing. I'm keeping an eye on this one
104515 Think about it
Scoots looks up to rainbow dash, spike IS rainbow dash!
106817
...
"Twilight! This 'New Rainbow Dash' gig is getting awkward! I can't keep up these constant arguments with Applejack and now I'm in a romantic entanglement with Scootaloo!"
'Sp--Rainbow Dash! I do not want to hear another word. We decided you were the new Rainbow Dash during that Discord mess and neither you, nor I, nor Princess Celestia can change it!'
*Suddenly Rainbow Dash flies down from stocking the library*
"I think he has a point Twi. I mean this library organizing work is sooooo boring and I can't crush on Rarity! She's just not my type!"
NEXT UP: Will Rainbow Dash sort out his issues with Scootaloo! Can Spike crush on Rarity like she's supposed to? Will Princess Celestia put a stop to this mess once and for all?
106923 And the answer is!!!!! No.....
I suppose I should comment on the story itself.
You actually have a solid premise here, and unlike some readers I don't see the pace as rushed. Spike's discovery of Scootaloo's plight seems to flow naturally enough out of the events in the first chapter. His offer to stay with her is mostly out of compassion, and it seems to set the basis for a romance, but you haven't gone in there yet. Too many writers just plow straight in, so I like seeing a relationship gradually build.
However, I find that the story has problems with punctuation and formatting (namely the double spaces between paragraphs which really break up the flow of readings). It's main Achilles' heel though is the prose. It's breezy and easily readable which I think is a better side to err on than dense and overwritten. However, it's also dry and feels a bit clumsy, lacking a certain 'omph' that draws the reader in. As an amateur writer myself, I can sympathize because good prose style is really the toughest nut to crack in writing fiction.
I'll still be following this as I'm interested in seeing where it's going. Plus, your grasp of character and plotting are good. Though the above points are matters you may want to consider in writing future chapters. If you want me to go into more detail on these matters I can do so.
106923
First off hahahahahahahaha. That comment made my day.
Second, i don't really care for Sparity shipping. There i said it, get your pitchforks ready. I think Spike would be better off with someone closer to his own age.
Oh and ch. 2 will be roughly twice the length and be out hopefully by late Friday/Saturday.
Peace Out. and thanks for reading.
I do warn you nothing is perfect and that phrase is nothing more than a perception. If you want perfection go listen to some Queen.
Love IT! First Applebloom had a crush on Spike from the fic "Love's a Bloom", now it's Scootaloo's turn to feel the love of Spike
This is a great beginning! Can't wait to find out what happen next.
... TOO MUCH CUTE... D'aaawww...
WinterTwisted asked me to give a little criticism on this story.
The spelling is perfect. There was only one instance in the whole text where a confusion was made (out smart -> outsmart).
One major thing I noticed in this chapter is that you're telling; not showing. Look at this line:
She looked at him and she became nauseated and she looked down.
Yes, one can understand the story perfectly fine, but it lacks the details. Try to add some and make the paragraphs a little bit longer (also, 1 blank line between paragraphs is enough, but you can continue using 2 if you want). I know what you're thinking: 'Man, why do I have to add fancy details to the story? It's already legible, after all!'
The answer is: With the more detail, you can make readers literally immerse better in your story. You can make them feel it. There are also a few paragraphs that could be merged together.
This isn't rushed. It just needs detail. I could clearly imagine this as an actual FiM episode (of course, until spike entered the club house) If you add a little more detail, you'll see that your story kind of comes to life:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They all started unloading their ammunition in the direction Scootaloo was coming from.
Scootaloo panicked and started zig-zagging to avoid the shots. She used her scooter to jump from the ground and kick off of a nearby tree and turned around to retreat.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They all started unloading their ammunition in the direction Scootaloo was coming from. The splatter of the ink pellets on nearby trees startled the filly (or she), but she was quick to think and started zig-zagging to avoid being hit. Scootaloo saw that she couldn't keep it long. 'I need to get out of here, fast!' She thought before some a crazy idea passed though her mind. 'Well... it's crazy enough to work... here goes nothing!' Using her scooter, she jumped from the ground and kicked off of a nearby tree before turning around in retreat. "Darn it! They know where we are now... we have to move!" Scootaloo silently cursed, not daring to look behind herself.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just be careful with the amount of detail you insert on your fanfic. While you do want to make it come to life, you don't want to make it boring. 'How will I know when I've inserted the right amount of detail?' Just practice will tell.
To me, I thought that Scootaloo's line (telling Spike to go to his library) was a bit uncalled for. Yes, she might be envious because he has a home of his own (more or less, Twilight lets him stay), but you could've pushed her a little more before she popped. She also behaves like an emotional catastrophe, crying one minute and all cheery the next one. Try to elaborate more a bit to make the flow seem more natural.
And finally, this line:
He probably left.. they always just ignore me. I don't know why, but this line seems out of place. It would be one used by a hooker, not a friend (and Scoots is Spike's friend).
Also: She wakes up, pulls her cover and falls asleep? Yes, I can see that happening, but I would be way too groggy to even bother if the blanket/cover was weighted down on by something. Not to mention speak; that would be impossible for me.
PS: Spike relating to Scootaloo not having any parents was actually very clever. I never thought about it before reading this.
I mean- I know Spike doesn't (Scoots is a mistery), but I never before read someone making the two bond 'because of it'.
* Onwards to Chapter 2!
This, this looks promising. Definitely faved and thumbs'd up
im more of a Sweetie X Spike myself but i think this will be good. =D
Peace Out.
loving it already man this is going to be good
and also spike the badass planer
awesome story dude!
You must listen to this while reading the battle.
Onward to the next chapter.
Congrats. This is f**kin' awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3087619. Yup ya got it baby! Readin' it time #2! Better than last time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I personally like all the Spike x CMC fics and such, I am a slightly bigger fan of SpikeBelle, but I like them all, and this fic is promising.
3175338 yup. Time 3.
D'awww
I have read this twenty times and still loved this fic!
Loved the Patton reference. That is my favorite General.