• Member Since 11th Aug, 2012
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Nyxian



T

My Little Pony, Friendship Is Magic, as told by Dusk Shine, Princess Celestia's asocial, conspiracy theorist, and unrepentantly punny student. An AU fic that both expands upon and diverges from canon. Follow the misadventures of Dusk Shine as he navigates the waters of social interaction and friendship with varying degrees of success, follows the show pretty closely at the start, but as the story progresses it will drift further from canon.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 217 )

Hopefully this one won't go to shit the way most of the others have.

I like this one a lot better than the other big name Dusk Shine story. That said, you need to break up your paragraphs some more. I keep running into huge walls of text that are hard to read simply because they could stand to be broken down a little more. Don't be afraid of using short paragraphs in your narrative as it helps the reader follow the flow of the text.

1508137

Thank you for your feedback. I went back and forth as to how long I wanted the paragraphs to be as I was writing this and I decided that I'd try to break them up as they seemed natural to me, but going forward I'll try to break them up further.

Excellent introspection and magical analysis, though I wonder how Pumpkin Cake was able to levitate herself... :rainbowlaugh:

1508903 Very careful telekinesis.

1515388 That was intentional, I like my protagonists a bit long-winded.:pinkiehappy:

1515551

will you be making it more than just comedy?

will you be adding pairings?

1518686 More than comedy, yes. More than that I'm not willing to say lest I spoil anything. Pairings...I'm undecided but leaning towards no. If I do decide to do pairings It won't be in the main storyline, I'd do one-shots that would either be outside of the canon entirely or it would be when the mane cast were all older, like mid to late twenties instead of the mid to late teens that (as far as I can tell) they are during the show. Hope that answers your question.

1523865 That'll be three easy payments of $19.95 plus shipping and handling.

1524906 :pinkiegasp: *le gasp* it has a price

ABORT ABORT

good story, its good to see more Dusk Shine(in the mare version of equestria). Also if you do pairings(even if one-shots) i vote for DuskxLuna.

1553671 Thank you for the response. I am completely undecided on pairings, and don't have much of a preference if I'm honest. The one hard and fast rule I have about shipping, though, is that it has to feel natural to me. I wouldn't ship Fluttershy with Diamond Tiara for (an admittedly ridiculous) example. I won't lie, the pairings would probably be within the Mane Six, but like I said, I'm still completely undecided.

Applejack is best pony.

Wow... More!:heart:

I love this story. The other Dusk Shine story is more of a crack fic and while it isn't bad it just gets a little to random for me. In yours you stay true to the characters. I love the personality that you have given Dusk. I look forward to following this fic for as long as your writing it.

1583123 Thank you for the reply. I just finished the second chapter earlier today and I'm starting the process of reading it over and fixing mistakes tomorrow, It should be up sometime this week.

First! And while I like the gaiden idea something I want to point out is that we are molded by those that surround us. I do hope you have the others pick up a couple of dusk's traits every now and then.

Hm... considering how he sassed Nightmare Moon, I would hope to see Dusk take a more direct role in Griffon the Brush Off. Twilight dismissed Pinkie as jealous, but... I somehow cannot see Dusk doing that.

Who knows, Gilda might not consider him lame for standing his ground. XD

1618457 I'm trying to make the characterization and development natural, so eventually they'll all start to change, but that's going to be a slow process. The Gala is going to be a big turning point for that (as if the foreshadowing in this chapter wasn't as obvious as a sledgehammer to the face), and I might do a few shorter chapters dealing with the aftermath, depending purely on how things go.

1618565 Dusk is going to differ from Twilight, yes, and though I don't have that chapter fully planned out yet I'm strongly considering a confrontation between Dusk and Gilda. How rude and/or violent it will get...I haven't decided yet. I'm open to suggestions about that.

Excellently written. Though Celestia didn't say anything about GIVING AWAY his ticket....:pinkiehappy:

1619252 She gave him a direct order to attend :trollestia:, and as much as he is still a bit misanthropic (or the pony equivalent thereof) he's not about to throw some poor unprepared civilian into the shark tank that is politics. He would feel guilty about it for the rest of his life.

Maybe DS should reply, "Dear Princess Celestia, as per your direct order, me and all the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony will attend this years Grand Galloping Gala, but let it be known that the only reason we are attending is because YOU so order it. Thusly, rest assured that you will count on our presence there, as we will go.

Under protest.":twilightangry2:

1620449 Celestia's going to hear about how unhappy Dusk is, there's no doubt about that, but I can't say anymore lest I spoil anything. :trollestia:

1618678
:pinkiehappy: Open to suggestions, you say?
Well, I just now had a stupid idea. Some fics have had Gilda be the 'princess' of griffinkind... Nah, that's too silly, isn't it? :rainbowlaugh: Imagine, Gilda knowing Dusk and Dash, not just the latter... Meh, up to you. So silly.

1627682 If I did that there would have to be a diplomatic immunity subplot...consider your suggestion considered.

1627782 Hehehehehe. :pinkiecrazy: My thanks. Dusk struggling to not break treaties... still, I wonder how Gilda would at Dusk if she had gotten to know him? Eh, probably no change.

1627816 They probably wouldn't get along.

1627837
Probably, but immunity doesn't mean Dusk can't letter the princess. :pinkiesmile: Even if he can't take direct action, would it be acceptable to tell? Hm... maybe she knows Dusk as a law-abiding tattle-telling egghead.

1510130

From what we saw in "The Crystal Empire" it seems it's not that hard to learn at all :twilightsmile:

1685726 I haven't seen any of the new ones yet, and at the time of writing I had no evidence of self-telekinesis (except for the pumpkin cake bit which I totally forgot about :twilightsheepish:) and I'm going to try and work a little bit of semi-realistic physics into the story so I'm going to stick to my guns on the issue and call it a divergence from cannon.

1691142 I've started on the next chapter, but beyond that I can't be much more specific. It looks like each chapter is going to be about eighty pages in word (once I've bumped the font size up to 22 so my rapidly deteriorating eyes can read what I'm typing) but that might change depending on how far I end up pushing cannon and how much extra exposition I plonk into the narrative...also, I'm having trouble thinking up cow puns. The next chapter needs cow puns, but I don't have nearly as many as I'd like.:twilightsmile:

Well... I can only recommend the song "Cow's with Guns", but I see where you are coming from. Good luck.

(And don't feel bad about the font issue, your not the only who has to do that.)

i liked a lot this chapter, waiting for more!

Wow, you certainly outdid yourself here.

One thing to note is that AJ, while she sustained very serious injuries, including skull fracture, her condition could have been worse if it had happened in an artificial floor, like tile, or a carpet. Because she kept her body connected to the ground, her earth pony magic kept her infused with magical energy that kept her body going; naturally, she was taking out more than she could naturally absorb.

This corroborates with what happened to Apple Bloom in "The Cutie Pox". After all her exertions, I thought she was going to cutie mark herself into a cardiac arrest, but the moment she collapsed, she laid fully on the ground, spread eagle, so her earth pony magic recharged her strength fairly quickly, hence, she was fairly okay and was able to run again in less than a minute.


One thing about the harvest, though, I wonder if the Apples may be worried that the particular batch that non-earth ponies harvested might end up with a slightly lower quality, since the produce was handled (hoofed?) precisely by non-earth ponies, so the produce was left without the final infusion of earth pony magic in the last stage of the harvest.

Also, nice reference to that science video. :twilightsmile:

Yes It updated! I thought the cow puns would actually be included in the story, I didn't think Dusk would just rattle them off like that. Good work on the chapter by the way. It kept my attention for the whole thing. I shall eagerly await your next chapter. I wish you luck on your typing.

A bit of advice, next time you get block just try talking with people. That is what I do to get over my issues. I sometimes get ideas from them, other times it just helps to work through the current problem.

2948438 Dusk Shine doesn't understand humor very well, and he's a bit emotionally immature despite evidence to the contrary. Bad puns will be his bread and butter as the story goes on.

And yes, his sense of humor is based off mine in real life.

2948405 I actually thought about that as I was writing it but I figured that for all their conservatism the Apple clan would be staunchly pragmatic, as most anyone in their financial and social situation would likely be, so while they would prefer to use old-fashioned labor they wouldn't

:rainbowdetermined2:

Look a gift horse in the mouth.

YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

...I'm so sorry.

I love that little moments that really show Dusk's heart of gold. Doubly so for all the moments he comforts Spike. So many D'awws. Though I get the distinct feeling that Cannon Twi would not like Dusk. Ah well. Keep em coming!

2949267 Nah, they probably wouldn't get along too well.:moustache:

2948710 so as long pinkie is with him as it happens:pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::twilightsheepish::twilightsmile:

*applause* This is definitely a good Dusk Shine story, and most certainly one of the better ones I've read. I look forward to snarky Dusk getting shipped! :twilightsmile:

2958623 There won't be any in the main story. I don't have much experience writing romance, so I'm leaving that off until later.

What I'll do is handle shipping in a completely separate story called 'Shipping and Receiving' which I won't even start until much later in the story (like end of season two, early season three) so the story has time to let itself develop and I get a better handle on the characters.

Also, to avoid any potential shipping related drama, I will be shipping Dusk with Everypony. Shipping and Receiving will be a series of one-shots each with a different pairing. Chapter one might be Dusk/Applejack, chapter two could be Dusk/Luna, e.c.t. It's important to keep in mind, though, that I don't have any shipping preferences whatsoever, so I can accept other pairings (AppleDash, FlutterPie, Cloudkicker/everypony) and give them a shot.

As for clop (if there is any, if people want it I can give it a try) I might create a third story for that, just so I can provide those underage shippers out there with their shipping.

D'aaaw, this was adorable...except for Applejack getting a concussion, that sucked.

Love how you've introduced real-world physics into mlp. The Fiery Joker no doubt approves too.

3000564 I laughed myself sick watching that video and I thought it was almost necessary to give it a shout out at some point in the story, and seeing as it literally fit right into the episode I was covering (and into Dusk's characterization) I went ahead and did it. :twilightsmile:

Wow.
Dusk Shine is a total Badflank. Plasma spells, advanced nonreal shield design, ANTIMATTER...
I also loved the way his narrative reflects his nature as an (over)analytic, intelligent, asocial bookworm, but who really does have a heart of gold. He really is a likable character, especially when you compare him to some of the other Dusk Shines out there.
Great Work!

1689922
Well, Twilight only seems to be able to levitate herself close to the ground, so maybe we can assume that it's proportional to distance from the ground? Or possibly exponential?
Then again, that wouldn't make as much sense, considering that gravity decreases exponentially as distance between two objects...Hmm...maybe it's in terms of potential energy? That would increase as height increased.
Wow. I need to stop doing physics.

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