• Member Since 19th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen May 11th, 2015

GorisTheDeathclaw


Yep.

T

Apparently, the citizens of Ponyville can't appreciate a good Nightmare Night celebration.
You're here to change that, or die trying!
Probably the latter.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 38 )
MnM

YES! MORE GORIS!

MnM

What the fuck did I just read?

Sweet Jesus.

His penis survived!

That's gotta be some kinda record for him. A whole day with an intact penis?

Too bad he didn't run into anyone wearing a nurse costume ;)

"Aren't you kind of old for Trick or Treating anyway?" you friend asks.

- your friend.

So, just what was that "crazy cellmate" like?
Because that is definitely the most important question in the world right now.

epic as always Goris,
"and something of a misunderstanding involving one of the most powerful crimelords on the entire continent, you're free from jail" Was that a reference to Deep Massage, by any chance?
:coolphoto:

1504510
A GRIPPING SAGA OF LOVE, BETRAYAL AND POLITICAL INTRIGUE
Or just something I wrote in like 10 mins for ~Halloween~

1504560
Depends what the crazy cellmate did... :pinkiegasp:

1504633
Nurse Redheart would totally dress as the Bubblehead Nurse from Silent Hill. :coolphoto:
Thanks for the ~grammar correction~ too. :yay:

1504637
HE DOESN'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT

1504773
Ah, I hadn't thought of that. I guess it could be the same crimelord - it'd be pretty funny to have a revenge-crazed mob boss chasing him through the prison all night. :pinkiecrazy:

a teen rated goris? this cant be!

Where the hell was the romance in that

Well, our protagonist's penis is intact, but he got the shit beaten out of him multiple times.
GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!
:D Love you, Goris! :pinkiehappy:

1505220ME AGREES WITH THIS SLIMY BASTARD!

Facehoof at me

LMFAO WTF

I find the lack of failsex disturbing. And not in the normal way that Goris is disturbing. It's almost as if I am disturbed by the mere fact that I didn't finish a Goris fic well and truly disturbed.

It much be said, this was extremely tame as far as Goris fics go. Did you forget to log off in a public place again, Goris? This doesn't seem like you.

HUZZAH, THE PENIS IS INTACT, FOR THE MOST PART!!
i.imgur.com/d8B5x.gif

I could already tell this was gonna go down when I read his plan.
But at least he still has his penis.

The character hasn't contemplated suicide yet? Hell, if he can make it through all the shit he's gone through and not think about ending it all, I'm pretty sure no human on the face of the Earth has any room to complain about their lives. (With some exceptions of course.) Whenever I'm down I'll think about my compadre here and I'm 100% sure I'll start to feel better.:eeyup:

1507524
I guess he's an optimist.

cock CANDY BLOCKED!!!

Pfft, what a disgrace to the series. Not only you dare make this rated T, but for some reason this guy manages to have friends.
Why U Have Friends, Oh Comic-Relief Pony?

Lol, anyways, funny story as usual man. now you are teasing us with a Hearts Warming Eve? I shall be waiting....

1504900
Actually it's his second teen rated, so it can be. And as for being a mall santa, well:

Ho.ho.ho.

1507524
He tried to kill himself but the rope snapped. :trollestia:

1508598
Hey, he had (kind of) friends before. Remember Gilda and random-unnamed-friend-who-last-appeared-in-like-the-second-story-i-ever-wrote-and-is-probably-the-same-friend-as-seen-in-this-story? :derpytongue2:

And I have no idea what I'm gonna do for ~Hearth's Warming Eve~ but I'm sure something will come up. :raritywink:

Haha that's what you get when you're too optimistic.:rainbowlaugh:

1508961
Ha Gilda, I had almost forgotten the old crow. I wonder what she is doing amidst the story, been awhile since we last saw her.

1510066
She's been off fighting a super-villain on his desert island lair. :raritystarry:

And she actually shows up in a fanfic I wrote about Zecora that's currently on the "List of fanfics that are like 98% finished but not actually finished and have therefore not been submitted yet, but probably will be kind of soon".

1508961 Had some hope there, then it was just dashed away. Oh, well.:pinkiesmile:

Comic-relief pony doesn't have his genitalia mangled? 0/10 would not read again

1504809 Goris, you magnificent bastard.

At first I thought Chris Hansen might somehow be involved. Again.

But I guess that would have required tricking Anonpony again. And with all that giving candy to kids, that wasn't even necessary this time.

Even when the protagonist actually tries to do good, he screws up.

Well, at least he got off relatively well this time, compared to past stories.

With stories like these you can continue the Gorisverse even if you run out of mares.

Like...

Will you ever write a story about how he got his cutie mark? It's not connected to why he's banned from Fillydelphia, is it?

Maybe his cutie mark story is about him travelling back in time and trying to steer his life onto a better path and, unsurprisingly screwing up and (maybe even unkowingly) sets in motion all events that will eventually lead to the manure he has to go through every day. Or he actually succeeds only to return to a timeline that is even more screwed up.

Or an "It's a wonderful life" spoof with the twist being that it turns out that everypony is actually better off without him. :trollestia:
That might be an idea for a Hearth's Warming Eve story, hm? :pinkiehappy:

It doesn't always have to be near sexual encounters. There are so many ways for Anonpony to fail. :pinkiecrazy:

While you're running in terror, you get a crazy idea.

"Hey! Hearth's Warming Eve is coming up kinda soon! I could be a mall Santa!"

I think my headcanon name for the protagonist since the Photo Finish story is aptly chosen. :trollestia:

As for the planned Zecora story: Good luck with writing the rhymes. :pinkiecrazy:

I couldn't stop laughing at poor anonpony. Do you not remember from past experiences at all?:facehoof:

1529437
I wrote a little last night, and the endless Zecora rhyming is driving me CRAZY :raritydespair:

As for the cutie mark story, I'll give you a brief summary of how he got his cutie mark - it involved a motorbike, a group of angry sewer rats, a llama and a Canterlot nobles gathering. :trollestia:

i like that charlie brown reference in there :rainbowlaugh:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Yeah, that venture was pretty much doomed from the start. :V

And no sex! Shocking!

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