Two Best Friends Play: Equestria

by MisterMercenary

Chapter One: Something Stupid This Way Comes

Somewhere in Canada, 7:30 AM

As the sun rose over the horizon, there was an unholy, guttural noise that rang through Pat’s apartment. It was a noise that rivaled a sonic boom in terms of ear-shattering volume, a noise that sounded like it had come from the nine circles of hell. It was a noise that would’ve turned everyone in Canada deaf and insane, had it not been contained in Pat’s room. A noise that not even Cthulhu himself could not hope to match, nor attempt to replicate. That noise was Pat’s snoring.

Pat had quite literally fell asleep on the floor, sprawled out in his now-famous (and wrinkled) light green polo and khakis on the carpet, plumb-tuckered out after working on his Rarijack fic for nearly the entire afternoon. Tucked tightly in his arms was his pride and joy: his prized Applejack plushie. He had went to bed gently (perhaps a little insanely) crooning to his felt farmer that his fic was going to be the best there ever was. Now, his toy was going through a bit of defacement as Pat drooled on it while using it as a makeshift pillow. The red-haired man would’ve slept like a baby on the plaything, were it not for an incessant wailing on his door.

“Pat... let me in! Pat!” the voice at the door whined.

“Huh... whazat?” Pat said, waking up from his slumber.

“Pat? It’s me, Matt!”

“Oh, goddamnit.” Pat groaned. The man did not appreciate being woken up at such an early time. "By the pricking of my thumbs, something stupid this way comes." Pat jeered before snapping his fingers. He picked himself up off the ground, Applejack in tow, and went and opened the door. “What is it, you moron?”

Matt stood at the door, clad in a black hoodie, jeans, and his signature Punisher skull-cap. With him was a nondescript cardboard box, about the size of the one from Metal Gear. “Hey, Pat. Nice doll.” he said with a smile as he strode into Pat’s apartment.

“For God’s sake, man, it’s a plushie.” Pat annoyedly replied as he closed the door behind Matt.

“So what, man? It’s not like it matters.”

“Of course it matters, you idiot!”

“What? How?”

“A doll is one of those stupid, sexist toys that little girls play with, like a Barbie. A plushie, on the other hand, is a handcrafted labor of love towards whatever the person who made it likes.”

“Whatever, man.” Matt replied as he looked at Pat’s computer area in mixed parts disgust and horror. “Damn, dude. You seriously need to clean that place up.”

“I know, I know.” Pat sighed. “So why the hell are you here?”

“I was hoping you’d ask me that.” Matt placed the box on Pat’s table and pointed at it. “You see this?”

“What, a big-ass cardboard box? Are we gonna roleplay Boss and Eva in the jungle?” Pat said with a chuckle.

Matt sighed. “No, I did that with my ex-girlfriend already. I was hoping to show you the other side of this thing.” He turned it around, revealing four big, black, underlined letters:

PONY.

Pat’s laughter ceased almost immediately. “Oh my God, man!” He clamored at the box like it was a mound of gold. He turned his head to Matt. “Where’d you find this, man?”

Matt shrugged. “Some guy gave it to me last night while I was out.”

“What do you think’s in here?” Pat said, eagerly grinning at the box. “I hope it’s not clop, or anything weird like that.” Pat stared at the box for what felt like forever, wondering at what could be in there. What if it was one of those cool vinyl collectibles that Hot Topic had put out? What if it was a WhiteDiamonds or John Joseco depository? What if it was a Derpy plushie? The possibilities flashed endlessly through his mind. It was only when Matt broke him out of his luxurious trance that he decided to open the box. Pat nearly tore the top of the box off, giving way to...

Absolute blackness.

“What the hell?” Pat said dejectedly. “There’s nothing in here!”

“What?” Matt asked skeptically. “Let me see.” He stuck his head in the box, only for him to see the same void that Pat was seeing. “Huh,” he conceded. “There really is nothing.”

Then, Pat, disappointment welling in his head, noticed a tiny twinkle of light at the bottom of the box. “Hey, what’s that?”

“What’s what?” Matt replied.

“That thing.” Pat pointed at the light.

“Oh. I dunno. Can you reach it?” Matt asked.

“I’ll try.” Pat outstretched his arm, trying to grasp the small point of light. He strained his arm bent down until his legs hung in the air.

Then, without any sort of warning whatsoever, Pat fell down the box. Matt watched in horror as his friend plummeted towards the sliver of light at the bottom.

“PAT!” the skull-capped man cried. Suddenly, he felt a rush of adrenaline consume him. Determined to save his best friend, Matt impulsively flung himself into the box, plunging into the black abyss below.

---

Ponyville, 7:45 AM

THWACK

“Ow!” Spike cried. He was in the middle of enjoying a dream involving ice cream, Rarity, and diamonds, when a thick book had the gall to hit him in the head, waking him up from that blissful fantasy. His mood now ruined, he picked up the offending piece of literature and chucked it across the library, where it made a SMACK noise against the wall, along with a small crack that stood out against the pristine library. The dragon winced, wondering how he would explain this to Twilight, when he realized: Where was Twilight? He then noticed a note on the door, undoubtedly left for him by his sister. Spike walked up to the door, picked up the note, and read it, confirming his suspicions.

“Dear Spike,

You may be wondering where I am this morning. I have decided to break my usual routine of meticulously planning the day in favor of taking an early morning walk to clear my head. Fear not, though. I did make you breakfast before I left the house. Hopefully you don’t burn down the house while I’m gone.

Love,
Twilight”

Spike set the note down, shrugged, and went to eat the breakfast Twilight made, noting how out of character Twilight not planning something first thing in the morning seemed.

Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle was cheerfully trotting through the Ponyville Marketplace. This change of pace was doing wonders for her mind. Ponyville mornings were always so peaceful; the idle chatter, the sun gently rising in the distance, the mild breeze, the terrified screaming, the-

Wait.

Twilight froze. Terrified screaming wasn’t supposed to be part of a peaceful morning. At least, in the books that she had read about mornings. Shivering, she turned her head up, along with the dozens of others in the market. She spotted two figures in the sky falling towards the ground, yelling their heads off, preparing to come face to face with a horrifying demise.

“Somepony do something!” Twilight shouted. It was all she could do to help out in this situation. Twilight wanted to look away, but she still continued to watch, her eyes glued to those two poor ponies.

“Oh my gosh, sis, we need to do something!” Twilight turned her head to see Flitter and Cloudchaser, the sisterly pegasi tag-team, race up into the sky towards those ponies. All Twilight could do was hope they could get to them in time.

Comments

[MissytheAngle]

Alright, I'll give it a look: I really love "Two Best Friends Play." Though I'm really busy, a thousand words or so isn't too much trouble to look at.

[chaos2012]

Hmm, wonder how this will go. I can see them commenting on everything and seeing how pissed the ponies get haha

[Shadowstalker]

You have my attention. Proceed.

[Daffodil]

1499776
I do too, which makes this story even worse.

I mean, the punctuation fuck-ups are par for the course on the FimFic front page. That I get, and frankly I didn't expect anything more. No, the part that bothers me is when people write generic, shitty HiE fics and throw in the names of some moderately famous internet figures to increase their popularity. On top of that, the things that normally make Two Best Friends funny (banter between Matt and Pat) don't translate to text, so all the jokes here seem forced and, frankly, painful to read.

This is neither well written nor original nor funny. 2/10.

[CosmicCosmo]

MOAR!!!

[MisterMercenary]

1499840 Yeah, you're right. I hardly took the time to brush up on either MLP or TBFT. This story was a rushed piece of crap that I had written off some emotional itch that for some reason I needed to fulfil. Hopefully next time I'll take the time to plan and write out a decent story. If there is a next time.

[DerpiWolf]

*scroll scroll*
(sees matt and pat)
(takes hooves off the mouse)
"Hmm interesting..."
[Proceeds to read story]

[kragor]

WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT
WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT
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WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT
WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT
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WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT
WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT
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WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT
WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT WALL OF TEXT

other than that at the beginning it's pretty solid, now go get chapter 2 done or else...
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw6159-IWillMurderYourFamily.png

[Emerulf]

Eh, I didn't find it to be THAT bad (for example, I disagree with the "WALL OF TEXT" comment. It's just that, usually, here on fimfiction, it's normal for there to be smaller paragraphs, nothing else). It's certainly an interesting concept. I mean, it was only a matter of time before someone made a TBFP crossover with ponies.

To stray from the bland and generic HiE idea, I suggest adding some spice to the mix! Like, giving them both a special ability (hint: Pat has something to do with not being visible and Matt has something to do with a nation). AND, since their "friendship" is based upon a love of video games and not of each other, that will certainly clash with the ponies's ideals ("I wish you nothing but a fiery, painful and slow death." "Love ya too, Pat.").

Anyway, looking forward to the next chapter (if there is a next chapter, that is)!

[Wondrous Mind]

you know what would be funny
if two best friends them selves read this fic on you tube. but it probably will never happen

[MisterMercenary]

1505531 Thanks for the help. It's really appreciated.

[Spitszs]

I can see this going very well.

[Fat Autistic Weeaboo2222]

i was the first to do this.
you were the second,
but you were the first to do it right, and make it funny as hell and for that we thank you