The Storm part 2 Trixie's Agony
Hall of the Elements.
Trixie and Twilight slowly circled each other, both getting a sense for each other’s power. Twilight was slightly worried about the massive increase in Trixie's magical power. Her strength had risen to levels that almost matched Twilight's own. She realized it would take much more than magical might to win this fight. She narrowed her eyes and braced herself for the clash.
Trixie was making the same preparations. As she had anticipated, Twilight's magical might surpassed her own and she knew that Twilight was a much more cunning than Trixie could be. But now was her time of triumph and her chance to prove to her master that she was more than a one-trick pony. Exhaling, Trixie calmed herself before she narrowed her eyes.
Then the two collided.
Twilight raised her horn to the sky and a crystal fissure erupted from the ground, barreling towards the azure unicorn. Trixie let out a small breath before she countered with stone spikes that intercepted Twilights crystals. The two attacks exploded in a shower of rock and crystal shards. The other ponies watched in awe, except Rarity, who was too busy marveling at the crystal rain to notice the battle. Twilight's horn glowed again and used her magic to create a violet phoenix, which proceeded to dive down at Trixie. A harsh purple light surrounded Trixie as her horn crackled with power, placing a barrier around her. When the phoenix hit, it disintegrated to ash against the barrier. Trixie let out a laugh.
"It seems that you are off your game, Sparkle," she taunted "Your phantom phoenix spell is laughable at best." Twilight gave Trixie a smile in return.
"And you know what they say about phoenixes, Trixie. They rise from their ashes." As she said this, her previously destroyed phoenix burst from its ashes and once again flew towards Trixie. The unicorn teleported herself out of the phoenix’s path and the burning bird barreled into Twilight. Trixie let out a victory laugh as Twilight went up in flames, a laugh which died in her throat as the flames began to circle Twilight. With closed eyes she rose into the air as the phoenix flames began to form a bird shaped fire around her body. When she opened her eyes to look at her opponent, Trixie saw that they were bright red and brimming with power. Twilight gave her a small smile, before launching blast of fire down towards Trixie. The sorceresses apprentice barely managed to dodge or deflect each attack before it engulfed her. After the barrage of fire ceased, a now normal Twilight slowly descended to the ground, smiling at the panting Trixie.
"Care to give up Trixie? You look a little tired?" Twilight taunted. Trixie let out a small laugh.
"Foolish Sparkle, I have not yet begun to fight!" she yelled, sending a bolt of dark lightning into the roof. As Twilight watched in horror, thunderclouds formed above the two, crackling with power. Trixie smiled and stomped a hoof on the floor, resulting in a storm of thunder barraging the purple unicorn. Twilight swiftly dodged out of the way of most of the lightning bolts, but one hit very close to her and the shockwave tossed her into the side of the room. Here friends let out a collective gasp and tried to run to her side, only to stop when Twilight held up a hoof. She fired a purple bolt into the clouds, blasting them into oblivion. Turning back towards her advisory, she let out a smile laugh.
"I have to admit, I'm impressed. I never knew that you had so much potential," she said in a slightly surprised tone. Trixie just narrowed her eyes in response.
"There's a lot you don't know about me, Sparkle," Trixie said in a small voice. Twilight raised an eyebrow.
"Care to tell me?"
"No."
"Alright then," Twilight smiled, charging her magic for her next attack. Trixie roared and did the same, filling her horn with magic. Both let loose their respective attacks at the same time. Twilight fired a blast of pure magic at Trixie, while Trixie retaliated with a shadowy arm erupting from her horn. The arm swatted Twilight's sphere away and grabbed the purple unicorn. As the arm began to crush her, a look of doubt flashed across Trixie's face. Was she really doing what was best, overthrowing Celestia and enslaving the ponies? She quickly shook her head, banishing such thoughts from her mind. No, after what Twilight did to her all those years ago, she must pay. They all must pay. Trixie watched as the dark hand squeezed even harder, causing Twilight to gasp in pain. That was until "Twilight" burst into a flock of birds, leaving the hand grasping only bird feathers. Trixie stopped her spell and began to look wildly around the room, desperate to find her opponent.
"What is it with you and birds, Sparkle? Is it to show me that you are really a chicken?" Trixie yelled out, still looking for Twilight.
"Nope, they just give me a bird’s eye view!" Twilight's voice called out from above. Trixie gasped and looked up in time to see a flock of ravens descend upon her in a swarm. The ravens clawed and pecked at her, drawing blood. With a roar, Trixie let lightning flash from her horn, blasting the birds into dust. Fluttershy gasped when she saw this and proceeded to pass out. Twilight appeared in a flash of light on the other side of the room, smiling smugly at the wounded Trixie.
"Come on Trixie, this is pointless. Just give us the Elements of Harmony and I promise that we will get you a fair trial," Twilight offered. Trixie spat out a bit of blood onto the ground.
"Fair? Since when do you care about fair, Sparkle?" she snarled in reply. Twilight gave her a confused look.
"Um, since always?"
"Heh, I suppose then that your "fairness" never extended to me then?"
Twilight gave her another confused look. "Are you still mad about the time I embarrassed you in Ponyville? Because if that is what this is about, then I'm sorry." Trixie spat on the ground again.
"As if you could ever understand," she replied in a soft voice. Twilight gave her a concerned look.
"Will you let me try to understand?" she asked compassionately.
"No." Trixie slammed her horn into the ground, lifting a massive boulder over her head. She screamed and tossed the rock at Twilight. Twilight sighed and sent a piercing beam straight through the rock. The result was the rock blasting apart into a thousand pieces.
"TOM NO!" Pinkie cried out. Everypony in the room, even Trixie and Twilight, stopped to stare at her.
"What, I liked that guy," Pinkie said with a smile. "Don't mind me, continue your battle."
Twilight turned back to Trixie and got a mouthful of snow to the face. Trixie was trying to bury Twilight under an avalanche of snow and ice. Twilight channeled power into her horn and let loose a storm of fire, melting Trixie's ice and nearly burning her mane. Twilight began to laugh as Trixie ran around the room with her mane on fire, desperately trying to put it out. She snarled when she realized that Twilight and the others were laughing at her again.
"That is the last time you will ever laugh at me," she said in a serious tone. Twilight stopped laughing and stared at Trixie in confusion. She had just felt something in the air change and it didn't feel good.
'Could it be that Trixie was holding back?' Twilight thought to herself. Trixie opened her eyes and to the ponies horror found that they were glowing black. Power began to radiate off of her body.
"Now Twilight, you fall," Trixie said in a serious voice.
"Round two, Ready? FIGHT!" Pinkie yelled out. Once again, everypony looked at her in confusion.
"Fine, fine. I’ll just zip it," Pinkie mumbled, pulling a zipper over her mouth. Twilight turned back to Trixie only to watch as the azure mare floated into the air, ripping more chunks of the floor out of the ground. The stones began to circle her as she lit them ablaze, before sending them hurtling towards Twilight. Celestia's student poured her magic into the ground and fired off more gems to intercept the meteors. As the gems collided with the flaming rocks, a bunch of mini explosions erupted around the room. Once the explosions stopped, the two foes took a moment to collect themselves. Trixie started up another spell as Twilight began to encase herself in fire. Before either could attack, a massive explosion startled all ponies there.
CCCCRRRAAAACCCCCOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!
The ponies all looked out the broken stained glass window to watch in horror as balls of fire descended down upon Canterlot. In the courtyard they saw what looked to be Diamond Dogs fighting alongside the guards against Morgaine's forces. In the distance what looked to be an Ursa Minor and a hydra were battling it out. And in the center of the courtyard they watched as a figure in black fought against the princess of the night. As they watched on in awe, Trixie chuckled.
"It seems my master managed to enslave Luna. Oh how the mighty have fallen," she mocked. Twilight turned to look at her in confusion and concern.
"Why are you doing this, Trixie? What could I have done to you that was so terrible that you have to destroy Equestria in order to be satisfied?" Twilight asked in desperation. Hearing the tone in her voice, Trixie stopped her next attack and gave her a quizzical look.
"You really don't know," she whispered in a cold rage. Twilight shook her head. After a moment of internal debate, Trixie finally gave in.
"You want to know why I hate your guts?!" she half screamed at Twilight, "Because you took away what was rightfully mine!" Twilight gave Trixie another confused look and Trixie snarled in rage.
"Need to hear the whole story than? FINE! Let's go back nearly a decade ago, back to a time when we were all fillies. I was the happy daughter of two of the greatest unicorns in Canterlot. My parents trained me in the art of magic and by the time I could talk I already had a better grasp of magic than most unicorns in the academy!" she shouted, becoming lost in her memories. "My life was nearly perfect and one day we get a letter. And what do you know; it was an invite for me to try out to become the apprentice of one very powerful alicorn. Can you guess what event that was?"
"Celesta's search for a student," Twilight said in a whisper. Trixie nodded.
"That's right. After reading the letter, my parents began to immediately train me so I would be the one chosen to be placed under Celestia's wing. Transformation spells, odd magic’s, supreme sorcery; I was taught everything. After about a month of training, I went off to try out. After watching the other ponies ahead of me and realizing that it was only me and one other pony left, I knew that I would make it. When it came time for my test of hatching the dragon’s egg, I did it in a record ten seconds. You hear that, Sparkle? TEN SECONDS!" Trixie screamed. Breathing heavily, she continued her story.
"I watched with pride as the judges and Celestia applauded my efforts and my skill. As I walked into the back, I knew that I would make my family proud of me. While I was waiting for the results, I decided to take a look outside. While I was out there dreaming of my future, I saw the most beautiful thing in my life. A sonic rainboom. I thought that it was a sign showing me of my bright and glorious future. But when I came back to the judges, I found out the truth. I was told that the student after me displayed magic that had surpassed even mine and had been chosen to be Celestia's apprentice. From what I was told, they only displayed their true power after being startled by the rain boom." Trixie felt tears welling in her eyes, but after swallowing hard, she managed to keep her story going.
"I was heartbroken, so I returned home to where my parents were waiting expectantly of my triumph. You should have seen their faces when I returned home. They were full of joy and pride, both knowing in their mind that I had passed," she let out a disgusted chuckle at the word passed. "Oh how their faces fell as I told them of what happened. That I had failed. And do you know what happened next, Sparkle? My parents kicked me out of my home! They told me that they had no use for a failure and cast me out into the night!" Trixie was crying now, hot tears rushing down her face. But her expression of rage never faltered. Twilight and the others looked horrified at what Trixie was telling them, unable to believe it. When Trixie had managed to get a hold off herself, she finished.
"I was forced to use my great magic to do cheap performances to stay alive. I traveled from town to town doing performances to keep myself alive. Then I came to Ponyville, only to be run out and embarrassed by a mare more powerful than me. Imaging my rage when I found out that it was the same mare that stole my chance away from me," she whispered in a deadly voice. She slowly raised her head to the sky, tears running down her face. Twilight was dumbstruck, unable to reply in any way. Trixie turned her eyes back to her opponent.
"Do you hear what I'm telling you? I lost my future, my family and my life to an ACCIDENT!" she screamed with tears failing from her rage filled eyes, her horn discharging blast of magic everywhere. Twilight didn't even register the danger.
"Trixie I'm...I'm sorry," Twilight whispered. Trixie slowly shook her head.
"No, but you will be." Raising her horn into the air, she fired a beam of pure magic at Twilight. Twilight channeled her own magic and fire a purple beam to intercept Trixie's. A loud BLAM resounded throughout the air, shattering the windows. The two master magicians’ used all their might to push against the others spell, seemingly deadlocked. Until slowly but surely, Twilight began to push back Trixie's spell. Over the sound of the two spells power, Twilight yelled out to Trixie,
"Trixie, I am sorry about what happened. If I had known I would've done something to help," Twilight called to her advisory.
"I WILL BEAT YOU!" Trixie cried in reply.
"No, Trixie. As sorry I am about what happened to you, this fight is mine," Twilight called out, still pushing Trixie's beam back. "As powerful as you are, I am the Element of Magic!" As she yelled this, the tiara from the Elements of Harmony flew out of its box and rested upon her head. Her magic now supercharged, Twilight nearly forced Trixie's spell back to her horn. As Trixie struggled in vain to push back, Twilight continued speaking.
"My special talent is magic. I was trained by Princess Celestia. And I have the Element of Magic on my side. You cannot defeat me," she said in a serious voice. The rest of the mane six were cheering their friend on, watching as Trixie nearly collapsed under the power. But much to everypony surprise, Trixie began to laugh.
Y-You think I didn't already know that, Sparkle?" Trixie shakily said. "I knew about that you were stronger than me from the beginning. But that's why I-"
"-had one last trick up my sleeve," came a voice from behind Twilight. Twilight screamed as she felt volts of dark electricity pulse through her body, cancelling out her spell. The other ponies gasped as a second Trixie emerged from the shadows and electrocuted the Element of Magic. The Trixie at the other end of the room teleported to her second's side and the two multiple their magical power. Twilight screamed in pain as the combined force of the two Trixie's launched her across the room and straight into through into a glass window. The window cracked under the pressure but held, leaving Twilight to slide down to the floor. The others could only watch as the two Trixie's fused into one and walked over to Twilight. As the beaten unicorn raised her head, she found Trixie standing over her. In one last attempt to fight back, Twilight tried to use the Elements power to launch an attack. Trixie, however, quickly slapped the tiara off of Twilight, sending it sliding across the floor. Trixie lowered her head until she was looking straight into Twilight's eyes.
"I win," she whispered, before using her magic to toss Twilight into the other ponies. Rainbow Dash caught the falling unicorn and gently put her on the ground. With a look of sheer rage, she turned to face Trixie.
"I will defeat you," she snarled in a rage. Trixie watched as the other four ran to RD's side, each preparing to attack Trixie. Trixie gave RD a slight smile.
"No, you'll try," she whispered. Then she attacked.
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Riddler: "You think you know justice?"
Batman: "I piss justice! WHERE'S SCARECROW?!"
Holy All Your Base, Batman!
You just had to give us a Hope Spot with the Element of Magic, you magnificent bastard, you!
Ouch, why does Trixe always have to have a sad back story, I like Trixe personally.
I'm happy Trixie won and I hope she gets revenge on Celestia too then.
1881049 Lol what?
1881118 Wow I guess TVtropes has a name for everything! =D
1882350
I can recite the MST3K Mantra as well as anyone, but that doesn't excuse poor writing. It's only courteous to the author to point out why I couldn't make it past chapter four. Those who haven't written long (or writers who are just immature divas) often don't realize it, but the comments you want most are the negative ones, because they help you most to grow as a writer. The problem here is, to quote a certain wiki, "You can ask an audience to believe the impossible, but not the improbable." In this case, as impossible as Batman ending up in a world of colorful, magic ponies is, that's the premise and I can accept that. The things I pointed out, however, are similar to that ferocious carnivore that just happened to have a heart attack and died right before it attacked the main character. It's not believable, and a writer has to know that.
1882532
You are correct, I am a new writer. I am just as happy with people pointing out what I'm doing wrong just as much as I am with praise. But if you go through the comments, you'll notice I have not received much criticism so I believed that the story was, while not flawless, avoiding most of the main issues new stories have. If you see anything that looks like it needs improvement, please feel free to comment.
1881606 You're kidding. You're kidding, right?
You actually want Morgaine to win and plunge Equestria, and then Earth, into the bowels of Tartarus?
I spy with my little eye the seeds of a Heel Face Turn!
Can't wait for Trixie to reach the My God, What Have I Done stage of Being Evil Sucks to motivate her into pulling the aforementioned Heel Face Turn
1882986
Pretty much the things I pointed out before. You don't have Batman fight everypony he meets, but when he does (at least in the chapters I got through), the fights were honestly for no reason but "let's you and him fight." Basically, you're giving Batman the Conflict Ball. Now, that alone wouldn't necessarily grate on me too badly. I mean, the Wolverine in Equestria one has a bit of Conflict Ball passing, too. However, the fact that you not only have Batman defeat everypony so easily when he realistically should have at least had a lot of trouble. Not only that, but you have Celestia and Luna talk about both Morgaine and Batman being more powerful than Celestia. Morgaine, I could kind of believe, but Batman really shouldn't register as more than a blip in terms of raw power. He can bench half a ton, sure, but power isn't what makes Batman dangerous. It's his intelligence. He's like Twilight was in Magic Duel... he's weaker than just about every other major character in the DC Universe, but he can beat just about any of them based on the information he's collected and the research he's done, not to mention the resources he has available through his wealth. Instead, I'm seeing a Batman who goes in and punches all his problems into submission, and does so easily even when facing many opponents who should be physically at least as strong as he is. Chapter 8 especially strained my belief. I honestly couldn't believe that Batman would escalate a fight with civilians in the way he did, even if they tried to restrain him. I mean, he should have been able to get out of that rope easily. The Mane 6 were also a little too quick to escalate as well. I could see Rainbow Dash being a little too impulsive, but the rest of the Mane 6 were way too quick to attack Batman as well. And, of course, Twilight really should have won. I mean, really, her only move was to release a huge blast of magical energy, the one type of attack that would allow Batman's conveniently modified suit to redirect all her power back at her? She's trying to restrain Batman, not kill him, so couldn't she have used her telekinesis to tie him up or summon a cage or something? To sum it up, Batman is coming off as a bit of a Marty Stu, which is admittedly easy to do with Batman since his canon portrayal skirts very close to that line, and characters are coming off as out of character, mostly in terms of the Conflict Ball. Like I said before, I'll probably read further eventually, because I do hope the portrayal improves later on, but if you haven't already, I would strongly recommend taking a look at Batman's actual strengths and weaknesses and either avoiding situations in which his weaknesses would be exploited if you don't want him to lose, or actually let him lose when he realistically should (with, of course, an opportunity for him to turn it around later). If you don't want to do that, you could just go for Refuge in Audacity, which is easy if you're making an obvious comedy (which this story really isn't, so far), and give a little wink-wink, nod-nod to the audience so they know you know it's unrealistic, but it's badass so just accept it (don't just say that, relay it through things like Lampshading). Knowing your characters' motivations and what they would actually do in any situation is also very important, because the Conflict Ball thing will work a couple times, but it's really been overused so far.
1883264
I understand what you're saying and I appreciate the criticism. Yes, Batman was quick on the trigger with the mane 6 and that's not how he'd normally handle things, but he had also gone through a very rough day and hadn't eaten or really rested in a few days. I'm also basing him on the arkham city Batman, who tends to fight his way out of most situations. As to his being more powerful than Celestia, I was referring to his willpower, not his physical strength. In DC, he is often associated with bringing down much stronger advisarys on will power alone when all else fails. When he was fighting Twilight, she just wanted to end the fight quickly so she went with her biggest gun. Also, Twilight seems like the type of pony who would practice a new spell whenever she had the chance, so she'd see Batman as the perfect opportunity. I know it's not perfect, but that's the way I wrote it. And I did try to improve on his character later on, but not sure if i succeeded. Thanks for the feed back.
1883311
It's fine. The story isn't that bad, but the particular problems I mentioned happen to be the ones that really make it hard for me to suspend my disbelief. Like now I'm on Chapter 10 now, and the part where he stops Grundy's punch with his bare hand was a bit jarring. Reason being... well... check out this link to see why it would be a bit unrealistic for Batman to do that. Also, him punching those explosives was a little... odd. That's one of the other hazards of basing a character on his game incarnation, though. I couldn't help but ask myself "why didn't he throw a batarang? Or a rock? Or tell Rainbow to buck a bolt at it or Twilight to hit it with her magic? Anything other than knowingly causing something to literally blow up in his own face?" Even with the protection of his suit, that would really hurt and it would certainly reduce Batman's ability to retaliate against, say, a sneak attack from behind.
1883485
Grundy didn't really go for a punch, he went for an over head slam. Batman stopped it by placing himself in the nexus of the attack and using his entire body to block. The punch with the explosive gel was a tip of the hat to arkham asylum. Not sure what you meant by throwing a rock though.
MOAR
, sure this story has flaws but honestly you are a master at keeping up suspense, tension and you are very talented at writing battle scenes.
1883518
The explosive gel. He's not limited by game physics, right? Spray the gel on a rock and throw it at him. Boom. Too easy.
1883562
Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate them greatly.
1883568
Yes an explosive rock would've been smart, but I felt an explosive punch to the face felt more Batman. Just my opinion.
1883518
Arkham Asylum or Arkham City? Grundy wasn't in Asylum.
1883984
Yes. Batman did the explosive punch to a SPOILER titan joker at the end of asylum. I felt that grundy would just love to see how that felt. By the way, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYPONY!!!
was that last part a reference to Avatar: The Last Air Bender Cartoon?
1884250
I don't remember it.
No, actually. They did that in avatar?
1884245
Huh, forgot about that. And I've played both games.
yay
Sweet!
poor Trixie somepony give her a hug.
1899292
No. i'm just really bad with colors. WIKI LIED TO ME!
Wow... Trixie's parents are really bad ponies.
Is it bad that I just rolled my eyes and imaged knocking Trixie out with a golf club over the head during her whining session?
hummmm it seem a nice set-up chapter
.........Trixie... who told you about the Phantom Phoenix?! And why is there a spell named after her?
Master Oogway: "There are no accidents."
Man, don't let that sound get ya, 'cause that's NEVER good.
Trixie attaks the others, only to be stopped by The Avengers.
Hulk smash puny pony!
Here lies Tom, the best rock a pony could have.
may he rest in pieces.
Twilight's pulling some Itachi genjutsus out here.