Help!
Okay, okay! I get it! It’s time to get back into it, right? The narrator needs to hurry up and start narrating! That’s what you want to say, right? I know you’re all thinking it! To get off my ass and start narrating! That’s it, right? Right? Fine! I’m here. I was taking a nice little nap, but then you all started sticking your dirty little fingers in my face, ordering me to wake up and take a shower. Well, I’m showered, everypony! I even used conditioner, so now I smell like roses! Are you happy yet? Are you all satisfied, oh, dear audience? Because I’m disgruntled right now. But that never mattered to you, did it? Narrate this. Narrate that. It’s all the same with you bronies.
Alright, I’ve calmed down a bit. Whew. Sorry about that. I just needed to vent.
So where were we again? Oh, that’s right! Spike the baby dragon and Pinkie Pie the earth pony have just entered a new relationship. Hah! Every time I look back to this particular story I laugh. So much occurred it’s insane. You can imagine the kinds of misadventures Spike and Pinkie Pie had gotten themselves into. The hilarity of it all never ceases to blow my mind.
Let’s analyze the current situation, shall we? Spike had unwittingly become the victim of Pinkie Pie’s senseless frivolity. That’s not too surprising, though. The pony’s affinity to her Element was painfully apparent. Therefore, when Spike confessed his growing attraction towards Pinkie Pie, he should have known that an event such as becoming the party mare’s special somepony was an entirely probable consequence. No question about it. He should have known.
Laughter was without a doubt the proper response to this circumstance. Regarding Spike’s predicament, how can one NOT laugh like a hyena on mushrooms? I know I couldn’t fight it the first time I witnessed his dilemma. To put it frankly, Spike had gotten himself into some pretty deep shit. Yet, by the will of Pinkie Pie, it was shit that she didn’t mind frolicking in.
And did she frolic? You bet your ass she did. She didn’t just frolic in it, she was swimming in it! She was downright having a blast in that shit!
She was having so much fun she didn’t even notice Spike drowning.
Spike’s Pinkie Pie
“Spike, aren’t you as excited as I am?” Pinkie Pie squealed happily. “We’re a couple now!”
“Pinkie Pie, you’ve said that like ten times already.” Spike groaned, rubbing his temples stressfully. “I don’t get what’s happening anymore. I need to think.”
“Why think when you can just do?” Pinkie Pie pushed her nose into Spike’s, grinning. “It’s much, much more fun that way!”
Spike reeled back in shock, covering his snout. “T-that’s fine and all, but why are you so set on being my marefriend all of a sudden?”
“You like me, don’t you?” Pinkie Pie continued grinning. “Wouldn’t this be the right solution to everything then? You get to cuddle with me, and I don’t end up alone.”
“C-cuddle?” Spike blushed furiously, blinking. “W-wait. What do you mean you won’t end up alone?”
“Oh, that.” Pinkie Pie waved her hoof dismissively, giggling. “That’s all in the past. It’s just going to be you and me from now on, Spikey.”
“Hold on. Hold on.” Spike shook his head and stood on his chair. “I still don’t understand what’s going on, Pinkie. What are you–?“
“Spikey, Spikey, Spikey. That nickname’s too boring!” Pinkie Pie cut off Spike. “We’re lovers now, so we should have special nicknames for each other! I need to start thinking of a new one for my little Spikey-poo.”
“Spikey-poo?” Spike grimaced.
“No, that doesn’t work. How about Spikey-boo?” Pinkie Pie thought aloud, tittering joyously. “Spikester? Spikeman? Spiker The Biker? Spikenstein? Spikey-Me-Likey? There’s just so many options to choose from!”
Spikenstein? Nice one, Pinkie Pie. But I think Spikey-POO is most suitable at the moment.
“I can’t wait to tell everypony at our announcement party, Spikenator!” Pinkie Pie jumped, playing around with more nicknames. “It’s going to be the best party we’ll ever host EVER!”
Pinkie Pie had reserved Sugarcube Corner’s party hall specifically for her pet’s After-Birthday-Party. She had decorated the room with a rainbow of streamers, ribbons, balloons and an ample supply of festive adornments. The colorful quarters could only produce refreshing smiles for any who entered. At least that is what Spike initially believed after having been invited by his pink companion. Of course, that was no longer the case for our little protagonist. Because after once again being bombarded with Pinkie Pie’s extemporaneous antics, an expression of sheer panic and confusion remained plastered on his round mug. And to make matters even more stupefying, Pinkie Pie wasn’t allowing Spike any chance to contemplate his situation.
Pinkie Pie was not trying to perplex Spike on purpose. It was just part of her nature to take things in stride and move on untouched. Why think when you can just do, right? A commendable plan to stick to, I’ll admit wholeheartedly. Though it seemed only the most charismatic were able to successfully live by this law of behavior, hence Pinkie Pie’s triumph in life. On the other hand, Spike wasn’t cutting it. He’s been Pinkie Pie’s special somepony for only five minutes and he was already suffering from a mental breakdown. His brain cells were cooking like eggs on a skillet.
Pinkie Pie was his marefriend? Spike had a marefriend now? Ridiculous! But wait! Why not observe the benefits? Because now that Spike thought about it, this instantaneous development was also kind of…cool! Wait till Snips and Snails heard about this!, Spike imagined. And Twilight! Spike anticipated the day when he could rub it in his mother figure’s face. She had always labeled Spike’s affections towards Rarity as childish and immature. Though now that he was with Pinkie Pie, she’d be enlightened by his very mature decisions…right? But wait again! Thinking about it now, how would everypony actually react to the news? What was Rarity going to think? Would she care at all? And did Spike truly see Pinkie Pie as a potential marefriend in the first place? Did he like-like her that much?
Spike’s mind was muddled with these types of bewildering questions. There was absolutely no clarity to any of them either. The more he dug, the most lost he ended up. And Spike didn’t like being lost. Not appropriately comprehending the magnitude of the present condition was dangerous. Unlike Spike, however, Pinkie Pie enjoyed straying from the regular path. Why? Because it was just another adventure to take on. The lack of predictions for the future was all part of the excitement, too! There lay more surprises ahead!
Throughout his entire exploration into the realm of volatility, Spike finally came upon a decision. Pinkie Pie was about to blab to all of Equestria about their sudden relationship, and Spike felt he must refrain her from doing so. For now at any rate. He just needed time to think. First think, then do. There was no way he was abiding by Pinkie Pie’s philosophy just yet.
It was the only answer he could figure amid the chaos within his membrane. Just because one side said they were both in a relationship, did that mean it was true? Or was it unrequited? To Spike, he had an obligation to stall for time. This conundrum would have to be drilled extensively. Only then could he solve it.
“Spikey-Bob-Thorton, let’s have the party tonight!” Pinkie Pie hugged Spike tightly, pressing her cheek into Spike’s. “Oooh! And it can be a sleepover, too! A double party! It will be the greatest sleepover-fiesta in history!”
“Uh, Pinkie, about that–“
“We’ll call it the Great Equestrian Sleep-Date! Every mare and colt’s welcome to join in!”
Spike blushed harder. “Or we can call it something else. But we should also wait until–“
“I got it! We’ll call it the Ultimate Sleepover of Love!” Pinkie Pie pumped her hoof in the air.
“I don’t think that–“
“No, this one’s better! Spike-And-Pinkie’s Amazing Lovefest!
How about calling it The Best Sugarcube Fun-gasm?
“Pinkie Pie, if we’re going to have a party, then it should be another day!” Spike finally spat out.
Pinkie Pie released Spike, bouncing back. “Why, Spikemeister? I think we should come out to everypony as soon as possible!”
“But…” Spike searched for excuses. “Don’t you think we need time to invite everypony? We could at least give it a day or two.”
Pinkie Pie contemplated Spike’s words. “Hmm. It is pretty late. We could have the party tomorrow, I guess. Is that what you really want, Spikey-Dykey?”
“Nothing would make me happier.” Spike sighed in relief. “Please, promise me you won’t tell anypony about us until the party, okay?”
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my–“
Pinkie Pie was about to finish her famous Pinkie Promise. She was literally half a second away from completing the ritual. And if she had, you can be sure that Pinkie Pie would have stayed true to her principles. Unfortunately for Spike, she was interrupted by a certain cyan pegasus. Who was this pegasus? You got it: it was Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash had been sent by the rest of the gang to pick up Pinkie Pie for her surprise party. Little did the pegasus know, though, was that an even bigger surprise was on the horizon. A surprise that was sure to slap Rainbow Dash right upside that polychromatic-maned head of hers.
“Hey, there, Pinkie Pie. Sorry I was in such a rush earlier. Had some place to be and I couldn’t slow down and say ‘hello’. You know how it goes.” Rainbow Dash said sheepishly.
“I know how it goes, alright.” Pinkie Pie snapped back, gritting her teeth.
Watch out, Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie thinks you hate her. Better step back.
“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash looked away ashamedly. “So, why don’t we head on over to Sweet Apple Acres? Oh, hey, Spike. Didn’t see you there.”
“Hey, Rainbow Dash.” Spike waved nervously, noticing Pinkie Pie’s angered state.
Spike could sense Pinkie Pie’s hostile aura from a mile away. Rainbow Dash could detect it as well. And as a result the two assumed only trouble was afoot. Well, they were correct in that assumption.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not with you, anyway.” Pinkie Pie wrapped her hooves around Spike. “I’m staying here with my little Spikey-doo-doo.”
“Spikey-doo-doo?” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, looking to Spike.
Spike tensed up. What was Pinkie Pie spouting out now? She promised she wouldn’t say anything, didn’t she? Rainbow Dash was going to find out everything if this kept up! And why was she suddenly behaving so antagonistic towards Rainbow Dash?, Spike wondered. Was Pinkie Pie that clingy or something?
“Heh. She’s just saying stuff, Rainbow Dash.” Spike chuckled anxiously, shrugging. “You know how she is. Kooky ol’ Pinkie Pie.”
“Right…” Rainbow Dash replied, unconvinced. “Whatever. I just need Pinkie Pie to come with me. You can come, too, Spike.”
“Like I said, we’re not going anywhere with you!” Pinkie Pie growled, squeezing Spike closer to her body.
“P-Pinkie Pie, you’re squeezing me.” Spike grunted through squished cheeks.
“Come on, Pinkie Pie. Just come with me.” Rainbow Dash flittered forward. “We need to go now!”
“No! You can’t make us!” Pinkie Pie stubbornly stated, bringing Spike even closer.
“That hurts…Pinkie Pie…” Spike pushed back at Pinkie Pie, but to no avail.
“Oh, yeah?” Rainbow Dash’s patience was wearing thin. “Just watch! You’re coming with me whether you want to or not!”
“No way!” Pinkie Pie squeezed Spike harder.
“I…can’t…breathe…” Spike choked out, his eyes widening.
“Stop acting so stubborn! We’re going to Sweet Apple Acres!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
“Not. Gonna. Happen.” Pinkie Pie hugged Spike even tighter after each pause.
“Please…” Spike gasped.
“Yes, you are!” Rainbow Dash disputed threateningly.
“No, I’m not!” Pinkie Pie barked.
“Help…me…” Spike pleaded his last breath.
Here’s the thing, everypony. Spike wasn’t kidding. He seriously wasn’t able to breathe. To the ignorance of Pinkie Pie, she was embracing Spike so forcefully that he was beginning to black out. That crazy bitch was strangling the poor baby dragon! Spike clawed fervently at Pinkie Pie’s hooves, kicking about like a decapitated chicken. Alas, it was all for naught. His eyes popping and his trachea cracking, Spike’s body convulsed as he pathetically plummeted into the land of unconsciousness. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were too distracted arguing back and forth to take any notice. And when the baby dragon FINALLY ceased moving – when his eyes FINALLY rolled into the back of his head – Rainbow Dash FINALLY saw the warning. FINALLY.
“P-Pinkie Pie! Let go of Spike! I don’t think he can breathe!” Rainbow Dash gulped worriedly.
“I’m not listening to you!” Pinkie Pie turned her head away pigheadedly.
“Pinkie Pie! You gotta let go!”
“Nuh, uh! Not listening!”
“Pinkie Pie!”
“Lalalalalalalalalalalala!”
Rainbow Dash is a pony of instinct. Too bad her instincts kicked in too late, otherwise she could have saved Spike while he was sinking into a world of blackness. Nonetheless, the cyan pegasus started taking command of her role, and she shot forward full speed. Grabbing ahold of Spike’s legs, Rainbow Dash pulled with all her might. Using every ounce of her strength, the pegasus tried stripping the baby dragon away from Pinkie Pie’s monstrous grip. Pinkie Pie wasn’t planning to release him, though. First Rainbow Dash ignored her all day, and now she was stealing her Spikey-Me-Likey? Not a chance!
“Give him to me!” Rainbow Dash screamed, straining.
“He’s not yours! He’s mine!” Pinkie Pie’s face reddened in rage.
It was such a humorous scene. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were simultaneously pulling at Spike’s lifeless frame, shouting gibes at each other like balls rallying in a tennis court. Rainbow Dash flapped her wings violently while Pinkie Pie’s hooves remained glued to the floor. The two partook in a heated tug of war battle – the prize being Spike’s cataleptic body. It was a grand test of endurance, yet nopony seemed to be winning or losing. They were at a stalemate.
Two mares fighting for Spike? Typical. Spike gets all the bitches.
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FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Thank you for all the likes and comments! They seriously motivate me to keep writing! I have so much on my plate, but I love writing these stories!
mythicscribes.com/gallery/data/500/mlp-spike.jpg
UPDATE! YEEEEAAAHHH!
edit: Oh, Celestia.. ah, ah, aheheheh...
Had me in stitches for the opening, and then it got even better! That last line though, I can barely type straight!
Then the narrator drunk himself into a coma. The end.
Indeed, Spike's swag knows no bounds.
.... Wat?....
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133566709594.jpg
I can't tell if I love it, hate it, like it, I just... Wat?
Please for the love of God, don't stop writing!
Bitches love spike
After a long tug-a-war, Rainbow Dash finally gets Spike out of Pinkie Pie's grip and rushs Spike to Ponyville Hospital. Rainbow Dash bursts through the Hospital doors, startling the Staff in the Lobby. Rainbow explains the current situation to one of the staff. The staff member calls for a gurney and rolls Spike to the ER The Hospital staff tried everything that they could do, but after many failed attempts to respirate Spike they soon announced that Spike was DOA.
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"Spike gets all the bitches."
It's the stache.
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XD
Bitches love people that is blacking out from the lack of oxygen.
Least she didn't say sugar dragon. Oh crabapples!
Well at least Spike dies doing what he loves: Exuding dangerous amounts of swag.
I had slight doubts that this story would work. Slight.
You just nut-punched those doubts then set them on fire. Then pissed on their smoldering corpses while singing "It's a Beautiful Day" by U2.
Please, take my internet. You could use this more than I ever could
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I am very happy you enjoyed it, my friend! :)
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You know you love it. :) Haha.
1526753
They do. They all do.
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The End... Hahahahahahaha.
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Maybe a little too much, right? Hahaha. Thanks for the comment.
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Welcome to the PinkieSpike herd! Welcome, my friend!
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110927013724/mlp/images/7/7e/Pinkie_Pie_S01E24.png
It is a well-known fact of the natural laws of the Ponyverse, that a tug-of-war with anything other than rope causes the object being tugged to elongate comically. That being said, Spike is expected to remain noticeably taller for a short while afterwards. Or at least I expect him to.
It's all in the mustache
The pony bitches just can't lay off the Spike!
Oh my....
Cant wait to see how this turns out! How will Spike TRY to keep their relationship secret? What happens when the others find out!? Will Spike be going to the ER next chapter!?
Please sir MOAR!!!!
For some reason I am imagining Pinkie giving Spike CPR with a tuba.....
Anyway....great chap.
1526715 Did he choose to control the coma and enter a large loophole? Synthesize with the coma? Or destroy it? Honestly, I'd pick red. (Get the reference?)
I like this keep it up
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I think it's just my suspicions getting the better of me but Pinkie Pie was acting very similar to a standard yandere character in this chapter... I REALLY hope that I am wrong about this otherwise... well I fear for Spike's health in the future.
Cause as stated in the story Pinkie Pie is a crazy bitch...
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1527001 *Que outro music*
Oh, i sense where this is going to go... after all, the episode is called "The Kiss". So, Pinkie will try to reanimate Spike using mout-to-mouth.
Oh, i will repeat this to make it clear: she will TRY. Since she have no training in reanimating, she will think that a kiss is the same thing, embarrasing RD and, surprisingly, awaking a very confused Spike during the long kiss.
This chapter made me Lawl.
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Thank you!
1527135 I'm getting that reference.
God, poor Spike....
Nope, I just can't keep a straight face! 
That was PURE gold! 'Help... Me....' dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Spike_lolface.png
Can this story get any better? Please somepony tell me 'cause I'm having a blast reading this!
great...now I gotta wait FOUR days for the next one...NNNOOOOOo!!!! damn you mallajong why are you so damn good at making fics!!!!!
I went from overly excited to extremely worried, yet still excited. I'll have to thank this 'Narrator' fellow, he's doing a darn hilarious job. Author, would you be so kind as to pass my compliments?
By Luna's twin moons, Spike's dead! Thanks a lot, Pinkie.
1526679 Ironically enough, that pic was my old avatar.
And one more thing.
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NOOO!! Spike killed by his amazing swag! I saw it coming but what a way to go, killed by hug? Nope just can't keep the laughs down, hahahahah! Man I hope something pinkie-pie happens later in the given the title, maybe she will kiss him and by some Pinkie way he will be russesated, or rainbow dash will apply CPR and save spikes life while pinkie goes full on crazy and attacks her.
You think it was enough with RD?!
FUCK NO!
Now its spike x pinkie!
You cease to amaze me kind sir
And if you decide to write spike x the rest of the mane six well... i'll be your slave
-Kiryu
1527174
You're totally right on the yandere call, and the fact that Pinkie has reality bending powers this now puts every being in the universe in danger. For all we know this could result in Pinkie eliminating all her potential competition (read: all things in existence) and leaving her and Spike floating together in an endless void for the rest of eternity.
I thought that the title was going to happen somewhere else, but it seems like it will happen just between Rainbow and Pinkie, Will Spike be able to get the pegasus in on the secret or will it be an exciting adventure of all the ponies reacting to Pinkie's new found love for our favorite dragon?
Spike cant die it cant be he must live
here lies Spike
number 1 assistant and the lord of swag and class
LMAO Spikey-Me-Likey, DEFINATELY Spikey-Me-Likey!
I can hear his bones cracking all the way here to me
LoL, I'm just waiting for Spike's Twilight at this point. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cloudchaser_dealwithit.png
This is too funny at least to us, poor Spike probably didn't think a tug of war between two mares over him was funny, espcially when he ended up in a coma.
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1526775
1527001 Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel!
1527174 Fluttershy: That's my line!
1527272 And many LOLS will be occuring!
1528047 Spike can't be dead, his swag won't allow it.
1528402
1526775 HNGGGGH! NO! So many feels!
I- Um- Uh- I don't even-
Is good, nonetheless.
hahahahahahahahahahhaahahahaha da was sooo funny xD poor spike i hope he still alive
1526792 finally some noticed #TASKFORCE #BITCHMOB thefreshheir.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/tybg.jpg?w=490
What's the COD, sir?
Strangulation.
The victim?
Young dragon male. Librarian's assistant.
The suspect?
Pinkie Pie.
Well. Case closed. Nothing we can do here folks.
You know dear Narrator..
I wonder what will happen if Spike ever finds out who has been spreading these stories about him and his friends. I do hope he finds them as funny as we do... or well... Gee I don't think I've ever seen the little fellow angry before... I wonder what that looks like...
*anyway fun story! Love them all!*