Twilight?
You start your way to Twilight's library. She has two clocks, one in the ground floor for display to everypony inside the library, the other upstairs, inside her bedroom you recall. But work thoughts doesn’t seem to work to get you out from Rainbow’s surprise, and now you’re thinking you were a little rude with her, maybe even with pinkie too. You never saw you as a male Fluttershy in personality but you’re unsure about your ‘sorry’ supplies since you could be giving some more of them later for them.
Suddenly you realize something about what Dash said when you were talking with her about Pinkie:
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, I know,” Were her exact words.
*I know?* You keep thinking, maybe the whole thing was a joke from those two but you aren’t too sure. It could just be a pony thing. You don’t have a way to find out since it’s your first Hearts and Hooves Day, in any case these two play jokes the whole year.
*Or maybe they all made a plan to spend the day with me at different hours.* You think just laughing your ass off, that’s utterly ridiculous, you don’t know a buck about probabilities, but you just know it’s more improbable than a human in Equestria.
So you stop your idiotic giggle before go inside the library.
Inside you greet Spike With a “Hi!” just where he’s, above a ladder placing an armload of books in the highest row of the bookshelf, slash wall, slash tree.
Twilight is sitting in the other side of the library, studying some spell from a book that only makes sense for an unicorn. But she looks at Spike, and he gives a suspicious gesture back to her, then they just give you back your ‘hi’ not being very talkative today.
At the beginning you were nervous about spike for some reason, his carnivore teeth, claws, and predatory eyes played a part in that, but when you found out he eats jewels well, you thought they could taste to meat in this land. But they don’t, and you ended in colgate’s consultory.
“Well, what up with you both?” you ask wondering about their weird glances and lack of conversation, while syncing the library clock, barely being noticed.
“It’s nothing, really. Just wondering if the library won't be too busy today, and I guess it won’t.”
“I noticed that today is Hearts and Hooves Day, and... well, about that of ask a very special somepony out, I...”
“YOU WANT TO ASK ME OUT!!!” Twilights shouts at the top of her lungs, and utterly horrorized, which actually you find as a good sign.
“No, no, is just that Pinkie and... Rainbow Dash, asked me out, and I don’t know if it’s some kind of joke, or if... Hey twilight, can I ask you something... Is Dash, a mare?” you utter lightly, as ashamed from even being heard by Spike who’s just a kid, in human years at least, because the local ponies still call him a baby.
While magically lifting a few books down from the shelves, Twilights starts to tell you about the differences about female and male ponies, things like the skull structure, the volume of their hunches, the points in their hooves, even differences between their wings and horns, but since the form of the muzzle seems to be the easiest way to remember, you just keep that.
But taking back your conversation, you inquire her again about a classical joke for this day, something that a newbie should know or so. Maybe it’s more alike to April’s Fools Day and you don’t know.
But... no. She doesn’t really know anything about major joke for the day planned for the humans in Equestria, but she’s sure they both had talked about your hands and she blushes before quickly bringing a hoof to her mouth to shush herself.
And... that’s actually weird, you think. You watch your own hands in an uninterested way, but then you noticed to Twilight watching them in somewhat a lusty way. Ashamed of an unintended vulgarity you hide your hand behing your back. It seems that ponies don’t look at hands the same way you do. In the other hand you recall how hooves seemed to be so uncomfortable before, but in time you noticed how they don’t seem to find difficult tasks like hold or move stuff so you just had forget about it.
Then she sends Spike out for what it seems a pointless visit, to the most time consuming places in town. Actually just to the mail office to reclaim undelivered mail. After that, you notice she’s a little nervous before asking you to come closer.
To be true you're feeling butterflies in your own stomach, but you don’t know why. You think Twilight even if pretty for pony for standards, isn’t making you forget about your girlfriend in Manehattan. In fact the problem is that they are a lot alike; someone easy to talk with her, with something interesting to say, dedicated to her work, and even a little nerdy. But your girl just paints theater’s backgrounds, nothing magical involved, beside the magic of art or so. Anyways, you love her alot, so you wouldn’t betray her, even for two Twilights.
“You aren’t asking me to be your very special somepony, right?” You ask before taking a step closer.
“Of course I’m not” She says blushing wildly while holding something like a laugh, or something else that you can’t explain. “I have too much to study today” she just says like speaking with herself.
After a brief pause in her mind she snaps back with a “Oh! but I need you to do me a favor”
“Which is?” you ask bluntly, still a little shocked of how weird she can be sometimes.
“Well, could you sync the clock in my bedside table, it has been out of phase since yesterday” She add a “Please...” holding her hooves together and opening her eyes wide as analog clock faces or something, maybe you have spent too much time between clocks.
But today you were syncing that one anyways, so you give a quick nod and tell her that it's no problem, and knowing the way you set off up the stairs.
“Dave, do you remember how you ended up here” She asks you following you upstairs.
“Here? like here in here? Ponyville, your library, or the stair?
“Equestria”
“Well, Celestia’s repopulation program.”
“No, I meant the mean in which you arrived”
“Your... misapplied, spell?”
But you don’t get an answer back, as soon you enter her room a heavy door slam is heard from behind, you turn your sight to find the door shut from the outside where Twilight is keeping it closed with magic you thought, but no. It’s not glowing, but you can hear a lot of wood being stacked outside the door.
“Hey Dave, nice to find you here” a slow and suggestive voice is heard from behind, you know pretty well from whom it is.
You find Lyra laying in Twilight’s bed, with her front legs crossed in front of her and her hind legs extended along the bed in a very model like fashion.
Now you know Twilight was talking about Lyra, and how she brought you to Equestria with a spell she stole from the library in order to have her own human.
Soon after watch Lyra’s legs, you think she’s hurt or something. So you ask:
“Hey Lyra, are you hurt or something?!”
Your first reaction is think she hurt her ankle, she’s somehow dying for that as a normal horse from your land does, and Twilight is probably the only one to blame, she’s kidnaping ponies, probably all these years as Celestia Student made finally all its way up to her head. And she’s drunk of power, using body pieces for dark rituals or something. Who knows?
“No, no, I'm in a seductive pose” Lyra says.
And you think an *ok* just before shout a:
“WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE?!!”
“I'm being seductive, I just told you”
“But why?”
“Dave, I’m eager to have you. I’ll do ‘Anything’, I mean it. A-ny-thing you want”
“Wait, what?! Why?”
“Dave, I guess it’s time for us to talk, about your origins.”
Well, your mind right now wanders between the limits sanity and madness, you have flashbacks of a thunder hitting you, and then you hitting, kicking and shouting in a weird living room after that. Some mint-green creature running away from there, somehow more scared than you, and then coming back with who you know now as Twilight Sparkle.
Then random memories, like when she applied to you the spell to understand the Equestrian language. All of that now fuzzy. due to the three months you passed in a Ponychiatric Asylum, or whatever they call them; trying to recover some sanity.
The fact that the doctors where all unicorns wasn’t helping, but you were diagnosed as ‘Not-Dangerous’ by Wingloin Asylum, and thats all you need to try a calm and relaxed life in ponyville. And since Lyra accepted the responsibility of watch over you; you just try to get along with her, not being a shitty friend, and not causing too much trouble around.
“Dave, I brought you... Into Equestria!” She says in a dramatic tone. “Tan-tan-tan...”
“Well, yeah, I know”
“You know? why? that was a secret” She confess, looking a little disappointed.
“Well, I was there... You know, When I arrived”
“I thought it had been a traumatic experience for you?!” She remarks, taking a seat on twilight’s bed.
“Well, I'm not saying I enjoyed, but... how common is a green coat again?” You clear going closer at the stair to Twilight’s bed.
“Oh!... You remember my coat!” Lyra says blushing a little, closing her eyes, and taking her front hooves to where her heart... should be, maybe, in comparison to yours.
“Well...” you say again as if it could help you to pretending that everything is well “I’m under your responsibility, why else if not? mhm?”
“Ok, ok, but I have another secret: Most humans are brought here by Celestia herself under their permission”
“Or Luna”
“What?”
“Or Luna, you know. Celestia or Luna, ponies seems to forget a lot about Luna. Luna also brings humans to Equestria”
“Did you know?!”
“Of course!” you affirm while walking up through the stair inside the room.
“But.. how?!”
“Talking with other humans! in the office of the Human Repopulation Program, where I meet my girlfriend. We have our own language you know”
Lyra who facehoofed seated in Twilight’s bed just said “Why you never told me you knew?”
“Well, I guessed that... you know”
“What?”
“Well, that you needed a friend or something, I know you’re from a wealthy family from Canterlot. That’s probably a lonely life, and you seem to just hang out with your cousin. So I guessed... you know, that you wanted a pet, a friend, or something, but you ended up calling a human, I can’t really blame you for something like that”
“A friend?! Yeah! Yeah, that’s it!!” Lyra said taking a hoof from her chin to the air.
“Yeah?” you said while syncing Twilight’s bed table clock.
“Yeah! Today, as you probably know, is Hearts and Hooves Day, and this is a... day with, you know, hearts and... hooves. It's used to celebrate.. friendship, that’s it!"
"Friendship?"
"Yeah!"
"I've seen a lot of couples today"
"Yeah, they are in the.. hearts part. The hooves are the friendship part, like, you know. Brohoof!" She says extending her hoove to you.
"Brohoof" you answer back unemotionally when you hit your fist with her hoof, she keeps looking at your hand for a brief moment, and even mimics slightly your movement before snap out of her amused state, and look back at your eyes.
"You see? friends!" She assures with a wide smile in her face before that squeaking sound that ponies seems to do for some reason.
"Weren't you trying me to seduce me like two minutes ago?" you inquire in a fast pace.
And she facehoofs again.
"Look, Lyra, I don't know what you ponies have with hands," you said while she leers to you, "but you know I have girlfriend, so you, Pinkie, and Dash, should stop this already, I'm just not interested in mares"
"Yeah. Yeah! I know! It was all a joke!" She says grinning "Dave, you can be so naive sometimes. You know how Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie are playing jokes all the time"
"A joke hum?"
"mhmm"
"Then, Twilight?" You ask, just after finish your syncing job, maybe if the princesses were punctual, clocks around won’t need that much ajustement.
"Well, it all was a big joke, Twilight wanted to participate. You know, Hearts and Hooves Day Joke! Everypony wants to participate!"
"Ah! Ok, I was starting to... get worried"
"yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. It wasn't our intention, but, you know, it's Hearts and Hooves Day. Everything is a big prank today, you don't even need to work. So... wanna cuddle in the bed?"
"hmm?"
"What? look, this day is meant to spend time with... a... special, some, one. And you are my friend. Maybe the only one I have, besides my cousin. So... Just for a while, I'm lonely, you know it. I just wanted to spend a while with my friend... Play a joke I meant. the joke first, that’s it. Come on! You don't want to say you spent your first Hearts and Hooves Day alone and working, do you?"
"Well, I guess it's a pony thing. Sorry, it scared me a little first"
"No problem, somepony should have explained it to you before. Force you through it was a an awful idea” she said smiling while you sit in the bed with her.
You’re now a little relieved of it all being a big joke, you knew it all this time, but it felt nice to be a recurrent galan in the story. But as Hearts and Hooves Day Joke it was a nice joke.
Lyra places her head and front hooves in your lap and you wonder if they see you as much of a doggie pet as you’d seen them, of course you don’t say it to her, but at least Lyra seems to be comfy on you.
She has been your friend since you moved to Ponyville, she helped to building your house, getting you a job, and you’re grateful for everything she taught you about Equestria, and... well, Equestria.
She’s a nice friend, she likes to see you even at late hours, hear your problems even if you don’t have a lot anymore, and about your homeland, which seems to be uninteresting or too hard to picture for everyone else. Well, pony; everypony else.
Besides, having a friend who plays a musical instrument, in a land where there’s no television, is always a plus.
So when you notice again you’re resting your back in the headboard of Twilight's bed, and you’re tapping on Lyra’s mane. She seems happy and looks like an Alright Hearts and Hooves First Day.
“Hey Dave” Lyra says from her mid-slumber.
“What is it, Lyra?”
“Could you, pat my horn”
“Sure, why not”
“Oh, that feels great...”
“Really? More than your mane?”
“hmmmhmm... even better” she said in a relaxed pace, just before adding in a hastened tone “just, maybe. If you’re an unicorn”
“Well, just unicorns have horns”
“Well, well, I feel something”
“Are you Itchi? I can scratch it” you say before playfully scratch and squeezing Lyra’s horn.
“No! No! too much, slowly, ” Lyra pleads, half giggling, and half keeping your hand away with her front hooves.
“Do you wanna go at the spa to sharp it? I bet that’s better, and I’ve been stressed all day. We should after this” You say while going back to your slow paced petting on her horn.
“It’s not the same” She answered in a low, rather seductive tone of voice, which made you suspicious.
“Eh... Exactly how does a horn feel at all?”
“Well, it’s... like a bone, It’s a bone I meant. And, well, it’s connected to the brain so... you know, sometimes, massaging on it a little feels good... RELAXING! I meant, feels relaxing”
“So it goes to your brain?! It’s not dangerous?” You say taking away your hand from it.
“No! No! Not at all, don’t worry, keep with that.”
“You sure?” You add before return your hand to her boned part, feeling slightly curious of the weird feeling of an unicorn’s horn. In fact, you can just remember the touch of Lyra’s horn once before, for a brief moment, when you both were alone in your asylum ‘room’ and she was trying to convince you that unicorns aren't dangerous.
And once again in your home, when you just had moved to Ponyville, and you can’t remember why back then. But you had never touched the horn of anyunicorn else, so you think that you need to be a friend before invade that personal space. and that has made you curious about how it feels, so you keep indulging Lyra, and satiating your own curiosity. But... soon enought you find something wrong with it.
“Yeah, sure, sure, keep going, like that. Oh, yes! Right there, yeah, more, I want more, now a little harder!” Lyra says while her horn is glowing with a warm shine.
“Lyra” You ask taking away your hand again “Exactly, how good does this feel? because you seems to be a little...
“A little what?! What do you mean?!”
“Well... your horn is shinning, are you holding something?”
“Oh, yes, believe me, I’m holding it”
“What?! Which thing? Where?”
“Oh, nothing. You keep doing that” she said facing her horn to you “Just for a little bit more, and then we can all go home”
“Hmm... but exactly, how... common, is this?”
“In Hearts and Hooves Day? Very common! I ensure you”
“Well, and, in other day, in the street?”
“Well, it’s not another day, and we’re not in the street, so...” She says poking a bit her horn in your shoulder
“Well...”
“Well, well” she answers back speeding her poking at you
“Fine! It’s nothing, indecent, or weird... right?”
“No! No! of course not” she said with a face much more stressed of when you began.
So you take her horn with the full palm of your hand this time, to ensure it’s a bone; You’re not bones expert, so you fast up the peace of your strokes to verify that it’s not hide, or if somehow it’s flexible. And you can’t tell the difference between a bone yet, but she starts to moan and heavy breath when her horn start shining again.
Then you heard a noise in Twilights balcony, something like a thump from a wood hitting against the tree. You Lift your sight to find a leader and you find Bon-Bon climbing up and entering through the window.
“Lyra!!” She shouts very upset. “What are you doing?!!”
“Ah! Bon-Bon! I can explain!” Lyra shouts back after the surprise of her cousin using such unexpected entrance.
“You have nothing to explain missy, I just caught you redhoofed” Bon-Bon angrily retorted
You don’t know what happens between Lyra and her cousin, but Lyra’s horn suddenly stops glowing, and she now seems to be very disturbed. Lyra seems to need the spa more than you today, but you don’t really wanna ruin Bon-Bon’s Hearts and Hooves Day taking Lyra for the whole day for yourself. So you propose a solution that you think, will benefit everyone and everypony.
“Hey Bon-Bon, calm down, we three could spend the day together”
“What?! How...?” an horrified Bon-Bon shouts back.
“Yeah, we could go at the spa after this, and you now, have fun together. Maybe we could bring Aloe and Lotus along, and do something this night. Lyra said that Twilight downstairs asked too for some fun today. Why can’t we all get along?”
“... How you dare?!” An even angrier Bon-Bon shouts back to you. Don’t you think every mare is going to be lustful for these things of yours”
“No! Bon-Bon! He doesn’t even know what he’s doing, he thinks it’s an insensible bone. He’s innocent.” a very saddened Lyra said... or maybe shamed.
“Well, not really, you were telling me that you could feel, a bit...” You comment, before watch to Bon-Bon again. She’s so furious that she looks even a bit like a furious Fluttershy. It’s really scary, you could have shitted on your pants, but luckily the pressure of being seated helped you to contain. “What? what did I do now?” You kind of know the answer, but you rather play the innocent part better.
“Lyra, how could you?? You told me that having your own human close would help you to forget, and now even Twilight is helping you? Maybe you didn’t even steal that spell, Maybe Twilight did the whole thing by herself!”
“Bon-Bon, no! I just promised Twilight a report from all this. Look, I’m sorry, I- I didn't mean to... it was just the horn” a back fallen Lyra says.
“So... What’s this all about the horn?” you ask Bon-Bon in authentic confusion, you aren’t feeling very well, but you don’t have anything better to add, and maybe distract them from their conversation may help you to sneak away from them.
“Just- Just, don’t ask, ok human?” Bon-Bon says covering her face with a hoof in deception. “My fillyfriend and I have a lot to talk about, and it’s not your concern, just go away”
*What? Fillyfriend?!*
You think in a flash, knowing the meaning of that word between ponies.
“I thought you were cousins?”
“We are cousins” Lyra says still next to you on Twilight’s bed.
Worried about what you’ll find out if you keep asking, you decide to implement a strategic retreat, and get the hell out of there, while they still arguing. Taking advantage of the confusion you slip your way through the ladder, which is a shorter and easier way than the door, which is still blocked, probably.
Watching your steps down, you notice Twilight waiting below the ladder.
“So, how was it? is it possible? where you two compatible?” Twilight ask in a very inquisitive tone.
“Twiligt-” *Go and fuck yourself* you’re about to add, but you rather keep your good apearance and say something better, like:
“Ask Lyra”
“I can’t, and I presume she will be grounded for a while, so you have to tell me”
“Really, don’t ask” you mutter out, kind of disappointed of Twilights behavior.
“But, just tell me, the rumors are true? were you both compatible? Hands are really that nice”
Then you start running, because, face it, you wanted to run away since early when Rainbow Dash boarded you, and maybe you can't run away from her, but you can try to run away from Twilight, right? She's a librarian after all. Probably of the of the deeply wild kind since she`s outrunning you without problems asking something about realistic data about compatibility.
You try your best, but since you can run faster than her, you just jump inside a house right through the window, and she politely cuts her run behind you.
You sneak away the best you can by another exit. And run away hoping that that she had lost your track.
You have skipped a lot of stops so far, run away for your life seems to always mess with your routine. But you never thought that you could be running away from Twilight who usually saves the town.
Anyway, you're not an hourly employee, and you have a route, so it`s not big deal. Besides, some ponies have told you that in this day you can skip work, and you're figuring why now.
You finish your rounds before reach the outskirts of the village, you now only have Sweet Apple Acres as last stop, and it seems like a long walk to there, but you like to walk, swim and stuff, besides, you don't have TV or Internet at home. So, meh...
In your way to Sweet Apple Acres, in the side of the road, you find a meek and timid pegasus, she`s hiding behind her pink mane, but you know by her yellow coat, who she is far before she gives you a rather weak:
“G- Good day Dave”.
“Good day Fluttershy”
“Hmm, Dave. I- I, May I, I have someting for you?” She says after a little struggle.
Cold sweat drops slid from your temple, you just hope that yours breakfasts based in eggs don`t make her mad, this little and shy pegasus can be fearsome sometimes, and you're living a little scared from her, keeping an eye in the day she no longer stays, so you can go to the forest, with your bow in hand and arrows in your back, and eat meat again.
But she always seems to go out from nowhere, and right now, that`s not good for your nerves.
She opens her saddle bag with a wing, and you don't know why, but you bend your knees start to balance the weight of your body between your shoulders, just in case she had decided to take care of the potatoes in Equestria too, and it could be a knife, or a chainsaw. You can never be ready enough in a land of magical talking ponies; but no. Turns out it`s just a heart shaped card with some hoofprints and your name on it.
“Oh, Fluttershy. I didn't know. I always thought that you didn't like me”
“Don't say that, you're my friend” She says blushing a bit, not strange in her though.
Now, you don't believe in her a lot, maybe that`s part of Hearts and Hooves Day get along with the people, or ponies, or whatever, that you scared to dead long ago, in any case it`s a nice datail so you knee to hug her and place a kiss in her mane, very european style, that`s why Valentine`s day means anything in your land.
“I`m sorry, I don't have anything to give you, all this Hearts and Hooves Day has been weird for me. I just want it finish already, but it`s barely noon.
“Oh, I don't mind at all, you don't have to give me anything back day. D- Do you like it? I made it myself”
“It`s very cute, thanks fluttershy. This is the only nice thing that has happened me today”
“I- I`m glad you liked. I- I wanted to ask you about if you could...” She spoke each time more slightly.
“A what?”
“if you'd like to...”
“I can't hear you”
“Well, i- if you had liked the...”
“Yeah, yeah! I liked the card a lot, thank you!” you said each time louder, like compensating the weak tone of the shy pegasus.
“Well, I have to go now, Fluttershy. I owe you one” you said to her waving her card in fron of her, and setting your way again to Sweet Apple Acres.
To be continued...
Next Chapter: Applejack
This was the longest chapter, but we set in march the Spike subplot, Dave`s persecution complex, and we had Twilight, Lyra, Bon-Bon here. And Pinkie and Dash will return in the next chapters as guest stars, so it was a nice chapter overall.
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First
1502139 you bag a shit.
Anyways I find this to be very funny, the fact that he didn't know Dash was a girl was great. Can't wait for more, so keep up the good work!
sexy lyra
bwhahahahahaha
Seriously, is this a parody of self-inserts or something?
Oh Lyra, why you so crazy.
1511710
maybe no
but yes
This is so funny I can't even handle it.
25 likes 25 Dislikes
better fix that!
Ha he pretty much blue balled Lyra.
1571548
well, eat crumbs of her fur... didn't sound too appealing to Dave
1579083
Well that not so much. However I still think it would be an interesting evening.
1496869
Considering how this story seems to be playing up the idea of "ponies that like this one human guy" for comedic effect rather than taking it seriously, I'd have to boldly claim that this is probably at least a little bit satirical in nature if not a downright lampoon of the archetype.
hey author? Could you make Dave say something really really rude and offensive to any and all mares that "approach" him? because i want to read aboutthe expressions their faces when he does :D
Hmm, interesting...
weblog.sinteur.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/funny-pictures-proceed-cat.jpg
When will this hilarious story continue?
Really? anything? Hop up and down on one leg and cluck like Scootaloo!
-
Dude, not to be mean, but you seriously need to consider not posting a chapter until it's been proof-read and edited first. This chapter vs the previous two read like they've been written by two different people.
Damn coward!