Luna and Scootaloo Drink Alcohol

by Advance

Luna and Scootaloo Drink Alcohol

The sun had just set and throughout the quiet, small village of Ponyville ponies were preparing to settle down and rest from the troubles of the day, and to prepare for a new day of unexpected adventures and impromptu musical numbers.

The night was young, as some would say, and so was Scootaloo. She was, so to speak, around 8-12 years old and in no way old enough to consume any amount of alcohol. But that, my friends, has no meaning in hastily-written fanfiction land.

Scootaloo zoomed through the sleepy streets of Ponyville on her amazingly awesome scooter. Flapping her wings to move, and leaning her body left or right to control her turning. Her destination? The generically named bar known as "The Watering Hole" or, "The Salt Lick", whichever one sounds more cliche.
It was Ponyville's premeire pub, where its horse citizens would consume vast amounts of alcohol before shrugging it off the next day, with no hangovers, as if by magic. The bar was one of two such establishments in the town, the other being "The insert color here Flamingo," an up and coming night club that was vastly out of place in Ponyville, considering the settlement's population density.

The orange filly spotted the aforementioned bar in the distance and sped up, which was very dangerous considering how she left her helmet at home, and just before hitting the building she came to a rolling stop, spraying dirt and pebbles everywhere, (what a rebel).

"Oh boy!" exclaimed Scootaloo, "I sure do love drinking alcohol!"

With that comment, Scootaloo removed herself from the amazingly awesome scooter and proceeded to enter the establishment. She didn't need to worry about somepony stealing her scooter, for Ponyville's crime rate was practically non-existent.

"So an orange chicken walks into a bar," one the the pub's many regulars began, "and the bartender says to h-, oh hey Scoots!" the pony waved to the orange pegasus who had just entered.

"'Sup!" Scootaloo yelled, holding a hoof up in the air in order to receive a "high-hoof". But sadly, and embarrassingly, she was too far removed from the intended recipient in order to receive the greeting. Scootaloo stood in the entryway with her arm raised in the air until the patron awkwardly made his way over to the filly and completed the action.

Scotaloo turned on her heels, "Yo Barman! What've you got on tap?"

"You tell me Scoots, you spend more time in here than I do!" the bar's sole proprietor, Sickly Spirits, replied. He was an older stallion who had tended to bars in Canterlot before gathering up his savings and buying The Salt Lick in Ponyville, about twenty years prior. He had a light brown coat and a glass of wine as a cutie mark.

"Give me a fifth of vodka, no ice." Scootaloo said, hopping onto a bar stool with much difficulty, due to her small size.

"Sure thing Scoots," Spirits took a rather large bottle filled with a clear liquid out from under the bar, he undid the cap and poured the Vodka into a glass. On the side of the bottle the words "Stalliongrad Hard Stuff" could be discerned. Spirits took the glass and slid it across the counter into the waiting grasp of Scootaloo. She downed the drink in one swig and let out a satisfied sigh.

"Leave the bottle, Spirits, I'll be here all night."

The brown stallion produced a rag from his apron and began to wipe down the bar. "Still no cutie mark, huh?"

"You know it." Scootaloo uttered gloomily.

Spirits took the bottle of vodka and poured Scootloo another glass. "Don't worry, Scoots, you'll get your cutie mark eventually, ponies always do."

Scootaloo nodded and took another drink, drowning her sorrows in the boozes.

Several hours and many glasses later and Scootaloo was starting to feel buzzed, ponies came and went from the pub, sometimes staying for single glass of wine and sometimes staying for a dozen bottles of beer. Either to celebrate some occasion or forget their day, (because life in Ponyville is especially tough.)
The gentle patter of rain could be heard on the roof and the ponies entering the bar became increasingly wet as the night wore on. The hours and drinks blurred together for Scootaloo as she lamented in self-pity.

"Whoa is me," she muttered, "my life is so difficult."

At that moment the door to the bar slammed open with a loud smack, alerting every patron in the establishment and drawing the attention of Scootaloo.

"GREETINGS DRUNKARDS! IT IS I, LUNA! YOUR SERVANT AND PRINCESS! I SEEK ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES!"

Napkins flew everywhere, the bottles behind the bar shook as ponies covered their ears. Everyone sleeping in 5 mile radius was abruptly awoken.

"Holy beans!" Scootaloo shouted ecstatically, "It's Princess Luna, all around best pony and sister of Horselestia!"

Cheers sounded from every corner of the bar as drunk ponies shouted above each other to voice their admiration for the pony princess. Luna blushed and made her way to the counter, waving at the patrons as they quieted down and found their drinks more interesting.

"We did not realize that our citizens were so taken with our presence," Luna said through a blush as she sat down next to Scootaloo.

Scootaloo looked at the princess with wide eyes and an open mouth graced with an unnaturally large smile, unable to speak in the presence of the princess.

Luna managed to avoid eye contact.

Spirits was practically drooling as he made his way over to where Luna sat. Having a princess here would be sure to draw publicity from all over the surrounding area. "What can I do for you, oh lunar one?"

"We'll take a mug of your finest mead, barkeep." Luna managed without shouting.

"Right away your majesty!" Spirits said, and in an instant disappeared into a back room.

Luna looked after him and tapped her hooves together, trying not to notice the filly staring at her. Spirits returned momentarily producing a rather old looking barrel and proceeded to pour its contents into an earthen mug. The whole time Scootaloo continued to stare, an eerie smile graced her features.

Luna gingerly reached for the mug as if it would bite her, all the while not taking her eyes off the barkeeper.

In the next moment three events took place simultaneously: Firstly, Luna drew the mug up to her lips and began to drink, secondly, Spirits revealed a camera and poised it to take a picture, and lastly Scootaloo jumped up and shouted at the top of her lungs:

"Your ass!"

The result was Luna spraying her honeyed beverage everywhere, covering the counter in front of her as well as Scootaloo's face, and, because fate is cruel, Spirits took a picture at that very instant, cementing the moment in time.

"We beg your pardon?!" yelled Luna, looking much aghast.

"Your ass!" Scootaloo bounced up and down excitedly, "Just look at it! You have the biggest cutie mark ever!"

Luna blushed furiously, "Are you telling us that we have a large posterior?"

Scootaloo realized the implications of her outburst. "N-no, I meant to say that you have a nice cutie mark." She grinned as she dug herself deeper.

"So now you're telling us that you like our plot?" Luna asked confusedly.

"No, not at all!" Luna frowned, Scootaloo's face was on fire by this point. "I mean, yes!" Luna grinned. "I mean not
like that... Look what I'm trying to tell you I'm interested in your cutie mark."

Luna raised a hoof and began to speak. "And not like that!" an exasperated Scootaloo managed. "Just, look."

Scootaloo stood on her seat and presented her flank to Luna. Spirits snapped a picture.

"Enabler!" shouted the princess, covering her face with her hooves, "We're way too old for you!"

Scootaloo groaned, "Princess, look, what I'm trying to tell you is that I have no cutie mark, and that you have a rather large one. I was merely expressing interest."

Luna peeked through her hooves. "Oh, we now see the truth. For a moment there we thought you were making sexual advances on us. We are sorry if we've caused you embarrassment."

"It's okay, Princess," Scootaloo stated as she sat back down, "I shouldn't have been so forward."

The two mares smiled at each other.

"So, howsabout I buy you a drink, for the one that you gave me." Scootaloo grinned.

Luna giggled at Scootaloo's joke, "We'd like that," she blushed.

Realizing his queue, Spirits refilled the princess' mug, once again disappearing into the back room, leaving the two mares to their drinks.

"So...Aren't you a little young to be drinking?" Luna started, "We've have been gone for a great while, but to our knowledge leniency towards alcohol hasn't changed."

"I guess so," Scootaloo stated, downing another glass of vodka, "But it's not like anyone really cares, ponies have learned to give me a wide berth, besides, I need alcohol's sweet release to comfort me through my sorrows."

"Your...sorrows?" A puzzled Luna asked.

"The cutie mark thing from before."

Luna looked puzzled.

"Me and my two friends have been trying to find our cutie marks for as long as I can remember. Just as I've taken up the drink, Applebloom's buried her troubles in apples, and Sweetie Belle...well she's just Sweetie Belle." Scootaloo waved her hoof dismissively.

"That's all? Not finding your cutie mark doesn't sound like something that would drive you to alcoholism."

"Well," Scotaloo looked away from Luna, "I'm also an orphan. I've never met my parents."

A look of sadness found itself on Luna's face. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

"Nah, it's okay." Scootaloo smiled, and punched Luna in the arm. "Just by me another drink and we'll call it even."

"That a bargain I'm willing to make," smiled Luna. The two mares looked into each other eyes and each took another swig.

The late hours of the night turned into the early hours of the morning as the pair continued their drinking. Dozens of glasses of all variations of drinks found their way past the lips of certain alicorn and pegasus. The two shared stories and jokes, all the while laughing and crying and growing more accustomed to each other.

"Say," a very drunk Scootaloo managed, "you're alright...for a princess."

"What's that 'sposed ta' mean?" Luna frowned, experiencing vertigo as she swayed in her chair.

"What I'm saying is that you'se gotta pretty face." Scotaloo slumped in her seat laid her face against the bar's counter.

"Ish that so?" an angry Luna asked, her cheeks a rosy color from the vast quantities of alcohol that she'd consumed.

"Yup, and you're plot ish pretty nice, too," Scotaloo snickered.

"Hmph! You're a very mean mare, Scotaloo."

Scootaloo continued to laugh and groan as she curled up on the counter, Spirits, who happened to be walking by, took out his rag and wiped it across Scootaloo's back.

"Ya know, I've been thinking, Scoots."

"Yeah?"

"Between the two of us we must consumed a dozen bottles of various alcohols."

"And?"

"Why haven't we succumbed to alcohol poisoning yet? Surely we'd be dead by now. Especially you and your small frame."

"Some things are better left unsaid, Luney." Scotaloo said as she closed her eyes and began to snore.

While Scootaloo snoozed and Luna contemplated the intricacies of cartoon horse biology, two mares walked into the bar. A certain Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle. They chose a booth across from Scoots and Luna, and as the glasses around them piled up, they became more personal with each other. Luna took notice of the pair as they gazed into each other's eyes.

"Hey, Scoots," Luna nudged Scootaloo awake. "I think somethings about to go down." She pointed to Twilight and Dash.

Luna and Scootaloo looked on as the two ponies closed the distance between themselves and locked lips, kissing passionately. Their moans could be heard across the bar. Spirits appeared above them, snapping numerous photographs from various angles.

"Woah," said Luna, "That's pretty hot."

"Ditto," replied Scootaloo.

Comments

[Regidar]

You know what?

You know what?

I'm tired of this. But have an upvote anyway.

Because I've yet to run out of fucks to give.

weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/i-found-exactly-one-fuck-it-is-my-gift-to-you.jpg

[SpikedPunch]

haha it was so bad it was awesome, mainly due to the fact i assume it was meant to suck, but it was still funny and charming also i look forward to its continuance

[DashyJ]

ALRIGHTY THEN!
data.whicdn.com/images/3990503/tumblr_l9263obx841qbjwplo1_500_thumb.png
Looking forward to more!

[VashTheStampede]

I am not sure what the fuck I just read.

[Awesome Sauce]

inb4 fic gets featured and causes economic stability to central Europe before ruining its stardom with a horrific solo career.

[Kaijutsu]

Next chapter, Luna and Scootaloo should go out and look for a good breakfast restaurant...
That should result in a couple hundred chapters worth of material!

[asmcint]

Dafuq? This is actually pretty hilarious. But why is it marked incomplete? Are you going to make more? Please make more.

[Cynewulf]

1494721 this is the best comment ever

[Lexistar6]

:CUTIE MARK CRUSADER ALCOHOLICS!!!
:ummm scoots that doesn't sound like a good idea....
:Applejack would kill me!

[Svgb]

So much Dafuq, so little time.

[Deceius]

This was a great fic and you should feel great.

[Advance]

1494874
ootpdevelopments.com/board/attachments/ootp-13-general-discussions/249994d1333806444-post-your-ootp-13-impressions-here-my_little_pony_friendship_is_magic_rainbow_dash.jpg

[Katnip]

Not sure what i just read.

[Solof-Surrani]

Eyup totally doing a dramatic reading of this O_o

[Keystroke]

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY UPVOTES!

[iCuddles]

WHY!? I JUST LAUGHED MY ASS OFF IN A LIBRARY!

[Deceius]

1494939
And you respond with a Rainbow Dash; just take my love you silly author. Take it all.

[Charles Wolfe]

1494782
Not she wouldn't Apple Bloom. What ya think she does with her apple cider and apple juice? I've been to a few parties and she was VERY intoxicated.
And Sweetie Belle! It doesn't sound like a good idea, it sounds like a GREAT idea!
Last but not least is you Scoots. DO IT! DO IT NAO! DRINK AND DO NOT REGRET IT!
Twilight wants me to tell you this:
Pinkie Pie says
Rarity says, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy say
Me, I say

[ScriptScrolls]

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6mz6mb9l71rylr4oo1_400.png

[Sexy Frog]

narwhaler.com/img/ba/q/what-the-hell-did-you-just-post-spiderman-baqLrz.jpg

[vexel star]

bravo bravo you just broke the internet how you made that so detailed and undetailed ill never know
oh before i forget the watering hole waaay more cliche

[thenightowlXLS]

Why did i enjoy this? Oh well. You earned a upvote and favorite from me!

[appledash2011]

More

[Advance]

1496595
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc25hxVvj71r3zat8.gif

1503878
media.247sports.com/Uploads/Assets/193/620/620193.gif

[Fiddlebottoms]

I found this through FIMFiction_TXT. You lived up (or down?) to my expectations most wonderfully.
Only complaint is the self-aware narration gets a bit too thick at times.