I love you so much. I hate to admit it, but no pony in the world matters to me more than you. But it has to end. I have to stop you. No matter what.
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Without sounding creepy I can finally say I really enjoyed this chapter :). Nice way to stop Celestia kinda reminds me of the ending of the Inheritance cycle
Holy crap Luna, if your sister is capable of anything beyond barely audible gibberish and drooling between bouts of uncontrollable shaking ever again, you should probably apologize for that.
On a lighter note, the whole thing where she needed Celestia distracted for a good minute or so to charge her attack reminds me far too much of the Spirit bomb. The fact that Luna's attack actually was an enormous ball made up of gathered components doesn't help that image either. (mahna mahna, do do dododo. Ima chargin' my attack)
So much awesome ^.^
I was wondering at the beginning if you have read the new comic, with rarity wanting to be all nightmare moony :D...
2618600 If it was my sibling and I left them quivering and muttering nonsense, then they should be sure as fuck lucky I was so nice to them.
What Celestia did in this story was inexcusable and had I been in Luna's position, actually I'm well aware of the fact that in a way I have, I would not have let Celestia off so lightly.
And to think all this started out with Luna's madness... What a weight on her shoulders this must be.
why you leave us with cliffhangers? celestia finally realizes the things she has done and admits she's not perfect?
Mind...Went.....BOOM!! Truly Awesome work HamGravy..
“Oh, enough about your damn balance, Princess!”
"Twilight Sparkle approached Celestia, seething with anger."
BEST part of the series right here!!! FTW!
I hope we'll see in next chapter if Celly was right or just crazy.
Did Twilight seriously said "decade" as if it was impressive time period in front of 1000+ old creature? Cute and adorable. It's as if child read one page in the book one morning and was like "I know so much"
Once this is done, I expect Ham to be very very very bored.
Everybody lived?
I don't believe it. I thought for sure at least Peregrine was toast.
Since chapter 29 is the epilogue, this is the end of the central story of A Silver Sky! We made it!
Congratulations are in order:
I really didn't see the ending of this story coming. I am looking forwards to the epilogue. This has been one wild ride. I really want to see what happens to the foals in the end.
This really has been an exceptional story. If it wasn't for the fact the characters and places are Hasbro's property, I'd say it is publishable.
Hmmmm. Maybe a human version of Tarnished Silver with totally original characters could one day become published.
Here are the adventures of the young rich girl Silvia Spooner and her descent into madness and eventually redemption.
That was amazing, that is exactly how I thought Celestia should be defeated. Either that or having the foals memories implanted into her mind. I have to know though, what's going to happen to the Dream clan? With what they did to poor Sweetie, they need to extra specially punished.
Also, Rarity, no! Don't let them do it, whatever it is! Stay evil, Rarity, stay evil!
Epic. The only word that is necessary to describe this chapter. Good job, sir. It's been one hell of a ride. I look forward to next week.
I just noticed this but (despite that this is mature and contains sex) why does this only have 186 likes? By all means this should have way more... or maybe i'm just not thinking in the perspective that this is a mature story containing sex of the most ugliest form but it tackles this subject both with grace and grandiose emotion. OK i'm starting to ramble so great job!
Suddenly Prince Blue Blood and Fluer de Lis show up.
Prince Blue Blood: I hope we didn't miss anything important!
(looks around)
Prince Blue Blood: Oh Fuck!
I wasn't sure if Celestia would die unrepentant. But I have to admit I didn't really see this one coming where Celestia experienced all the dreams of the suffering foals! Although it is justice, it's a little harsh Hamgravy.
I would have made it where Celestia learns the error of her ways through a musical number.
Luna: You think you own what ever philosophy you land on, The Balance is just a bad thing you must maintain
Celestia: WTF Luna
Luna: But I know every filly and colt and rape victim, Has a life, has a spirit, has a name
Celestia: Really Luna stop it!
Luna: You think the only ponies who are ponies, Are princesses who look and think like you
Celestia: >:-(
Luna: But if you walk the footsteps of a raped foal, You'll learn things you never knew you never knew
Yes.
I've always felt that your Rarity is an atrocious out-of-character trainwreck of a pony that only wears Rarity's skin. I still kinda feel that way - you can handwave her actions on the show all you want but that's all that it would be and this Rarity is far removed from the pony we've been shown. However, I think this story as a story is very important. The message it conveys is well developed, well written and very well expressed. And of course, I have my own personal bias on what exactly that message is - the message of addiction.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I have some ponies to re-watch. I find it helps calm the nerves after such a ... situation.
2618638
I haven't read as much of the official comic book as I've wanted to. I'm only up to issue 3. I heard that the second storyline involves Luna and Rarity, which seems pretty cool. But the whole Luna/Rarity connection goes back all the way to Rarity's Garden, so I can't claim inspiration from the comic.
2618989
Exactly. It's underscoring Celestia's comment from last chapter, where she says that all her mortal subjects are basically naive children compared to her. Twilight's decade of study would sound pretty impressive to anyone BUT Celestia or Luna. But Twi is used to being the smartest girl in the room, and it's hard for her to argue from another position.
2619005
No worries, I'll kill time by watching this flawlessly-titled new anime!
I will take a writing break after I'm done, but only for about a week. I'm so used to writing every week by now that I have no doubt I'll be bored if I go longer than that. Which will just motivate me to start the new project!
2619095
2.bp.blogspot.com/-89Vc4IMXz8A/TlWlosVSTeI/AAAAAAAAAUs/YAkCoIr42Z4/s1600/Nine.png
That's right, Rose! Just this once!
I had actually considered killing Peregrine, but ruled it out a while back. After Aurora's death, having Twist be the only survivor of that trio just seemed like too much.
2620452
Thank you! I really love this version of Sweetie, too. The extent to which she held on to hope and compassion despite all her suffering surprised even me. It's no wonder Rarity fell in love with her (in her own deeply wrong and screwed-up way, of course.)
2620763
That is very kind of you to say, CB! Thank you!
Actually, Amazon just announced this crazy thing, which could very well revolutionize fanfiction as we know it. They publish your fanfic, you get paid for it, the rightsholder gets a cut, and it's all legal. Holy pants.
They have some rules, though. Rule #1: No sexual content. Oh, well, so much for that. (I bet the Fallout: Equestria guy is about to make a mint, though.) or he would if Hasbro were one of their partners which I'm almost certain is not the case.
We'll throw the whole cast through the Equestria Girls mirror, then watch as Rarity and Fancy rape half the high school. That'll learn 'em.
You're not the first person to suggest I give Tarnished Silver the Fifty Shades of Grey treatment, actually. For it to stand a chance of being published, everyone would have to be human, and over 18, and have normal names, and I'm not sure how the hell I would incorporate Luna and Celestia into it. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work, and the result would be nigh-unreadable. But maybe not? Hmmm.
2621559
Evil Foalphile Rarity will always have a place in our hearts.
2622081
I honestly don't give the Likes count a lot of thought. I have a pretty big number of readers, and it remains consistent week after week (with steady growth over time. Most importantly to me, is how much enthusiasm I see from you all. My words seem to have emotionally affected a lot of people, and that's what really matters to me.
You're right though, considering that it's mature-rated, AND foalcon, AND nonconsensual, AND incredibly long, AND pretty brutal and cruel in various parts, AND headlined by one of the least popular canon ponies (Hasbro give Silver Spoon an episode, you know you want to) I'm amazed at how many likes and readers I actually have! This story really did beat the odds on its way to becoming popular (as popular can be.) That's all thanks to you folks!
2622716
She is absolutely a trainwreck of a pony, and while I don't agree that she's completely unlike Rarity, she's obviously meant to be a VERY different version of the character. She's the biggest reason why the Alternate Universe tag is there. There's no way that I would ever pretend that this is meant to be the "real" canonical Rarity.
Your view of her as basically a separate character is completely valid, though. I don't totally agree, but it's an interpretation I can't possibly dispute. I'm glad you like the story regardless!
My very sincere thanks for saying that. A big theme in this story has always been the harm we can do to our lives when we lose control of ourselves. Whether it was Rarity's inability to stop abusing foals or Silver's inability to stop seeking out pain and degradation, it kept showing up even in places I didn't intend it to. I don't think it's the only real-world parallel you can draw from Silver and Rarity's damaged mental states, but it's certainly one of the most powerful.
Also, you're the third person I know of who sought to repair his Rarity headcanon after reading my stuff by watching A Dog and Pony Show. A fine choice; I always thought that ep was the most underappreciated of season one (along with Over a Barrel. Bring back Little Strongheart in S4!)
Egads, this was a big comment. Thanks as always to everyone for your great feedback!
2618672>>2618600 I don't know. There's something to be said about both sides of this. On one hand, Twilight raised a good point in denouncing the whole balance hypothesis when she accused Celestia of clinging to it after the loss of her sister. It is entirely possible that Celestia, devastated and at a loss to explain what had happened, looked at balance as a way to rationalize a cruel, random and unfair world, ironically in much the same way that we mortals do in times of personal crisis and tragedy. Coupled with the fear of losing a loved one, it's actually possible to try to sympathize with Celestia (Kudos to HamGravy for pulling that off).
At the same time, what Celestia did was still unforgivable. Her actions were selfish, motivated mainly because she did not want to see her sister suffer. In the process, she detached herself from the suffering of countless others. She needed to be stopped, and as far as I'm concerned, the Nightmare Spirit Bomb was an appropriate finishing blow.
There is still one thing that concerns me though. Twilight and Luna are now going to imprison Celestia in the Sanctum, and Luna will have to be the sole ruler of Equestria now. So basically, Equestria's beloved Princess of the Sun is being forced to take an leave of absence indefinitely, and the former Nightmare Moon, who has only co-ruled for about two years, is taking her place. What are the odds that this won't end well?
... Damn you balance! You ruin everything!
2623787 Well, sum it up like this:
The right thing done for the wrong reasons is still wrong...
The evil thing done for the right reasons is still evil...
The evil thing done for the wrong reasons is pony.
Essentially, yes, Tia has a reason behind what she did, but do the means meet the ends? Is it justifiable?
That would be a no, and even when faced with the base truth of what she'd done, she refused to repent from it and technically still hasn't.
For the lives she's ruined, regardless of why she did so, I can't find it in my heart to sympathise with her, and I have lost people close to me so that's saying a lot.
http://www.equestriapublications.org/index.html
Also there's a website called Equestria Publications, for preserving valued My Little Pony Fan Fictions. Maybe one day they'd publish a hardcopy edition of Tarnished Silver!
2623840 So basically, my second paragraph.
2623787
This is a terrific analysis! There's some stuff in here I hadn't considered myself, but which makes a lot of sense. I want to mention one bit in particular, though:
It wasn't my intention when I first came up with the balance concept, but as the months went by and I wrote more Celestia scenes, I realized that Celestia was having a crisis of faith. She had believed in the bond between herself and Luna with a deep, near-religious devotion, and then her sister went insane and had to be locked up. And it got me thinking: when humans face this sort of tragedy, many of us turn to belief in gods. But who would a god turn to?
Perhaps she would seek out a power even higher than her own? And if she found none, perhaps she would invent it.
Thanks! I wanted to make Celestia an antagonist who you could reasonably feel sympathy for (even if a lot of people refuse to. That's valid, too.) I had already done a straight-up irredeemable bastard villain with Fancy, so I didn't want to have two of those in the same story.
Commence read.
Well Styngian, wonder what madness.
Great chapter, and I loved the way you ended the 'fight' between the two sisters!
I really wasn't very optimistic about the end of the sister's conflict, but what happen really surprised me AND now Celestia will be able to REALLY feel all the pain that she has caused and change with time...
And to think that this all started with a sick twisted clopfic!
10/10
2630682 'Cause i will read any story that has build up, Good plot/character devolopment and actually makes me care. which is better than most people's awnwser of "i just want to get off" it's also because it's legal in my country.
it has been such a wild ride, and not everyone can say they have made a great story with a satisfying ending (my mind blew 3 times this chapter) and no matter how or why we started reading this fic, I'm pretty sure most of us have loved it!
2624583 mmkay, well i seriously doubt that this would ever hit the books in any walmart in the u.s. but maybe it might where i live. doubt it tho
2625701 Luna dream theory. well that usually is the awnswer to everything in a story with luna. i actually am trying to write a sotry that does the samething in that regard YAY orgianality
I only just realized that if there's about to be a massive influx of rich-arse foalphiles entering into the Equestrian penal system all at once, then there's likely going to be a market for somepony enterprising like Domino to take advantage of in 'special deliveries'.
2632229
Now that Luna is free to investigate the nightmares of the foals, any stray groups of the circle are likely to be squashed.
Well HamGravy… If nothing more happens to Celestia, I'm afraid I will just have to stamp this otherwise epic story as just another one of all the stories where a cruel, malevolent, psychopathic, foal murdering and all around in excusable tyrant Celestia gets away with a simple little slap on the wrists… bad girl.
I mean really… How many little filly´s and colt´s have died through pain and suffering that is more or less incomprehensible throughout her 1000 year rule? The gallery with hundreds of little foal´s, being sodomised and rapet every single day over the centuries… And all she had to deal with… was one… week… of nightmares… Seriously! Celestia still hasn't got a clue what suffering is, compared with a single one of the foal who were trapped in the hell she has created!
And even though I always suspected it, the fact that you gave it away completely in this chapter pisses me of to no end. The bitch never even looked in on what she was calling an appropriate price for her being with her sister! That is just hubris on such a level, not even being a God can be called a justifiable excuse for it!
But what pisses me off most of all is that no one seems to realize that her dam philosophy, which she has based this whole fuck up on, has already been proven wrong! If the forces of balance work the way Celestia claims they do, then when Nightmare Moon came back from her exile, she should have been turned back into Luna again! The proof that she is completely and utterly wrong is staring everyone right in the face and nobody seems to realize that! I mean I'm sorry to say, but your version of Twilight is completely and utterly in my number one place for utterly incompetent Twilights on this entire site! She is a complete and truly useless idiot with the powers of a demigod and the brain prowess that every child in the story exceeds!
On the subject of Rarity I will not comment on that monster until we know how she's going to be punished. Even though no sentence can even come close to ever being harsh enough, I hope you will come up with something suitable. I do have my own little head canon of combining Rarity´s and Celestia´s punishments… But alas I will keep that to myself.
Anyhow… Despite my little rant I have been utterly spellbound by your story throughout every chapter, even when I was almost not able to continue through the gallery scene, I still had to find out what was going to happen to the characters in the story. It touches on a very sensitive subject, but you pulled it off. I'm truly looking forward to the last chapter; I know how I would write it, so I'm truly interested in seeing how you will put this epic story to bed, so to speak.
Have a nice one!!!
And we've come to it at last...through this soul wrenching story, this long saga of pain and twisted perversions, the end is near...
I'm gonna make my guesses for the final chapter.
Rarity is "exiled" and learns to be (somewhat) reformed by Styngian.
Celestia is locked up for the rest of current mortal pony lives.
Luna takes over the government, with a ton of assistance from Twilight.
Sweetie lives with Spike.
Sliver strikes out on her own.
And that's about all I can come up with for reasonable guesses.
"...to form connections with ponies who faded and died in front of me like mayflays!"
"...After all, they’ll wither and die soon, enough, won’t they? Like mayflays. Is that all our subjects are to you, sister?”
Mayflies. Unless a mayflay is some strange Equestrian bug I know nothing of.
********************************************
I am so excited for the next chapter, and quite sad at the same time. This story has really changed my outlook on life, and been rather emotional to read. As they say, all good things come to an end, and this story is most certainly a very good thing.
2633683 why do you say that this version of twilight is incompetent? the dream family, on the outside anyway, was a respected part of the magic community, I do know it's weird for them to be taking in sweetie, but don't you remember who twilight is? who practically is the reason the word ''adorkable'' was coined? not a lot of social skills, and how about the fact she probably looked up to them? but yes I think she should of gotten the kids out a there once the clash of the fucking titans was revving up, I think I may have missed a few points but that's just my take on it
2644883
I will answer you're question when I get back from work!
2641788
Holy crap, how did I make the exact same typo twice in a row? I'm...talented?
Thanks for the feedback, I went in and made the needed corrections.
2644883
2633683
More terrific analysis! My own explanation for Twilight's actions in this story is simply that she's a very trusting pony. She believed in Celestia's authority to an unwavering degree; this is something I always wished the show would explore a bit more. Even though Celly often seems to be a big of a schemer even in canon, it's always with good intentions. Which is fine, and I certainly don't expect the princess to be anything but good on the show itself. But the fact that Twilight trusts her judgement so completely could certainly be an Achilles' hoof in the wrong circumstances.
Does this make Tarnished Silver's Twilight incompetent or just too trusting? That's up to the reader's judgement. I think she does a good job of rectifying her mistakes, having rescued the foals she set out to save (plus scores more.)
2644883
2647064
Being ''adorkable'' and having limited social skill can't cover up many of the errors she does. And the same goes for her very trusting nature, which is a fault I actually suffered from myself up to a certain point in life. There is still a little bit too much going on around this to just sweep them aside as her canon faults.
Well then where to start... At the beginning of Twilight knowing the secret of Rarity´s pedophilia I guess. Which is in Twisted: Four Little Foals chapter 12 I think is the first mention of her knowing… That's a hell of a long time ago, to know something this horrific is happening and doing absolutely nothing about it! I quote the story:
========================
“So I...I walked through the house...normally I'd call out to her but for some reason it just didn't feel right that day. There was a...tension in the air, a strange, sad feeling...I almost felt like I couldn't speak...I just wandered her house for a few minutes, looking for Rarity or Sweetie Belle...and then after a while...I ended up at Rarity's bedroom door.”
“I was going to knock on it, but then I heard...I heard Rarity...saying things to her sister...such cruel, disgusting things...and...then I heard Sweetie...”
“I've never heard a voice like that...” said Twilight. “It went beyond sadness or pain. It was worse than that. Sweetie Belle sounded...resigned. Defeated. Like the awful things I heard Rarity telling her to do...they weren't just normal to her, there were expected. She sounded like someone who thought things would never get any better...that this would always be her life.”
“And..and..it wasn't just them in the room! I heard another voice...a stallion I didn't recognize...he was shouting the most cruel, insulting insults at Sweetie, and Rarity just laughed and kept telling her to...to do things with him...and...I could have stopped it...”
“I could have gone into that room right then...I could have protected her...but I was so scared! I couldn't move, and then...I could hear them hurting her...I could hear her crying out...I should have gone in...and instead...”
“Spike, I ran away...” she said. “It was just too much to take in...I...I just shut down and ran...I left Sweetie there...with them...”
========================
Now we know that Twilight is completely on the up and up about what's happening to Sweetie Belle. Her first reaction is quite understandable, quite literally shocked into running away, not wanting to deal with the situation. She makes sure that Spike is safe by sending him to the Dragons. After all she tries to contact Celestia about the situation but his shot down by her. Time for another quote from the story:
========================
“Right. Monsters,” Twilight said, with the barest hint of a scoff. “Discord turning the town into ice cream or Chrysalis wrecking a wedding? Celestia, do I ever miss those days. The days when I thought a monster was something obvious, that you could just shoo away with a magic rainbow.”
“Until that day in Rarity's house, I had no idea what evil was,” Twilight said. “And that was the day I let it win.”
“Well...why don't you go to the royal guards?” he offered.
“You think I haven't tried?” Twilight said. “Everything I do gets blocked from higher up. It's like someone's protecting her...”
“Then go to the top!” Spike said. “Talk to the Princess!”
“I DID!” Twilight yelled. “I did, and she just told me...she told me to let it go!” Spike gasped. Celestia, too? Was every pony hiding something?
“It's like...it's like she already knew...” Twilight said. “And for some reason...it's not like she seemed okay with it, in fact, she looked sad, and angry, like she wanted to help, but...but...she basically ordered me to leave Rarity alone...”
========================
Here she has already gotten information that Rarity is indeed protected by the higher-ups, all the way to Princess Celestia. So here she is in chapter 12 of the story before this one. With more or less all the pieces you need to know. So now it's time of the confrontation in chapter 2 of this story. Where Twilight confronts Rarity about knowing everything that's going on with Sweetie Belle. She finds out that she has been abused for the last three years, and then Rarity talks Twilight down from taking any actions against her by simply stating that there is only one way for Twilight to truly stop her, and that is by killing Rarity, she powers up her horn but it's then stopped by Sweetie, who after all still wants to protect her sister. But she still secures a note to Twilight:
========================
It was written in pink crayon.
“Sweetie Belle…” Twilight said. “When she grabbed my leg, she must have…oh, Celestia, if her sister had seen what she’d done…” Twilight shook her head, determined not to think about it. Instead, she studied the note closely. It had obviously been written in haste, and the pink crayon did not show up well against the bright yellow paper. Still, she was able to make the remnants of what must have been a larger message:
TERLOT
ELP YOU
OO!
“Canterlot…help you…?” Twilight said. “This can’t be all of it. And that last part makes no sense…the other words must have been burned away…” Twilight stared down at the note, and began to feel overwhelmed.
“This was her plan…a sticky note written in pink crayon. Even after all this…she’s still just a child…” Twilight held the note close to her heart and resisted the urge to cry again.
“You poor, brave, little foal…” Twilight said. “I won’t fail you again.”
========================
So now she knows something is going on in Canterlot, she reads it as Canterlot help you… But let's recap, she has just spent quite a long time trying to get help from Canterlot but has been continuously shot down, even when she went to Princess Celestia herself… So if she's any kind of smart, she might figure out that note wasn't supposed to mean she could expect help from Canterlot. So what does she do, she realizes there's more to the note, and then spends months trying to fix it, during which time she knows exactly what's happening to Sweetie Belle but tries no other avenue of helping her again. Because everybody knows if first you don't succeed… than just quit! Because Rarity´s behavior hasn't become strange at all since the confrontation. It's not like she started to lock herself in the Carousel Boutique, accepting no visitors, telling Cheerilee that Sweetie Belle is very ill and needs to stay at home, but having no doctor´s coming to visit her. That's not strange or anything, she couldn't have just gone to all her friends, gathered them together, walk over to Rarity´s to just have a little check up on Sweetie Belle. Therefore providing Sweetie Belle with another perfect opportunity to get our message out… I don't know that just seems very very hard to do… Instead Twilight spends her time doing this:
========================
Twilight shuddered at the thought of Sweetie locked away in that house with her sister. But she resisted the temptation to speculate about Rarity’s reasons for suddenly becoming a recluse. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was the note. Sweetie had risked so much to get it to her. She had to know what it said.
For two months, Twilight Sparkle had run herself ragged attempting to restore the note. She had never imagined it would be so difficult to fix a burned piece of paper. A healing spell had accomplished nothing. Attempting to decipher the message from the fragment which remained had proven pointless.
But today, Twilight felt hopeful. She was sure this attempt would be different.
========================
Yes… two months seems like a good time to spend on something like note when there is a helpless filly being molested a few house away… I mean even if Twilight couldn't prove it, with the help of her other friends, even if she doesn't let them know what they're actually doing she should have been able to do something to get sweet out of there. She's after all supposed to be very smart. But she is interrupted in her bumbling about by the arrival of Indigo Dream, who serves everything she needs to nail Rarity up on a silver platter. So Twilight immediately goes into hero worship, putting Indigo Dream up on the pedestal Celestia has just vacated, and starts taking everything Indigo Dream say as absolute truth… I feel like she's been here before. I mean fool me once shame on you… Fool me twice… You are a bucking idiot!!! Anyhow she doesn't just stop there with her idiocy… Oh no I quote:
========================
Twilight gasped. “You…came from Canterlot…?”
“Well yes, dear,” she said. “Why so surprised?”
“The note,” Twilight whispered.
The note’s remaining text flashed through her mind:
TERLOT
ELP YOU
OO!
“Canterlot…help you…” she whispered. “Sweetie must have meant that someone from Canterlot was coming to help me!”
“What was that, sweetheart?” Indigo asked.
“Nothing!” Twilight said. “Miss Indigo…I’m at your disposal. Tell me what you need.”
========================
AHHHHHHHHhhhhh!!!
So now that idiot goes back to thinking the note means that someone from Canterlot was coming to help… You've just spent months trying to get help from bucking Canterlot but got nothing but stonewalled every single time, where every you have turn for help, and all of a sudden PUFF some pony appears offering you everything you wanted! And she's nothing but a magically inclined noblewoman, who claims she heard some rumors about Twilight's reports to the Royal Guards, and now after several months suddenly wants to help out by giving her everything she needs… Still Twilight idiot Sparkle sees nothing suspicious about this at all!!! I mean… Once again!
AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!!!
So off we go with the Royal guard to arrest Rarity for the murder of Silver Spoon. Indigo immediately whisks away Sweetie Belle not allowing anybody to talk to her… come on Twilight! That's not suspicious at all is it… Jesus Christ!!! Indigo actually puts it rather well herself:
========================
“Ah, yes, Twilight Sparkle. What a dull little unicorn,” she said. “Certainly booksmart, but the poor girl is naïve and trusting to a fault. I can see why Celestia favors her. She’ll believe anything.”
“I told her that Sweetie Belle was ‘traumatized’ after the arrest. Haven’t let her near the girl since. Which is a lucky thing, since Sweetie keeps shouting ‘She’s innocent, Silver Spoon’s alive,’ every chance she gets.”
========================
And then Twilight goes and does something stupid on an unprecedented level:
========================
“We’ve built up enough bad sentiment for you in this town that you’re sure to be convicted even without witnesses,” Indigo said. “All I needed Twilight for was to testify at the adoption hearing.”
Rarity felt her blood turn to ice.
“Adoption?”
“Oh my, yes,” said Indigo. “It just went through today. Expedited due to unusual circumstances. Twilight kindly vouched for me, the esteemed child welfare expert. So as of about an hour ago, I am Sweetie Belle’s legal guardian.”
========================
How do hell can you vouch for some pony you don't even know, you've gone off blind trust and read your script perfectly. She hasn't seen Sweetie Belle since the arrest, that's not strange at all, she's after all traumatized and doesn't need to see any of her friends or anybody she knows and is familiar with… Stupid Twilight, really stupid… But she does have one epiphany.
========================
“I just don’t understand why Indigo had to leave so quickly…” Twilight said. “I mean, I know that she wanted to get home to her kids, but I thought she’d at least let me say goodbye to Sweetie.” Twilight sighed.
“I spent months trying to help that poor foal. I just wanted to see her happy for once. That’s not asking too much, is it? I just…”
========================
It's just you let her get swept away without even having a chance to say hello or checking that she's all right… Don't really have to see anything here, so let's continue, because finally the note Twilight been working on for over two months has been restored by her magic:
========================
“Oh my sun…” she said. “This…this can’t be right…”
On the note, written in pink crayon, were these words:
SILVER SPOON’S IN D.W. ALLEY TWIST IS WITH FANCY IN CANTERLOT
SHE IS TRAPPED UNDERGROUND. ONLY TELEPORTING CAN HELP YOU
ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GET TO THEM. HELP SILVER TOO!
SHE SAVED ME. SHE’S A HERO. BUT SHE'S VERY SICK.
HER MIND'S BROKEN. SHE NEEDS HELP SO BADLY.
DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME. SAVE MY FRIENDS.
“It’s impossible…” Twilight said, her words barely a whisper.
“She’s saying Silver Spoon is alive…but there’s no way…” A name burst its way through Twilight’s mind.
Indigo Dream.
========================
So now you know Indigo Dream is a liar and everything you've been doing for her so far is a total fuck up on your part, so we get this little rant:
========================
“I’ve been so STUPID!” she cried. “All this time, I wanted to get Rarity so bad, I ignored what was right in front of me! OF COURSE Indigo was too good to be true. Of course she was! Showing up from Canterlot with everything I ever asked fo-“
Twilight looked over the note again.
“Canterlot,” she said. “Whatever’s going on, it all points to Canterlot.”
========================
So now she's totally aware that everything is centered around Canterlot and that Indigo Dream and Fancy Pants are involved. Now Princess Luna arrives with pipsqueak and we have the whole scene with Luna saving him. Twilight is told about the circle and the ritual of the Gathering and everything:
========================
Princess Luna spoke to Twilight Sparkle.
She told her of Celestia.
She told her of the Circle, of the Gathering, and of Celestia’s millennium-spanning plan to preserve them.
She told Twilight that she had personally seen Rarity leading Sweetie Belle, Pipsqueak, Silver Spoon and Twist into the location of the most recent Gathering.
She told her that Twist had never come back out.
Twilight Sparkle did not say a word. She asked no questions, made no comments. She stood as still as stone.
Inside Twilight, something was dying.
***
“Celestia’s faithful student,” Twilight said flatly. “Celestia’s chosen protege. Given a full scholarship to Celestia’s school…
“Celestia’s. That’s all I’ve ever been.”
Luna grasped mentally for something to say. She found nothing.
“Celestia lied to all of us,” Twilight said, as emotion slowly began to creep back into her voice. “She didn’t just let those horrible things happen to those foals, she helped them happen.”
***
“My whole life,” Twilight said. “Reading and studying. Shunning friends, running myself ragged…all for a chance to get closer to all. All so I could be her ‘faithful student.’”
The words were venom in her mouth.
“All that time, all that work everything I did, everything I am…” Twilight said. “Who was it all for?”
“I cannot answer that,” Luna said. “But for what it is worth, I still believe in my sister.”
“So you think she’s right?”
“No,” Luna said. “I tried to believe she was for some time, but after seeing what was going on inside Pipsqueak’s mind, I knew I could deceive myself no longer. But just because my sister is wrong does not mean she is a bad pony. She thinks she is doing the right thing.”
========================
Oh well that makes everything okay… Celestia thinks she's doing the right thing, correct me if I'm mistaken, but so did Hitler when he was going all kinds of crazy! And so here comes Celestia AKA crazy bitch…
========================
“WHEN THE MOMENT COMES, MY FAITHFUL STUDENT, I HOPE YOU'LL SEE REASON,” the voice said. “OUT OF RESPECT FOR YOU, I WILL NOT STAND IN YOUR WAY UNLESS I HAVE TO. GO, AND BRING THE TWO FOALS YOU SEEK BACK HOME.”
Twilight wanted to shout back. She wanted to tell the Princess to never call her “faithful student” again. But she found that she was paralyzed. She was not sure if it was Celestia’s magic, or simple fear.
“PLEASE, TWILIGHT: DON'T MAKE ME STOP YOU.”
========================
So now Twilight knows everything there is to know… And we are in chapter 14. Let's see what she will do now. She arrives in Canterlot where she miraculously gets a chance to meet up with Fancy Pants more or less immediately when her hotel booking mysteriously disappears. She's also reminded that Indigo Dream is a close friend to Fancy Pants. So Twilight immediately agrees to a meeting with Fancy Pants in her eager for news about Sweetie Belle… Yeah that's not stupid. Anyway she moves in with Fancy Pants the stallion she knows is holding Twist prisoner somewhere in the mansion. Her master plan so far is:
========================
To avoid suspicion, I’ll be spending the daylight hours outside in Canterlot, trying to locate Rarity. In the evenings, I’ll do my best to try and shake Gaze and Gentle Step and try to get into those forbidden parts of the mansion.
========================
So that's her brilliant plan, walk around in Canterlot trying to find Rarity in a boutique or something. And then at night she will walk around in the mansion looking for Twist… Who she already knows is in a room below the mansion that you can only teleport into… And she's going to find it by walking around… Brilliant you bucking idiot! Also doesn’t Twilight already know where Indigo home is? With all her magical knowledge wouldn't she be able to come up with a plan to save Sweetie Belle without getting caught by them… oooooh… all the fail of one Twilight Sparkle. Supposedly the most powerful and intelligent unicorn in history… Yeah right! Let's get into more stupid mode!!!
========================
“Yes. Something is very wrong,” she said. “For starters, there’s no such pony as Gentle Step. This is an illusion. You and I have met before.”
Twilight took as step back as the spell’s effect dissipated in front of her. The image of the proper light gray filly seemed to melt before her eyes, revealing another, more familiar pony underneath.
“You…you’re…oh my sun…” Twilight stammered, invoking Celestia without intending to. “Sweetie was right! You’re alive!”
Twilight fell to the ground, and then, to Silver’s profound surprise, Twilight grabbed the filly and embraced her.
“Oh thank goodness, oh thank goodness!” Twilight said, her voice shaking with emotion. “Even after I read Sweetie’s note, I wasn’t sure it was true. But here you are! You’re alive!”
***
“Come on,” she said. “Let’s go home. You and me.” Silver trembled as she raised her foreleg. But instead of taking Twilight’s hoof, she pressed her own hoof against her heart.
"But weren't you looking for Mi- um, for Rarity here in town?"
"I was looking for a lot of ponies," Twilight said. "But the first thing is to get you back home. So all the ponies who miss you can finally rest easy."
***
“No,” Silver said.
“What? But-“
Silver wiped her last tear away, still smiling. “Thank you so much, Twilight. But I can’t go home yet. There’s something I still need to do here,” she said. “And I’m going to need your help.”
“Silver, what are you talking about?”
“Just follow me, okay? And if anyone asks, I’m still Gentle Step,” Silver said as she began running down the hallway, with Twilight close behind.
“Silver, what’s going on? What are you doing?” Twilight said. Silver’s smile grew wider. “I’m keeping a promise!” she said.
========================
So let's start with another installment of idiot Twilight 101… She finds Silver Spoon and is shocked that she is still alive. After that she goes on to saying, let's ditch all the other children in dire need of help and bring you home, because that will be nice for the ones who think you're dead. Silver refuses, saying she really needs help with something in the mansion before they leave. Twilight wonders what that could possibly be… How thick in the head is Twilight anyhow. She hasn't come to the mansion looking for Twist or anything… She doesn't know that there is a secret room under the mansion where Twist is hidden away, most likely with a lot of other children, like she discussed with Luna in an earlier chapter. Anyhow back to stupid Twilight 101.
========================
“Fancypants is the leader of the Circle,” Silver said. “Twist is here, and I need you to get her out.”
“I knew it!” Twilight said, in a satisfied tone. “I know Fancy was connected to them! Why else would he have been trying so hard to trip up my investigations all week?”
========================
Well congratulations Twilight, you have once again been supplied with the complete answer by someone else… Bucking idiot…
========================
“Twilight!”
“Right!” Twilight said, with a purposeful nod. “Is Twist in one of these rooms? He didn’t hurt her, did he?”
“I, um…” Silver looked down at the ground. “Twist has…been through a lot. And she’s not alone. Follow me.”
========================
Oh my God… The note! Twilight can you please try to remember the bucking note!!!
========================
SILVER SPOON’S IN D.W. ALLEY TWIST IS WITH FANCY IN CANTERLOT
SHE IS TRAPPED UNDERGROUND. ONLY TELEPORTING CAN HELP YOU
ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GET TO THEM. HELP SILVER TOO!
SHE SAVED ME. SHE’S A HERO. BUT SHE'S VERY SICK.
HER MIND'S BROKEN. SHE NEEDS HELP SO BADLY.
DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME. SAVE MY FRIENDS.
========================
And now Silver Spoon tells Twilight everything about the compound there in, that the foals are all in The Gallery and where it is situated. She also tells her that she has a plan in motion to lower the protective magic barrier so that Twilight can teleport in…
So for Twilight has done absolutely nothing during the entire store… other than being given one answer after another on a silver platter by everyone else. Now comes the part where Fancy Pants tries to kill all the foals by burning them alive.
Twilight managed to set Sir Twenty-Twenty free from his constraints so he can start killing Circle members. Aurora sacrifices her life to get the shield down; Twilight feels the magic backlash and tries to once again teleport into the gallery saving the children who haven't already burnt to death, although she loses Sweetie Bell.
And then tries to lead the remaining children out of the mansion… But she gets lost! In a building she's been secretly exploring as much as she could for the last week! Brilliant Twilight!!! I mean it's not like she's grown up in a big complicated building like a palace or anything, finding her way through a mention must be more or less impossible. Then comes her big confrontation with Celestia where she reveals that she has spent a whole week reading philosophy… Without finding any proof of the balance existing! Well thank you Twilight for proving that no one can read books as well as you…
So let's recap… Twilight has been led by the nose through the entire story, never solving anything by herself, always having to be given the complete answer by some outside party even though the answers was often quite literally written down in front of her nose. The only thing she did right was teleport foals out of the gallery, and apparently read philosophy for a week convincing herself that that the balance is indeed not real. Big applause for Twilight Sparkle!!! The supposedly smartest unicorn ever, possessing the powers of a demigod!!! And the know-how to use absolutely none of the two!!!
So that's all for me! Have a nice one!
Edit: Just realised red wasn't the most neutral colour that I could have choose to help separate my comments from copied text from the stories... My bad I changed it to purple instead.
2649508
ok then, I don't think ill be able to top that, then again I can't name many people who could.
first of all I don't think she said she was going to find twist, at least not in your example. though you did bring up many points at which she appeared to be not herself
also to be fair, ham had to have a way so that his story ended the way he wanted it to end, though
the side effect was a character with a short memory.
but do you know what its like going though a fearfull time? I don't, nothing extended anyway, but i'd imagine you would be a bit trustfull to whoever helped you.
also you seem to be insulting a character in this story, or is that directed to me? ether way's
fine.
anyway I just wanted to get this done before going to sleep, so it might seem a bit rushed
oh and by the way some of those points are mistakes by hamgravy mostly twilight forgetting about the note
2649508
2649826
Wow, Leon, I am really impressed with how much work you put into that post. Thank you very much for taking the time!
Even though it places what is arguably a major flaw of my story center stage, it's good to see all this collected here. It helps me see my portrayal of Twilight in a new light.
As I said before, Twilight's trusting nature and lack of practical knowledge is a big factor in her portrayal here. But maybe that isn't enough to account for all these mistakes she made. In retrospect may have made her a bit too foolish in this story, to the point that some of her actions could be read as stupid. I'll leave it to readers to decide if I fucked up here. But it's definitely something I will look out for when I'm writing in the future.
A couple of clarifications, though:
* Twilight didn't know that Sweetie was stuck in Carousel Boutique for those two months. She thought Rarity had taken her on a "fashion tour" to parts unknown. She only realized she'd been duped when Indigo showed up and told her "hey, so Rarity murdered Silver Spoon and she's probably holed up in the boutique." So it wasn't quite that Twilight had just ignored that a foal was being molested two blocks away or anything.
* Twilight didn't trust Fancy, she knew he was connected to the Circle somehow. She played dumb in this case in order to gain access to his mansion.
* Twilight forgot that Twist was underground (my mistake) but she didn't forget her intention to save her. She just thought that it would be best to get Silver Spoon to safety first, then go back to Fancy's and search some more. She had no way of knowing that the night she found Silver would turn out to be such an important night, or that Rarity was on trial, or that Fancy was going to burn the gallery down. She thought she would have more time to look.
All that said, I'm not arguing that Twilight might not have held the idiot ball a few times in this story. Looking back, I particularly regret the way she handles things in Twisted: it seems a bit too passive for her, especially considering how serious the situation is. I'll be careful about this sort of thing in anything I write in the future.
2649826
Well first things first... I am not criticising YOU personally, that was not my intent at all, sorry if you felt that way. Also Im not trying to say that I don't enjoy the story by Ham Gravy. I have thoroughly enjoyed it and I think it's very good indeed.
That said you guys did call me out on this reason why I don't really care for this version of Twilight. So I wrote it down and presented my reasoning to you. This is also my own personal opinion of her. She did pull off one good magical thing, and that was repairing the note. Although she would most likely have ended up in the same place anyway if she hadn't managed it, since Luna told her everything just a couple of minutes later anyway.
On a far more positive note there are several other characters in the story are truly enjoy and have connected with, especially the children. It is very refreshing to see a story where the children are actually helping themselves and not just being rescued by everybody all the time. Children can often be very resilient and resourceful when they have to be, and that was truly brought to light in the story. Which I applaud immensely!
Hope I didn't make myself a complete asshole, I have a tendency to go overboard from time to time in discussions... But I foresee no such thing happening here... Right?
2650649
Sorry more thoughts from me
Oki... so Twilight is under the assumption that Rarity and Sweety are gone from ponyvill. Even whit Rarity making trips to the market to stock up on a lots of provisions every now and again... Not to mention the fakt the butik is boarded up and is under an anti teleporting spell. That who'd not make her a little interested to find what Rarity is obviously trying to hide in there... that's a little... stupid again.
Even when Twilight didn't trust Fancy she still let herself be led around by the nose for a week, and constantly impeded by him, that cud have bin handled better.
And Twilight thinks she can take Silver away and then be let back in by Fancy no problem later... rite... that's going to happen! Fancy won't be able to finger out how Silver disappeared. And it's true Twilight didn't now Rarity was down there, but I didn't imply she did. Also the hole burning the filly's is on Fancy, Rarity how I while comment on later, and mostly on Twenty how know what Fancy's kill order is but instead of saving the children he is supposedly championing he goes on a killing spree instead... dooming them to burn. Sorry Twenty, I was so happy whit you until you decided killing circle members was more important then saving the children...
That's it for now...
I was honestly afraid to start reading this story. I was afraid it was going to have some sort of horribly dark ending. With all of the emotional attachment I have for these characters I don't think I would have been able to handle that. I mean, I know it's not a happy ending, there's no way it could be considered happy with all of the terrible things that have happened. But it's not one of those stories that have a dark ending just for the sake of having a dark ending, it has a satisfying ending. So, what I'm saying is, thanks for being awesome and for making that crazy ride worth it.
P.S.
Having Luna make Celestia experience the victims nightmares?
i.imgur.com/fbIgOow.gif
2651076.
the way you typed it seemed a bit "much" , not the amount but it seemed like you were angry,
but anyway I'm done for this discussion and I hope you have a good day, with how you handled that you deserve it
2650649 and thanks for the great story ham
i think Twilight's exposition here was one of my favorite explanations of an idea ever.
Now that's dramatic and action-packed. I could hardly hold back tears. Considering what a heartless asshole I am, that's an achievement.
The only thing I miss is the detailed description of Celestia's nightmares. The scene with the orb and the voices was very intense, but I'm dying to see her in endless pain.
That threw me through a loop for a moment and I was wondering just wtf you were doing there. xD
After I finish reading this though, I am going to drown myself in happy, fluffy fics. At the moment I'm thinking TwiLuna. Because don't get me wrong, this is really well written, but after going through the entire series in, basically a day, I need to put something of a nicer nature/genre in my head. Preferably before bed.
Luna going all "Clockwork Orange" on Celestia? I do fucking approve