I love you so much. I hate to admit it, but no pony in the world matters to me more than you. But it has to end. I have to stop you. No matter what.
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“I don’t care about you,” Twist said. “You’re just another Circle member. Don’t you know how many ponies like you I’ve seen since the Gathering? I’m almost bored with you by now.”
Fabulousity abounding in this installment.
Red really is the new grey.
^Needs 'to' in there. I had a double take while reading it.
OUTSTANDING!! Tension just keeps rising. So far it's been one hell of a ride!
Dammit! Now I have to wait until next week again...
At this point, all the adults in the room are monsters. Of one stripe or another.
Addendum: I doubt Luna will be happy with her knight. Not after this.
Addendum II: Is anyone else getting annoyed at how powerful Twenty is..?
I thought I could never find a more heart rending and emotional story than Twisted: Four Little foals. But this is one of the best chapters of anything I have ever read. Twist finds her voice. Silver stands up for herself...This is beautiful.
I don't know what to say. Likely in a few minutes I can make more coherent comments. But this is the most touching thing I have read in a long time.
Hi I am back again. For roughly ten minutes I was overcome with emotion about this chapter. The way the Twist believed in Silver and Silver stood up for herself the greatest thing ever!
But just a little constructive criticism
I really liked how your chose third persons for this chapter
I also believe Twenty is little bit over powered
I found the Luna, Spike, Styngian scene to be okay, not great
I don't know if this was intentional in the writing, but I still can't see Celestia as being anything less than a bitch right now. Maybe you were supposed to feel for her on a cosmic level but. Yeah I really can't sympathize with Celestia in this story. I even care about Rarity more than Celestia.
Finally both in Twisted and Silver Sky I found the relationships between Rarity, Twist, Diamond, Silver, Sweetie, and Pip to be what makes this story great for me. If this story was just about Luna, Celestia, Fancy Pants, Twenty/Gaze, and the Circle this story would not have reached the epic level it has.
That being said your emotional writing would have made the weaker story an B+, but the foals and Rarity make this story an A+++
2523654
Twenty isn't powerful, he's skillful.
That'd be like being annoyed with how 'powerful' James Bond is. They are both trained agents adept in their field.
Anyway, I just have two words for this story...
'Dat plot'!
...in a literary sense. I'm no foal fooler.
I'm really hooked on this story despite how horrifying it has been in places.
Twenty is my fucking hero.
This fic is my favorite. Hands down.
Well that was scary and horrifying... The end part... Story is still great though
No no no
Why does Luna have to ruin everything?
Rarity was supposed to win. Silver is meant to be broken. There isn't supposed to be a happy ending!
My heart is breaking right now Ham.
Wait, hold on, I'm confused. How are Silvy and Rarity going to get their sex scene now?
Sir Twenty, please wait out in the hall for a little while.
This story is just utterly amazing. Everything is coming together. Everyone is or has converged. Everyone has their own agenda.
And Twenty just keeps getting more psychotic each chapter he is in.
2524398 If Celly is right about the balance, then happy ending is not going to happen.
2523654 Yeah, OC killing of non-OC Circle members feels wrong. But Twenty is not the only problematic character: Giant Dragon is another OP guy and he is still walking around with Luna. He also feels somewhat like Magical Negro - he is mysterious dude who has no purpose in story but to help others.
2524634
It's elementary my dear Watson. Rape.
2524164
I'll freely admit that I often get annoyed at James Bond, too.
And Twenty is powerful. The way he steamrolls the Circle makes me want to root for them instead.
Celestia is a butt.
Oh my god...
NO MORE RARISPOON ?
However Twist has turned badass
2524834 "If Celly is right about the balance, then happy ending is not going to happen"
I really hope Celly is not right, and the whole balance thing turns out to be wrong. Then Celestia will be like "oooops, my bad"!
"Sorry Luna" "Sorry Foals" "My Bad"!
Commence read.
That lung power.
Hmm, dead Triage. That explains a number of things. Okay, so let's see if I can make a list of all known remaining players here. We have:
-Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara and Twist, who are all trying to get the hell out of there.
-Twilight, who's watching over a group of traumatized foals, who are now searching for those three, as well as...
-Sweetie Belle, who's trying to properly reunite and escape with...
-Rarity, who's currently staring down...
-Twenty, a now deranged silent knight who's currently out for as much pedophile blood as possible.
-What's left of the Circle, which is scattered, in flight, and has lost many if not all of their members.
-Celestia, who may do something drastic to preserve this 'balance' that she believes in.
-Luna, who's trying to finish off the Circle and could possibly try to fight her sister in defiance of this 'balance'.
-And finally, we have Spike and Styngian, who are currently following Luna, but may be forced to choose between Luna and Celestia if such a confrontation should happen.
... I have maybe one or two scenarios in mind about how this could play out, but little confidence that either one will be an accurate prediction.
Do you really want to know what I think when I read this?
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2686-99f.gif
Alicorn boss-battle soon?
I am still holding out for a BIG Twist in the Plot before it's all over!
Perhaps Domino and Fond Wish who we haven't seen since Chapter 1 will show up with Happy Tune and other minor characters and inexplicably overpower Twenty and save Rarity.
Or the ghosts of Triage, Fancy Pants, and Aurora come back and tell Rarity to use "the force", and Rarity Saves herself!
Or perhaps Rarity just gets lucky and Twenty has to go the bathroom spontaneously allowing her to escape!
I usually read this listening to music at the same time. I decided to listen to Hillcrest Park by Nigel Godrich.
Yeah, I was crying for a second there.
I hope Twenty gets down to business before Celestia shows up. That's the only outcome that won't make me upset..
I look at this and wonder "at what point did this shit get real?" because for all I know it might have been rairity`s prologue...
2523551
2524740
Fixed. Thanks for the notes!
2523882
Thanks! I quite agree, actually: the relationships at the center of the story are the most compelling to me as well. It's the emotional core I built the story around, so I hope it's interesting or the whole story is kind of a wash.
That's okay. I really don't have a specific intention for how you're supposed to respond to Celestia. I kind of want readers to decide for themselves how they feel about her actions.
2525707
Clearly, many of you have made up your minds on this matter.
2524398
The story's not over yet.
2524834
Yeah, I'll be honest: when I wrote the chapter where Fancy dies, I was really nervous for this exact reason. Creating an OC and having him kill a canon pony is a pretty risky gambit: I was concerned that if I didn't play it just right, it would upset people, or even worse, come off as a shark-jumping moment. Luckily, the response to Twenty has been pretty positive so far.
I can see why he might be seen as overpowered, though. I might have oversold his prowess a bit. To be fair, though, as someone else put it, he is a bit like James Bond, except he's up against a bunch of pampered, fat, rich assholes, none of which are armed aside from Triage. These ponies are not fighters. They may have a lot of financial and political power, but that doesn't do you a whole lot of good when you're staring down a half-insane unicorn who's been trained to kill and who hates you to his core.
But looking back, I don't think I did that good a job of portraying this disparity on the page. So despite my intentions, I can see how Twenty might come off as overpowered to some. He has had very little trouble taking out his targets, after all.
But then again, the Princesses haven't shown up yet...
But Zecora isn't in this fanfic.
I kid. I can see what you're getting at with Styngian, especially since dragons are kind of a "minority" in Equestria (though I imagine they're quite numerous elsewhere.) He has mentioned that he has no intention of helping Luna further, however.
Personally I envisioned him more like a great big Yoda. But then again, Lauren Faust envisioned Zecora as a Yoda figure, too, and a lot of people find her problematic, too. So yeah, I see what you mean. I'm not very fond of that particular trope, so you can imagine my annoyance at seeing it creep into my own work. But thanks so much for the feedback!
This was a tough chapter for me to write, but the response has made it more than worthwhile. Thanks, all.
2545091 What I really meant is that she has a nice ass.
... oh, and she's coming off as a bitch right now. But I shan't judge until the story is completed.
Thank-you HamGravy your explanation of Twenty does help make him seem more believable. I suppose most of the Circle Ponies have never had to fight a day in their lives. They always got poorer ponies or servants to do that for them!
However I found Twenty overpowered particularly because we haven't seen him face any challenges to his plan yet. Twenty is just massacring everypony without so much as a hand cramp from breaking all those necks.
However the story isn't over yet and Princess Celestia is about to arrive!
2524398
Rarity x Silver Spoon would have been a happy ending, though.
They were perfect for each other!
I can only hope that you give Rarity a properly melodramatic and over the top speech before she dies. Something like this. Please?
I don't mind Gaze's rampage, because I view it as less about him and more about the consequences of Celestia's rather awful decisions. I can't imagine that any of her Knights, assuming she ever released them from their Oath, behaved in a less psychotic manner. I am, of course, assuming that he's going to succeed in his intention to commit suicide by cop (or goddess, whatever).
Typo?
Ever since Twenty got his emotions back, I keep imagining his voice being the Punisher from the Daredevil tv series. This story went from horrifying and gripping to horrifyingly badass and gripping. Loving every second!
There is a little big error here. In the previous chapter, Triage was still alive when Silver Spoon entered the room. She couldn't have been dead right from the start.