• Member Since 16th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 25th, 2013

Shoeblock


E
Source

I once read that drowning is one of the worst possible deaths to experience. The feeling of asphyxiation as your lungs shrivel and collapse in on themselves. The fear and desperation that possesses you as you attempt to claw to the surface. The descent into the dark abyss as the cold hell drags you to a shadowy grave.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 22 )

*Throws hands in the air*
I have to read this now. I myself have aquaphobia, so you sir/madam, have grabbed my attention. Don't break it.

Read the intro, seems promising :pinkiecrazy:

HOLY HOT HELL

One minor problem

“Someone help me!” I cried.

*Somepony.

Other than that...

HOLY HOT HELL.

O_e Nope. Nopenopenopenopenopenope! Tony doesn't wanna continue reading! He's scared! Kthxbai!
(NIce story, by the way.)

Whoa...this is AWESOME!!! Your vocab my friend is outstanding, btw! Keep up the good work. :pinkiesmile:

"phobia"
Inb4 featured. :derpytongue2:

Spike warned you.
YOU DIDNT KNOW

Oh.. crap. This is purely epic. Only one incredibly minor issue, that being you said 12:40 PM instead of 12:40 AM. 12:00 PM is noon, 12:00 AM is midnight. Remember this!:pinkiecrazy:

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No, I think "someone" is fitting.
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be too picky on whether my rescuer was a pony or a griffon, or a dragon, or a buffalo- So long as they save my sorry flank.

Ahhh, is there going to be more, because I kinda like this idea.

Great story. There are several things, however, that could make it better.

1) Proofread again. There are a number of verb tense shifts, word order inversions, etc.

2) I get at the end that she's gone crazy, but there's nothing really to say why. Nothing implies Spike's dream unsettles her that much. If her underlying aquaphobia is cropping up now, mixed with her existing schizophrenic tendencies, shouldn't she be recalling her ordeal at Froggy Bottom Pond, where she nearly fell to her death into the swamp?

3) "The victorious smile still plastered on my face." That should be either ", a victorious smile plastered on my face." or something more along the lines of "The victorious smile still on my face as I breached the surface."

Criticism is given with the best of intentions, hoping to see this on EqD.

This story description caused some repressed memories to surface. I never forgot that I once nearly drowned. (My cousin saved me)
I did, however, forget the actual act of drowning. The thought that stands out above all others when I was stuck under the surface was this;
"Why does fate dangle the surface of the water just out of reach?" It's a truly frustrating this to need air and be able to almost reach it. :pinkiesick:

Good job! Now I'm even more scared of drowning than I SHOULD be! :applecry:
Other than that, great story! And considering mustaches are a little too common..
4 out of 5 Trixies : :trixieshiftright::trixieshiftright::trixieshiftright::trixieshiftright:

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Thanks to you all and also to everybody else for all the feedback! I'll work to fix up all these errors right away. I really hope must of you could vote for my story when the contest on EQD rolls around. :raritywink:

1490723 I'm a bit angry that this didn't get more attention. It was very well written, I didn't even notice the mistakes.

1489092

Sorry, but that's the beauty of the one-shot. I stop the story at the point when you want to see more. I'm glad you like it, though. :rainbowkiss:

Damn...beautiful story, wish there was more. Random question, is this what its like for ponies with aqua-phobia? I've spent my life around water (and nearly drowned twice)...I had no idea it could be this sever.

To those who suffer from this phobia, I can attest that it can be overcome. Having never learned to swim, I had to go through two weeks of swim training and qualification in boot camp, and twice after while in the Corps, I had to pass this test again.

Yes, I was terrified, but I was determined. I still have the fear, but it does not overpower me anymore.

If you wish to get past your fear and win, all you have to do is make the choice to do so. (It is NOT easy, I assure you, but I feel it was worth it)

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Well, if you take into account Twilight's schizophrenic nature that we've seen in some episodes, add a drop of traumatic experience, pour in some personal experience, give it a unique spin, and mix it all together, you get a frightening interpretation of one of the most important necessities of life.

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That, my friend, was pretty inspirational and motivating. It's amazing to see people who don't let their fears keep them from doing things that they want to do.

Wow. Very clever ending there. Well written and a great short fic to read before bed. Well done!

Okay, FINALLY got around to reading this one, as I attempted to a while back but never finished for some reason. :facehoof: This was rather creepy, even if that was the intent for the contest it was done for. Sort of a creepypasta (I think) feel, like another story I read that was done for the same contest. I really feel like it was a bit much with my favorite pony, even if Twilight does have a bit of psychotic tendencies we've seen in the show, if she's pushed enough. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png Mind you, I'm not complaining but yeah, I was curious to see what this was like since I enjoyed your first story all that time ago. Though I dunno if she killed anypony else other than Fluttershy, as Spike's vaguely described dream seemed to imply. It kinda sucks that she did that and saw land where there was water, along with not realizing she would survive a fall of that height... all in all, a good story, even if it wasn't quite as likeable to me as the first one with Shining Armor and Chrysalis. Still hoping to see you do the one with Shining Armor and Celestia, but since you've been gone a while, I'm not exactly holding my breath on that. Thanks for writing these stories though! :pinkiesmile:

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