• Member Since 21st Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 4th, 2012



Flare Chaser, a young colt Pegasus finds himself traveling across Equestria to find the Three Orbs of Destiny with the help of his best friend, Solar Spark, a young filly unicorn. Flare Chaser discovers a trap door that leads into the Canterlot Catacombs, inside he finds a mysterious orb known as an Orb of Destiny. He begins to collect the others with the help of Solar Spark. Although, they must break into the Canterlot Castle to get a book for information for the locations of the orbs, go to Ponyville to discover a secret passage within the fountain, and travel deep into the Everfree Forest to an old ruin to collect the last orb.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 2 )

Alright, review time. Step away from the tracks, because here comes an early train!

Okay, to put it bluntly... You really need to work on this. Your grammar and formatting are excellent, I have no qualms in that area. But you're trying to make an epic adventure, and it only has 4,606 words. As such, everything's in a rush, and very little is explained. While this story has potential, you don't even bother to set up backstory for your OCs, and the dialogue is far too mechanical. Combine that with a severe lack of adjectives and pony creator cover art and you have a train wreck waiting to happen. While this is pretty decent for your first fic, it needs a lot of work. Give me a subject and enough inspiration and I could write out a one-shot with as many words as you've put into an eight-chapter adventure. You just need more detail in your characters, your dialogue, and your environments. Otherwise you will continue to receive more downvotes than the one I have given.

TWE's Advising Artillery


Thanks! I will use this to improve upon my writing.:twilightsmile:

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