What's with all the deleted comments? Did you really receive that many rude comments?

7021669
they were all h8ers

After reading through the story, I sincerely doubt that all one hundred plus deleted comments were simply "haters." Some of them were probably snide or snarky, but they would be pointing actual issues, and others would have been actual criticisms.

And as for actual criticisms:
1)Basic English. You have issues with spelling, punctuation, and capitalization. There are numerous times where names and the starts of sentences are not properly capitalized, commas, quotations marks, and periods are all missing, and there are multiple words spelled wrong (such as "simile").

2) The characters are flat, especially the main character Shadow Blade (who -- as it has been pointed out -- was called by other names, most often "Shadow Bolt"). There is nothing to get the reader interested in. We have no idea why he was supposed to be up in the mountain hiding or anything. The only thing we see is that he has sex, and it's not exactly well described. There is nothing that happens with him that gets the audience emotionally one way or another, either liking him and wanting him to succeed, or hating him and wanting him to pay for being a jerk (like kicking Angel Bunny).

3) The internal logic to the story is extremely inconsistent if not outright lacking. Take the main character and Princess Celestia for example. We are first told that Shadow Blade his hidden up in the mountains at Celestia's request until he gets tired of it. This gives an indication that they have a connection and Shadow is willing to do what Celestia tells him. The next time, Celestia is afraid of him, unwilling to even talk to Shadow because he is supposedly more powerful than her and her sister combined. This does not entirely make sense since if they were so close, she would at least be willing to talk to him about it. The time after that, Celestia finds herself attracted to Shadow and lusting after him. Not only is this sudden, but it does not entirely make sense since they would have known each other for however long he had been living up on that mountain.

That's just one example, and it is the biggest problem. It could also be pointed out that: it makes no sense to go to a library while looking for a place to live; if he going shopping it indicates he's staying there, so it makes no sense to suddenly move in with Fluttershy; and speaking of Fluttershy, if she was a virgin, why would she have large amounts of bondage gear in her room and out in the open?

It's not about length, but the detail put into it, and that is where the story is lacking. The story often reads like a summary with the occasional detail thrown in, and some times leaving an idea incomplete. Like Princess Celestia's "idea." You say twice, consecutively, that she has one, but don't actually give any indication what it may be.

The best thing to do would be to flesh out the story more, giving it more of a specific direction. You could even go back and have a beginning that explains why he left by showing how bored he was after being stuck up on the mountain alone for however long he was up there.

7022551
thx fer the help. Next chaptre will be better

What has humanity come to?

I thnk Ranbo darsh posted som of thise