Was that really the entire first chapter? Did you just make it as short as possible so you could make the 1000 word limit in one day?

Mein Gott.

This is hilariously horrible.

You need to pretty much fix everything in this.

...Unless this a trollfic. If so, good job!

Problems with this chapter (That I can see. I'm no professional.)
Lack of capitalization.
Twilight doesn't have this kind of personality in which she'd say somepony was sexy. Or even look at his penis.

That was nice, twilight said

No quotation marks.
Twilight has sex with a complete stranger that she only just met.
Shadow Bolt became Shadow Blade
Shadow Bolts are Nightmare Moon's version of the Wonder Bolts, used as an attempt to keep Rainbow Dash from securing the bridge in the second episode season one of MLP FiM.
Use of the letter u instead of you.
Grammar errors.
Of course you picked an alicorn as the main character. I wonder what other types of ponies I could have chosen. Was it so hard to just pick through an earth pony, unicorn or pegasus?
No real reason that Shadow Blade became an alicorn.
Ponyvil.
Lack of capitalizing proper nouns.
"Fucking ripped." Of damn course.

I've come from the Overly Stupid Fanfiction group.

media.giphy.com/media/vkwAeqMEUSaoU/giphy.gif

I'm sorry, but what the actual fuck did I just read?

This is beautiful.

A contemporary piece of art.

Something something praise and good work.

Sxy as fuk i need moar plz

7348846 I'm silently hoping the author is from the fourth dimension and this is actually a very impressive piece of literature that our mortal minds cannot possibly comprehend.

Well he got interaction, Pinkie wrote this blindfolded with a normal human typewriter she stole through the 4th wall while high on icing sugar, yes?

(pencil sent me here, curse you pencil!!) (Now I need pencillin [sic*])

I've had my daily dose of cancer. Thanks!