Duality

by MrPockets

Chapter 1: Dreaming For Dummies

Chapter 1: Dreaming For Dummies

“They say that dreams are only real as long as they last. Couldn't you say the same thing about life?” Waking Life (2001)

Hey there. My name's Jon, and I don’t have dreams. Not in the sense that I don’t have any goals or ambitions (though I don’t really, thanks to indifferent parents, a lifetime of underachieving and good ol’ Mary Jane), I mean that when I sleep I never seem to have any dreams. This really sucks butt, considering how mind-numbingly boring my day-to-day life is.

So one day I decided that I was going to start dreaming, with an ultimate goal of learning to lucid dream (HA! There, I do have goals, they are just really pointless...) I started doing research online and found a few techniques to help me out. I even bought a wrist watch so I could train myself to check the time often enough for it to become a subconscious exercise. I read online that if you can train yourself to check the time subconsciously, you'll do it in a dream and the numbers will be all fucked up. You realize you're dream, and go from there. Simple stuff, right?

Well, not that simple.

It happened slowly, but before I got bored and gave up, I was able to get myself to start dreaming almost every night; recording each dream in my new journal (another helpful tip: writing down dreams tells your brain they are important enough not to forget each morning.) They went from abstract randomness to increasingly intricate scenes, and I loved every second of it. I knew lucidity was within my reach.

I had a few near misses where I would actually realize I was in a dream, then wake up right after. It was annoying as hell, to be so close to my goal (no matter how pointless it was) but unable to reach it. Trying to alter my surroundings also proved to be difficult, causing me to wake and start the dreaming process all over. What use is dreaming if I can't fly on command by flapping my arms really fast?

Then it happened, after all my misplaced effort. The dream I had been working towards. THE dream.

It was an uneventful Friday night; my roommate was out and I was home alone (I swear I’m not a hermit or anything, it was just a night in for me. I SWEAR DAMMIT) I was going through my mental exercises, recalling the dreams I had last night (I was fighting a bunch of zebras with a crossbow, but a giant Furby shot a laser at me and I woke up) when I noticed my face was rough with stubble and made a mental note to shave tomorrow. I rolled onto my side... and heard birds singing.

Now, I live in the city next to a road that leads to a nearby expressway, so the only sounds I hear at night are trucks driving to the on ramp and the occasional gunshot, so something was clearly up. I also noticed that the itchy stubble feeling was not coming from my face, but from my sheets. I could feel it wherever I was in contact with them.

“Something seems off here…” I grumbled aloud to myself (a bad habit of mine.) I opened an eye, and instead of my brown, cotton sheets I saw bright green grass. I opened my other eye, lifting my head to look around.

I was lying in a peaceful meadow, the sun just rising. I could see trees along the edges where the birds were blissfully singing away. I could hear what sounded like a small stream in the distance.

“I… don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.” I said out loud, again. Thanks to my training, I instinctively brought my arm up to my face to check my wrist watch, only to find that not only did I not have the watch, I didn’t really have a wrist, either. I had a hoof.

“Holy fucking shitballs!” I exclaimed. Over-use of swear words is another problem of mine. I can turn it off when I have to, like at work or family gatherings, but when I don’t, I’m a regular fucking sailor. Of course, I doubt a priest would keep a poliet tongue if he woke up as a horse like apparently had.

I tried to scramble to my feet- well, hooves- but fell back onto the cool grass. I was a little unsteady on my new limbs and my mind was racing. “WHOA!” I cried out (hehe, horse humour) as I attempted to get myself under control before I woke myself up. I could barely contain my excitement. I was a horse, and if that meant what I hoped it meant, then I was about to have quite an experience, one I really didn’t want to ruin by waking up.

“Okay,” I said, lying still on the grass, trying to slow my breathing, “I am dreaming and that is okay. It’s good, I’m good, I’m fine. Fuck.” I felt myself calming, and caught my breath. Easy-peasy. I checked out my new digs, starting with my recently discovered hooves.

I lifted my front left hoof to my face, admiring my dark red coat. “Well,” I said, inspecting the hard underside,”That’s interesting.” I turned to see the rest of me, catching sight of my dark brown mane and tail, long and unkempt, as if I had been, well, sleeping on the ground outside. My eyes drifted to my flank, where I noticed a marking on the fur.

It was a black circle with a white crescent on the right and 3 white stars in the middle. This confirmed my excited predictions.

“Yes!” I shouted to the empty meadow, “I’m not a horse, I’m a goddamn PONY!”

I should probably point out that I am a brony. I’ve watched every episode, posted original images online and read several awesome fanfics (Lyra is best pony/human!) Though some of my friends knew (including my roommate, Dan), I was hardly open about it. None of my friends were bronies, so I couldn’t make any of the jokes or recommend any pony-related stuff to them. Really a bummer, but I was used to it. Love and tolerate and junk.

Anyway, this was the reason I almost accidentally woke up from the best dream I’ve had to date (even better than when I got revenge on that giant Furby.) I tried to distract myself from the overwhelming awesomeness I found myself in the middle of by thinking about my cutie mark. The moon and stars probably had something to do with dreaming, but what good does that do me in a dream? And considering how I can’t impart my will onto my dreams without waking up, I wouldn’t even say I’m that good at it. In fact, I wasn’t really amazing at anything. I had wondered before what my cutie mark would be if I somehow ended up in the situation I currently found myself in, but now that I was here, I still had no solid answer.

“Fuck it, I’ll figure it out later, let’s give walking another try” I said to myself and the empty field as I slowly placed my front hooves flat on the cool grass. “Okay, halfway there, now for the bastards in the rear.” I put weight on my front legs, making sure they stayed planted on the ground, as I positioned my back legs under my body and slowly stood. “Ha! Achievement Unlocked: Stand your ass up!” I laughed, taking the time to look at the rest of myself.

I was tall and lanky, just like I am when I’m awake. I kind of looked like one of the Flim Flam Brothers, minus the goofy mustache and bacon hair. I set my eyes on the edge of the meadow and took a tentative step, kicking the back of my front leg in the process.

“Fuck!” I spat, “You have four legs, you mouth-breathing fool.” I blinked, then I chuckled to myself, “hee, I mean foal” Oh I was going to enjoy using all the pony slang that got me weird looks at home. I ran off a few more to get the feel of it, “Everypony” I giggled, “blank-flank” Oh, that felt good, “CELESTIA DAMN IT” kill me now, for I have lived. I bumped into a tree, realizing I had been walking towards it the whole time. “How convenient…” I noted. Guess walking isn’t all that different; just try not to think about it. “Kind of a cop out if you ask me” I remarked, then realized that no one had.

“Cool, I can walk… but can I run?” I took off immediately, without thinking, just running. I sprinted to the other edge of the meadow, clearing the…clearing with surprising speed and coordination. I stopped at the opposing tree line. “Wow... huff... 10… huff huff… seconds flat… huff… fuck.” I panted, dropping to the ground.

It took a moment (or four) to catch my breath, taking in the realism of my dreamscape. While everything around me was cartoony in appearance, it was all there. I could still hear the birds and the stream, I could feel the cool breeze, nice on my slightly (just slightly!) sweaty body. The sun even looked a little higher than when I awoke. This was some dream. “This is some dream” I said aloud. “I wonder if I’m near Ponyville, or if there even is one here. Maybe there are other ponies! And pegasi and unicorns and…”

Wait, pegasi and unicorns. I looked at my wingless back, then felt my forehead, finding no protrusion. “Well just my shitty fucking luck!” I yelled at my forehead. “I can’t fly OR do magic! Way to go subconscious, I’m in a dream and I can’t even do the cool pony stuff.”

But wait, I was in a dream. MY dream. I should be able to grow wings or a horn if I really wanted to. “No!” I cried, “I can’t risk waking up, not until I find someone at least, I mean, somepony.” Hmmm, that was going to take some getting used to. “But, where is everypony? Where the fuck am I?”

I looked around once again, not recognizing the meadow from the show. I noticed some dark trees off in the distance, maybe a forest? “Could it be…the Everfree Forest?” I asked nopony. Sure looked dark enough to be. “Meh, what the fuck, if it is, that means Ponyville is nearby. It would also mean there’s monsters and shit, but we’ll cross that bridge later.” I said, already making for the foreboding trees at a brisk trot.

About halfway to the forest, I found a small path that lead me the rest of the way. When I finally reached the entrance, all doubt that this was the dreaded Everfree Forest had vanished. Despite the rising sun, the interior disappeared into hazy blackness only a few feet in. Cold gusts of wind puffed out, as if it was breathing. There were no birds singing here. “Fuck this shit, I’d rather stick my dick in a blender than go in there.” I decided. That's when I heard a low gurgling, coming from a nearby bush.

I froze in place and was silent (for once). The noise stopped, then started up again. I stood firm, while in my head, the word run repeated itself over and over, set to the tune of the 2112 overture, for some reason. If my brain was a car, I think it would be a canoe.

When the horrible abomination a few yards away from me continued gurgling and didn’t jump out and claw-rape me, I regained some courage. I stepped closer, arming myself by picking up a flimsy stick with my mouth. I moved closer and closer, until I was standing in front of the gurgle bush monster. Come on flimsy stick, don’t fail me now. I used a hoof to pull back the branches, raising my wooden death stick.

A purple earth pony was passed out in a puddle of what I could only assume was her own puke, snoring into it and making puke-bubbles. “Aww, fucking nasty, man.” I said, backing away from the putrid scene. The puke-covered pony groaned loudly in response. I know that feel, bro I thought, no stranger to hangovers. I put down my stick and decided to help the binge drinking pony out. Her barf is almost as purple as she is I thought.

“Hey, you okay down there?” I asked, noting that this was not how I imagined my first meeting with a pony would go. She mumbled something in drunk-speak that I didn’t understand (being sober) and I spotted her cutie mark; grapes and a strawberry. It only took me a moment to place the marking, being the huge nerd that I am. Damn, this is going to be harder than I thought.

Berry Punch rolled over, smearing puke on the parts of her she had somehow missed during the night. “WAKE UP, CELESTIA DAMMIT!” I shouted with a grin.

“Mmmmm, not so loud, it hurts to hear things.” She replied without opening her eyes.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to your puke pillow. I hope nothing comes out of the Everfree Forest and eats you.” I turned to leave, counting in my head…3…2…

”THE EVERFREE FOREST?!” Berry leapt to her feet –hooves, dammit I’m trying- faster than a fat guy finishes lunch, running unsteadily for thirty feet before falling, then crawling several feet further.

I trotted up alongside the struggling lush “So, are you okay?” I asked again.

“I will be once I get away from that forest…and get the barf off my face…and shower.” She said, wiping the chunkier bits from her hair. “I am so sorry you had to see me like this”

The dream Berry blushed, deeply embarrassed. She may not have been real, but I felt for her, “Hey no worries, it happens to the best of us.” I smiled. I was talking to a pony! Not just any pony, Berry Fucking Punch! One of my favourite background fan characters. Maybe all that dream stuff wasn't such a waste? (And that would be me kidding myself...)

“Please don’t tell my little sister!” Berry Punch was on the verge of tears now. I felt so bad for her. We’ve all been there, you’re having a great time at a party, but then you go one drink too far, which becomes two drinks too far, then three, and before you know it, you’re passed out in front of a forest full of terrifying monstrosities in a pile of your own puke.

Okay, maybe we haven’t all been there.

I laid a reassuring hoof on her shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t tell anyon- anypony. Especially your... sister.” I smiled broadly, trying to recall who that even was.

Berry smiled back at me. “Thanks, buddy. I said I wouldn’t drink too much, but it was Bon-Bon’s birthday and we were having so much fun, then Carrot Top pulled out the schnapps, and- oh I’m rambling, sorry.” She blushed again, wiping out the last of the larger remnants of whatever she had for dinner last night. “I’m Berry Punch!” She said holding out a hoof. I took it in one of mine (somehow, I still have no clue how it fucking works) and shook in a way I hoped was normal.

“Pleased to meet you Berry Punch!” I said. We stopped shaking and she stared at me expectantly.

I just want to say that I am not a social retard. I can make friends, good friends... it just takes a little while for me to pick up on really obvious things in conversation. As she stared at me I realized what she was waiting for, she had no clue who I was. I also realized I didn’t have a name (besides my human name, and that just wouldn’t do) or a back story. I quickly began searching for pony names that would be appropriate as her expression became increasingly concerned, as is to be expected when the person, or pony, you’ve been talking to hasn’t said anything in over a minute. See? Totally not a social retard.

“So…I haven’t seen you in town before…” She said nervously. Oh Celestia, she’s waiting for something, anything, just force air out your mouth and make sounds.

“Yes, I mean, no, I mean, I’m not from around here” Smooth, now a name…

I got nothing. Fucking canoes.

“I see…” Maybe she was starting to get suspicious of the random stranger she met by the haunted, monster-filled, Hell-forest because I swear she was mentally preparing to bolt should I try to eat her mortal soul or something. “And, what’s your name?”

The million dollar question. “I’m…uhh” the only answer my brain was giving me was “Macgyver.” Sometimes, I think my brain fucks with me for fun. Luckily, and I use the term lightly, a loud roar from the forest ended our increasingly awkward dialogue. We both snapped our eyes in the direction it came from in time to see a big, bear-like rabbit emerge from the trees. It had razor sharp buck-teeth and a giant pair of antlers.

“JACKALOPE!” Berry cried, falling to the ground and covering her eyes. The Jackalope roared again and began to charge towards us.

“Shit.” I said in a calm monotone, staring stupidly at the deer-rabbit-bear-thing. It was like my mind was moving in slow-motion, still not sure exactly how afraid I should be. I was dreaming after all. It wasn't real, so it couldn't hurt me... right?

On the ground, Berry started muttering between her sobs, “I-I’m so sorry, Pina, you were right. I’m sorry…” and that settled it. Also, Berry's sister's name is Pina. Not much of a shocker there.

I planted my hooves in the ground and watched the rampaging Jackalope approach, still not quite sure what I would do once it got to us. What would Applejack do? my brain asked me. Sometimes my brain is a cool guy, when he’s not being a fucking moron.

A sly smirk crossed my face just as the Jackalope lunged at me. In an instant, I pivoted on my front hooves, swinging out the back two and kicking as hard as I could, connecting right between that bunny-bastards eyes. It reared back and stood unsteadily on it’s hind legs. I could almost see the stars around it’s head.

Behind me, Berry opened her eyes and looked up at the stunned creature, awe was clearly written all over her face. I looked back at her, smiling triumphantly. “Ha! Was there ever any doubt?” I said, doing my best Trixie impression and pretending to blow dust off my hoof.

Then it fucking fell on me.

I woke up in my bed to the sound of trucks passing by outside. I looked down at my hands.

“FUCK.” I shouted loudly.

Author's Note:

EDIT: Did a little bit of touching up!

Comments

[lines n stuff]

ha. pretty cool to see a well written story that doesn't have the protagonist as a loser with no friends and a dead end job

[Blaze Song]

Ok, I'm following this, *holds up a bunny rabbit* "MOER or da bunneh 'gits it" Good Start

[ace134]

Great story bro thats exactly how i would react :D

[Husster72]

MORE ASAP

[MrPockets]

1484520
Heh, you know what they say; write what you know.

Also, thanks for the comments! This is the first full story I'm attempting to write, so I really appreciate the feedback.
Second chapter should be coming along soon.

[awesomekid06]

yay Furby! (which one?)
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[Ludicrous Lycan]

Woot, nice start. A few errors where words are missing like "I" but nothing that breaks anything important. This story is finished an I look forward to enjoying the rest.

[Luckyfanisaac]

You realize you're dreaming, and go from there. Simple stuff, right?

woke up as a horse like I apparently had.

“Fuck it, I’ll figure it out later, let’s give walking another try.(——” I said to myself and

“I am so sorry you had to see me like this.(——”

“Yes, I mean, no, I mean, I’m not from around here.(——”